My Top Ten New Years Resolutions, by Britney Spears
It's a new year, y'all! I'm making my New Years resolutions.
- Always wear underpants.
- Show up to court, depositions and other legal proceedings relating to my custody fight with Keven Federline on time.
- Take a shower. You've all seen the paparazzi shots of me looking like pure trailer trash. I understand that cameras are on me any time I leave my house, yet I still go out looking like trash all the time. From now on, I realize I don't need to be dressed up all the time, but at a minimum, I'll take a shower every few days, run a comb through my hair and try not to dress like a slut.
- Stop doing drugs.
- Exert quality control over the men I sleep with/date/marry. I really have shacked up with some real losers, most recently a married paparazzi. I'll try to be a little more selective this year.
- Get mental help. I am a complete mess. I need psychiatric help, and not from that idiot Dr. Phil.
- Be a good mom. I have been a terrible parent, so this year, I will place the interests of my children above my own.
- Be a better driver. I'm a terrible driver, y'all. Aside from that, I go on random drives all over town for no reason at all, as you know from watching all the paparazzi footage of me. This year, I'll only drive when I actually have somewhere to go, and I'll pay attention to the road.
- Quit smoking. I really look like a loser when I chain smoke all the time.
- Buy cigarettes and Red Bull by the case. I spend an inordinate amount of time every day at gas stations because I always need smokes and Red Bull. From now on, I'll buy them a case at a time and not have to go to the gas station every day.
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Reader Feedback
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BizDevMarketing wrote...
Here's a feed you might want to include. (As to appeal to a good cross section of public opinion.) I think iit's a great idea, and not particularly religious.
http://prayersforbritney.com
http://prayersforbritney.com/feed/











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