How to help your children if they are being bullied at school
Bullying at Primary School is about everything that I learned when my daughter was bullied at school and gives tips and strategies to use when dealing with the school.
I hope your children are never bullied, but if they are then perhaps our experience will help you. Further down the page there's also links to other resources, including the organisations that helped me.
My children make the short walk home from school unaccompanied these days. It's all part of me "letting go", allowing them to take more responsibility and feel more grown up. The first thing I always ask them when they arrive home is "How was your day" and I mentally keep my fingers crossed for a positive response. What I really mean is "Was everything OK?", which if I am completely honest can be translated into "Were you bullied?"
Both my girls, aged 11 and 10, have suffered bullying at school. For the older one it was over three agonising years but thankfully things have settled down during this, her final year at Primary School. For her younger sister it started earlier in the year. Nothing physical, nothing overtly verbal. However, exclusion and preventing her from enjoying the company of her closest friend at play times, as a would be "alpha" female tried to establish dominance, are as hurtful as any other form of bullying.
Every parent who has had to deal with this will know the hell that the whole family can go through when a child is made unhappy at school due to the manipulative and controlling actions of a bully. No matter how much research I undertake, I will always find it hard to understand how one child can become so powerful and cause so much trouble.
Isn't it the adults who should control the playground - not the children?
I hope your children are never bullied, but if they are then perhaps our experience will help you. Further down the page there's also links to other resources, including the organisations that helped me.
My children make the short walk home from school unaccompanied these days. It's all part of me "letting go", allowing them to take more responsibility and feel more grown up. The first thing I always ask them when they arrive home is "How was your day" and I mentally keep my fingers crossed for a positive response. What I really mean is "Was everything OK?", which if I am completely honest can be translated into "Were you bullied?"
Both my girls, aged 11 and 10, have suffered bullying at school. For the older one it was over three agonising years but thankfully things have settled down during this, her final year at Primary School. For her younger sister it started earlier in the year. Nothing physical, nothing overtly verbal. However, exclusion and preventing her from enjoying the company of her closest friend at play times, as a would be "alpha" female tried to establish dominance, are as hurtful as any other form of bullying.
Every parent who has had to deal with this will know the hell that the whole family can go through when a child is made unhappy at school due to the manipulative and controlling actions of a bully. No matter how much research I undertake, I will always find it hard to understand how one child can become so powerful and cause so much trouble.
Isn't it the adults who should control the playground - not the children?
Bullying Poem
This poem was released in a poetry anthology produced for Anti-bullying week 2005
need2know: dear mum, by Nicole Dingwall
curated content from YouTube
What Is Bullying?
Bullying at school can take various forms
Three forms of bullying
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Generally speaking any behaviour that knowingly causes distress or upset to someone else can be defined as bullying. It can be:
Physical: Pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and other forms of violence or threats.
Verbal: Name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, persistent teasing.
Emotional: Excluding (not allowing child to join in), tormenting, ridicule, humiliation.
In my experience, it is often the Emotional bullying that is the hardest to resolve. It is easier for the bully to be covert in their attacks and much harder to catch them out.
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Signs To Look For
These are the main signs for Under 12s who are being subjected to bullying at school
Your child may use every excuse under the sun to try to hide that she is being bullied. Look out for any of the following:
not wanting to go to school
feeling ill in the mornings
beginning to do less well in their school work
becoming withdrawn, starting to stammer, lacking confidence
becoming distressed and anxious, stopping eating
having trouble getting to sleep at night
crying themselves to sleep, having nightmares
possessions go missing
asking for money or starting to steal (to pay the bully)
'loses' their pocket money
refusing to talk about what's wrong
having unexplained bruises, cuts, scratches
beginning to bully other children, siblings
becoming aggressive and unreasonable
personality changes, not being themselves
giving improbable excuses for any of the above
What to do if you think your child is being bullied at school
Bullying support for your child
If you are worried that your child is being bullied but are not sure, ask him or her directly and whatever you do, DO NOT agree to keep it secret, no matter how tearful or distressed your child becomes. Targets are often terrified that if they "tell" or if their parents go in to school and complain, then it will make the situation worse.In an ideal world, all teachers will immediately accept what you say when you go in and report that your child is being bullied. They will confront the bully, the bully will agree to modify their behaviour and that will be an end to it.
Unfortunately, in the majority of cases, you end up with a situation where the school has to try to work out exactly what is happening and this will include deciding which child is telling the truth and which child is lying. The school will generally act very quickly if any witnesses come forward to report what is going on, but often it is not as simple as that. In many cases the bully has so much power and influence that the "bystanders" (more about them later), will not speak out for fear that they may become the next target.
So to further complicate the already very distressing situation, often a child's closest friends won't stand up for them, compounding the target's low self esteem and further eroding their confidence. To make matters worse, the parents of the bully may refuse to accept or even believe what is happening and will not co-operate with the school's attempts to resolve the situation.
An Anti Bullying Commercial
So, you have decided to go in and complain about bullying at school
How do you go about it? Six steps to start with
1. Put all complaints and concerns in writing
No matter how confident you are about how well you think your school will handle the matter if you report a bullying incident, you should ALWAYS follow up any verbal complaint with a written one, even if nothing like this has happened to your child before.
This will ensure that everyone is clear about when the first incident happened and the nature of the incident. If the incidents continue, carry on with the letters. There should then be a proper record (however, see 3. below) and everyone should be clear about when it started and how long it has been going on.
2. Don't assume that a sympathetic teacher, who you like, is the best person to deal with the situation
If the bullying at school continues write to the Head and ask for a meeting.
3. Keep a record of EVERYTHING
4. If the incidents continue and there is no resolution, ask to see your child's school record
Make sure that ALL correspondence you have exchanged with the school about the problems your child is having is on the record. You may need to use this as evidence if you need to refer the matter either to the School Governors or the Education Department.
5. If you need to report bullying, then ask to see the School's Anti Bullying Policy
By law all UK schools have to have an Anti-Bullying Policy and by law it has to be implemented. In the USA more and more states require schools to have them. Read your school's policy thoroughly. Make it clear to the school that you expect them to deal with any incidents as set down and defined by the policy. Look at phrases used in the policy to define bullying and the action that will be taken and use these phrases in your letter.
6. Research bullying (see Links below) before you go to any meetings at the school
Make sure you are clear in your own mind about which incidents fall under the definition of bullying, as defined by the school's anti bullying policy. Then do 7.
No matter how confident you are about how well you think your school will handle the matter if you report a bullying incident, you should ALWAYS follow up any verbal complaint with a written one, even if nothing like this has happened to your child before.
This will ensure that everyone is clear about when the first incident happened and the nature of the incident. If the incidents continue, carry on with the letters. There should then be a proper record (however, see 3. below) and everyone should be clear about when it started and how long it has been going on.
2. Don't assume that a sympathetic teacher, who you like, is the best person to deal with the situation
If the bullying at school continues write to the Head and ask for a meeting.
3. Keep a record of EVERYTHING
- Keep a diary - you can read my diary here
- Log incidents, using time, date and location
- Keep emails, letters and make meeting notes
- Make sure you get written responses to all letters
- After a meeting write to the Head to confirm your understanding of what was discussed, any agreements made, strategies the school said they would use or action they will take
4. If the incidents continue and there is no resolution, ask to see your child's school record
Make sure that ALL correspondence you have exchanged with the school about the problems your child is having is on the record. You may need to use this as evidence if you need to refer the matter either to the School Governors or the Education Department.
5. If you need to report bullying, then ask to see the School's Anti Bullying Policy
By law all UK schools have to have an Anti-Bullying Policy and by law it has to be implemented. In the USA more and more states require schools to have them. Read your school's policy thoroughly. Make it clear to the school that you expect them to deal with any incidents as set down and defined by the policy. Look at phrases used in the policy to define bullying and the action that will be taken and use these phrases in your letter.
6. Research bullying (see Links below) before you go to any meetings at the school
Make sure you are clear in your own mind about which incidents fall under the definition of bullying, as defined by the school's anti bullying policy. Then do 7.
Some common sense advice from Diane, Beatbullying
Whatever you do - stay calm!
Diane from Beatbullying
Diane has valuable advice for parents whose children are being bullied. How exactly do you approach their school to broach the issue? Join us @ http://cybermentors.org.uk/
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What adults have said about bullying at school
If you are feeling worn out by all this and are not sure if you have the energy or confidence to go through with this then have a look at these quotes from the Guestbook
"No one who hasn't lived through bullying can truly understand the pain and the effect it has on the child and on the whole family."
"This is a tragic problem I too was bullied at high school and my life was hell for several years."
"My older son was bullied in school for a long time and it can affect so many things about them."
"I just wish I had help like this when I was bullied!"
More action you can take to protect your child from bullying at school
How to stop childhood bullying
7. If you believe your child is being bullied, ask the Head whether s/he agrees
Our own Head's response to this question was: "That's an awkward one to answer". I then read back to her the definition of bullying, as defined by the school's Anti Bullying Policy:
"Bullying is a continuous pattern of behaviour by one person towards another which is designed to hurt, injure, embarrass, upset or discomfort that person."
We insisted that although some of the bully's actions may not be punishable (such as trying to entice friends away etc), these actions led to hurt and upset. We suggested that if the bully is told that her behaviour is leading to hurt and upset but then, in spite of this, chooses to continue THEN her behaviour may definitely be defined as bullying and the school would have no choice but to deal with it as such.
8. If your child used to be happy at school and no longer is, ask the school to consider why
Our daughter has always been intelligent and articulate. She used to be very "sparkly" and enthusiastic at school, which she enjoyed. Apart from one girl in the class she got on with everyone else. We asked the staff to consider why she hated school so much.
9. Question the school's strategies for dealing with bullying
If your child has been bullied for any period of time and there appears to be no resolution, it's obvious that any strategies the school is implementing just ain't working! They may have worked for other cases but it does not guarantee that they will work for your child. Do not be afraid to say this.
Question the use of "circle time" to resolve issues. According to Kidscape circle time will usually only resolve matters where bullying is unusual in a school. In schools where it happens regularly, asking a target to talk about how they feel in front of everyone in a group discussion seldom works. All it does is give the bully a buzz about the hurt she is causing and increases her feelings of power.
10. If your child becomes ill due to bullying, ask your Doctor to write a letter to the school
This letter will also go on the school record and may strengthen your case if you have to take further action.
11. Don't assume ANYTHING!
Do not assume that all staff working with your child know exactly what has been going on. This includes teachers covering absence, new staff etc.
Do not assume that the school agrees with you that your child is being bullied
Do not assume that the teachers you like are the best people to deal with the problem
Do not assume that all staff will automatically follow the anti bullying policy
Do not assume that all bullying incidents are logged
Do not assume that all staff understand the anti bullying policy
Do not assume that all staff have had adequate induction or training about the anti bullying policy
12. No matter how exhausted or disheartened you become.......do not give up!
Our own Head's response to this question was: "That's an awkward one to answer". I then read back to her the definition of bullying, as defined by the school's Anti Bullying Policy:
"Bullying is a continuous pattern of behaviour by one person towards another which is designed to hurt, injure, embarrass, upset or discomfort that person."
We insisted that although some of the bully's actions may not be punishable (such as trying to entice friends away etc), these actions led to hurt and upset. We suggested that if the bully is told that her behaviour is leading to hurt and upset but then, in spite of this, chooses to continue THEN her behaviour may definitely be defined as bullying and the school would have no choice but to deal with it as such.
8. If your child used to be happy at school and no longer is, ask the school to consider why
Our daughter has always been intelligent and articulate. She used to be very "sparkly" and enthusiastic at school, which she enjoyed. Apart from one girl in the class she got on with everyone else. We asked the staff to consider why she hated school so much.
9. Question the school's strategies for dealing with bullying
If your child has been bullied for any period of time and there appears to be no resolution, it's obvious that any strategies the school is implementing just ain't working! They may have worked for other cases but it does not guarantee that they will work for your child. Do not be afraid to say this.
Question the use of "circle time" to resolve issues. According to Kidscape circle time will usually only resolve matters where bullying is unusual in a school. In schools where it happens regularly, asking a target to talk about how they feel in front of everyone in a group discussion seldom works. All it does is give the bully a buzz about the hurt she is causing and increases her feelings of power.
10. If your child becomes ill due to bullying, ask your Doctor to write a letter to the school
This letter will also go on the school record and may strengthen your case if you have to take further action.
11. Don't assume ANYTHING!
Do not assume that all staff working with your child know exactly what has been going on. This includes teachers covering absence, new staff etc.
Do not assume that the school agrees with you that your child is being bullied
Do not assume that the teachers you like are the best people to deal with the problem
Do not assume that all staff will automatically follow the anti bullying policy
Do not assume that all bullying incidents are logged
Do not assume that all staff understand the anti bullying policy
Do not assume that all staff have had adequate induction or training about the anti bullying policy
12. No matter how exhausted or disheartened you become.......do not give up!
Does Bullying Run in Families?
Why do children bully?
Could it be because they are being bullied at home?
Does Bullying Run
in Families?
Is your child a Bystander?
They can help put an end to the bullying at school if they have the confidence to do it!
Apart from the distress, frustration and often feeling utterly powerless when you are trying to help a child who is being bullied, what I also find hard to accept is how other key individuals are often not encouraged to face up to their part in what is happening. Neither are they persuaded to help put an end to the situation.
The problem seems to be that they are fully aware of what is going on but they don't know what to do about it. This is exacerbated because those trying to resolve the problem can focus all their attention on the bully and the target. If you become aware your child is being bullied then it's not long before you go marching in to see the class teacher. If it is your child who is doing the bullying then it is not long before you are summonsed to see the Head. But I wonder how many schools ask to see parents because their child is a "Bystander"?
The problem seems to be that they are fully aware of what is going on but they don't know what to do about it. This is exacerbated because those trying to resolve the problem can focus all their attention on the bully and the target. If you become aware your child is being bullied then it's not long before you go marching in to see the class teacher. If it is your child who is doing the bullying then it is not long before you are summonsed to see the Head. But I wonder how many schools ask to see parents because their child is a "Bystander"?
What types of Bystanders are there?
By doing nothing Bystanders can make bullying at school worse
Christina Salmivalli, a leading proponent of 'Bystander' theory, states in her book 'Making Use of the Peer Group Power in Preventing and Intervening in Bullying' that as far as bullying is concerned, "the mechanisms which maintain the problem, but also the keys for preventing and intervening in it, often lie within the peer group." She breaks down the role of the Bystander into the following categories:
Assistants - who actively join in the attack
Reinforcers - who give positive feedback to the bully, perhaps by smiling or laughing
Outsiders - who stay back, stay quiet and thereby condone the bullying behaviour
Defenders - who try to intervene to stop the bullying or comfort the target.
So which role would you choose for your child? Some of my daughters' closest friends became "Outsiders" and that was probably the hardest to bear. We all like to think that when we are in trouble our friends will step in and help us. If they don't we feel abandoned. But we have to again remind ourselves that these are primary school aged children!
The UK Children's Commissioner's Report Bullying Today, which was published in November 2006, states that "research with children and young people confirms that most disapprove of bullying and sympathise with its victims. It has also been found that when they are Bystanders, about half take the role of 'Outsiders'. Yet where peers do intervene, they can be effective in preventing the victimisation in 50-75% of instances."
A lot of work was done with my eldest daughter's class when they were in Year 5 to help the children understand the difference between passive, assertive and aggressive and to try to give them the confidence to stand up to anyone who was bullying and not join in. That, together with the support of parents plus the fact that some of her classmates were maturing into intelligent, confident girls who empathised with my daughter, helped put a stop to what was going on. Similar work is now going on with my youngest daughter's class but we have yet to see a complete end to the bullying.
Assistants - who actively join in the attack
Reinforcers - who give positive feedback to the bully, perhaps by smiling or laughing
Outsiders - who stay back, stay quiet and thereby condone the bullying behaviour
Defenders - who try to intervene to stop the bullying or comfort the target.
So which role would you choose for your child? Some of my daughters' closest friends became "Outsiders" and that was probably the hardest to bear. We all like to think that when we are in trouble our friends will step in and help us. If they don't we feel abandoned. But we have to again remind ourselves that these are primary school aged children!
The UK Children's Commissioner's Report Bullying Today, which was published in November 2006, states that "research with children and young people confirms that most disapprove of bullying and sympathise with its victims. It has also been found that when they are Bystanders, about half take the role of 'Outsiders'. Yet where peers do intervene, they can be effective in preventing the victimisation in 50-75% of instances."
A lot of work was done with my eldest daughter's class when they were in Year 5 to help the children understand the difference between passive, assertive and aggressive and to try to give them the confidence to stand up to anyone who was bullying and not join in. That, together with the support of parents plus the fact that some of her classmates were maturing into intelligent, confident girls who empathised with my daughter, helped put a stop to what was going on. Similar work is now going on with my youngest daughter's class but we have yet to see a complete end to the bullying.
Update: July 2009
My youngest daughter is coming to the end of Year 6. A combination of work that the school did with the class plus the girls naturally maturing, appears to have put an end to the friendship issues that were then developing into bullying.
The girls have had a very experienced Year 6 teacher and I think that has helped no end. However, persistency on our part also probably contributed, because at the first sign of problems we would get in touch with the teacher.
As has been said to me by teachers many times - how they can deal with a problem if they are blissfully unaware that there is one?
Who exactly are the Bystanders?
They are often reluctant participants in school bullying
In the book: 'The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander' by Barbara Coloroso, American author and lecturer on bullying, Coloroso states: "They are the supporting cast who aid and abet the bully through acts of omission and commission. They can stand idly by or look away, or they can actively encourage the bully or join in and become one of a bunch of bullies".Standing idly by or looking away may seem like a sensible course of action to a 9 or 10 year old. It is even difficult for older children to feel they should do something. Can you blame them for being so frightened that if they do not collude with and condone the bully, then they may become the next target?
Indeed my eldest daughter became the next target when she stood up for a child who was being excluded. The matter was not resolved properly, i.e. the bully got away with it and then turned her attention to my daughter. This undoubtedly reinforced her friends' fears that if they stood up for her then they ran the risk of being the next to suffer. They abdicate control to the Bully.
However, as Barbara Coloroso points out, the cost to the Bystander can be a loss of self respect and confidence. Most children know full well that what is happening is wrong and they realise that they themselves are being controlled. But we are talking about children of primary school age. It is the adults who have to take the lead in helping the children to resolve these issues.
Children will give all sorts of excuses as to why they will not stand up for someone who is being bullied. They will say that: the bully is "my friend"; "its not my problem"; that the victim is not their friend; that they would rather be part of the 'in group' than defend the victim; that there is nothing they can do about it; that they don't want to be a snitch; that they are afraid that they will "be next" if they do anything. They plead with you not to do anything because they are terrified that if you do then they definitely will "be next".
The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander
Barbara Coloroso
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence
Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009)
This is an extremely helpful book that can be used by both parents and teachers to deal with what Barbara Coloroso describes "is a life-and-death issue that we ignore at our children's peril." Starting with the assumption that "bullying is a learned behavior," Coloroso explains how the bully, the bullied and the bystander are "three characters in a tragic play" but also that "the scripts can be rewritten, new roles created, the plot changed." For each of the three "characters," she breaks down the behaviours of each character, analyzses the that their behaviour can be changed and suggests methods that parents and teachers can use to identify bullying behavior and deal with it effectively.
Adapted from a review on Amazon
Where does your child fit in to all of this?
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So what do you do when you realise that your child is a Bystander?
Please do something!
Most of us like to think that we have "nice" children. How many times do we hear ourselves saying: "My little Harry/Sally is no angel but basically s/he is a good kid?" While I would not accuse every child of having the potential to be an out and out bully, I think that if we are completely honest most of us have children who have the potential to be a Bystander. It came as a complete shock to me when I found out from my eldest daughter, while she was in Year 3, that she had become involved in a group that was making life pretty miserable for one of her closest friends. My daughter was tearful and ashamed as she confessed that she had been so horrible and I now realise that she had become a "Reinforcer".
I felt dreadful but we faced up to it and over the next few days we talked about the situation. We discussed how sometimes you have to be very brave and not let someone else have so much control over you that you do things that are wrong and that you become someone that you yourself don't like. She wrote her friend a letter of apology and when I ran into his Mum at the local supermarket I immediately told her how sorry I was about what had happened. Her response was that I was the only parent decent enough to say anything and that she felt others were either in denial or actively avoiding the issue.
And that, in my experience, is what so many parents do - they avoid the issue and either will not accept what their child is capable of doing or, if they do accept it, they just do not know what to do and would rather brush it under the carpet in the hope that it will just go away.
When the bully started on my eldest daughter, several parents knew what she was going through. Their children were upset and disturbed enough to go home and tell them but it was an uphill struggle to persuade them to go in and discuss it with the class teacher, so she would know exactly what was going on. Therefore, the parents themselves were reinforcing the perception that it is better to be a Bystander than a Defender.
I felt dreadful but we faced up to it and over the next few days we talked about the situation. We discussed how sometimes you have to be very brave and not let someone else have so much control over you that you do things that are wrong and that you become someone that you yourself don't like. She wrote her friend a letter of apology and when I ran into his Mum at the local supermarket I immediately told her how sorry I was about what had happened. Her response was that I was the only parent decent enough to say anything and that she felt others were either in denial or actively avoiding the issue.
And that, in my experience, is what so many parents do - they avoid the issue and either will not accept what their child is capable of doing or, if they do accept it, they just do not know what to do and would rather brush it under the carpet in the hope that it will just go away.
When the bully started on my eldest daughter, several parents knew what she was going through. Their children were upset and disturbed enough to go home and tell them but it was an uphill struggle to persuade them to go in and discuss it with the class teacher, so she would know exactly what was going on. Therefore, the parents themselves were reinforcing the perception that it is better to be a Bystander than a Defender.
Important Information!
The poem is Copyrighted
Please note that the following poem is Copyrighted and cannot be reproduced or used without the written permission of aj2008.
If you wish to use this poem then please email aj2008, using the Contact Me link on my Squidoo Bio Page giving your name, contact details and information about how you would like to use the poem and when. This information should include a link to any websites or blogs, or the address of any location e.g a school, where the poem will be read or used.
Bullying at school
A poem written by my daughter, aged 11
In the playgroundThere's a little girl
Sitting in a dark corner.
She's all alone.
Earlier, an older girl,
much older
Came and said horrible things
to the little girl.
"Oh, you are stupid
and ugly!"
She said.
It hurt the little girl,
It pained her.
In the playground,
There's a little girl
Sitting in a dark corner.
© aj2008
Help your child to be a Defender NOT a Bystander!
Remember - Bystanders make bullying at school worse
So what can you do to make sure your child has the confidence to be a Defender?
Encourage your child to empathise with the target. Ask them to imagine what it would be like if it was happening to them. Help your child to understand that there is a difference between 'snitching' (trying to get someone else in trouble) and 'reporting' (protecting someone who is being or may be harmed). Offer to go with your child to the teacher or Head if they decide to report what is going on. Point out that there is safety in numbers and encourage your child to try to persuade his/her friends to join together to protect the target.
Explain that bullying can cause real emotional and physical harm, which can be long lasting. Teach your child that being friends with bullies is not what you want them to do. Point out that despite what they may think, the Bullies are not popular - the only reason they appear to have lots of friends is because others are frightened of them. They are worried that if they are not part of their "group", "gang" or "crowd" then they themselves will be bullied.
Children copy the behaviours they see at home. Make sure that you behave in a way that you want copied! But finally make your child understand that no one should be allowed to force them to behave in a way they do not want to. Make it clear that they, and only they, are responsible for their behaviour and that everything they do is a choice.
In a GMTV Webchat on Bullying on 06 February 2006 Barbara Coloroso said: "Remember there are 3 characters in this horrific tragedy - The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander. We ignore bullying at our children's expense. We must pay attention, get involved and never ever look away. Indifference is lethal."
Encourage your child to empathise with the target. Ask them to imagine what it would be like if it was happening to them. Help your child to understand that there is a difference between 'snitching' (trying to get someone else in trouble) and 'reporting' (protecting someone who is being or may be harmed). Offer to go with your child to the teacher or Head if they decide to report what is going on. Point out that there is safety in numbers and encourage your child to try to persuade his/her friends to join together to protect the target.
Explain that bullying can cause real emotional and physical harm, which can be long lasting. Teach your child that being friends with bullies is not what you want them to do. Point out that despite what they may think, the Bullies are not popular - the only reason they appear to have lots of friends is because others are frightened of them. They are worried that if they are not part of their "group", "gang" or "crowd" then they themselves will be bullied.
If you see bullying
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Children copy the behaviours they see at home. Make sure that you behave in a way that you want copied! But finally make your child understand that no one should be allowed to force them to behave in a way they do not want to. Make it clear that they, and only they, are responsible for their behaviour and that everything they do is a choice.
In a GMTV Webchat on Bullying on 06 February 2006 Barbara Coloroso said: "Remember there are 3 characters in this horrific tragedy - The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander. We ignore bullying at our children's expense. We must pay attention, get involved and never ever look away. Indifference is lethal."
Who will stop this?
"Who will stop this? Anti bullying Commercial
curated content from YouTube
Indifference IS lethal!
As long as people are indifferent, bullying at school will continue
Indifference IS lethal! Try to imagine what it must be like for a child to be so isolated from their friends that they don't want to go to school. In some cases it makes them ill. My eldest daughter missed six weeks of school in one term because she was so unwell. The UK Children's Commissioner's Report Bullying Today states: "The role of peer intervention and peer pressure in addressing bullying is regarded by some as the key to tackling bullying".
I'll say it again - this is primary/elementary school age children we are talking about here. It is up to the grown ups to show them the way and help transform our Bystanders into Defenders. They cannot do it on their own!
I'll say it again - this is primary/elementary school age children we are talking about here. It is up to the grown ups to show them the way and help transform our Bystanders into Defenders. They cannot do it on their own!
Still wondering whether to do anything?
Quotes from children who have suffered bullying at school
An amazingly perceptive statement from a very upset 10 year old:
"The less they do, the more she gets away with."
"I'm so scared to go to school tomorrow."
"It's the fear of going home from school or going to school where a lot of the bullying does take place."
More help with childhood bullying
These websites do a lot to help stop bullying at school
Here are some of the websites I have used to get information to help my family.
- Kidscape
- This is the website I found the most helpful and I also called their Helpline.
- Bullying UK
- Founded in 1999, and formerly called Bullying Online, Bullying UK is the world's leading website providing free help and advice on bullying to more than 1.2 million people a year.
- Anti Bullying Network
- This organisation specifically supports anti-bullying work in schools
- Advice from the UK Government
- A site from the Department for Children, Schools and Families. This is a good one to quote when you go in to the school!
- welcome-- Bullybusters Merseyside anti bullying campaign
- Welcome to bullybusters. Bully Busters' is an Anti Bullying Helpline that was launched at the beginning of September to provide support for victims of bullying and their families.
- Bullies2Buddies
- "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend", so said Abraham Lincoln and this quote sums up the ethos behind Bullies2Buddies.
Thank you Lensmaster bjhughes for recommending the site. - Love Our Children USA
- Love Our Children USA is the national nonprofit leader that honors, respects and protects children. Working to break the cycle of violence against children, it has become the 'go-to' prevention organization for all forms of violence and neglect against children in the U.S.
Anti-Bullying Week
One way bullying at school is being tackled in the UK
In the UK: 16 - 19 November 2009
The theme: "Cyberbullying"
Does your school ever get involved in Anti-Bullying Week?
If not, then ask them why!
Links to organisations involved in Anti-Bullying Week
Organisations trying to stop bullying at school and other places
Anti-Bullying organisations and their Anti-Bullying Week activities
- Anti-Bullying Week
- Anti-Bullying Events for Young People
- Beat Bullying
- Beatbullying is creating a world where bullying is unacceptable. Wear a blue band this anti-bullying week to support Beatbullying.
- Bully Web
- Bully Web is an anti-bullying website with anti-bullying events for Young People
- Count me in calendar
- Anti-Bullying Week is run by the Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA) and is an awareness raising week when schools, Local Authorities and community groups in England are encouraged to take part in local anti-bullying events, and to unite in spreading the message that bullying is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated.
- Inspirational Beading
- Squidoo Lensmaster Mortira is Canadian and in Canada they commemorate Anti-Bullying Week by wearing pink in schools.
- Actionwork: Anti-Bullying week 2009
- Actionwork is an international peace, film, theatre, education and anti bullying organisation
- Bullying UK - Make an Anti-Bullying Poster for Anti-Bullying Week
- Bullying UK - Click, Create & Print - Flash creator
These books may help
Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem (Revised & Updated Edition)
Amazon Price: $9.32 (as of 11/09/2009)
Just Kidding
Amazon Price: $10.85 (as of 11/09/2009)
Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain (Laugh And Learn)
Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 11/09/2009)
Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times
Amazon Price: $10.40 (as of 11/09/2009)
UK visitors can get the books here
Link to Amazon UK
The statistics on this video about bullying in the UK are shocking
SHE FALLS ASLEEP - McFLY - ANTI-BULLYING WEEK
curated content from YouTube
Persuading your child to tell you what is happening
You can't stop bullying at school unless the school is told what is going on
It is crucial that your children are able to tell you and their teachers what is happening so that they can get the help they need.
When young people hear stories about other people who have been bullied, they realise they are not alone. It is crucial that they understand that anyone can be the victim of bullying and that IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT.
Help them realise that many people who have been bullied as children have overcome what happened to them and become very successful adults. If you were bullied as a child, or a family member or friend experienced bullying at school, tell your children about it. Telling them true stories is often the best way to lead young people into telling you their story without being embarrassed.
Tell them about famous people who have been bullied. These include Michael Phelps, Winona Ryder, Bill Gates, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, David Beckham, Sir Albert Einstein and Daryl Hannah.
When young people hear stories about other people who have been bullied, they realise they are not alone. It is crucial that they understand that anyone can be the victim of bullying and that IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT.
Help them realise that many people who have been bullied as children have overcome what happened to them and become very successful adults. If you were bullied as a child, or a family member or friend experienced bullying at school, tell your children about it. Telling them true stories is often the best way to lead young people into telling you their story without being embarrassed.
Tell them about famous people who have been bullied. These include Michael Phelps, Winona Ryder, Bill Gates, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, David Beckham, Sir Albert Einstein and Daryl Hannah.
Megan Fox suffered bullying at school
Celebrities share their experience of bullying
Transformers star Megan Fox was bullied at school because she admitted that she wanted to be an actress. She said: "One girl came to school on Halloween in a black leather catsuit and everyone thought she was cat woman. She answered, 'No I am Megan Fox.' She was making fun of me."Buy at AllPosters.com
Actor Tom Cruise was badly bullied at school because he has dyslexia. His family moved around a lot and because he went to 15 different schools, he was always picked on because he was "the new boy".Buy at AllPosters.com
Winona Ryder, the actress, was bullied because she was seen as 'different'. She was raised on a hippie commune and wore unconventional clothes to school.Buy at AllPosters.com
Christian Bale, the star of 'Batman Begins' says his life was made a living-hell by other pupils jealous of his acting career. He received fantastic reviews for his starring role in "Empire of the Sun", directed by Steven Spielberg and when he went back to school, other boys bullied him because of the extra attention he began receiving from girls. He said: "Girls were all over me but the boys just wanted to fight me."Buy at AllPosters.com
The actress Kate Winslet was tormented at school because of her weight. She said: "I became shy because I was overweight. At 16 I was 13 stone and was called "Blubber". It was pathetic and childish, but girls are so catty. It lasted for about two years. Eventually, I must have told my mother, and she took it up with the teachers."Buy at AllPosters.com
Michael Phelps, the swimmer, was bullied for having a lisp and big ears. He had to cope with having his ears flicked, mocking about his tall, gangly form and his baseball cap would be thrown out of the school bus window. All because he was a swimmer rather than a footballer.
Sir Ranulph Fiennes, polar explorer, was bullied at Eton. He said: "I was a good-looking boy, and it was the norm for any boy considered good looking to be wolf-whistled at. The other boys would sit on their window ledges above the school dormitory, whistling and shouting names at me. Such remorseless nastiness squeezed every last trace of self-confidence from me. At one point, I stood on Windsor Bridge and contemplated throwing myself off."
Celebrities reinforce the anti-bullying message
Celebrities on YouTube to beat bullying
curated content from YouTube
Another lens about bullying
It's not just bullying at school that is a problem
-
Does bullying run in families?
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Does bullying run in families? Many parents can tell you about school bullying. However, how many of us stop to think about the reasons why a child bullies? In many cases we know nothing about the child's home life and what goes on "behind c...
A sad and shocking fact
Disabled and special needs children suffer bullying at school
More than 40% of children with autism are bullied at school!
Over half a million people in the UK suffer from Autism. Thats approx 1 in 100 people. In my own home county this equates to 10,000 people with Autism of which about 2,500 are children.
Source: Think Differently.org
Over half a million people in the UK suffer from Autism. Thats approx 1 in 100 people. In my own home county this equates to 10,000 people with Autism of which about 2,500 are children.
Source: Think Differently.org
What it is like to suffer from Asperger's Syndrome and be bullied
Thank you Eelkat for sharing
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Living With Asperger's Syndrome
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~Who Is Affected by Autism?~ In one word: me. I have Asperger's Syndrome, a type of Autism. Life is difficult, not so much because autism affects the things I do, but mostly because people do not take the time to get to know me. My cloths scare off...
Research into bullying at school
January 2009
Research published by the Universities of Warwick and Hertfordshire, in the UK, has concluded that girls targetted by bullies at Primary school are two and a half times more likely to remain victims than boys. Girls directly being victimised at six years old were significantly more likely to still be targetted at age ten.
The research also discovered that the methods of bullying change as children grow older. It starts with direct victimisation such as physical bullying and threats but gradully evolves into spreading malicious rumours and the withdrawal of friendships.
The research team was led by Professor of Developmental Psychology Dieter Wolke. 663 children aged from six to nine were interviewed about their bullying experiences and then they completed a follow up questionnaire when they were aged ten or 11.
Professor Wolke said:
These findings indicate that even at an early age some victims of bullying remain victims over a long period of time. The development and implementation of intervention programmes that help victims to escape further victimisation in primary school are called for.
Note:
At my daughter's school was a girl who left her previous school because of bullying and she joined my daughter's class in Year 1. In Year 2 the bullying started and by the end of Year 4, her parents moved her again.
The research also discovered that the methods of bullying change as children grow older. It starts with direct victimisation such as physical bullying and threats but gradully evolves into spreading malicious rumours and the withdrawal of friendships.
The research team was led by Professor of Developmental Psychology Dieter Wolke. 663 children aged from six to nine were interviewed about their bullying experiences and then they completed a follow up questionnaire when they were aged ten or 11.
Professor Wolke said:
These findings indicate that even at an early age some victims of bullying remain victims over a long period of time. The development and implementation of intervention programmes that help victims to escape further victimisation in primary school are called for.
Note:
At my daughter's school was a girl who left her previous school because of bullying and she joined my daughter's class in Year 1. In Year 2 the bullying started and by the end of Year 4, her parents moved her again.
Current news about bullying
This will be regularly updated to bring the laterst news about bullying at school
29 March 2009
The Guardian Newspaper reported that boys deliberately "dumb down" to avoid being bullied at school according to Becky Francis, Professor of Education at Roehampton University, who carried out a study of academically gifted 12 and 13 year-olds in nine state secondary schools.
03 April 2009
Coronation Street, the longest running "soap" on UK TV, with a viewing audience of 9m and 10m per episode, has introduced a storyline about one of the boys being bullied at school.
30 September 2009
Megan Fox admits she was bullied at school. See the full article at The Inquistr
03 November 2009
X Factor Twins John and Edward admit they were bullied so badly at school that they had to leave. They were ostracised at £12,000-a-year King's Hospital - one of Ireland's most prestigious schools - for their clean-cut image and love of cheesy pop music. See the full article at The Sunday Mirror.
The Guardian Newspaper reported that boys deliberately "dumb down" to avoid being bullied at school according to Becky Francis, Professor of Education at Roehampton University, who carried out a study of academically gifted 12 and 13 year-olds in nine state secondary schools.
03 April 2009
Coronation Street, the longest running "soap" on UK TV, with a viewing audience of 9m and 10m per episode, has introduced a storyline about one of the boys being bullied at school.
30 September 2009
Megan Fox admits she was bullied at school. See the full article at The Inquistr
03 November 2009
X Factor Twins John and Edward admit they were bullied so badly at school that they had to leave. They were ostracised at £12,000-a-year King's Hospital - one of Ireland's most prestigious schools - for their clean-cut image and love of cheesy pop music. See the full article at The Sunday Mirror.
Children and Parenting Group on Squidoo
Some excellent lenses
This Group of lenses covers various topics and all are outstanding-
Children and Parenting Headquarters
-
Being a parent or carer means that you will have to confront many issues - some of which with you may never have had any previous experience. I have four children and you would have thought that when I had the two youngest, I would have "seen it all,...
And Finally.......
The whole subject of bullying is so complicated that many books have been written and much research continues to be done. However, along with many others, I believe that it is on the increase and much of it is to do with the way so many people are bringing up their children. See my lens Does Bullying Run in Families?
I see families accepting what I consider to be horrible behaviour towards each other as "normal". I see young children being mercilessly teased and bullied by their older siblings, (while the parents ignore it) and then repeating that very same behaviour amongst their peer group at school.
I see parents shouting and swearing at their children and then they wonder why their child shows no one any respect.
I see parents refusing to support their children's schools' efforts to improve behaviour. I have even heard of parents taking their children home rather than allow the child to be kept in at break as a punishment.
Worse than all of this though is the utter feeling of helplessness, when you realise that your child is being targetted by a nasty bully and no matter what you say or try to do, it just goes on and on and on.
I don't agree with taking a child out of school or changing schools because they are being bullied, because I believe that if you don't solve the problem then it will follow them.
I know of a child whose parents moved her to another school because of bullying. The bullying started up at the new school. They decided to move their child to a private school and after the place had been reserved and the fees had been paid, they found out to their horror that one of the bullies was moving to the same school!
However, I must confess I came within an inch of refusing to send my eldest daughter to her school, when it became obvious that she was becoming quite ill with the stress of everything that was happening to her. And if I am honest, it was making me ill too.
I always said that even if I had the money I would never take my children out of the state education system and put them into a private school. Now, I am not so sure.
What I would say though, is that no matter how upset and angry you feel inside, it is important that you stay as calm as you can and research your rights and how you should handle the school. Even if you are in the right, if you become abusive then the school will become defensive and nothing will get resolved.
It is so hard though, because at the end of the day you just want it to stop.
I see families accepting what I consider to be horrible behaviour towards each other as "normal". I see young children being mercilessly teased and bullied by their older siblings, (while the parents ignore it) and then repeating that very same behaviour amongst their peer group at school.
I see parents shouting and swearing at their children and then they wonder why their child shows no one any respect.
I see parents refusing to support their children's schools' efforts to improve behaviour. I have even heard of parents taking their children home rather than allow the child to be kept in at break as a punishment.
Worse than all of this though is the utter feeling of helplessness, when you realise that your child is being targetted by a nasty bully and no matter what you say or try to do, it just goes on and on and on.
I don't agree with taking a child out of school or changing schools because they are being bullied, because I believe that if you don't solve the problem then it will follow them.
I know of a child whose parents moved her to another school because of bullying. The bullying started up at the new school. They decided to move their child to a private school and after the place had been reserved and the fees had been paid, they found out to their horror that one of the bullies was moving to the same school!
However, I must confess I came within an inch of refusing to send my eldest daughter to her school, when it became obvious that she was becoming quite ill with the stress of everything that was happening to her. And if I am honest, it was making me ill too.
I always said that even if I had the money I would never take my children out of the state education system and put them into a private school. Now, I am not so sure.
What I would say though, is that no matter how upset and angry you feel inside, it is important that you stay as calm as you can and research your rights and how you should handle the school. Even if you are in the right, if you become abusive then the school will become defensive and nothing will get resolved.
It is so hard though, because at the end of the day you just want it to stop.
Hopefully bullying at school is a thing of the past
Updates
November 2008
My beautiful girl is now 12. She has moved on to senior school and she is flying! She had a fairly good final year at the primary school, although the Bully tried a few nasty tricks, but all in all my daughter handled it pretty well.
Her new school is aware of the problems as the Bully moved on with her. But they are not in the same tutor or class groups. The Bully's older brother did try to make life hard for my daughter a couple of times, but it took just one phone call to the school and it was sorted out immediately. The support we have had from the new school has been fantastic.
The change in my daughter since September has been remarkable. She goes to school with a smile and she comes homes with a smile. I have got my Sparky back.
June 2009
On the whole Sparky is fine these days. She finds the downright nastiness and bitchiness of some girls hard to deal with sometimes, but she copes.
We did have one incident a couple of months ago where the girl who bullied her in Primary School accused Sparky of spreading rumours about her, which was not true. We are not sure what happened but we think another girl was involved in some spiteful gossiping.
But, as has happened in the past, her Mother complained to the school. It was dealt with very quickly and the school did not even contact me about it, because they agreed that whatever had happened, it was not as reported. I only found out because Sparky told me about it and she was very relaxed about the way it had been handled.
However, it is clear that we still have to "watch our backs" but I am very proud of the way that Sparky refuses to react when provoked and has nothing to say to the girl.
My beautiful girl is now 12. She has moved on to senior school and she is flying! She had a fairly good final year at the primary school, although the Bully tried a few nasty tricks, but all in all my daughter handled it pretty well.
Her new school is aware of the problems as the Bully moved on with her. But they are not in the same tutor or class groups. The Bully's older brother did try to make life hard for my daughter a couple of times, but it took just one phone call to the school and it was sorted out immediately. The support we have had from the new school has been fantastic.
The change in my daughter since September has been remarkable. She goes to school with a smile and she comes homes with a smile. I have got my Sparky back.
June 2009
On the whole Sparky is fine these days. She finds the downright nastiness and bitchiness of some girls hard to deal with sometimes, but she copes.
We did have one incident a couple of months ago where the girl who bullied her in Primary School accused Sparky of spreading rumours about her, which was not true. We are not sure what happened but we think another girl was involved in some spiteful gossiping.
But, as has happened in the past, her Mother complained to the school. It was dealt with very quickly and the school did not even contact me about it, because they agreed that whatever had happened, it was not as reported. I only found out because Sparky told me about it and she was very relaxed about the way it had been handled.
However, it is clear that we still have to "watch our backs" but I am very proud of the way that Sparky refuses to react when provoked and has nothing to say to the girl.
Do you have a story or experience to share?
You too could make lenses like this and many others on Squidoo
Writing this Lens was therapy for me and was one of the reasons why I joined Squidoo.
Do you have some stories to share?
Do you want to get a message across about something you believe in?
Do you have a website to promote?
Would you like to try your hand at writing on Squidoo?
Then become a Lensmaster! You may even make some extra cash too! AND it is free!
All you have to do is click on this link. Choose a Username and a Password - you dont even have to publish until you are ready - then go visit some lenses and learn everything you could possibly need to know about Squidoo.
Do you have some stories to share?
Do you want to get a message across about something you believe in?
Do you have a website to promote?
Would you like to try your hand at writing on Squidoo?
Then become a Lensmaster! You may even make some extra cash too! AND it is free!
All you have to do is click on this link. Choose a Username and a Password - you dont even have to publish until you are ready - then go visit some lenses and learn everything you could possibly need to know about Squidoo.
If you are an adult who is being bullied in the workplace.....
Seth Godin, the founder of Squidoo has some very good advice for adults who are being bullied at work. You can read it on his blog:Take the ball and go home
Just recently Seth also blogged about someone who we all probably know:
Yeah, but he really knows his stuff
This Lens has been reviewed by
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to remarkable Squidoo Lenses"
So proud of this Purple Star lens!
A great accolade granted by Squidoo
02July 2009
This lens has been awarded a Squidoo Purple Star!
Purple Star?
According to the Purple Star lens,
they are awarded to Lenses that are:
"Masterpiece lenses. Lenses making a name for themselves.
Lenses trying new things."
What an honour!
Ad-Hoc responses to some of the comments about Bullying in the guestbook
Some interesting comments from Diggyisking, which I respect but do not agree with. Solving bullying problems needs combined efforts on the part of the parents, the school, the target, the bully and the bully's parents. In many cases the bully and the the bully's parents will refuse to co-operate. I agree that children need to be taught strategies to deal with and cope with being bullied, but I wouldn't call parental involvement interfering.
My daughter did have a lot of help and support to encourage her to cope with and deal with the bullying - this will be the subject of a different lens. But the bully's parents refused to allow their daughter to participate in the activities designed to help everyone who was involved. In a situation like that you cannot stand by and allow the children to carry on without some adult intervention. I also believe that the school staff need to be proactive rather than reactive in dealing with it.
The bullying my daughter was subjected to was emotional and never physical, so the question of teaching her to defend herself in that way was never an issue. However, learning martial arts can give a child, in my opinion, a lot more confidence and the skills to deal with physical bullying. However, this is where I believe that the skills taught should be used reactively, rather than proactively.
As far as respect is concerned, my daughter has always had the respect and friendship of everyone in her class apart from this one girl (and another who left) who became jealous of so many things, including I suspect, the fact that my daughter has a mother who is not a bully. I raise issues like this in my lens Does Bullying Run in Families?.
Recently my daughter has moved to High School and has settled in very well. We have also had early evidence of the respect and esteem in which she is held by her peers (approx 200 in the year group) as she was one of two pupils elected to represent the year group on the School Cabinet. My research shows that it is often the sparkly, academically gifted, confident and nice children who are the targets as well as the shy, smart, quiet children.
Our daughter does amateur dramatics - but does not do too much dancing as she doesn't like it! - and has a brilliant sense of comic timing and delivery. Ironically, this too I feel contributes to the jealousy that the other girl has of my daughter.
As far as NLP is concerned, used in the right way, it can be a useful and positive tool. However, as someone who was the victim of people who used these skills to bully and dominate, then it is something that I admit have a bit of an aversion to!
Thank you for your comments Diggyisking, I think it is great to hear from everyone who has a view on this.
Richard Wheeler is so right when he says that the people who are doing the bullying are often hurting as well. This is definitely the case with the girl who bullied my daughter and was also the case with the girl who bullied me in High School. I found out 30 years later that her mother was an abusive alcoholic. This is what inspired me to write my lens Does Bullying Run in Families?
AMB1 asks if I have read "Odd Girl Out" and the answer is no, but having looked at the trailer for the TV film on YouTube, it looks as though it really hits the spot. Only girls and women will fully understand what is going on here - sorry guys, this is not an anti-male statement but as far as stuff like this is concerned Men are from Mars and Girls are definitely from Venus! It really is a "girl thing" and having been educated at an all girls' school I personally can really identify with it.
Margo Arrowsmith is right that children do need to learn to sort out their problems but there is a fine balance between being over-protective and supportive. As far as the playground is concerned though, all children, no matter what their age, need to know that actually it is the grownups who are in charge not the students.
My daughter did have a lot of help and support to encourage her to cope with and deal with the bullying - this will be the subject of a different lens. But the bully's parents refused to allow their daughter to participate in the activities designed to help everyone who was involved. In a situation like that you cannot stand by and allow the children to carry on without some adult intervention. I also believe that the school staff need to be proactive rather than reactive in dealing with it.
The bullying my daughter was subjected to was emotional and never physical, so the question of teaching her to defend herself in that way was never an issue. However, learning martial arts can give a child, in my opinion, a lot more confidence and the skills to deal with physical bullying. However, this is where I believe that the skills taught should be used reactively, rather than proactively.
As far as respect is concerned, my daughter has always had the respect and friendship of everyone in her class apart from this one girl (and another who left) who became jealous of so many things, including I suspect, the fact that my daughter has a mother who is not a bully. I raise issues like this in my lens Does Bullying Run in Families?.
Recently my daughter has moved to High School and has settled in very well. We have also had early evidence of the respect and esteem in which she is held by her peers (approx 200 in the year group) as she was one of two pupils elected to represent the year group on the School Cabinet. My research shows that it is often the sparkly, academically gifted, confident and nice children who are the targets as well as the shy, smart, quiet children.
Our daughter does amateur dramatics - but does not do too much dancing as she doesn't like it! - and has a brilliant sense of comic timing and delivery. Ironically, this too I feel contributes to the jealousy that the other girl has of my daughter.
As far as NLP is concerned, used in the right way, it can be a useful and positive tool. However, as someone who was the victim of people who used these skills to bully and dominate, then it is something that I admit have a bit of an aversion to!
Thank you for your comments Diggyisking, I think it is great to hear from everyone who has a view on this.
Richard Wheeler is so right when he says that the people who are doing the bullying are often hurting as well. This is definitely the case with the girl who bullied my daughter and was also the case with the girl who bullied me in High School. I found out 30 years later that her mother was an abusive alcoholic. This is what inspired me to write my lens Does Bullying Run in Families?
AMB1 asks if I have read "Odd Girl Out" and the answer is no, but having looked at the trailer for the TV film on YouTube, it looks as though it really hits the spot. Only girls and women will fully understand what is going on here - sorry guys, this is not an anti-male statement but as far as stuff like this is concerned Men are from Mars and Girls are definitely from Venus! It really is a "girl thing" and having been educated at an all girls' school I personally can really identify with it.
Margo Arrowsmith is right that children do need to learn to sort out their problems but there is a fine balance between being over-protective and supportive. As far as the playground is concerned though, all children, no matter what their age, need to know that actually it is the grownups who are in charge not the students.
Who is Tweeting about Bullying
Organisations and individuals discussing Bullying on Twitter
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- bullyinguk
- Dealing with workplace bullies: WHEN the Andrea Adams Trust carried out an online survey last year, q.. http://bit.ly/2igWPl #bullying
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- bullyinguk
- User Created: Anti-Bullying Poster by Suzanne : http://bit.ly/35fFLs #bullying
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- unitebullying
- New User Created: Anti-Bullying Poster by Suzanne : http://bit.ly/2tuQfe #bullying
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- unitebullying
- New User Created: Anti-Bullying Poster by Paige: http://bit.ly/1AZx0a #bullying
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- unitebullying
- New User Created: Anti-Bullying Poster by Halima: http://bit.ly/3vAZZR #bullying
automatically generated by Twitter
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Has this Lens helped you?
Did you suffer bullying at school? Is your child being bullied?
mitchking wrote...
It is not just bullying issues. My kindergarten age daughter was held down by a boy and kissed. This was just too much for me.
Posted November 03, 2009
Artemus-Gordon wrote...
My step-son is having bully issues as his day care. He is 5, I can't believe that it is this bad at such a young age.
Posted November 03, 2009
sparklenz wrote...
This is a great, inspiring lens! Children are so vulnerable and it breaks my heart to think of a kid getting bullied. Getting people informed and improving understanding will go a long way to breaking the bullying cycle. So thank you for taking the time to set up this lens!
Posted November 02, 2009
About AJ
AJ is very proud and humble to be a Squidoo Angel
I am also very proud to have been awarded lens of the day for
Auditory Processing Disorder TWICE!
And then I got it for Twelve ways to have a green & ethical Christmas!
Lensmaster aj2008, aka AJ , has been a member since July 10 2008, has rated 3,038 lenses, favorited 682, and has created 65 lenses from scratch. AJ donates their royalties to Save the Children. This member's top-ranked page is "Bullying At Primary School". See all my lenses
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I love you Mum
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Mother, Mum, Mummy, Ma, Mom - many different names for many different people, but whether it is "I love you Mum", "I love you Mummy" or whatever it is your child calls you, those words are amongst the most precious that a mother will ever hear. For...
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Does bullying run in families?
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Does bullying run in families? Many parents can tell you about school bullying. However, how many of us stop to think about the reasons why a child bullies? In many cases we know nothing about the child's home life and what goes on "behind c...
Lenses that show another side of AJ!
Even though we have had our fair share of problems, there is a much lighter side to AJ too!-
St Tiggywinkles
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St Tiggywinkles is the biggest wildlife hospital in the world and it is located in a small village in rural England. According to the St Tiggywinkles' website every year in Britain over five million wild animals and birds are injured as a direct res...
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Pantomime - a Great British Tradition
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In the UK a Pantomime, or "Panto" as it is usually affectionately called, is a musical show, performed around Christmas for the entertainment of millions of families. Many of the stories are based around popular Fairy Tales. Children love to see the...
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Always Juggling on Squidoo
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Always Juggling? Married....four children.... two still at school.... one very big dog....trying to balance family life with the need to earn an income....trying to do my bit to save the planet.... former website editor....get involved in amateur dr...
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What's your star sign?
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Are any particular star signs more dominant among people who are active on Squidoo and Twitter? It's just something I got thinking about. Writing is one of the careers that is suggested for my star sign, so I wondered how many other Lensmasters...
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wannabe a writer?
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wannabe a writer? by Jane Wenham-Jones is one of the best books anyone has ever given me. So, whether you are a WAHM (Work at Home Mum) or Dad, part or full time writer, if you want to learn about writing and getting published AND laugh at the same t...
Thanks for the help!
Other Lensmasters who contributed to this lens
This is the first lens I made where I attempted to place my photos, where I wanted them. I ended up needing a little help, posted a message on SquidU and had the problems solved in record time.
I also got some very constructive feedback to tackle my concerns about large blocks of text - now gradually being sorted.
Thankyou!
I also got some very constructive feedback to tackle my concerns about large blocks of text - now gradually being sorted.
Thankyou!
- Christene
- Pointed out that my photo would not show up in the lens as it was marked "private" on Flickr - Doh!
- Naturegirl7
- Gave me a step by step account how to download from Flickr
- 0ctavias0fferings
- Visited this and my other bullying lens and gave me some good feedback
- ByRoy
- Some good tips about "lists within lists"
by aj2008
Sadly bullying at school has affected us over the last few years and I hope that by sharing what I have learned, I can help you and your children.
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