Ask The Budda: Your Cat Related Questions Answered (by Budda the cat)

All copyrights are retained by the artist,
Mona Majorowicz of Wild Faces Gallery.

The artwork or content in this lens may not be used or reproduced, either
in part or in whole, without the express written consent from the artist.

My name is Budda. I'm the gallery cat of my human's art business Wild Faces Gallery where I live.

There I provide many important functions such as greeter, entertainer of small children and bored husbands, stress reduction specialist and most importantly, I offer my wisdom on everything art and animal to all who come seeking help in my regular column Ask The Budda. I feel I have been blessed with the ability to help facilitate cat communication with their pets. Oops . . . I meant people. But because God didn't bless me opposable thumbs, my human handles all the typing.

If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment here or on my humans blog.

Since you are reading this lens, it is a safe assumption you have some questions about your furry companions and it is quite possible that it's stressing you. So I thought we'd begin with just a little relaxation exercise.

So the first thing you need to do is find someone to help support you. You know, someone who you can rely on not to let you down.

Then you just have to take a deep breath, let go and relax. Thaaaats it. Feel the chi flowing throughout your body. Stretch just a little farther, hold and relax. Can you feel your chakra's opening?

It is good to note that stretching is excellent for the circulation and the back muscles. To avoid injury, stretching should be done as often as possible before any kind of activity is undertaken . . . including naps.

We'll end with one of my favorite quotes (oh yes, I'm quite the literary scholar)

"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

-Marcus Aureluis

Dear Mr. Budda,
Why does my cat Sugglebottoms keep shoving his toys under the door. Seriously what's the point of that? Is there something wrong with him?
Signed Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused,
I don't know what your talking about. I'm sure those wily toys are simply trying to make a break for it (so they can plot the end of the universe in private) and your cat is heroically trying to stop them. I know my toys are always hiding themselves under rugs, in planters, under the couch and in bags. Toys are way smarter than your giving them credit for, as is your cat.

I suggest you praise your kitty for a job well done and get him more treats! The tender fishy kind, not those hard "good for you but tastes like dirt" kind.

Dear Mr. Budda,
How do I remove paint from cat fur?
Signed Out of Options

Dear Out of Options,
Why are you painting your cat anyway?
Stop it! Stop it right now!

Budda was so named because when he was a kitten he often sat up on his butt, and his little round tummy would stick out. (pictured here with his sibling Little Brother)

Since my blog is about my art and my animals his name was deliberately misspelled in the belief this would prevent a lot of grief for those Googling for enlightenment.

As it turns out, many of the people looking for enlightenment also don't know how to spell it correctly.

Ah well . . .

Oh Great and Wise Budda,
Recently a black cat crossed my path. Are black cats really unlucky?
Signed Superstitious in Seattle

Dear Superstitious,
No, black cats are not unlucky. Well . . . not unless you're the black cat.

I have it on good authority (from a woman who works at one of the top ten animal shelters in the nation) that black cats are far harder to adopt out. Their features aren't as easy to see but also people have foolish superstitious notions.

I have a proud heritage and come from a long line of distinguished black cats. At one time, my birth farm was almost all black cats (about 13 of them I think.) And just look how lucky my human is. I am pretty sure she thanks her lucky stars everyday for having the gift of me in her life.

Dear Mr. Budda,
Do dogs and cats believe in an afterlife?
Curious About Kitty

Dear Curious,
Cats do, but dogs don't. Now I know what your thinking. But before you start judging me as a speciest, I'll explain why I believe dogs aren't as self aware as we cats.

Dogs have spent the last thousand years or so becoming "man's best friend" (I really hate that moniker) through hard work and obedience. All that herding of livestock and retrieving of sticks have left them no time for deep introspective thought. I mean really, they spend all their free time at the feet of their humans waiting for their next command. . . and drooling.

Ummm . . . yeah. . . Anyway, since we cats shun both hard work and obedience, we have a lot of free time to just ponder the mysteries of the universe and our place within it.As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain't it.

Dear Mr Budda,
My cat, Miss Priss is always washing herself. If she's really that dirty shouldn't I start bathing her?
Signed All Washed Up

Dear All Washed Up
No. I suggest you let your cat bathe herself, or else her hair will stick to your tongue, something wicked.

I had stayed rather late at the gallery the other night. It was well after 10pm and I took a break to rest my hand and my mind, by laying on the couch with the radio paying softly in the background. I shut off the overhead lights but had left an adjoining room lit so there'd be a nice soft glow.

So there I am in almost total darkness, music playing, feet up and relaxing and I hear "Mrowr!" and the frantic pattering of tiny feet. I open one eye and see a shadowy Budda. Head down, back arched and tail all poofy, spronking back and forth in front of the couch.

Seeing that he is obviously up to no good, or at the very least he's in no mood to let me relax and nap. I growl out a threatening "Budda!" and he promptly collapses on the floor staring at me. I close my eyes but can't quite relax as well as before because I distinctly feel like I'm being watched. I open my eyes and he is still staring at me with huge eyes. His tail thwonking back and forth in an agitated manner.

I say "You be good! Or I'm going to have to spank your buttcheeks! . . . Spank! . . . Spank!" (That happens to be my favorite threat. Occasionally I accompany a hand clap on the Spank part. He never gets spanked so it is really an idle warning. Unfortunately he knows it.)

He drops his head to floor and remains motionless. I keep watching him, making eye contact in a way that I hope says "knock it off, I mean it!" He looks away (clearly submitting to my awesome superiority) and casually rolls onto his side, looking off in another direction, decidedly bored. I close my eyes and sigh contentedly allowing myself to drift off.

Suddenly I hear the rapid patter of feet but before I can even get my eyes open, he bolts over and bounces off my chest with his whole body while making a loud "Mmrooowrr!!!" (kitty translation "Boo!") And yes, I yelped in surprise as the air was suddenly forced from my lungs. Budda giggles happily to himself while running full tilt out of the front room as fast as his little legs can carry him.

Budda is 11 months old today. Ah, they grow up so fast.

I and my human had the honor of being featured as #32 for 2009 on the 365 Cat Ladies Blog.

It's a fun site with charming and whimsical artwork by Susan Faye, especially for the feline fanatics among us.

She has a great CafePress store where you can get all sorts of her artwork on stuff like cups and totes.

Susan also has several cat/art related Squidoo lenses and since I'm an advice columnist dealing with cat/art related issues, naturally I like her lenses..

Here are my favorites:
How To Paint A Cat Lady
The Waltzing Cat After reading this lens I may have to see if I can't get my human to give it a try.

Dear Mr Budda,
Why does my kitten follow me around and meow?
Signed, Kitten Conundrum

Dear Kitten Conundrum
Your kitten has just replaced it's previous cat family with a new one. . . . you. So she wants something, probably attention though it may just be food or play time.

We cats struggle to communicate with humans. My own human is a little slow on the uptake and I find I must repeat myself over and over (and over and over and over . . . and over and over.) And even with all of this she sometimes looks at me and gets cranky. I assume because she just can't understand me even though I am speaking to her slowly and loudly as if she is a kitten herself. (and trust me she's long past being a kitten) So then I take a few minutes and walk the loop around the gallery once or twice and ponder how I can rephrase my desire and then try again.

So I guess what I'm saying is, your kitten is trying to talk with you using it's best communication skills. If you still don't understand, feed her. And if that doesn't work, pick her and giver her a good cuddle.

For His Exalted Catliness, from Robert S and Kitten
How do you put an overweight cat on a diet when you've also got an underweight cat? And also . . . We'd like to know any dog training tips.

Dear Robert and Kitten,
I personally believe all cats should be a bit on the rotund side, or perhaps all Buddas should be. My human on the other hand keeps me on a diet so as to prevent me from becoming like my good friend Alister who when he stands up his tummy still touches the ground. She does this by feeding out a rationed portion twice a day. Plus a couple of treats that I must run after.

I can see that with two cats this can be hard especially if one is not eating as well as it ought. Alister's house mate Nigel was as lean as Al was large. Their human fed Nigel a ration at the same time as Al and also free choice at night when Al would have the run of one floor and Nigel the other. I don't know if this will work in you situation, but the only way to lose weight is to eat less or play harder. Preferably both.

As to training dogs I tend to think of dogs as existing in a alternate universe. Parallel, but not often intersecting with mine. I firmly believe a dog must earn affection. (unlike cats who should be showered with affection just for agreeing to share their existence with you.) Rules and boundaries are the order of the day for dogs. and affection is given after it has performed some task like "the sit."

Even for dogs, no punishment, yelling or spanking allowed. (unless they do something really bad like try to kill the cat.) Praise and affection is the reward with treats used very sparingly. This has worked time and again for my human and she has always had very well trained and respectful dogs that are loving and playful companions.

Dear Mr Budda,
Suppose we can't touch a cat's fur, what two clues do we have that it's soft?
Signed Furry Thoughts

Dear Furry,
This sounds more like a riddle than a question. But let's see . . .
1. it's soft because . . . it's a cat.
2. see number one.

When Budda was a young kitten growing towards the path of enlightenment, he struggled hard to balance his inner Yin and Yang. Those listed here are by no means all the temptations he faced and eventually conquered. But these proved the most difficult to master.

Plants The urge to climb the palms has more than once lured him into temptation, as has eating them, and playing with their dirt.

Bugs Now while hunting bugs is an acceptable form of entertainment. Flinging himself wildly in the air, paws swinging crazily, heedless to where he may crash into, is not.

Making his own cat toys in particular my paintbrushes. Something about those furry sticks, he just can't resist.

Unsuspecting People In truth, even the wizened Oliver, (the previous gallery cat) had trouble with this one, well into his advanced years. Budda's most recent failure to maintain peaceful centered-ness, involved an incident while Mike was napping on the couch. Budda hunkered down as if stalking, then catapulted himself on Mike's chest. After a dramatic pause, he threw in a 2 pawed slap in the face, for good measure. (I think Budda still chuckles to himself, when thinking of this. Uh . . . anyway I do.)

Water Water is by far his greatest challenge. Any water poses the threat of pulling him over to the dark side of temptation. (Thats a mixed Zen/Stars Wars reference in case you missed it.) Oddly enough the only water he doesn't like, is the water he gets sprayed with, for doing the naughty things listed here. Hmmm.

Food Dish Water - His water in his food dishes are a great time for splashing about. It goes something like this. Slap paw onto surface of water. Hold paw aloft while watching water intently, realize paw is wet, then furiously shake water off paw. Repeat.

Paint Rinsing Water - Has that extra something that makes it so refreshing to drink. (note: My water color pencils are completely non-toxic. Still he gets in trouble for it. I mean it can't exactly be beneficial to drink either.)

Toilet Bowl Water - Its like his own personal fountain and splash bowl in one.

Answer me this: How does a cat manage to get water all over the toilet seat, the floor, and half way up the wall, and yet he himself remains completely dry?

We helped Budda on his path towards enlightenment by closing the toilet lid every time, dumping out my painting water at the end of the day and trim or water my plants when he is asleep or otherwise engaged. The slapping Mike thing though . . . well, thats just plain funny.

Dear Budda,
I hear you get to be indoors. I envy you, although, since I am black and white, I am not green with envy. Where I live, Bill is black and white in that I bit him and I no longer get to be in the house unless construction people let me in or Louise is really nice to let me in. I really like Bill and I want to purr inside the house and enjoy him, just like I know Mike and Mona enjoy you. Although, I did hear that sometimes when Mona is on the telephone, you make more noise than just purring. But, then, she's on the telephone, so what does she expect!

So, my question for you is, if you just happened to know a kitty-cat (I'm not asking for myself...I'm asking for a friend) who bit her or his owner because the owner got after the kitty-cat that was naughtily on the kitchen counter, and the kitty-cat wants to get back in the owner's good graces, what do you think that kitty-cat should do?

I think I like you, but I'm thinking that maybe a long distance relationship would be good for us.You know, to make a spark and keep it alive! (I live with another boy kitty. His name is Sammy and our relationship is purely platonic.)

Yours truly,
Miss Kitty

Well Hello Miss Kitty, (Grrrouw)
Hmm . . . it's very hard to get in your humans good graces when something of this nature has occurred. I'm sure you were very frightened or something really dreadful must have happened for you to bite one of them. But since cat bites are quite serious I must thoroughly allow that your being able to returned to the life you once lived may not be possible. Mostly I think this depends on the human.

Your best bet is to make yourself as loving as possible. Since the last time you touched your human was less than ideal I would suggest simply sitting a few feet away from him and look at him as loving as possible. When he makes eye contact. Close your eyes and purr audibly. After a few seconds open your eyes and if he is still engaged with you feel free to move cautiously (because some humans spook easily) and accompany the loud purring with a leg rub. This kind of affection make take months to work but if his heart is open it should. If he does not, you will just have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Also it might not hurt to try this technique on your other human. She may just come in to your defense.

As to your affections, I am flattered. Unfortunately a cat in my situation must be ever so careful as I am constantly in the public view. Perhaps correspondences for a few years are in order.

Affectionately yours, but with reserve,
Budda.

Dear Budda,
Is there a safe paint in which to paint my cats?

Signed,
Wanting Some Colorful Kitties

Dear . . . Left Wanting,
I have kinda already answered this question in a previous Ask The Budda. At that time I said something along the lines of "Please for the love of all that's Holy, don't!" But the amount of queries I get on this topic is so shocking that I felt the need to look into it a little further

Apparently there is a whole bunch of folks out there who paint their cats. (sigh) There's even a couple of books. If you would like to see a few photos from the book and read some rantings both for and against cat painting, check out this site.

As to a cat safe paint, often it is suggested that anything child safe is cat safe. I'm not convinced this is true as cats have bad reactions to many common foods that are harmless to people. I suggest you do some real research on your part before moving forward.

Happy just the way I am,
Budda

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