BTHI - Beyond the *Heck* It

I first heard of Ben Zander from the blog of Garr Raynolds. Here is what he says about him:

Every presentation is a performance, and Benjamin Zander knows a thing or two about the art of performance. As Dan Pink and I were riding the train back to central Osaka a couple of weeks ago he tipped me off to Ben Zander. There are a lot of good presenters, Dan said, but Ben Zander is one of those gifted few who is in another league. I just finished reading The Art of Possibility by Ben Zander and his wife Roz Zander and I'm inspired. The suggestion to checkout Ben Zander was the best tip I have received in a very long time. There are too many good lessons in this book to go through all of them here, but allow me to focus on just a few as they relate to presentations, leadership, and communication in general.

I would like to stress on taking a risk.

Zander says that it's dangerous for musicians, for example, to be so concerned with competition and measuring themselves against others because this makes it "difficult to take the necessary risk with themselves to be come great performers." However, only through mistakes can we see where we're lacking, where we need to work. But we hate mistakes so we play it safe. Yet long term nothing could be more dangerous if our goal is to be insanely great at what we do. Zander suggests that instead of getting so dejected by mistakes, we instead exclaim loudly (or to ourselves) "How fascinating!" every time we make a mistake.

Watching Ben performing on Davos Annual Meeting 2008 Ben you can understand what this all mean. Here is what he sayd (you can also watch the video):

I came home from class one day and I said to Rose, who is my partner and my coach: "Rose," I said, "What can we do? These students are so anxious, they are so concerned, they are so worried about the auditions, about the grades they are getting, about the competitions and they are so anxious that they can't take risks with their lives that they need in order to be great artists. What could we do?" And she came up with this beautiful idea and this is what I do. And I share with you exactly how it works.

I come into my class at the beginning of the year and I have 40 students or so in the room. I say to them: "Your grade is an "A". That is your grade for the rest of your year. You are an A-student. But there is one condition!

You have to write me a letter in the first two weeks which is dated at the end of May, when the class ends and the letter must begin like this: "Dear mr. Zander, I got my A because...". Then you have to write a letter which is written as it were in the following year and describes who you will have become at the end of the year."

And when I come into the room they write about who they would be or could be, who they seem themselves as if only the voice would stop telling them they can't do it. And when I come into the class, the person I teach is the person that they have described in their letter.

You see, I only take A-students :)

He also points out that there are some people in the room, who thinks: "How can he do that?!". This is what Ben answers:
The thing is, that you can give an "A" to anybody. To a waitress, to a taxi driver - you can give an "A" to anybody. And what happens if you give an "A" is that relationship is transformed.

Rose, who is a therapist, she says that if there is a breakdown in a relationship, then you're not giving somebody an "A"...

"Lighten up," Says Zander, "and you lighten up those around you." This is not to suggest that you shouldn't take your work seriously (you should), or even that you shouldn't take yourself seriously (that may depend on time and place), but for absolute certainty we must all get over ourselves. There is perhaps no better way to "get over ourselves" than the use of humor. From birth we are concerned about measurement and worried about perceived scarcity of love, attention, food, etc. that seems to be the way of the world. Zander calls this the "calculating self," and in this environment of scarcity, competition, and comparison "the self needs to be taken very seriously indeed." No matter how successful and confident we may become as adults, our "calculating self" (concerned with measurement and worried about scarcity) is weak and sees itself at risk of losing everything. No wonder the calculating self is concerned with "looking out for number one" and takes itself so g-damn seriously.

The goal, then, is to move away from the calculating self, the self that lives in a world of scarcity, exaggerated threats, and deficiencies, and move toward a healthier attitude of sufficiency, wholeness, and possibilities. Getting over ourselves - and humor is a great vehicle for this - allows us to see the "creative nature of the world and ourselves." When we understand what an infant can't - that we can not control the world, that we can not impose our will on people's hearts - we begin to get over ourselves. When we learn to lighten up we see ourselves as permeable not vulnerable, says Zander, and we stay open to the unknown and to new influences, new ideas. Rather than trying to resist and fight the river of life we move with a harmonious fluidity and grace, learning to join rather than resist the flow. Humor is a wonderful way to remind everyone around us - no matter how hard the work gets - that our true self is not obsessed with childish demands, entitlements, and calculations but is instead supportive, confident, helpful, and even inspiring.

"Bucket list," or things to do before "one kicks the bucket" is an idea originally from the movie "The Bucket List" and which is about two terminally ill men who meet in a hospital - one mechanic, the other one billionaire and both old and want to do something really special in their life.

After being diagnosed with cancer and a year or less to live, they compose a list of things they would definitely want to do before dying.

Originally there were 10 things to do and among them skydiving, getting a tattoo, seeing the pyramids etc. But 10 is not a rule for the bucket list. It may contain 100 or 1000 things if you want to. And what's more - you don't have to be dying to do them.

You can write about anything you want. From "Wake up early to see sunrise" to "Visit the farthest place from your home".

Some of the things may cost money, so you may reconsider about them, but for me - I have a list of all the important things I would like to buy when I will have spare money for that. No, they are not exclusive thing.. Just ordinary things I would like to have, but have them yet. For example: Good hiking equipment.

It is more metaphorical: "What you would do differently if today would be the last day of your life?" or like Steve Jobs once sayd "Would I do these things I am planning to do today if it would be my last day?". If the answer is "No" too many days in a row, then maybe you should rethink your daily schedule.

I am sure you have plenty moments where you thought: "What happens if I do that?". Actually the only way to find out is to try it on. You will never know what would have happen if you won't take all your courage and step up!

On one of the AIESEC conferences in Lithuania was the last session and the performer (unfortunately I can't remember his name) lighted up the candle and asked all of us (about 250 delegates) to put it off using our minds. And there we were, some of us thinking: "What the.. ?", some tried to concentrate. After some time of nothing happening Performer stood up and extinguished the candle. In the end he added: "It is ok to dream, imagine and plan, but sometimes you need to take your butt off the chair and do some real actions!"

Yes, you can always think and analyze what would have happened if you decide one or another way, but what about if you say "Heck It!" and wouldn't worry so much? Try it out sometimes!