Bullying at School

Certainly as parents we all realize bullying at school is on the rise. School bullying statistics for some countries of the world are now citing figures as high as 25%, or one in four children attending school are either bully victims, are engaged in bullying themselves, or are both!

The chances are very high, and increasing all the time, that you may be facing an incident of bullying at some point during your child's time spent in the public or private education system.

As a parent do you even know what signs or symptoms to look for when dealing with bullying at school or how to support a victim of school bullying?

7 Key Indicators Of Bullying At School

1. Child is afraid to go to school.
2. Child often feels ill on school mornings.
3. Child is skipping school or classes.
4. Grades in school suddenly dropping.
5. Trouble sleeping or nightmares.
6. Becoming a "loner" and avoiding social activities.
7. Talking openly about suicide or attempting it.

Obviously there are more than just 7 indicators of this type of bullying and common sense tells us these are just guidelines. As caring parents, who know our children, we always must be on the alert for unnatural behaviors in our children that would give us clues that something is seriously wrong.

Often when faced with evidence of this inappropriate behavior, as parents we allow our emotions rather than our brains to control how we react. Worst thing we can do! Often this will make things even more stressful for the child.

As difficult as it may be at the time (and yes, I have been there too, as both a parent and an educator), you must put the needs of the victim first!

1. Comfort the child. Let them know that you are there for them, you care for them, and you will keep them safe.
2. Address any safety concerns. Take any necessary steps to ensure your child is kept safe, including contacting the school and enlisting help from teachers and support staff.
3. Discuss effective bullying responses with your child to help them deal with face to face situations with the bully. These responses may differ depending on whether you are dealing with bullying at the middle school or bullying in high school.

Whether your child is a victim of bullying at the middle school or bullying in high school, the following "pitfalls" or negative support must be avoided.

1. Never try and justify the bully's behavior! Let you child know that any bullying is wrong and no one deserves to be bullied!
2. Very important that you resist the urge to try and solve the problem for your child, unless they are in serious physical danger, as this tells the bully that your child is indeed "helpless".
3. Telling the child to simply avoid the bully will not solve the problem and generally only works for a short time.
4. Never, never tell your child to "fight back". Most bullies are bigger and stronger, and are looking for an excuse to physically punish their victim and impress their peer group.
5. Don't confront the bully or the bully's parents alone. Their reactions may be hostile rather than sympathetic, which could make things even worse for both you and your child. If a meeting is necessary, enlist the help of a third party such as the school administration or teacher to mediate the meeting and keep things under control.

Parents learning how to recognize the signs of bullying at school, and supporting a child victimized by school bullying, are important first steps, but not the end of the problem. Teaching the targeted child effective ways to empower themselves to deal with bullying at the middle school, or bullying in high school is known as bully proofing. This training provides them with a vital personal skill set necessary to cope with this worsening social problem in our school system.

There is no reason why, as a parent, you should not empower yourself to protect your child against bullying in school. If not for yourself, then do this for your child, and visit the links above to learn how to support and protect your child against school bullying.

As parents, a lot of us are living in our personal type of utopia or "wonderland" when it comes to bullying in schools. When hearing rumor of school bullying, we shake our heads or make other understanding gestures, perhaps voice how terrible the escalation in school bullying incidents are becoming, and after that turn away and proceed on with our lifestyles believing "bullying will never hurt my child".

Does this sound like you? Well, it was me, prior to that life changing day a number of years ago concerning my eldest daughter who was in elementary school at that time.

I came home from my place of work to find my wife an emotional disaster and our child mildly sedated in her bed room. Our daughter had came home from school, walked into our residence and fell on the floor, sobbing and weeping uncontrollably.

Over the next few hours we uncovered about the tragedy which had been taking place right beneath our noses for in excess of a year. A collection of girls had targeted my daughter and persistently, daily, made her the victim of put-downs, ridicule and threats while in school.

Our child was too frightened to say to us what was occurring and for our part, we were too naive to appreciate many of the warning signs of school bullying that she had exhibited over and over again such as missing school, headaches, not sleeping, and just a series of continual illness to avoid having to attend school each day.

Within a couple of days, our daughter became severely depressed to the situation that she began to discuss suicide and at this point we finally "got it", that this was more than just adolescent bickering, and contacted the school and sought professional help. Within a week, our child, who was only age 11 at the time and who had never been gone from home over night was in hospital on a "suicide watch"!

It took just about 6 months of weekly counseling, and being home schooled, before our child could return to school (a different school in our town) and start to repair her self-esteem and self-confidence in herself as a valuable person.

The real "kicker" in all this is that I was her half-time classroom teacher during the early stages of her anguish and never caught on as to what was going on!

So I beseech you, please be proactive about bullying in school and understand what the signs of bullying at school are and how to support and shelter your bullied child against this sort of social terrorism. As my narrative illustrates, you cannot always depend on your child to say "Help me, I am being bullied!"

It no longer seems to be a case of "if my child is going to be bullied in school" but rather "when my child is going to be bullied in school".