Would Buffy Stake Edward?
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What Would Buffy Do... to Edward Cullen?
This page has been written partly in gratitude to the video featured below, and partly because the subject seems to be lacking here - and because I feel it is a statement that needs to be made. Buffy would stake Edward to dust. Thrash him from Sunnydale to Forks. Shatter his marble, sparkling skin with a freezing stare. And completely refuse to put up with the whole juvenile, abusive stalking business.
The Twilight books are a recent faux-romance with vampires, written by Stephenie Meyer (yes, that's spelt right - it's not Stephanie Meyer). They have an enormous fanbase of girls, for mainly romantic reasons, and a horrified anti-fan base of everyone else. Edward is the brooding 'good' vampire, who tells Bella to stay away from him, as he does not stay away from her. He has superspeed and strength, can read minds (except for Bella's, because she doesn't have one) and sparkles in the sunlight. He is also vegetarian, in that he does not feed on humans. Only animals, who apparently aren't meat.
Bella, the ...passive protagonist, is clumsy, plain, studious and put upon. Oh wait, I mean, special, idolised and perfect. She trusts Edward implicitly, no matter what he says or does, and wishes only to be with him.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a long running television series, directed by Joss Whedon (also known for the fantastic scifi series Firefly). In each generation there is a Chosen One ... blah blah, who is invested with strength and speed and fights off the vampires. The vampires are strong and fast, vulnerable to sunlight, holy water, and a stake through the heart (very traditional) - and also demons who have taken over the human host. Edward's counterpart here is almost certainly Angel, a vampire who has been given back his human soul and thus the only 'good' vampire - tortured and in love with Buffy, he spends most of his time miserable, perfecting the arts of brooding, and manages to actually break up with her to spare her the inevitable disaster of their relationship. And when HE tries to scare her, he actually manages to do it properly.
Buffy is not book smart, but witty, loyal and - in her non-slayage times - a typical cheerleader. She is also possessed of attitude and refuses to be walked over. The ability to throw anyone who annoys her through walls does wonders for a girl's confidence.
Edward Bella Angel & Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Now mix these two couples up.
To me the answer is obvious. Edward wouldn't stand a chance with his stony stalkage and 'I can't be bothered to stay away from you' romance.
One has a stake. One has a sparkle attack. One has an attitude. One broods. One has hundreds of years of practice being a teenager - the other is fresh to it. One's alive. One's dead. One's blonde. One's not.
Who will win?
Can Mary Sue-ishness seduce? Sparkles entrance? Does Bella manage to sway the raging beast, or is she brushed aside? Will Buffy shatter Edward's diamond skin? Or will her stakes splinter?
And then Buffy Killed Edward. The T-Shirt
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YOUR TURN!
What WOULD Buffy Do?
If you're not sure - what would YOU do? Or scroll down to the video below for the best possible evidence.
Buffy would beat Edward
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byYes, you're right! STAKED.
model1.5 says:
None of them win, if I'm honest. Spike gets bored with the lot of them and kills them all, then burns down Jacobs village for shits and giggles. But, if we're confined to Buffy vs. Edward, then Eddie-boy is dust.
Posted January 21, 2012
hannah123 says:
go buffy and B.T.W. im team jacob who would go for the cold, idiot, ugly faced, sparkling man (or so he calles himself altho nobody has really seen on camra) over jacob warm, friendly, loyal, trustworthy and FIT. Really bella how stupid can you get ?
Posted December 14, 2011
Mara Mylastnameinnoneofyourbeeswax says:
Buffy would stake him. Poof, bye bye!
BUT, because Edward is from Twitlight (yes I mean "Twitlight") and according to that the only way vamps can die is if you cut them up and light them on fire, Buffy would cut off his stupid head, then cut him up some more, throw his bloody pieces into a pool of gasoline (throwing Bella in the pool too) then throw in a match. Then should would stand there and laugh evilly as Edward burn to a crisp.
No, wait.
That is what I would do.
Posted December 11, 2011
PopCultureFan says:
Buffy would totally dust Edward, but first she would make some clever quip like, "Oooh, sparkly!"
Posted September 30, 2011
kit says:
she'd probably let him go until he started telling her what to them kick his a*** to lameville.
Posted July 10, 2011
mennella says:
Is outrageous compare "buffy" with "twilight". the first is a one of better tv show ever aired. The second is one of worst vampire movie I ever seen. I don't read the book, I confess, but the movie plot is very trite and the director is the really movie's monster.
Posted June 18, 2011
kevin says:
what i know she would call up Angel to stake Edward and during the fight, buffy has Spike rape and transform bella into a buffyverse Vampire then when that is done she would be in a hottub with her friends just drinking alchol partying down in hottub in barthing suits, so Buffy wins!
Posted April 01, 2011
gobuffygo says:
Stake him and he'll turn to glitter
Posted February 21, 2011
VERONICA says:
BUFFY! Leave retarded sparklezoids!
Posted February 14, 2011
chelt says:
He'd be staked!
Posted January 30, 2011
Yuri says:
Yes! how is my buffy x Belle fantasy supose to happen with edward in the way!
Posted November 17, 2010
Paoww says:
She wouldn't have to stake him, hes not a threat in that matter but she would stake him for being just as annoying as spike and angel put together. And them both together would be too much so... SHE WOULD KILL HIM TO DEATH.
Posted October 19, 2010
catherinelovestv says:
She would stake him for being really annoying, but knowing my luck she would just fall in love with him, the soppy old mare!
Posted September 24, 2010
;D says:
Fck Yeh BUFFY STAKE HIS ASS!
EDWARDS GAY, AND I AGREE BELLAS BEYOND IDIODIC!
Posted August 30, 2010
Star says:
Buffy would totally beat Edward and then she would kick Bella's a** becuz Bella is an IDIOT!!! Of course anyone could kill Edward, hell I could kill Edward! He's a talking disco ball.
Posted August 27, 2010
Rawr says:
Buffy wouldn't stake him,she'd tear him into pieces and burn them.
Posted August 26, 2010
Ezmerizer says:
Buffy is made to slay vampires!
That thing put aside, I'd love to see Angelus to mindfuck Edward and Bella, that would be awesome to watch!
Posted August 21, 2010
LoveSpike says:
H3ll, she killed an evil goddess (anyone remember season five?), the First Evil, stopped several apocalypses, and died twice. She'd take out Edward faster than Angel kills people when he goes evil and turns into Angelus.
Posted July 22, 2010
No way, Monkeybrain! Buffy doesn't have a chance! She would never stake him!
noushki says:
Going on buffys history shes not gonna stake him shes gonna fall in love with him !!
Posted March 05, 2011
Realvampsdontsparkle97 says:
I think she would let him go. She didnt kill spike or angel. She doesnt kill nonthreatening fangies!!!!!
Posted July 25, 2010
paige.f clipclop56 says:
edwared is way better he would win
Posted May 12, 2010
Fitzroy says:
Of couse,Buffy staked Edward!!!!He is just a glitery dung!!!
Posted February 02, 2010
Rox says:
As if Edward could seduce her then attack if Bella's in danger, buffy just expects hot vamps to love her
LOVEING BUFFY AND TWILIGHT SAGA THOUGH <3
Posted January 04, 2010
Buffy vs Edward: Twilight Remixed
What Would Buffy Do?
• This transformative remix work constitutes a fair-use of any copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US copyright law. "Buffy vs Edward (Twilight Remixed)" by Jonathan McIntosh is licensed under a Creative Commons BY-NC-3.0 License - permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution. http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...
Buffy and Angel
Lovers and enemies
What Would Buffy Do?
And could I do that?
This is only a continuing demonstration of the philosophy of many fans - to ask: What would Buffy do?
What Would Buffy Do: The Vampire Slayer as Spiritual Guide
Amazon Price: $3.92 (as of 02/15/2012)
List Price: $14.95
A bubbly blonde sporting black leather and whomping vampires hardly seems a spiritual paragon, but the title character of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the occult classic that aired from 1997 to 2003, is just that, argues Riess, PW's religion book review editor and a dedicated Slayer fan. Although the show is ambivalent about God's existence and ostensibly secular, it "offers a deep spiritual core that is based in ethical behavior." A "spiritually eclectic" canon on forgiveness, compassion, love, self-sacrifice and redemption guide the slayer and her friends in their battles with evil (supernatural, internal or otherwise), says Riess. Playing off the Christian youth mantra "What would Jesus do?" (which the show also pokes fun at in an episode where Xander tells Buffy, "When it's dark and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' "), Riess dissects the show's moral message according to three themes: personal spirituality, companions (friends and family) and saving the world.
This Cross Won't Help Against Edward
There are as many types of vampire as there are disease; some are virulent and deadly, and some just make you walk funny and avoid fruit. %u2014Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
Twilight is a classic case or Our Vampires Are Different. They don't care about garlic, holy water or any of the other traditional vampire weaknesses (although did you know? The stake through the heart while they slept was originally just to keep them in their coffins!)
Distributoys Slayer's Cross Necklace
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A tarnished prop-replica silver cross in a velvet enclosed jewelry box milled with the Official Buffy the Vampire Slayer Logo resting on the lid.
How to kill Edward Cullen
Apply Stake To Heart
So, how to kill Edward... well, there's the good old Mr Pointy (a description that always makes me thing of the Big! Pointy! Teeth! from the dread Rabbit of Month Python's Holy Grail). A specially hand-carved stake, or in times of emergency, a pencil or chairleg should at lesat be a good stress reliever. And then you can chop him up and feed him to the cat - as Pratchett says, vampires may have risen from the grave but they have never risen from the cat.
You can read more about the weapons Buffy uses throughout the show and in specific episodes here.
And for the terribly frustrated, there's a little shoot-em-away flash game
Buffy Slayer's Stake Prop Replica: Factory X
Amazon Price: $369.95 (as of 02/15/2012)
Factory X presents The Slayers Stake a striking prop replica that pays tribute to the Slayers whove kept the world safe from evil all through the millennia. Made of actual, hand-carved wood, The Slayers Stake comes in a handsome satin-lined, black wooden box. The outside of the box is adorned with an attractive brass plaque, and the inside of the lid features the now-famous words, Into every generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a chosen one... The Slayers Stake was of one of the earliest stakes used on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Featured prominently in the shows first season, this stake was also used extensively in promotional shots for the show. It is 13 inches long and weighs 4 pounds (including display box). Actual product may vary from pictured prototype. Safty warning, this is not a toy but a REAL sharp stake replica. Handle with care, Not intended for children.
Watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer Online
Watch Seasons 1-4 Legally Wiith Amazon (US Only)
Welcome to the Hellmouth
Amazon Price: $1.99 (as of 02/15/2012)
Synopsis: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a one-hour, comedy-action television series that chronicles the adventures of 16-year-old Buffy Summers, a teenage girl who yearns to be normal despite being "The Chosen One," gifted with the strength and skill to hunt vampires.
It's only a couple of dollars and 40 minutes of awesomeness, so why not try it out?
Watch Twilight Online
Watch the Twilight and New Moon movies online - Legally!
Twilight
Amazon Price: $4.99 (as of 02/15/2012)
Synopsis: Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) doesn't expect much when she moves to the small town of Forks, Washington, until she meets the mysterious and handsome Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson)- a boy who's hiding a dark secret: he's a vampire. As their worlds and hearts collide, Edward must battle the bloodlust raging inside him as well as a caterie of undead that would make Bella their prey. Based on the #1 New York Times best-selling sensation by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight adds a dangerous twist to the classic story of star-crossed lovers.
A Coterie of Vampires, Wolves and their Zombiefed Slave-Minion
For the best review of Twilight ever, read the Twilight Review in LolCat
What would ANGEL Do?
ANGEL BEATS EDWARD Rectangle Sticker
Edward's sparkles made Angel happy...
So Angelus stepped in. And beat the sparkle out of him.
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Edward Only Goes for Easy Targets
Bella is trapped in an abusive relationship
This picture says it all. the possessive grasp, the slack pose and vacant stare... Bella has no will or control, there is no love or interaction, only 'stay here, dinner' and 'buh?' Edward Cullen is a classic abuser.
Contrast this to Angel and Buffy. Sure, there's is an unhealthy, obsessive, potentially abusive relationship, in which a young girl falls about as far as it is possible to fall for a brooding, potentially evil, yet matyred vampire. But this couple has one thing doesn't, and lacks one thing Twilight has.
1. It has real people. Buffy is willing to kill Angel when he turns evil, and Angel leaves her - doesn't put all the burden on her and doesn't say "oh, you should stay away from me. But I won't stay away from you!" They KNOW it is not healthy or good, or wise.
2. It doesn't have Sparkling. No sparkling at all. Not even the glimmery-eyes kind.
Awesome Links About Dusting Edward Off
If you agree, add links (proof!) that help me make my case
WIMNâs Voices » What Would Buffy Do? Notes on Dusting Edward Cullen
I usually try to stay away from forces of darkness more...1 point
The dark side of the Twilight phenomenon | Pundit
by Fiona Imlach Gunasekara
The hit movies Twilight more...1 point
Pocket Full of Prose: Twilight vs. Buffy*
Fact is, I like the Twilight series. I really enjoyed more...1 point
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" by Shannon Craigo-Snell
As the violence in Iraq escalates while the televi more...0 points
Hollywood Dame » Blog Archive » Robert Pattinson Thinks Edward Cullen is Stalker
The reporter goes on about goes on about his character more...0 points
Twilight | New Moon | Kristen Stewart | Robert Pattinson: Twilight girls learn to give up all for love
When I was growing up, my literary heroine was Jos more...0 points
A Feminist's Guide To Curing Yourself of Twilight-Mania | RHRealityCheck.org
Too attached to Edward Cullen for your feminist sensibilities? more...0 points
And then Buffy killed Edward. The end. - Facebook Group
And then Buffy killed Edward. The end.
Just for Fun more...0 points
Edward Cullen's psychological profile, a Twilight fanfic - FanFiction.Net
A Twilight - Parody/Humor fanfiction with characte more...0 points
The Escapist : The Problem With Twilight
It's more than just bad moviemaking.0 points
Buffy the Vampire Slayer versus Twilight Fanfiction
Short stories and crossovers between Buffy and Edward!
A Sparkling Vampire, a Buffy X-overs fanfic - FanFiction.Net
A Buffy X-overs - Humor fanfiction. Story summary: more...1 point
Killing Edward Cullen Buffy Style, a Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Twilight crossover fanfic - FanFiction.Net
A Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Twilight - Parody/ more...0 points
DISPROVE MY POINT (fine, be that way)
Disagree? Put your money where your mouth is and show us why.
Post links that point out why you think I'm wrong.
Cosmopolitan Conservative » Blog Archive » Why are Feminists Targeting Twilight?
Why are Feminists Targeting Twilight?
One unfortunate more...0 points
I need to Get Twilight out of my head!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Need an antidote?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Complete Series (Seasons 1-7) (2010) 39 Disc
Amazon Price: $109.99 (as of 02/15/2012)
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From its charming and angst-ridden first season to the darker, apocalyptic final one, Buffy the Vampire Slayer succeeds on many levels, and in a fresher and more authentic way than the shows that came before or after it. How lucky, then, that with the release of its boxed set of seasons 1-7, you can have the estimable pleasure of watching a near-decade of Buffy in any order you choose. (And we have some ideas about how that should be done.)
If You Liked Twilight
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If you loved Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1), you might also enjoy:
Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4) by Stephenie Meyer
When you loved the one who was killing you, it left more...1 point
To be irrevocably in love with a vampire is both fantasy and nightmare woven into a dangerously heightened reality for Bella Swan. Pulled in one direction by her intense passion for Edward Cullen, and in another by her profound connection to werewolf...
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New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2) by Stephenie Meyer
Legions of readers entranced by Twilight are hungry more...0 points
Eclipse (The Twilight Saga) by Stephenie Meyer
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Twilight (Two-Disc Special Edition)
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The Host: A Novel by Stephenie Meyer
The author of the Twilight series of # 1 bestsellers more...0 points
Do The Research
Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Academia
Buffy , Gender Stereotypes, Mythology, Religion and Vampires.
Buffy begins as the most typical of bubbly blonde cheerleaders. She couldn't care less about schoolwork, morality, or deep meanings in life - much less weird old gyuys who want her to fight vampires, when she has her looks to worry about. And yet, she grows up, she falls in love, she kills vampires, she becomes a leader and she saves the world, time and again.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is now one of the better subjects for Gender studies - for one thing, people actually want to watch the show!
What About New Moon?
LolCat Says It All
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
...what? You insist?
Oh very well... You Can Has New Moon
Other lenses about Vampires, Buffy and Twilight
Read other people's takes!
Girls Guide to Vampires
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Don't see one that you think should exist? make it!
If you like movie parodies...
Check out this version of Lord of the Rings!
And then Buffy Killed Edward
The End.
Buffy vs. Edward Tote Bag
Buffy 'the Slayer' vs. Edward 'the Sparkler': Sponsored by PETA
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LotusLandry
Jan 6, 2012 @ 1:05 pm | delete
- Saying 'hello' from the-indecisive-vampire-a-lyric
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mennella
Jun 18, 2011 @ 2:04 am | delete
- I'm a Buffy fan (a Whedon fan, really, i wrote a lens about this) and the comparison makes me shudder... but the lens is really funny!
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toriphile81 Sep 8, 2010 @ 4:35 pm | delete
- So fun! Love this :)
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tandemonimom
Jul 12, 2010 @ 10:57 pm | delete
- Great Buffy v. Edward lens! Lensrolled to Best Twilight Saga Spoofs and Parodies.
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Deus
Feb 23, 2010 @ 11:32 pm | delete
- And then Buffy went back to her abusive relationship with Spike
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