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Has this lens all about bullying helped you?

Did you suffer bullying at school? Is your child being bullied?

From the lens Bullying At Primary School.

Due to inappropriate Spam, all comments on this lens are now
moderated so may take a bit of time to show up.

Thank you everyone who is leaving genuine comments,
they mean a lot to both me and my daughter.

  • kmyangel May 30, 2012 @ 12:28 pm | delete
    Happily i didn't sufer bullying at school but i really hate bullying in general ! Great idea for a lens very useful !
  • TLStahling May 28, 2012 @ 6:34 pm | delete
    This has such wonderful information. It makes me feel like there is something that can be done. Thank you for sharing this.
  • jazziyarbrough May 19, 2012 @ 5:18 pm | delete
    Thank you for publishing a lens on a topic that education is so badly needed on! I was in tears just the other day when I was read a few articles about a few 10 year old kids who were bullied and they committed suicide. I love your work, keep it coming!
  • productsandreviews May 5, 2012 @ 6:40 pm | delete
    I think we should talk more about this subject, to raise awareness of it. I am sure your lens will help a lot of people.
  • alwaysjules May 1, 2012 @ 3:35 pm | delete
    Outstanding lens with really important information for parents and kids, both. Blessed.
  • Mistel Apr 29, 2012 @ 7:20 am | delete
    An important topic to discuss and raise awareness of. Great work on putting this article on bullying together.
  • LauraKiora Apr 28, 2012 @ 11:04 am | delete
    Thanks for such a comprehensive guide. My sons class has a persistent bully in it and I found the bit about bystanders especially useful.
  • chiquitasmom9665 Apr 22, 2012 @ 11:32 am | delete
    i really appreciate this lens and all the information i learned on it. i was able to sit down and have a long talk with my five year old.
  • ShellysLGBT Apr 20, 2012 @ 12:03 pm | delete
    "High Five" on this national Day of Silence. You've put a great lens together here about bullying. Thank you!
  • DaydreamEducation Apr 17, 2012 @ 10:56 am | delete
    helpful article. thank you.
  • JimDickens Apr 15, 2012 @ 9:48 pm | delete
    I grew up as the runt in my class and that lasted until I was 19 and in the army. During all of those school years I was bullied by teasing and by some physical stuff. I was even bullied by other runts. In some ways, I appreciate that experience for it made me what I am today. But in other ways it was 12 years of pure hell that I would not wish on anyone
  • elynmac Apr 15, 2012 @ 6:47 am | delete
    This is a wonderful page, and I am sure it will help many many people. Right now I don't have anyone in school, but I hope I will in the future! It is a topic worth talking about and spreading the information. Thank you so much.
  • clouda9 Apr 12, 2012 @ 6:31 pm | delete
    Really? I can't pin this on my board about bullying? Dag nab it!
  • jordanmilesbasketballstuff Apr 1, 2012 @ 12:33 pm | delete
    Nice lens... Glad that my son is doing fine at school but I will keep this in mind..Thanks for sharing!
  • Gabriel360 Mar 27, 2012 @ 11:03 am | delete
    Nice job.
  • MindPowerProofs Mar 25, 2012 @ 3:51 pm | delete
    I have two daughters but they did not have the problem. Still, I always look for signs for that kind of problems because I was bullied at school and I know how hard it can be. Your lens is a great advice for everyone who has kids and we have to be careful about the signs because generally children do not tell these kind of things directly. Thank you.
  • beaworkathomemom Mar 22, 2012 @ 9:28 pm | delete
    Bullying is becoming such a big problem nowadays that more and more parents are considering home school. I think this is sad, school is supposed to be fun and a place where kids can interact and learn to socialize.
  • teristazko Mar 18, 2012 @ 2:39 am | delete
    This is such a problem in our schools today. Thank you for being the voice to all the innocent children who are feeling so helpless right now. Great advice! Thanks for sharing!
  • JEMArtistry Mar 17, 2012 @ 7:24 am | delete
    My son was also being bullied at school. He's 11 and just started 6th grade which is in a different school. It took a few months for me to get the truth out of him about why was faking sick every morning. The next day his father and I went and spoke wth the principal. So far, so good, He says it has stopped and no longer tries to get out of going to school. I do have to brag on him a bit because I am so proud of him. All while this was going on he became an honor roll student and has been maintaining that ever since. Thanks for sharing this great information. It is definately something that needs to be taken seriously.
  • pinkrenegade Mar 17, 2012 @ 5:56 am | delete
    Thanks for sharing this information. I think bullying is very serious and we should do our best to protect our children from it.
  • angelsigh Mar 15, 2012 @ 10:17 pm | delete
    Wow..this awesome! This can only help where help is needed the most... I am sharing this on my FB You never know who will see it and need it.
  • goo2eyes Mar 15, 2012 @ 3:38 pm | delete
    thank you for sharing this eye-opener lens. none of us got bullied, thank goodness. angel blessings for the winner of the purple star.
  • Wee angel Mar 14, 2012 @ 7:01 pm | delete
    My 9 year old son is being bullied and I feel lost his whole personality has changed from a loving little boy into an aggressive little boy who is being nasty to his siblings please help
  • aj2008 Mar 15, 2012 @ 6:31 am | delete
    This is so sad and I am very sorry you are having this problem. All I can suggest is that you MUST speak to your son's teacher as soon as possible and then follow the steps I ouitline on this page.

    I hope you get the help and understanding from the school that you need.
  • ionee_25 Mar 12, 2012 @ 6:24 am | delete
    I won't let this happen again if I'll be having kids. I've been bullied since grade school and is a very bad experience but I've learned to fight back when I was in my sophomore year. So glad I survived. :)
  • Koupie Mar 9, 2012 @ 3:31 pm | delete
    Dear Rose, thank you so much for this. I am sure I have been here before, maybe my thumbs up wore off :)
    I went through some name calling at school, and at the time never thought of it as bullying but I suppose it was. You can "never" forget the names either. Here I am 40 years later and I still remember.
  • JJNW Mar 8, 2012 @ 6:24 pm | delete
    Great info - you are helping people with this lens.
    I am working my way through SquidAngel *blessing* a lens for each of the top 40 level 80 Squids. WOOT!
  • chrisssy Mar 7, 2012 @ 12:18 pm | delete
    It is very sad and it's unbelievable how far a lot of kids will go with it. I was bullied as a kid...wasn't fun. Around here, just less than a year ago, an 11 year old committed suicide over it. You'd think the government or police or somebody would be willing to take some action but instead they say around here, "Bullying is just a way of life--Kids will be kids". It's sick. So great lens
  • Ry2012 Mar 5, 2012 @ 8:53 pm | delete
    bullying is a dangerous thing for our children. All we have to do is don't give up being a good parents for them...
  • TimArends Mar 4, 2012 @ 10:33 pm | delete
    If you are bullied on school grounds, going to the principal definitely helps! If you are bullied off school grounds by someone who is not a fellow student, it will be a lot harder.
  • TenPoundTenor Mar 1, 2012 @ 10:17 pm | delete
    When I was in first and second grade I was bullied. Fortunately I was taken out and home schooled. Though I still suffered some bullying from other kids in the neighborhood. As bad as bullying is I think it actually made me stronger. It gave me a desire to help others and helped me learn not to care so much what others think. However, I could have done the black eyes.
  • WriterJanis Feb 29, 2012 @ 2:54 am | delete
    Bullying is such a sad situation. So many innocent children get hurt. Thank you for such a wonderful lens. Blessed!
  • kevingomes13 Feb 28, 2012 @ 2:55 pm | delete
    Bullies suck. I remember there being a bully totem poll in school. The popular kids would make fun of everyone, then everyone would make fun of the awkward acting kids. Being at the bottom was bad.
  • DeannaDiaz Feb 25, 2012 @ 1:51 pm | delete
    Great info that every parent should read!
  • MyTimeAlone Jan 20, 2012 @ 10:24 pm | delete
    Great lens. I have a small list of things that are wrong with schools and didn't even include this topic. It is usually so subtle that it goes unnoticed or is passed over as kids being kids. At my school we spend a lot of time talking about not letting it happen, but it never completely goes away. It just takes one kid to make another child's life miserable.
  • Steve_Kaye Jan 17, 2012 @ 11:44 pm | delete
    Thank you for this lens. I thought only boys suffered bullying. This provided a lot of valuable info. Every parent of a young child should see this.
  • aj2008 Jan 18, 2012 @ 7:58 am | delete
    In some ways I believe it is easier to deal with bullying when boys are the culprits. Girls, in my experience are a lot more subtle and more covert.
  • Karren Feb 28, 2012 @ 5:34 am | delete
    i agree, as my 5 year old daughter is being bullied at school (emotional & pyshological with one incidence of physical)& the bully is causing her so much heartache, the bully is telling other kids not to play with her, telling them she has a secret about her, whispering about her, also doing it when she knows she is not being watched, iv already been to the school now 4 times about the bullying & we have had a couple of ok weeks but its starting again, so im going to speak to the teacher again tonight, its heartbreaking for our family, we dont know what path to take next as it seems that the bully thinks she is above the rules
  • MaryQuinlin Jan 17, 2012 @ 7:53 pm | delete
    Congratulations on your award! Wonderfully well-done!0
  • mauros34 Jan 8, 2012 @ 11:07 pm | delete
    Sometimes society is just to mean.Bullying either makes you or breaks you i'm afraid especially at young ages.Nice lens.
  • DavidDove Jan 3, 2012 @ 3:57 pm | delete
    Outstanding lens on important subject, thank you.
  • svb007 Dec 29, 2011 @ 3:47 am | delete
    Great lens! This really hit home as I recognize some of the "signs" in my own situation at school. Being in boarding school was especially tough, but in the long run, the many friends at boarding school actually helped protect against bullying. I like a lot of the advice, and I agree. Whenever I got my parents involved (2 occasions), the physical bullying seized almost instantly, and I realized that most bullies (and victims) don't realize that in the "real world", there could be heavy consequences for one's actions. I must also add that I only really got my parents involved when I just saw no other way out, but unfortunately oftentimes a lot of damage has been done by then. But I believe that children should be coached on how to effectively fight their own battles as much as possible, and parents to step in before things get to the life threatening stage. The key with all of this is of course effective communication between parent and child.
  • futuresadmin Dec 29, 2011 @ 3:18 am | delete
    This is very useful information for anyone who is being bullied right now. Nice to know that Megan Fox and other good-looking people like me, are also targets for the bullies :)
  • backtoschool2010 Dec 24, 2011 @ 3:22 pm | delete
    If it's up to me I would collect all bullies in one school and let them bully each other for a year before I get into any corrective actions for their ill behavior. That way they'll get a taste of their own poison first before to learn how the targets feel about it.
    I've seen bullies ending up as grown up criminals, or the other extreme; law enforcement officers depending on the corrective actions taken with them.
    Thank you for sharing these resources, I am really worried my daughter might become a target because she's "different". I hope I don't need it.
  • Mujjen Dec 17, 2011 @ 11:17 am | delete
    I came here because we are facing a similar situation. My daughter is not the victim, but another girl in her class. The mother is not staying calm, as you suggested, and I think she is making the situation worse by shouting and using foul language. However, I feel sorry for the girl and hope they will call a meeting with all the parents or something to solve the situation quickly.
  • Edutopia Dec 14, 2011 @ 12:18 pm | delete
    Great lens. It is important that we let children learn to handle difficult and uncomfortable situations on their own but at the same time not give them so much freedom that they get lost adrift in their choices.
  • desa999 Dec 12, 2011 @ 12:27 am | delete
    Outstanding lens on a vital topic effecting so many children and parents.
  • FantasticBDaypartys Dec 9, 2011 @ 5:21 am | delete
    Very Informative lens.Thank you for taking your time and caring!
  • cleanyoucar Dec 8, 2011 @ 8:09 pm | delete
    Experienced being bullied too in grade school. Thankfully my brother was able to address the situation. This is a great lens.
  • baby-strollers Dec 7, 2011 @ 9:27 pm | delete
    Thanks for the info. This is a tough topic to broach no matter what.
  • Merstarr Dec 3, 2011 @ 5:49 pm | delete
    PS...Congrats on having your Sparky back... she is lucky to have a mom that gets involved!
  • Merstarr Dec 3, 2011 @ 5:47 pm | delete
    There should be a squid'LOVE" button. I myself was bullied. My family moved around so much, and many places we lived I was accepted, even popular. But at the beginning of 10th grade l I was outcast just for being new ate a lot of lunches in the washroom. Also, at one point when we were (barely) affluent the term "Rich B#$@*" haunted me. I was in 9th and that was the worst. They stole from me, and ruined my possessions and hated on me starting on the bus ride to school every single day... because of the appearance of wealth and because I was "straight edge", in other words didn't drink or do drugs. The hardest part of this was that alcoholism and a steady decline in wealth were a serious problem at home. The irony of it was cruel. Anyhoo.. thank-you for putting together this phenomenal lens on such an important topic!
  • DesignedbyLisa Dec 3, 2011 @ 10:57 am | delete
    What a great lens. Lots of great advice here. Wish I found this when my daughter was having her problems!
  • revenue4u Dec 2, 2011 @ 7:17 pm | delete
    Squid liked. I have a family member who bullies his playmates. Your lens helped me gain greated insight into this subject. Thanks
  • h2ofs1 Dec 2, 2011 @ 5:24 pm | delete
    Bullying is a horrible thing, quite incredible the amount of kids and adults going through it right now
  • sarahrk Nov 30, 2011 @ 8:21 pm | delete
    I wish I had this information when my daughter was in school. She was bullied because we lived in a very wealthy town, but wer not wealthy. She is 24 now and has had and still has problems with depression.
  • MilesSmiles Nov 28, 2011 @ 6:45 pm | delete
    Wonderful Lens; bullying can be a real problem and it takes all kinds of forms-sometimes it can be hard to recognize as a teacher, so students should always inform the adults around them and as parents we need to remind our children that the teacher might not always recognize it(35+ students in a classroom can make this tough).
    I would also add, there are students who complain about bullying just to get attention(a good percentage of the time these are the ones who actually started the harassment), so unfortunately, the school admin/teacher really do need to sit down and work out what is going on.
    On a good note- I have seen lots of kids react positively to ant-bullying campaigns, as they might not have been aware of what might considered as bullying.
  • Inkhand Nov 24, 2011 @ 11:32 pm | delete
    Great lens. My best friend was bullied at school and as a result became a hikikomori for many years, thank god she is recovering now.
  • PaulOnBooks Nov 24, 2011 @ 2:02 pm | delete
    One of those lenses that pretty much anyone who has contact with children should read, let alone the adult extesnsions. Angel Blessed.
  • Philipuk1983 Nov 23, 2011 @ 5:15 pm | delete
    My girlfriend is a primary school teacher and tells me about some of the bullying they have in class, one thing that seems clear is primary school kids are bad at being sneaky with their bullying so teachers usualy should be able to catch on quite fast.
  • squidshe Nov 20, 2011 @ 8:19 pm | delete
    My daughter was being bullied, I'm happy to report that the girl has since moved and changed schools. It's funny no matter how many times we went to the principal about it nothing was ever done. I'm just glad it's over!
  • emonanam Nov 20, 2011 @ 11:40 am | delete
    Nothing to say, Awesome Lens.
  • davies86 Nov 18, 2011 @ 7:45 am | delete
    Very informative. Dreading the day my daughter comes home from school and says she's being bullied. Some helpful advise here
  • jksterling Nov 15, 2011 @ 1:15 pm | delete
    I help as a guidance counselor at our school and see this much too often. Thank you for your work on this article it is vital that we become educated on bullying.
  • pkmcr Nov 12, 2011 @ 10:56 am | delete
    You are a constant source of inspiration to so many of us AJ and this lens has I am sure inspired many to address the issue of bullying and to know that it can be dealt with. I didn't realise that the "Thanks Pal" quest was on my dashboard until a few moments ago and the first name that came to mind when asked who the Lensmaster was that has been the most helpful to me was ... yours! So thanks my friend for everything you do for so many!
  • juliavm Nov 9, 2011 @ 10:33 am | delete
    Bullying is a problem kids face all over the world. I pray that those involved, voluntarily or involuntarily, will come to their senses one day, and bring it to an end.
  • collettehrock Nov 9, 2011 @ 3:13 am | delete
    This is a really informative lens and very well written, my son had a similar problem at his school and I did everything that I could possibly do to make that school do something about it he was coming home with ripped shirts and marks on his face where you could see that he had been in a scuffle. When the school didn't do anything about it after constantly keeping them informed, I decided to go around and see the Bully's parents, I was greeted at the door at 1pm by the bully's mother who was obviously intoxicated and there was know real way of even holding a conversation with her, she wasn't interested and ordered me off her property. In the end even though I dont agree with this I said to my son that you are just going to have to hit him back, which he did in front of the bullies friends, there was never a problem after that particular day and my son and the bully ended up being really great friends and he became a fixture around our place. The saddest thing is that this (bully) got off a bus one day and instead of going around the back of the bus he walked into the front of it and was not aware of a car coming along, he was knocked down and he never regained consciousness. I am glad that before he died that he got to know what a loving family was all about. When I found out this child's circumstances, I realised his bullying behaviour was the only way that he could get attention, but the wrong kind of attention, this does not excuse bullying but my heart did go out to this child, his home life was appalling.
  • markettrol Nov 5, 2011 @ 8:44 pm | delete
    This is a great lens.....very helpful to parents...and those of us that had been bullied in years past......but we did not call it bullying then......just that someone was picking on me!!!
  • camaster Oct 30, 2011 @ 1:39 pm | delete
    Really serious and important topic! This lens is one of the best I came across, really good summary of the important facts!
  • canoz Oct 28, 2011 @ 5:22 am | delete
    Hi AJ2008, Just found this posted on my Facebook and thought I would share here if you think it's appropriate: A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home. Pass it on or better yet, if you're a parent or a teacher, do it with your child/children!! :-) ♥ To all teachers out there, this should be a lesson to give to the kids... EVERYWHERE!!!!!
  • aj2008 Oct 28, 2011 @ 10:13 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing this story on here - one of the things we need to teach our children is how it must feel to be bullied. My own daughter is doing very well these days but every so often something happens, or she says something, to make us realise that she still carries the scars.
  • kjbranch77 Oct 26, 2011 @ 9:01 pm | delete
    A Terrible epidemic. Great work gathering relevant info
  • food_monkey Oct 23, 2011 @ 1:37 pm | delete
    its heartbreaking...
  • JoshK47 Oct 22, 2011 @ 8:57 am | delete
    Excellent lens - very well written. Great work.
  • Oct 21, 2011 @ 12:58 pm | delete
    This lens has taught me so much. No wonder you won a purple star. You completely deserve it.
  • canoz Oct 17, 2011 @ 6:45 pm | delete
    Australian parents may be interested to check out an organisation called bravehearts.org.au. They come and present for free at my children's school every year. They are not bullying focused but rather cover instincts, feeling unsecure or scared, yucky feelings, private parts, saying 'no', good and bad secrets, who do you talk to, and having a helper plan. I have their keep safe adventure game for my kids and it's very good at engaging children in a safe and comfortable way to learn "everyone has the right to feel safe with people". Hope this can help!
  • JodiFromFlorida Oct 6, 2011 @ 6:27 pm | delete
    Both of my kids were bullied. I was the mom that the teachers and principal hate! Great lens!
  • aj2008 Oct 7, 2011 @ 2:19 am | delete
    Yes, I think our Head teacher got pretty fed up with me too, particularly when she thought she was just meeting with me and I would arrive with my husband who has politeness, assertiveness and confidence in that he is right, wrapped up very nicely :)
  • DANCINGCOWGIRLDESIGN Oct 5, 2011 @ 3:25 pm | delete
    Had plenty of bullying in my days. Something people like to pick on was my height and weight. Name calling is no fun either.
  • hamshi5433 Oct 4, 2011 @ 3:57 pm | delete
    I have suffered this in my past! It just brought back some of those terrible memories. Schools must do something serious about bullying otherwise it will affect the future of so many innocent kids. Happy to bring back some blessings for this page.
  • Badbreathguy Sep 30, 2011 @ 11:03 am | delete
    Bullying is an important issue, right through children's schooling, and the sooner it is dealt with the better. Because it takes different forms, I think every parent should have an awareness of what it is and how to cope with it if it happens to their child.

    Very informative lens. Thanks.
  • davidleetong Sep 29, 2011 @ 9:14 am | delete
    This is an excellent post. Honestly, this is my first comment/like on Squidoo and while my own son hasn't been 'bullied' in the usual sense, we've all been kids before and we know how mean kids can get when it comes to people not agreeing with each other.

    As parents, it's critical to teach kids to stand-up to what's right and use the proper channels of anger diffusion, rationalization, and just when to take action and protect themselves.

    But the biggest thing is to let our kids know that we're there and as parents, we show them that we take ACTION immediately to what happened. Letting things go or reacting with counter-violence will not be a good method.

    Great post.
  • RenaissanceWoman2010 Sep 29, 2011 @ 9:00 am | delete
    This is such an important lens. As one who was bullied in school, I have no tolerance for any form of bullying (at any level). Thank you for featuring an issue that has such an impact on lives. It is possible to make a difference by taking a stand. **Blessed**
  • ana_nimoss Sep 26, 2011 @ 4:33 pm | delete
    You deserve purple star here. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you. She will do just fine. Thank you for this excellent lens. I am sure to come back again and again.
  • cbaltt Sep 24, 2011 @ 9:06 am | delete
    Great lens. I haven't had to deal with this yet and hope I never do.
  • MelissaNRodgz Sep 17, 2011 @ 11:17 pm | delete
    It's sad that this is still going on today. thanks for making people aware of it. Many times our children are to afraid of telling us.
  • seeker2011 Sep 15, 2011 @ 11:06 pm | delete
    an excellent lense and a difficult subject
  • handybottle Sep 14, 2011 @ 10:21 pm | delete
    School Bully are everywhere.,See the school principle is one thing,will it solve the problem.Give your child a self defence course,so that she can defence herself,that what i did for my daughter when they are young.Self defence is something that can be use even when they are grown up.Whith this skill,nobody would bully you again.
  • aj2008 Sep 15, 2011 @ 4:17 am | delete
    I can see how learning self defence can help children who are being physically bullied through being hit, kicked etc but for the children suffering emotional bullying then this could be an inapproriate response.

    However, it may well be that learning self defence will make a child a lot more confident in themselves and that in itself is one of the best defences against bullying.
  • EMangl Sep 17, 2011 @ 10:14 am | delete
    judo training gave my daughter quickly more self confidence, but she also learned to ignore verbal attacks and to reply to bullies in a way that all others laughed about them; mostly weak personalities are bullies or such who get treated bad at home, that's my experience
  • anatomyphysiology101 Sep 6, 2011 @ 4:13 am | delete
    We who are educated, living in the urban area or big cities are so blessed because we can access lots of information and resources to help our bullied children. Not so for one single mom who is living in a rural area somewhere in my country. Her eldest son was badly bullied at school because he came from a poor family and the only thing he ate for lunch was rice porridge & vegetables. And the bullies said he ate dog vomit. He was bullied for quite some time before he committed suicide. He was 11 years old. The mom had nowhere to seek help and was very hopeless. She's illiterate too. There are thousands of silent victims out there...
  • aj2008 Sep 6, 2011 @ 4:22 am | delete
    Another heart breaking story, which is why we all need to rally together to try to fight bullying.

    I remember as a child that all the adults would watch out for the children in my local neighbourhood. But today, if you see something happening too many people are frightened they will be told to mind their own business. As a result we are all becoming bystanders, so that when people like the poor mother you have told us about need help, people hesitate and then it is too late.
  • whoisbid Sep 8, 2011 @ 3:40 am | delete
    You are right about this. I believe that sometimes helping someone will mean that we get into trouble i.e. we are condemned for doing something good.
  • Adinantiquejewelry Sep 6, 2011 @ 3:42 am | delete
    Very well written lens on a topic that shouldn't even exist.
    Thank you for writing this lens I'm sure it wil help parents and kids.
    Bless you.
  • WorkitSmart Sep 3, 2011 @ 9:03 am | delete
    I took your poll and sadly 41% of your readers said > 'my child is being bullied'

    I say take your child OUT OF SCHOOL NOW! I've read too many stories about child suicide. This is not the place to teach taking a stand and dealing with issues. This is your child's life we're talking about. Go to school officials and if the matter is not resolved immediately.. take your child out.

    There are many alternatives.. another school district, homeschool (even buddying up with neighbor if you have to work), private school, move. Drastic you say? Not when your child's life is in danger.

    I'm sorry, but I don't get when parents leave their kids in a dangerous situation once they know about it.. Besides the immediate peril, what about the daily emotional trauma?

    dee
  • aj2008 Sep 3, 2011 @ 10:20 am | delete
    It may seem crazy to leave your child at school, when you feel they are not safe there. However, here in the UK, research has confirmed that if a child is taken away from the school, without solving the problem, then the child has more chance of being bullied at the next school - it is almost as though the bullying follows them.

    I know of at least one case where this has happened. The child moved schools and she was bullied at the new school

    It is also against the law here in the UK to keep your child away from school if they are being bullied.

    While I am not happy about the length of time it took to resolve my daughter's bullying, what we did learn was how to give her the confidence to stand up to people who have tried it since.
  • sally brown Sep 6, 2011 @ 6:59 am | delete
    hi dee
    we are having this issue but our son still says he loves the school he just doesnt like getting hurt and being the most person who has been to sick bay this year in an 800 student primary school from kids supposidky having accidents and hurting each other its/a joke very very stressful and yes not as easy as u think pulling them out even though it is what i want but my policeman partner or child six does not ~ wish me luck! thanks s
  • aj2008 Sep 6, 2011 @ 9:19 am | delete
    Sally I am so sorry that your son and you are having to go through this.
  • LaraineRose Sep 3, 2011 @ 3:09 am | delete
    I did suffer bullying at school after I tried to help someone else who was being bullied. How I resolved this is too long a story to tell here. I resolved it in a very unconventional manner, nothing like how you described here ... but it was resolved.
    A lot of great suggestions here! A well-deserved purple star lens.
  • WorkitSmart Sep 3, 2011 @ 9:05 am | delete
    I am certainly curious about your unconventional method. And my hat's off to you for stepping up for the bullied kid.

    dee
  • Pedro_Morales Sep 2, 2011 @ 11:13 am | delete
    thanks for this info. I really was unaware of the power of emotional/psychological bullying, and the role of bystander. I wish I knew all this before.
  • mountainstevo Aug 31, 2011 @ 4:16 pm | delete
    Unfortunately, bullying is a real problem not just in school but online as well.
  • jaredsgirl Aug 30, 2011 @ 11:20 am | delete
    This is such a touching, inspirational lens. My son too was affected by bullying in his school and we moved him to a private school where he has a lot less problems. For us, this move was the right choice. Thanks for sharing and great lens!
  • scarlettohairy Aug 29, 2011 @ 1:13 am | delete
    Great article. Bullying sucks. I really don't understand why teachers, parents, anyone allows this to go on.
  • kimmijayne Aug 27, 2011 @ 6:27 am | delete
    My brother was badly bullied at school, unfortunately I was young only a year older than him and im ashamed to admit a bystander, but after a few years i started sticking up for him. I even fought a bully off him once
  • jaredsgirl Aug 25, 2011 @ 8:56 pm | delete
    This is an amazing lens that speaks of real issues. My son was bullied in elementary school and it got so bad that we changed him to a private school. But we have helped him learn to be strong and overcome bullies. Thanks for sharing a wonderful lens. Truly.
  • jessicahoward Aug 22, 2011 @ 11:56 pm | delete
    Very informative and interesting lens........This is very touching article on a very serious topic.... you approached this issue from many dimensions, i like the posters and the poem!..... Bullying is such a sensitive subject to discuss but not something to be ignored. This information is just vital especially if we can help save lives. The more we speak about it, the more society will become conscious about this problem. ..... I'm glad to see that people are just now beginning to take bullying more seriously, as its effects on our youth can't be overstated....... Thank you for creating such an important lens.......Well done........:)
  • TIRMassageStone Aug 16, 2011 @ 5:27 pm | delete
    This is a great resource I think every parent and child and parent should go through. I know this sounds funny, but the show Veggie Tales addresses bullying quite a bit. It's a good show to have your little ones watch and I think it will help them not become bullies. It's available on NetFlix
  • Comfortdoc Aug 14, 2011 @ 3:16 pm | delete
    A very helpful lens on a tragic topic that is causing children to kill themselves.
  • jbhumbug Aug 12, 2011 @ 12:09 pm | delete
    I am glad your daughter is doing well now.
    A very informative lens which i can relate to. thank you
  • Momsbusy247 Aug 10, 2011 @ 11:37 am | delete
    Had to come back here to leave an Angel Blessing!
  • sherel57 Aug 8, 2011 @ 9:14 pm | delete
    My class produced a video "What Bullyies Do" and in it they suggested that you not physically fight back but to get help from someone in authority. We posted it to youtube and got some of the most violent responses. Bullying is every where.
  • aj2008 Aug 9, 2011 @ 12:43 am | delete
    Sadly, it seems to me that there's a large number of people who are incapable of making an intelligent response on YouTube, which is why I would disable commenting if I posted any videos on there. But I hope this does not put you off continuing the good anti-bullying work you are doing.
  • mathewdawsonpetmemorial Jul 27, 2011 @ 3:40 pm | delete
    I remembered the video of a boy who fought back against his bully classmates. Indeed, bullying is something that affects our children's development. It does not only make our kids intimidated, but they hamper growth and development of important traits like character, attitude, confidence and stuff alike. As a parent, we should be very vigilant with this kind of issues. We should help our kids out the most subtle way as possible so as not to make damages on our kid's part.
  • successwithpaul Jul 24, 2011 @ 5:35 pm | delete
    bullying is wrong and it needs to be addressed immediately and taken care of quickly we live in a negative world the truth of the reality is hard to swallow for most parents but most parents dont raise their children in a loving and caring way and alot of parents dont have any clue how to properly raise children so that they will turn out right with true love everything is possible true love conquers hate bullying and negativity
  • BellParc Jul 23, 2011 @ 10:26 pm | delete
    bullying these days saddens me, especially cyber bullying! Use the web for good!!!
  • hottmomma Jul 20, 2011 @ 11:12 am | delete
    I have to very small children and the older they get the more fearful i get about how school is going o before them.School should be a healthy learning environment its such a shame that parents have to worry about bullies at all.
  • TIRMassageStone Jul 18, 2011 @ 4:57 pm | delete
    This is so sad, hopefully articles like these will educate people out there and keep them aware that this is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with immediately when the child shows signs of bullying at school.
  • dthonstad Jul 13, 2011 @ 12:11 am | delete
    I am proud to say that my mother taught me to be a defender, and also to stick up for myself. Often that is all it takes to get a bully to stop because they usually target easy prey. Thanks for sharing this and as an educator I am committed to teaching kids about bullying and that it is not acceptable.
  • aj2008 Jul 13, 2011 @ 4:25 am | delete
    So glad your Mum gave you the confidence to be a defender - but sometimes it can backfire and the adults have to be prepared to support the Defenders. My daughter was bullied because she stood up for someone and it just carried on because the adults did not nip it in the bud when it first started.

    I would also dispute that all kids who are bullied are "easy prey". My daughter is confident, articulate, intelligent, vivacious, friendly and very pretty - all in a very natural way. I think the Bully was being bullied at home and so bullying at school was a way that she could get control of at least one part of her life.

    By standing up to her on behalf of someone else, my daughter was questioning the Bully's control and so the only way to try to subvert her was to bully her instead.

    The other kids saw what happened to my daughter, when she did the right thing by standing up for someone. It scared them so much that they were frightened that if they said anything then THEY would be next and without the proper intervention by the adults, the cycle continued.
  • sousababy Jul 16, 2011 @ 11:52 am | delete
    Dear AJ,

    I wanted to come back and revisit your excellent lens. From everything I have read, the bullying pattern begins at home. You were the first one to correct me on this old thinking that 'the weaker or easy prey' gets bullied.

    Sadly, even in adulthood bystanders tend to think the victim/target is equally to blame. Upon a closer look (of the facts) it clearly is about one person abusing another. Begins in childhood and even adults become 'so frightened that if they say anything, THEY will be next.' Bullies (in adulthood) are rarely independent and gather massive amounts of supporters.

    Thing is, higher ups are too often swayed by the masses who are crudely lied to and manipulated by 'the golden bully' about the facts. Bullies are often louder, not more intelligent or talented than those they target or victimize. (They often are found to be 'kissing the asses' of higher ups, though; i.e. 800 against 1 person = who will look at facts after that? The WBI even states that most workplaces PROMOTE bullies. Shocking)!

    The statistics on-line are looking even worse for those employed outside in the workplace (preliminary studies, not yet completed). I agree with you wholeheartedly, bystanders hold the key. I truly hope that higher ups will start to look at facts. Perhaps anonymous reporting would be a step in the right direction.

    We expect our children to be defenders and yet we adults MUST be role models.

    Your work is excellent and I am so pleased that you will be featured in the September's newletter from J. Richard Knapp.

    Love always to you and yours,
    Rose
  • aj2008 Jul 16, 2011 @ 12:14 pm | delete
    Thank you Rose. Bystanders! Coincidentally child Bystenders and their parents are the subject of the article I have written for J Richard Knapp's site. I am delighted it is appearing in the same issue as an article by Barbara Coloroso who was the first person I read who writes about Bystanders in the Bullying Scenario.

    Fortunately, here in the UK we have employment laws that tackle bullying and harrassment in the workplace, but like you I am saddened that online, we have situations where those who are told about what is happening, and who are in a position to put a stop to it, choose to ignore it.

    And in a way, this reimforces the Bystander mentality. If those who gather the courage to speak out and report bullying are then ignored, they are less likely to report it next time.
  • noland1977 Jul 11, 2011 @ 9:47 pm | delete
    I was a defender all through my school years. Myself and a small group of friends made it a point to single out the bullies and do what had to be done. Maybe it wasn't right, I'm not saying that what we did was, but for years, we had suffered as those who were bullied and we had decided that enough was enough. In middle school, we put an end to all of the big time bullies in our class and by the end of high school, many people were simply afraid to be caught picking on someone else. In this case, we were the bullies of bullies, and two wrongs did make a right, but what we did was still wrong in the end. There are more resourceful ways of dealing with bullies without having to resort to their own tactics.
  • aj2008 Jul 12, 2011 @ 2:40 am | delete
    My Son was a Defender too - he only had two fights at school, one in Elementary School and once in Year 7 at High School. The first time he was defending someone else from a nasty bully and the second time he was standing up to a Year 8 who was picking on the younger kids, including my son. It took one punch and he was never bothered by bullies again.

    I am not saying it is right to use violence to resolve bullying issues, but it is amazing how it can take just one kid to stand up to a bully - because bullies are such cowards.
  • LINCLIVES Jul 12, 2011 @ 7:36 am | delete
    Noland - you did what was actually the adult's job. You hit on a very pertinent point, where are the adults that should be taking care of these also hurting and hardened souls ?
    Thanks for this, I hope it pokes some people enough to stand up and find their rightful position in the bullies lives. I don't mean that in an authoritative, superior-hungry way, but hierarchy is important here and the bullies need supportive relationships to know that they are not in charge nor need they be, the adults are.
    LINC
  • SpaceyGracey Jul 10, 2011 @ 10:04 am | delete
    What a extensive, informative lens - easily the best I have ever read on Squidoo. My son wa bullied and the default position for his school is to isolate the bullied by stopping them going out to play, which is so wrong. The parents are working hard to change that - thanks for all the information in this lens.
  • aj2008 Jul 10, 2011 @ 10:19 am | delete
    Thank you :) Yes, that was one of the things that used to annoy the heck out of me at my daughter's Elementary School - the Bully started bullying in the Playground and the victim was the one that was taken inside, leaving the Bully as though she was allowed to control the playground.
  • TeacherRenee Jul 9, 2011 @ 1:58 pm | delete
    Such an important topic - thanks for sharing such wonderful resources to help combat bullying.
  • SeanVernall Jul 8, 2011 @ 3:54 am | delete
    My daughter was an extremely confindent and outgoing girl up until the age of 8. From this point we started to notice a change in her personality. She became more nervous about social situations and was less talkative. Of course she was apprehensive at first but finally we got her to open up about the bullying she was experiencing. As a parent you think to yourself "Okay now we know, we can do something about it." Unfortunately, it took nearly a year for the school to finally put an end to it despite my meeting and writting to teachers. Had I been able to read this post at the time I'm sure I could have directed my time more effectively and reduced that year significantly.
  • vauldine Jul 7, 2011 @ 5:46 pm | delete
    This is a real issue in Public schools today.Thanks for sharing
  • lisasboutique Jul 6, 2011 @ 11:54 pm | delete
    As a mum to five boys, I have seen each and every one of them bullied at school - we are now travelling around Australia and we are homeschooling the boys! Since we took our second boy out of high school, he is now starting to smile, and play with his brothers once again. He was so withdrawn in high school, and never liked going to school. He is so shy so I think he was emotinally bullied, but was too scared to talk about it! Its a huge issue in ever school, in ever grade!
  • gottaloveit Jul 3, 2011 @ 6:56 am | delete
    Congrats on the purple star on this very important lens. I was always bullied at school but, then again, that's how things were back then. The bullying never was to the degree it is today.
  • aj2008 Jul 4, 2011 @ 1:41 am | delete
    Yes, I too was bullied at school, but back then it was never recognised as bullying. I only realised when I started putting my own children through school.
  • Props-n-Frocks-Fancy-Dress Jul 3, 2011 @ 4:29 am | delete
    Fantastic lens and deserved the Purple Star! thanks for sharing!

    Just 1 point - You should add another answer to your polls. My daughter was bullied at school, but she is grown up now. I had to use the 'neither, just interested' answer which isn't really the case.

    Unfortunately, many child bullies go on and make other lives a misery in their adult work environment - schools should come down hard on them as soon as bullying is known. My daughter's school tried to brush it all under the carpet.
  • aj2008 Jul 4, 2011 @ 1:44 am | delete
    Good point re the poll, an extra option has been added added :)

    And yes, I agree that the bullies may carry on in adult life. We are lucky that my girls' current school have a zero tolerance policy towards any form of bullying and they act very quickly as soon as they are told something is going on.
  • mumsgather Jun 28, 2011 @ 10:45 pm | delete
    I was bullied in Primary school and now that I am a mother myself, I try to watch out for any signs of unhappiness from my kids to see if there is any bullying signs. Thank you for all the resources. Great lens you have here. Must learn from you. :)
  • efriedman Jun 24, 2011 @ 4:55 pm | delete
    thank you for providing specific suggestions about what to do in a bullying situation. Excellent lens.
  • madelineperryinc Jun 21, 2011 @ 3:51 am | delete
    Unfortunately, bullying in so prevalent in schools throughout the world. My daughter was bullied in Grade 3. She went from a child who loved school and couldn't wait to get there, to a child you didn't want to go and would try to make up excuses not to. Interesting though, when she finally told us, she didn't want me to speak to the teacher. I'm glad I did, because the teacher was able to get to the bottom of it and stop it from happening. In my experience, bullies seem to target the quieter, shy children.
  • aj2008 Jun 21, 2011 @ 4:11 am | delete
    Yes, quieter shy children do get targetted but so do lively, popular children. My daughter was this personality type until the bullies started trying to "bring her down".

    I am so glad you spoke to the teacher too - they have no chance of helping unless they know what is going on.
  • Rawane Jun 20, 2011 @ 5:11 am | delete
    Very nice lens :) I am an elementary teacher myself and I witness bullying from time to time and it kills me to see the sadness on the children's faces. Of course, we, teachers, play a big role in the kids' life in order to avoid such attitudes!
  • aj2008 Jun 21, 2011 @ 4:14 am | delete
    Yes, Teachers are key to helping to prevent and resolve bullying, but they need support from the parents of the bullies as well as the targets. Sadly, not all bullies' parents will accept what is going on and some refuse to co-operate, as was the case with my daughter.
  • EcoGecko Jun 15, 2011 @ 1:59 pm | delete
    I was bullied from primary school (for reasons that I have forgotten) its not that that matters its that after you started being bullied you lose your self confidence around people, which I guess I'm just regaining at college now. I found I had two choices (or thought so at the time) either I make the most of the situation I was in and work (secondary school by this time) or I gave up and let the world get to me. So I worked and got 10 GCSE's and now I go to college and know some people who took the other option and are retaking theirs as a result of bulling (even though they are actually very clever). I find this really sad that decent and clever people are targeted in such a way. To be honest I was in a small school and it was only verbal bulling and some people have had it worse than me but it still wasn't the greatest experience. Anyway that time is over and I hope your lens manages to help people if it helps just one person then I'm sure it would have been worth writing.
  • aj2008 Jun 21, 2011 @ 4:13 am | delete
    "Only verbal bullying" is just as serious and unpleasant as physical bullying. In my experience verbal bullying is often the harder to deal with - there's often no evidence as to what is going on and the bullies can be more covert in their attacks.
  • BSieracki Jun 13, 2011 @ 1:10 am | delete
    most bullies never grow out of it, even after adulthood
  • aj2008 Jun 13, 2011 @ 2:50 am | delete
    Sadly I have to agree. I believe one of the reasons children bully because they want to feel in control. Many children who bully are bullied at home. Unless these issues are addressed then they wont "grow out of it".
  • shibbiesammie Jun 11, 2011 @ 7:41 pm | delete
    very great lens!
  • Ruthi Jun 5, 2011 @ 5:33 pm | delete
    Great voice for a worthy cause. As with all acts of abuse, there is no excuse for bullying.
  • LINCLIVES Jun 2, 2011 @ 8:00 pm | delete
    Bullying is huge and very distressful which is made clear by these comments. Unfortunately it can follow us into adulthood. The problem, I feel is not the victims. They would be living happy civilized lives, if it were not for the bullies. I wish we as a society could come to understand how much bullies need strong, warm alpha adults in their lives to harness the angry child's foul frustration that he/she carries inside of him/herself. It is an enormous societal problem that I try to work on, little by little here in my home town. Thanks for bringing to the surface what so many of us want to bury and pretend doesn't exist in our own backyards.
    Debbie
  • madelineperryinc Jun 21, 2011 @ 3:54 am | delete
    I agree! Having been bullied myself as a child, I can certainly agree that you take the horrible experience into adulthood and its not until you find the strength to deal with the issue and speak out with a trusted friend or counsellor that healing can begin.
  • aj2008 Jun 21, 2011 @ 4:08 am | delete
    Sometimes the impetus and the courage required for us to be able to deal with bullying as adults, hits us full on when we find our own children being bullied. Lioness in defence of cubs comes to mind here ;)
  • dafreesan May 21, 2011 @ 5:09 am | delete
    this is very touching article on a very serious topic. you approached this issue from many dimensions, i like the posters and the poem!
  • PrepareToBloom May 20, 2011 @ 3:43 pm | delete
    This isn't just a lens, it's a resource! Love the inclusion of the "bystander" and "as an adult" sections. Talk about covering the topic from every angle! And bullying is such an important topic tat only gets media attention when it has gone way way too far. Thank you for your commitment and excellent writing.
  • IvoryPearl May 17, 2011 @ 1:35 am | delete
    This is a very serious problem in our schools. Thanks for addressing this.
  • TravKo May 13, 2011 @ 4:53 pm | delete
    Thank you for creating such an important lens. I'm glad to see that people are just now beginning to take bullying more seriously, as its effects on our youth can't be overstated.
  • vermontmom May 10, 2011 @ 5:44 pm | delete
    An informative lense on a very important topic!
  • Ayers4christ May 7, 2011 @ 7:38 pm | delete
    Excellent lens! You provided a lot of useful information to help parents and teachers combat bullying.
  • gypsyman27 May 7, 2011 @ 2:54 pm | delete
    I wish this lens had been available a few years ago. I am a single parent but my youngest is twenty now. He was a sweet child and he knew how to defend himself, but in Virginia, it was against the rules to defend yourself against violence. That is to say there was a rule that forbade fighting back. I was a tutor at my son's elementary school, and although he was bullied there, my presence kept most tormentors at bay. This is an ongoing problem and this lens addresses the problem competently. Great work and thanks for sharing. See you around the galaxy...
  • Pinkchic18 May 5, 2011 @ 1:44 pm | delete
    Interesting. I'm strongly against bullying, kids need to be taught to accept others for their differences.
  • chrispell017 May 3, 2011 @ 6:19 pm | delete
    thanks so much for writing this lens.. means a lot. nice lens.
  • donnyw1967 May 3, 2011 @ 1:08 pm | delete
    Bullying and or harassment at school is too often underplayed as it just being kids being kids. But often times it reaches levels much worse then that. There needs to be a multipronged effort to stop this. I went through this personally with one of my children. First I went to the offending child's parents. They were almost condoning this. Then I went to the Principle again nothing. Then I looked online and saw that there are actually federal laws in-place against this. We had a meeting at the school, I brought these laws to their attention and let it be known I fully intended to bring about justice if this was not rectified. The outcome? No more harassment. Seems the parents didn't want the child to have a record and the Principle didn't want a federal law suit. Go figure. I think the long and short of it is if the bullies parents would practice some effective parenting skills, this would be much less of an issue today.
  • bkarsono May 1, 2011 @ 6:35 pm | delete
    Hello. I have something to share. I was often bullied when I was a wee kid like many I know. Someday I had enough. I didnt tell anyone but I secretly trapped and beat up all the kids who bullied me one kid at the time - there were 5 of them. It took me 2 weeks to accomplish my little game. All those kids were traumatized by my terror act. The parents, teachers, and the pricipal were horrified by the mysterious acts. I was trully an evil. I did it all because I had enough of them. I also felt that I was a little hero for those kids who got bullied and now they were safe after the mysterious Zorro. Anyway, as I grew up, I became good friends with some of those bullies. We'd have a good laugh everytime we talk about it. My 9 yr old son doesn't like that story. I don't blame him.
  • aj2008 May 19, 2011 @ 7:49 am | delete
    I have to confess that my son got into a couple of fights at schoo. The first time it was to defend another child who was being bullied. The bully did not appreciate the punch in the nose and he stopped.

    The second time a Year 8 picked on my son when he was in Year 7. My son flattened him. He was never troubled by anyone at all after that and went through school with no one picking on him. He was also very popular. I just wish he had worked harder ;)
  • James43302 Apr 30, 2011 @ 4:57 pm | delete
    When I was growing up I got bullied in school. But nothing like how the kids are bullied today. Today they use tech to bully between the net and cellphones. When I was growing up both was present but wasn't really all that popular espcially since I grew up in poor areas. Most couldn't afford that technology. I didn't have either till I came an adult.
  • aj2008 May 19, 2011 @ 7:50 am | delete
    The police are called to my girls' school occasionally and much of the time it is because of Bullying on Facebook.
  • marciag Apr 29, 2011 @ 11:52 am | delete
    Personally I haven't really been bullied as a child, but I've seen several that have been so I know how it is. And all the other kids who see it look away or sneak away just to not have to face the bullied, like he or she has a disease or something. It's really sad. You've created a great resource about bullying in schools, well done. Education is important.
  • MarilynBriant Apr 28, 2011 @ 9:14 am | delete
    I have grandchildren in primary school in England. I do not want them or any other child to experience this problem. I recently wrote a book which has just been published - The Leopard and the Mouse, for children ages 4 – 8. It is charming story, which was inspired in part by photographs of a real-life leopard and mouse encounter, that appeared in in newspapers around the world. When children read a beautifully illustrated simple, inspirational story like this, basic values such as acceptance, sharing, helping others and kindness are reinforced. As I see it, if we reach the children who lack the strong inner values which result in bullying and isolating instead of accepting and sharing, it will go a long way in promoting more positive social behavior in our schools. That is why, I made sure, from an educational perspective, to include simple social development basics – the importance of thinking about and making good choices, sharing and caring about others –into the story.
  • theprintcenter Apr 27, 2011 @ 1:12 pm | delete
    I used to be bullied at school, it wasn't a pleasant experience to say the least. Thank you so much for posting this amazing lens!
  • RetroMom Apr 26, 2011 @ 11:50 pm | delete
    They said that a hurting person is a hurtful person! Bullying has probably been there for years and it is because we have such a cruel way to reflect our anger and lost of self-esteem to others, we have the tendency of projecting our unwarranted emotions to those we thought are a lot weaker. Thank you for raising this topic! This certainly warrants our full attention! Great and Insightful lens!
  • LensSeller Apr 25, 2011 @ 11:24 am | delete
    No child should have to put up with bullying, of any description.

    You've created a wonderful resource for any parent in that situation with your lens - well done AJ!

    Lensrolled.
  • kiwinana71 Apr 23, 2011 @ 9:39 pm | delete
    Bullying is not something that has just happen,the difference is now because of media, social networking, etc it is out in the open. I was bullied at school over 60 years ago, and I still cannot watch TV, when bullying is being shown, as it makes me very uneasy.
  • nuestraherencia Apr 23, 2011 @ 2:59 am | delete
    Tonight as I watched my son play alone in the playground I wondered what to do. We live at a beach apt and there are many kids around. He's been bullied by kids and even teens and he's only 9. Once again I had to run and tell a kid that was making fun of him to leave him alone. I am tired and have lost my patience by now with many of the bullies' parents who do nothing. He is homeschooled because I would no longer allow this at school. I will be sharing this with neighbors. This has to stop.

    I have focused on writing squidoo lenses to keep myself calm from the stress this brings to our home. Maybe I'll start writing about something to help my son. Thank you.

    Your poem made me cry.
  • Wedding_Mom Apr 22, 2011 @ 1:22 am | delete
    Bullying is such a sensitive subject to discuss but not something to be ignored. This information is just vital especially if we can help save lives. The more we speak about it, the more society will become conscious about this problem. Great job and thank you for sharing!
  • OrganicMom247 Apr 21, 2011 @ 9:32 pm | delete
    I just hope and I pray that no one will be bullied ever. If your child was bullied, the best thing to do is to comfort your child and show your love. Teach them to pray always.
  • Apr 20, 2011 @ 9:17 pm | delete
    My son was bullied when he started school. Teachers have their hands full and don't have eyes all around to see everything that's going on in the school yard. We weren't sure what to do about it. My son was not aggressive at all. We decided to enroll him in karate classes to improve his confidence. Karate gave him confidence to defend himself. Not by fighting but by standing up to the ones that were bullying him. By the time he was in second grade, he was defending the first graders that were being bullied. I was so proud of him for watching the younger kids at school. That was the end of bullying for him. This worked for us. I hope you find a way to stop your child from being bullied. It's heartbreaking for a parent to see their child go through this. Good Luck!!
  • KellydeBorda Apr 19, 2011 @ 3:35 pm | delete
    Great lens, and such important information for parents and kids.
  • chicagoheather Apr 17, 2011 @ 11:01 am | delete
    What an important topic - thanks!
  • TheRatRaceRebel Apr 12, 2011 @ 11:17 am | delete
    Bullying is a topic we all should be more aware of. It's one of the reasons I decided to homeschool my daughter. Thanks for raising awareness of this important issue.
  • MarkSierra Apr 11, 2011 @ 11:00 pm | delete
    Every time I hear or read about someone being bullied, it gets my blood boiling. I remember in school being on the receiving end of someone's need to just feel in charge. In retrospect, it was nothing compared to what I know goes on today, but it's no less painful.

    I recall seeing a video online a few yeas ago that brought me to tears. I won't go into the details, but I'll just say a group of kids beat up an innocent girl. The hate some people have is just too much to take in for me.
  • IlanaMoore Apr 11, 2011 @ 2:23 pm | delete
    I'm shocked! I truly had no idea that such a thing existed. Your story is heart-wrenching and these videos/statistics are sobering. I'm glad to hear that your daughter has made it out with a healthy self-esteem regardless. Thank you for spreading the awareness.
  • TamaraKajari Apr 8, 2011 @ 3:57 am | delete
    Such a good topic these days aj. I myself have two girls (12 and 8) and hope they never experience bullying in their lives, but you never know. We have relatively small and quiet primary school in our own block, but like anywhere else, there are more than a few aggressive kids that are causing trouble all the time. My older daughter has this boy in her class that is impossible, but is showing just the way he's being brought up - like he's the boss. It shocks me how he shown NO respect whatsoever for teachers and he's only 12! Horrible! So far things have not gone out of control, but I think the system (the school principle for starters) is not taking the good enough prevention. I would consider such things "out of control" much sooner. Also, I was so horrified to see in the poll above that almost 70% of the readers said their children WERE bullied - I wonder how many of those parents are actually doing something about it... I totally agree with you that moving a child to another school is not the solution. Thank you for writing this lens and sorry for this long comment :)
  • aj2008 Apr 8, 2011 @ 4:10 am | delete
    Tamara, thank you for taking the time to write this comment and please do not apologise.

    What I think would help in the US is for Federal law to be introduced, forcing ALL education establishments to comply.

    I do hope that the parents who are visiting this page, because their children are being bullied find the help they need, which will then give them the confidence to do something about it.

    I know from my own experience with my daughter, my confidence in dealing with subsequence incidents has grown immensly.
  • Saeris Apr 6, 2011 @ 11:13 am | delete
    Aww poor girl! Very sorry for your daughter, its really a tough thing to go through. I recently faced reality of what it was like by watching a video of a kid online totally body slam this guy on the ground. I have been bullied myself to an extent, not physically though. :S
  • Dehiscent Apr 5, 2011 @ 2:44 am | delete
    Dear aj2008, I became a father around 3 months ago. I would not have given the topic of your lens a second glance an year ago, but what you have written has gone straight home today. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.
  • aj2008 Apr 8, 2011 @ 4:05 am | delete
    I hope your baby is never bullied but by reading this lens I hope it has gone a long way to helping you identify the warning signs if it starts happening.
  • lens4Him Apr 2, 2011 @ 6:48 pm | delete
    I am sorry your daughter was bullied. This lens is a very worthy winner of a purple star.
  • livefamilylife Apr 2, 2011 @ 5:36 am | delete
    Really useful, thank you for this lens
  • falldown2007 Apr 1, 2011 @ 9:44 am | delete
    Great lens, lots of information. Truly bullying needs to stop.
  • CruiseReady Apr 1, 2011 @ 6:42 am | delete
    Very well done lens. No wonder it got a purple star.
  • sebastian1234 Mar 30, 2011 @ 9:12 am | delete
    This is a great lens. Very informative.
  • Dougidog Mar 30, 2011 @ 3:34 am | delete
    I am currently 13, and I got bullied for 5 years at primary school for liking performing. I think this article will be great for putting and end to the type of thing I had to go to. Thanks for making it!
  • aj2008 Mar 30, 2011 @ 8:05 am | delete
    I am so sorry to hear that. My own daughter was bullied because she is talented and it looks like that's the reason why you got bullied too.
  • Sandra Mar 29, 2011 @ 9:56 pm | delete
    Thanks a lot! This has been very useful!
  • Obscure_Treasures Mar 28, 2011 @ 5:32 am | delete
    Your lens is very useful and informative. Thanks for making such a lens!
  • katiecolette Mar 23, 2011 @ 9:37 pm | delete
    I think bullying has always been a major problem, and I am glad that media has been paying so much attention to the problem lately - like U.S. Disney Channel has anti-bullying commercials. Bullying affects many children and it seems to start at a younger age - as yearly as 1st grade... I think the kids that are mostly affected by bullies are usually smart and talented kids who are too nice to respond to bullies in an effective manner. There are many ways to deal with bullying, but I think the most effective way is for the parents to figure out a way to help children build up an immunity to bullying - a way to respond, ignore, or somehow not to give in to bullying. Children with better self-esteem are less affected by bullying.
  • aj2008 Mar 24, 2011 @ 3:16 am | delete
    Katie, I agree when you say that it is often children who are smart and talented who are billied - this was certainly the case with my daughter. Until the bullying started she had high self esteem - but there's nothing worse that being bullied by kids who used to be your friends. No matter what the parents do to try to boost confidence, children will always be influenced by their peers and the bullying itself will vaporize the confidence and self esteem that children previously had..
  • tsp8ntball Mar 22, 2011 @ 8:20 pm | delete
    An enlightening look at a serious problem. Every parent of a school child should read this lens. Thank you for taking the time to make it complete.
  • aj2008 Mar 22, 2011 @ 2:14 pm | delete
    No, I have not seen any such videos, but I have often come across situations when a Bully is caught out or confronted and they claim that their target is actually the Bully. It actually happened to my daughter when having failed to dominate my daughter at Primary School, at Senior School the Bully tried to tell my daughters' friends that it was my daughter who did the bullying when they were younger.
  • minza4559 Mar 22, 2011 @ 8:53 am | delete
    Have you seen the video about a child being bullied fighting back? The bully is now saying he is a victim. I would be very interested in you take on this new story.
  • jvsper63 Mar 19, 2011 @ 10:32 am | delete
    This is a great lens. On a very important topic. Bullying can change a persons life. Its a horrible straw to be dealt with. Lots of great information..Nicely done Joni
  • poddys Mar 17, 2011 @ 3:26 am | delete
    This is a great resource AJ, I am pleased to be able to come back and re-visit and give it my Blessing.
  • Dinostore Mar 10, 2011 @ 9:28 am | delete
    This has been very useful, unfortunately. Thanks so much! Thumbs up, fav'd, lensrolled.
  • sousababy Mar 4, 2011 @ 4:41 pm | delete
    Thanks AJ, your Squid like of my Doing It Anyway lens came when I most needed it. I have enormous respect for all that you do and have done to combat bullying. Gratefully yours, Rose
  • bestsavemarriagenow Mar 3, 2011 @ 7:14 pm | delete
    Thank you for all of the good information about bullying. My boyfriend's son is being bullied at school and this is helpful to share with him.
  • susangale Mar 2, 2011 @ 4:06 pm | delete
    When I taught school and ran a summer camp, we spent a lot of time getting to know each other on an individual level, so there was not much bullying. It simply was not cool! We also spent a lot of time learning what makes someone perceived as a victim and how to avoid that. Erich Fromm wrote that such destructive behavior occurs when three conditions are present: First the bully believes that nothing s/he does makes any difference, so it does not matter what is done. Second, s/he is bored. Third, there is approval from someone. So we worked very hard to make everyone understand how important and valued they were and also created a culture where there was no approval from peers.
  • newb Feb 25, 2011 @ 8:28 pm | delete
    i just knew from this lens that some celebrities has their own experience of bullying.. this is important for us to know so we can prevent our family from this case..
  • Kathryn002 Feb 25, 2011 @ 8:03 pm | delete
    This is really excellent advice which covers many different perspectives. I hope it's useful to any parent whose child is being bullied, as it can really damage both their education and their personal happiness, and should never be a part of a child's life.
  • PipPipHooray Feb 25, 2011 @ 7:32 pm | delete
    What ratetea wrote below is so wonderful and amazing! He's so right too.
  • PipPipHooray Feb 25, 2011 @ 7:30 pm | delete
    My son just started Primary School and I so needed to read this. - THANK YOU!! Definitely one of the best & most helpful Lenses I've seen!
  • sheilamarie Feb 21, 2011 @ 11:42 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing this experience of bullying. It is a major problem at many schools. You have helped many families deal with how bullying affects them, I'm sure.
  • aquamundo Feb 19, 2011 @ 2:41 am | delete
    Great Lens. Very comprehensive. I learned a lot and will put knowledge to good use. I have a daughter in elementary and this stuff comes up constantly. I am lucky she is open with me and I try to help. I think the part about speaking up for and empathising with classmates is an important piece that I am really coming around to. My daughter has experienced negative attention by one of her classmates who I think actually likes her. She brought it to my attention and I brought it to her principals attention and she hasn't had any trouble that was not properly addressed since. i check in with her everyday by simply asking how her day was. If she had a good day. I try to keep her engaged because sometimes it takes time for kids to unravel the events of the day. Now lately she tells me how the kid that messed with her gets messed with and she seems to take pleasure in this. Well now I feel I have a tool to help her understand that's not okay.
  • ratetea Feb 17, 2011 @ 7:15 pm | delete
    I was bullied as a kid, but I also learned how to be assertive with bullies. I found that often, self-confidence is enough to stop most bullies dead in their tracks. One particularly empowering moment was when an kid, who was larger and stronger than me, vowed to beat me up when I got off the bus. He confronted me and I just stared him down. He kicked me once and it didn't hurt very much, so I just continued to stare him down. He then ran off. While this doesn't always work, I think it's a skill that a lot of people can learn. Bullies bully people because they themselves feel a lack of control or power in their own lives; if you keep them from having that control, they lose the motivation to bully. I also think though that bullies need compassion. An authoritarian response is not always the best way to deal with bullying. Sometimes the real issue is a lack of warmth, love, and understanding in the bully's life, in the school environment as a whole, or in the social circle in which bullying is taking place. If you rule with an iron fist and try to punish people, you will just push the bullying into places where it's out of view of adults. Instead, if you cultivate a supportive atmosphere, where people's problems are worked out rather than channelled into unwholesome things like bullying, I think a much more stable solution is reached.
  • TurtleDog70 Feb 15, 2011 @ 9:44 pm | delete
    Really fantastic and comprehensive article. Well done on putting actual 'case studies' of famous people who were bullied. Nice job. There's nothing I loathe more than kids being picked on. Great post.
  • JDWheeler Feb 14, 2011 @ 11:51 am | delete
    I like that you added the celebrities that had been bullied. It shows that no-one is exempt. Wonderful resource page. I know any parent looking for a page like this would be grateful.
  • SherylP Feb 12, 2011 @ 2:54 am | delete
    Thank you so much for this fantastic lens on such an important topic. We traveled a couple of years ago and stopped in one town for a couple of months and put the kids into school there. We ended up pulling them out of the school because they were being bullied and the teachers didn't do a thing about it. In fact they told me that my kids were probably just exaggerating.

    I'm so glad the school they go to now have a good anti-bullying policy!
  • trevowens20 Feb 8, 2011 @ 1:00 pm | delete
    We don't like our kids to be bullied, it also hurt us. I also get my share of being bullied because I am a very skinny boy before. It really hurts every time I am the center of bullying in our school. I would give different alibis to my mother so just I could absent. I feel scared every time go to school.

    There is an organization in Raytown, Mo, where they focus to help kids who are bullying and those being bullied as well. I help them by granting small loan and for them to continue their advocacy to eliminate the bullying problem in schools in the community.
  • TamaraCroes Feb 8, 2011 @ 4:53 am | delete
    Hello AJ, I have a child who was severly bullied at school. I have tried talking to the head and the teacher, at one point a main bully was removed from the school but it did not help. Eventually I had to take my child out of school and entered him at great cost in a private school, where he was turned out after a week because he would not interact with the other children - what a surprise. He had been bullied severly for 3 years then. He actually said at one point that he did not want to live anymore. In the country where I lived there are no Anti-Bulling policies or anything. The school was only focused on his increasingly bad results and increasingly odd behavior.
    Out of pure desperation I have emigrated, mostly because of this problem, to a country where schools are obliged to have a Anti-Bullying system. Although my son still has problems to make friends easily, his results are fine and his behavior has been changing so much over the last 8 months. He is happy at his school and even starting to make some friends. Most of all he has gone back to being a creative, happy, active boy. When I read your website I actually started to cry - it is so recognizable. Thank you for sharing this. I hope it is useful to many other parents.
  • aj2008 Feb 8, 2011 @ 5:02 am | delete
    Tamara, thank you for sharing your story with us - it brought tears to my eyes too. To think that you had to go to such lengths to help your son, makes me so angry.

    But, if he is anything like my daughter then he will start to recover. It will be hard at first because he wont trust anybody and then, just because kids will be kids, there will be some new friends who will let him down and it will be harder for him to cope because of what he went through. But as he grows and with a Mum like you to help and guide him on his way, I am sure what he went through will become more of a distant memory.

    I am so pleased that he is happy now - and at the end of the day, that is what we want most for our children, isn't it :)
  • lynnrdavis Feb 5, 2011 @ 10:19 pm | delete
    This is such an important issue and you have done a fabulous job of creating an informative lens on the topic. My sister has 5 children and the two oldest have already experienced bullying in their schools. Thankfully, their situations are being handled and not ignored.
  • aj2008 Feb 6, 2011 @ 11:23 am | delete
    Lynn I am so pleased that the bullying your nieces have experienced is not being ignored. It is bad enough to be bullied, but even worse if the victim is not getting the help they need.
  • LissaKlar Feb 3, 2011 @ 10:14 pm | delete
    I read this lens awhile ago and it really helped me when my daughter was being bullied at school. I had to come back and bless it!
  • SereneSea Jan 30, 2011 @ 8:33 am | delete
    An excellent lens on bullying and how to tackle it; many a times, we are so afraid to report that to the concern authority for the consequences that the "Bully"continuous to bully through out the life. Practical and pragmatic solutions to tackle this evil prevailing in the society.
  • hershel01 Jan 29, 2011 @ 10:44 am | delete
    This is a great lens, more people should be made aware of the bullying that goes on with children today.
  • nubitol Jan 28, 2011 @ 4:22 am | delete
    this is a great lens..thanks for the tips..my neighborhood should read about this..because his son is being bullied at the scool...
  • BigBadBrad Jan 27, 2011 @ 8:27 am | delete
    As a school psychologist, I can say that this continues to be a huge topic and something that all schools need to stay on top of. In spite of our best efforts, bullying will happen unfortunately. So schools need to be adopting the appropriate, research-based educative and disciplinary responses. Bullying should always be on the strategic plan agenda of schools everywhere.
  • aj2008 Feb 6, 2011 @ 11:24 am | delete
    I could not agree more Brad
  • AlltothegloryofGod Jan 26, 2011 @ 4:53 pm | delete
    Bullying is very bad. Bullying can change somebody's behavior and general outlook on life.
  • EuroSquid Jan 26, 2011 @ 3:18 am | delete
    This is an important subjected. I favorited and rated this lens long go, so I can't do that again. But now that I am an Angel, I have come back to give a blessing. Thanks for this lens.
  • adhd-bipolar-depression Jan 25, 2011 @ 7:03 pm | delete
    Wow, this Lens is fantastic, I only wish I had this information when I was being bullied at School. Bullying can have damaging effects to a child's self esteem, as was the case for me.
  • TheCureForYouthMinistry Jan 23, 2011 @ 11:12 pm | delete
    great stuff. I am adding you to featured lens on my anti-bullying lens. Keep up the great work.
  • ajgodinho Jan 23, 2011 @ 2:54 pm | delete
    This is an amazing lens and an in-depth look and perspective from various angles. A topic that needs to remain in the forefront because it's caused much grief and driven children to extremes. Well-deserved Purple Star and now I'd like to see this as an LOTD...thanks for this excellent piece of work!
  • doubleside Jan 19, 2011 @ 8:36 am | delete
    Very well lens. I always look for the bullying-solving-problem lens like ths. Two thumbs up..
  • AdrianaCopaceanu Jan 18, 2011 @ 9:33 pm | delete
    Very well researched lens, on a very important topic. Blessed by a Squid Angel :)
  • jledger Jan 17, 2011 @ 11:16 am | delete
    Great Article! This needs to be shared with the world, thank you for making it aware to the world! This is a very important issue.
  • Hiking-Hong-Kong Jan 17, 2011 @ 9:26 am | delete
    I was bullied at school mainly for growing up without a Dad, and secondly for being so shy. Bullying has got to be one of the worst things I can think of during my school years. Not having a Dad around, the second worst.
  • jptanabe Jan 16, 2011 @ 3:38 pm | delete
    This is such a great lens on a very important topic, I just had to come back and reread it and bless it.
  • claudiax3 Jan 16, 2011 @ 9:40 am | delete
    Alot of great information here on a very important topic, thanks!
  • heidishome Jan 15, 2011 @ 6:42 am | delete
    Very nicely done! My son who is just about to turn 7 has started talking about bullying in school. This is good information!
  • hayleylou Jan 15, 2011 @ 4:27 am | delete
    This is a great lens. My son has been bullied this year at school, more mentally than physically, but it has been hard for him. **Blessed** and featured on My Time as a Squid Angel :)
  • Serenia Jan 14, 2011 @ 8:37 am | delete
    I came back to bless this lens as well. This lens has some wonderful tools on how to help your kids when they are in a bullying situation.
  • Philippians468 Jan 9, 2011 @ 8:36 am | delete
    this is a wonderful reminder of the realities some of us face..lets make a positive change in the world, one step at a time! keep up the great work!
  • J_R_Monnier Jan 8, 2011 @ 6:43 pm | delete
    Seems to me that you covered all of the bases except one... exercise. Not only does it build strength and endurance, it also builds self esteem. It's not an overnight miracle cure but over time will give your child the means to put bullying to an end... and that is priceless.
  • magicgeniewishlist Jan 7, 2011 @ 4:55 am | delete
    Another great lens on bullying, well done. My son (7yo) was being bullied at his school, therefore we are changing schools. It's so sad to see, and even worse when you as a parent have to watch and cant do anything about it. I just hope he will get his confidence back, I think we have done the right thing though.
  • Serenia Jan 4, 2011 @ 5:34 pm | delete
    My son was bullied in grade 1. He told me details of who, when and where. I complained to the school principal and they dealt with it pretty smartly. This other kid (who was in a higher grade) has never bothered my son since. My son is now in grade 3 and doing well. .
  • aj2008 Jan 5, 2011 @ 4:34 am | delete
    I am so pleased that the school were so supportive in your son's case. Sadly for us, it took a long time to convince the school that what was happening was bullying and even when we felt they agreed with us, it took too long to sort out.

    However, I also think that we lost out because we were seen to be "reasonable and polite" people. The same could not be said about all the adults involved and I am sure this influenced how the situation was handled, particularly when it all started up.
  • wordstock Dec 27, 2010 @ 7:37 am | delete
    Came back to bless this lens. It has been a featured lens on my lens on bullying for a long time. Thanks for all the work it took to put this valuable information together. Angel blessed.
  • GrowWear Dec 22, 2010 @ 5:24 pm | delete
    Stopping by this wonderful Purple Star lens to wish you happy holidays and a wonderful new year!
  • javrsmith Dec 10, 2010 @ 9:35 pm | delete
    I agree that it is important. Another blessing delivered.
  • LizMac60 Dec 9, 2010 @ 2:19 pm | delete
    What an important subject. Blessed by a squid angel.
  • mom247 Dec 9, 2010 @ 1:45 am | delete
    Wow! What an amazing lens. I was never bullied as a child, but was severely bullied in my first job- being the only woman in an office full of men in the city of London. In the end I could no longer bear it and left- I was only 21 at the time and didn't have the courage to formally complain. I wish I had though. My whole career was sent off track by having to leave that job.
    Thanks for this, I've bookmarked it so that if my children are ever being bullied I can come back to it.
  • aj2008 Dec 9, 2010 @ 3:40 am | delete
    I was bullied at High School - then I found out later that the bully had an alcoholic mother. I was bullied in one job - by other women, who were actually contracted to the UK Governement! I was hounded out of another job because I ignored the inappropriate attention I was given by my boss and he deliberately ended a contract he knew I loved working on, out of pure spite. It was all part of the need to control.

    All of this happened when I was a lot younger and I now realise that it was my own fear of the consequences if I had been assertive or had stood up for myself. I was a single parent at the time and there was no way I could risk losing those jobs.

    I feel very sad that you are left feeling your career was knocked off track and your sort of situation makes my blood boil. You were so young and others must have known what was going on and in a way I think the bystanders are worse than the bullies. If it were not for bystanders turning a blind eye, we could eradicate bullying from society. Ostracise the bully and they may just stop.
  • LifeSculptor Nov 30, 2010 @ 12:29 am | delete
    Hi, this is a fantastic lens, very informative and well written.
    Sadly I just found out today that my son is a bully. I am devastated for the other boy and his family but I am also so sad for us.
    Quite rightly, the focus and sympathy is given to the person who is being bullied but there is no one reason why it happens. We are a stable, loving family. We do not smack our children, allow them to be rude or unkind to others or overindulge them. Please don't assume that bullies are bad kids and label them forever. Mine is a good kid doing some very bad things. His brother has Autism and I feel that much of the unkind behaviour described by the teacher stems from issues surrounding that. We will work on them.
    I hope and pray that he hasn't done lasting damage to the other boy psychologically, but I'm not sure I will ever know as the other parents won't enter into a dialogue with me.
    Perhaps it is unrealistic of me to think we can discuss it between ourselves but as it has apparently been going on for 6 months and I only found out today it would appear that the school is not handling it effectively!
    Did you or would you have wanted to speak to the parents of the child who bullied yours?
    I am really keen to know if I am in 'la la land' thinking it would be a constructive thing to do.
  • aj2008 Nov 30, 2010 @ 4:43 am | delete
    Oh dear, I am so sorry that you are having to face up to this situation. There's quite a few issues here but first of all I would like to say how much I admire you for being able to face up to this and not go into denial.

    Yes, I agree that not all bullies are bad kids and sometimes it is a cry for help. You are already going through the process of trying to work out why your son is doing this, which will go a long way to resolving it.

    And if it is any consolation, my daughter did get involved with some bullying before she herself was bullied, so I know that even nice kids are capable of doing it. Ironically it was refusing to follow the crowd and standing up for the child that was being bullied that turned my daughter into the target.

    Yes, we would have liked to have spoken to the parents - indeed I did. One morning before school I approached the father along the lines of: "Look, I know kids fall out, their friendships change but if ************* doesn't want to be friends with my daughter any more can you just ask her to stay away from her and I will do the same?"

    Result? It got worse.

    We said to the school we would be happy to have a meeting with them and the other parents. It did not happen. All attempts to help the bully within organised sessions with a specialist came to nothing because the parents refused to allow their daughter to participate. I was wrongly accused of intimidating their daughter. My daughter was accused of spreading rumours about the bully at the new school. Then recently we found out that the other girl had told her friends that it was SHE who was bullied at the primary school - fortunately no one believed her. But every so often she does something to deliberately upset my daughter, like trying to befriend her closest friends and turn them against my daughter. So for us it never quite goes away, because it was never properly resolved.

    However, in your case, I agree that the school has failed both children but if the other parents do not want to face you then the school are the ones who will have to deal with it. Indeed, even if the other parents did want to speak to you, the school should be involved and here in the UK, there's all sorts of legislation to prevent schools from ignoring bullying - although how far they go to complying with the law is a topic for debate!.

    Perhaps, however, if you want the other parents to know how much you regret what has happened you could write to them along the lines of that this has only just come to your attention, you honestly regret what has happened and that you are doing everything you can to help your son understand that what he is doing is wrong and that it has to stop. I would not try to excuse his behaviour, other than say something along the lines of you are trying to work out why it has happened. The parents may not respond but at least you will have expressed regret and, more importantly, they will see that you are not in denial and that you are taking responsibility for your child's actions. I am sure that even if they are so upset that they don't want to face you, in time it will be of comfort to them, that you did reach out to them and that you are trying to resolve it.

    And while you are doing this, I would be giving the school a very hard time. It is appalling that this has been going on for so long.

    I wish you and your family all the best and hope that things are sorted out soon.
  • beerhead Nov 16, 2010 @ 8:32 am | delete
    Wonderful lens very informative.
  • aesta1 Nov 15, 2010 @ 11:27 pm | delete
    This has been a problem for kids. Some do survive but some unfortunately become victims. Good of you to put this lens up.
  • Nov 15, 2010 @ 1:41 pm | delete
    i don't have any kids but I've witnessed a lot of bullying growing up and its really not a cool thing to see...So i hope plenty people stumble on to this and help stop the bullying all over.
  • pkmcr Nov 14, 2010 @ 1:06 pm | delete
    It's a while since I dropped by this excellent resource and I just wanted to say it has been blessed by a passing Squid Angel :-)
  • AmbrosiaPopsicle Nov 13, 2010 @ 4:53 pm | delete
    A must read for any family.
  • Johnny Nov 6, 2010 @ 2:30 pm | delete
    Great lens on this serious problem in our schools.
    I too was subjected to bullying when i was at school so i totally understand the importance of educating young minds to speak up on this issue.
    I have my own anti bully website which has many free resources for teachers and lots of free info and fun games for the children which may be of interest to your readers.
    Please feel free to drop by and use my resources anytime.
    Great article!
    Johnny

    website: http://www.wix.com/speakuptoyourteacher/order-page
  • AWildDog Nov 4, 2010 @ 4:56 pm | delete
    Awesome lens, don't have a child but I have been bullied. Great information for parents in this situation.
  • darciefrench Nov 3, 2010 @ 2:08 pm | delete
    It is my pleasure to bless this fantastic lens, and also feature it on November Blessings. Much love, Darcie
  • sousababy Oct 26, 2010 @ 9:48 am | delete
    Hi, I absolutely love this lens and will be adding it to the "Discovery Tool" section of the lens I just completed (Bullies at Work..which addresses bullying in the workplace). What struck with me most the quote by Barbara Coloroso (2006) who mentioned the 3 characteristics of the problem: the Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander. We must ALL pay attention and get involved and NEVER look away. Indifference IS lethal! In the research I have done, most of it focuses on the bully and the target. Many bystanders (in the adult working world) either look away, ignore it, or feel coerced to "side" with the bully - for fear of losing their job. There is also an alarming rate of depression and suicide amongst adults who get bullied in the workplace. Thank you for sharing what I believe will save lives and prevent future adult bullies. Take Good Care, Rose
  • MarkUpshaw Oct 25, 2010 @ 4:09 am | delete
    Wonderful lens on an important topic. Great job. My nephew is bullied where ever he goes. It is a shame how his personality has changed from such a happy child prior to school to how he is now.
  • aj2008 Oct 24, 2010 @ 3:55 am | delete
    I am so touched by the number of people who stop by and make such supportive and thoughtful comments - thank you :)
  • KathyMcGraw Oct 23, 2010 @ 11:56 pm | delete
    I have come back to re-read this and give it an Angel Blessing. With the tragic suicides that have been occurring with gay kids because of being bullied I think this lens is very important to bring to light the whole subject of kids bullying other kids. And your perspective and resources just might help others.
  • aj2008 Oct 24, 2010 @ 4:08 am | delete
    When I remember the way my own daughter was affected, I sometimes wonder if she had been older, then would the situation have led to even more heart rending consequences?

    Because of what teenagers are capable of thinking and doing to themselves, I am starting to believe that the consequences of relentless bullying have more potential to lead to a tragedy, the older the child.

    So much of this needless loss of life and the subsequent devastation of families, could be avoided if the adults in a position to put a stop to what is going on, would take responsibility.

    Too often the child's parents dont know for sure what is going on, but in my experience there's always SOMEONE who does. Yet, frequently these people choose not to do anything.

    These days if there's even a hint of the girl who bullied my daughter getting anywhere near her then I am on to it and I call the school. I don't care if anyone says I am imagining it - which actually they don't. As a result, my daughter feels safe and the bully gets the message to stay away.

    She tried her "tricks" again in the summer, trying to befriend daughter's good friend. My daughter handled it so well, explaining to her friend that it was up to her who she was friends with but if she was going to hang around with the other girl, then she would have to stay away, because of what happened at Primary School. It turns out the bully was telling people that my daughter had bullied her at Primary School! Fortunately no one believed her - but this is an example of the bully's need to control, even 4 years after the original problems were resolved.
  • purplelady Oct 19, 2010 @ 4:16 pm | delete
    What a wonderful source of information on the increasing habit of bullying and resources to help if you have a child who is being bullied or doing the bullying. Your personal experience lends a great perspective. I have len-rolled this lens to both my
  • jcheckm8 Oct 17, 2010 @ 4:59 pm | delete
    Thank you for this interesting lens.
  • Ramonailona Oct 16, 2010 @ 5:22 pm | delete
    This Lens is wonderful I believe it can help many people. I hope you don't mind if I lens roll it to mine.
  • Tempus Oct 15, 2010 @ 5:42 pm | delete
    This is a truly wonderful lens that has the potential to help thousands of children worldwide. Sadly the psychological scars of childhood bullying often extend into adulthood. However, thanks to this lens and the advice that's born from 'real life' experience, countless children will be saved from the long reaching agony that bullying inflicts upon its victims and their families..
  • ZablonMukuba Oct 11, 2010 @ 11:04 pm | delete
    this lens has touched my heart, bullying should end, parents of bullies should do more to stop the bullying
  • Antonette13 Oct 10, 2010 @ 9:05 am | delete
    A very helpful lens. Thank you!
  • WorldVisionary3 Oct 3, 2010 @ 9:04 am | delete
    This is a fantastic lens on a very serious topic. Thank you for this valuable information!
  • NeuroPhite Sep 27, 2010 @ 10:34 am | delete
    Great advice, thanks.
  • Squidoo_Queen Sep 21, 2010 @ 4:30 am | delete
    Great advice and help on this lens on a very sad topic. The resources available here will give the power back to those who need it most. It's not often that I comment on lenses but I had to. This lens is one of the best examples of a 'great' lens. Excellent!
  • aj2008 Sep 21, 2010 @ 7:13 am | delete
    So grateful for this and all the other messages I have received about this lens.
  • callinsky Sep 20, 2010 @ 4:00 am | delete
    My son was verbally bullied in elementary school. He was in first grade at the time, and there were two kids that were verbally abusing him during breakfast. When I spoke with the principal early one morning, I was told there was nothing they would do about verbal bullying. I was soooo mad. I marched into the lunchroom (breakfast area) and told John to show me who the boys were. I marched over to them and told them if they didn't leave John alone I would be back to deal with them, and I would make sure their parents knew what they were doing. They left him alone after that.

    He then got bullied in middle school. It got so bad that it was causing him stomach issues. We changed schools. He literally goes to school in another State. The drive is a pain, but he has done much better.

    He has been bullied because he is different and he is kind. As he has gotten older he has become the defender, and I'm proud of that. He still gets picked on occasionally, but it is short lived. Now, he has no problem standing up for himself and telling the bully like it is.

    My heart goes out to any parent who is dealing with an issue like this. It truly is horrible.
  • aj2008 Sep 21, 2010 @ 7:17 am | delete
    I am so sorry you and your son have had to go through this. What makes me mad is that so many adults, who know full well what is happening just bury their heads in the sand.
  • Oliversbabycarecouk Sep 16, 2010 @ 3:01 pm | delete
    I Think This Is Very Powerfull Lens. A great Way For Parents and Kids To Find Out What They Can Do Too Prevent Bullying. Great Work
  • WeddingZazzle Sep 11, 2010 @ 9:24 pm | delete
    Congrats on your LOTD. SquidAngel blessings.
  • Jul 18, 2010 @ 5:51 am | delete
    Excellent lens, and if it hasn't already been lens of the day, it should be.
    My son's classmates have learned to use the teachers to do their dirty work. If a child tells on another child the teacher and principal assume the accusation is correct and move swiftly to punish. It doesn't matter that they have no proof or that the accuser was just in an argument with the other child. The bullies don't have to hit anyone, just lie about them and watch as the innocent child gets punished.
  • theraggededge Jul 12, 2010 @ 4:46 pm | delete
    Absolutely one of the best resources on bullying available. Thank you for putting all this work into it. Blessed :-)
  • CofCJenny Jul 6, 2010 @ 9:12 pm | delete
    fantastic lens! Bullying is one of the most difficult topics..at least in my eyes. It's so hard to try and convey to someone that they're wonderful the way that they are or how to deal with others being mean to them. Plus, once you hit high school bullying becomes a joke. I graduated a few years ago but at my high school just this last year someone committed suicide after being bullied. Come to find out, he went to get help and they did absolutely nothing to help him...because the students bullying him were football players. I don't know the details, I heard the parents are now suing the school for not doing anything, but it's a terrible situation. No one should feel that low. I was fortunate enough to have a WONDERFUL family & group of friends to know that even when someone was mean or rude I was still very much loved and it would pass. Never forget to tell your children/friends that everything will be okay! Nothing is worth giving up your own life for.
  • aj2008 Jul 7, 2010 @ 3:44 am | delete
    This is such a sad story and to think that student became so low that he had to take his own life is a dreadful endictment of the school. I know how helpless I felt when my daughter was being bullied. I felt no one would believe us or take it seriously enough and of course for my daughter it was a terrible time for her. Getting the situation resolved took years and the effects can stay with a family for a long time

    Trying to build up your child's confidence and self esteem is so hard when someone else is determinedly chipping away at it. My daughter is so pretty and bubbly, but because of what the bully did to her, she wont belive me when I tell her she looks lovely. It is so hard to convince a child that they are a target because they ARE clever, because they ARE pretty and because they DO have a great personality.
  • the777group Jul 4, 2010 @ 10:34 pm | delete
    I was bullied a bit in high school, which seemed life-threatening at the time. However, I was wise enough to find a new best friend, who was way bigger than the bullies - the bullying stopped.
  • aj2008 Jul 7, 2010 @ 3:37 am | delete
    Well that is one way to solve the problem :)
  • StephenC Jun 27, 2010 @ 8:50 am | delete
    Great lens. Thanks for making a resource for problems with bullies. Much needed today.
  • aj2008 Jul 7, 2010 @ 3:37 am | delete
    Yes, it is too common. Visits to this lens always reduce during the school holidays, then as soon as the children go back to school they increase.
  • BryanHopkins Jun 26, 2010 @ 2:57 am | delete
    I was a victim of bullying myself. That was in the 80's though. Nowadays it much worse. I think people need to get armed. It no longer ends at school but follows kids at home and even to new schools when they move thanks to the net.
  • aj2008 Jul 7, 2010 @ 3:35 am | delete
    I too was bullied at school in my early teens, which is one of the reasons I am so determined to get it resolved if it happens to my girls.
  • wickedwabbit Jun 19, 2010 @ 1:19 pm | delete
    Thank you. The celeb comparisons are a real help to see how it isnt the end of the world and you can get through it. Excellently written.
  • ShirlW May 25, 2010 @ 6:54 pm | delete
    Excellent lens. My two daughters are being bullied by two girls in our neighborhood. At this point, it's been minimal because I'm here keeping an eagle eye on the situation. Next year my oldest daughter begins middle school with these two girls....I hope and pray the situation diffuses by then. If not, I'll be back..... :(
  • Schuhe May 17, 2010 @ 12:56 pm | delete
    very good lense, thanks for the tipps -very important topic...
  • Qualitee May 14, 2010 @ 3:04 pm | delete
    Great lens. 5* I support the UK Anti-Bullying Campaign on my website by donating all profits on the sale of Anti-Bullying printed t-shirts. May I add your lens link to my websites please?
  • CLUZ Apr 29, 2010 @ 1:24 pm | delete
    Excellent lens on such an important subject. Thank you for sharing! 5*
  • skiesgreen Apr 21, 2010 @ 11:52 pm | delete
    Great lens on such an important subject. Blessed and featured on Sprinkled with Stardust and Neighbour Bullying
  • JewelRiver Mar 6, 2010 @ 4:50 pm | delete
    You are so right! Especially about indifference being lethal. There are some issues people have to challenge and bullying is one of them. Bullying will only lead to more violence it is aggression and that means these children are not learning how to handle their emotions! Great job! Thanks for taking a stand
  • Toddlerdad Mar 2, 2010 @ 8:30 pm | delete
    Wow. I have spent most of the afternoon on this lens, it's fantastic. Well done. Our children are too young yet for this to be an issue, but I am so pleased to have discovered this wonderful resource which we will need in the future in one way or another. The best response I have ever seen to bullying was at a school attended by a young friend of mine a few years ago. One boy was bullying others fairly indiscriminately, including shooting them with a BB gun. Everyone in the school (a Rudolf Steiner school) ostracised this boy and made it clear that his behaviour was unacceptable. He soon learned, and was welcomed back into their community where as a young man in his twenties he has become a much loved and very supportive friend to many of his former school colleagues.
    I have seen other instances of bullying that did not have such positive outcomes, but I have always remembered this one and keep it in mind as an example of what can be achieved with community involvement in this problem.
    The Maori language in our country (New Zealand) has a saying that is very appropriate in situations like this - "Kia Kaha" - which means "stand strong" and applies to everyone - bully and victim alike, for it is true strength that will overcome this awful problem.
    Thanks again for a great lens.
    Andy
  • LoKackl Feb 24, 2010 @ 4:31 pm | delete
    It has been a long time since I first read this lens. I just stopped by because you have been on my mind after a middle school girl in our community committed suicide recently because of bullying. It has brought an enormous amount of attention to the issue. I don't know any of the people involved, but I'm going to see if I can get a contact and make this lens available.
  • aj2008 Feb 25, 2010 @ 3:19 am | delete
    This is heartbreaking! I feel so angry and frustrated that in this so called "civilised society" in which we live, this sort of tragedy carries on happening.

    My heart goes out to her family.
  • LotusMalas Feb 18, 2010 @ 9:49 am | delete
    This is such an important topic and every bit of education is valuable! Your lens is very thorough
  • LeanneChesser Feb 7, 2010 @ 9:32 am | delete
    I'm currently working on a lens about bullying because my daughter was bullied. She was so traumatized that we did decide to pull her out. I homeschooled her the rest of that year. She's back in the school system now and doing quite well. Luckily this school is very supportive. They know her history and are helping her deal with it. They have zero tolerance for bullying. Thanks for writing this lens. Blessed by an angel.
  • Peggy Jan 30, 2010 @ 4:25 pm | delete
    Lot's of great information here on bullying. 5 stars!
  • Babitah Jan 21, 2010 @ 4:11 pm | delete
    Very informative lens..
    Five stars and favorited..
  • WhiteOak50 Jan 18, 2010 @ 10:07 am | delete
    There are so many things that come through this lens. The love of a mother, a mother protecting her child, a very good resource to help cure this horror thing. Bullying is a horrible thing period, many adults say they can brush it off, but while they are alone is when the pain surfaces. When a child is bullied, it cuts into their "whole" being affecting their development into becoming the person they could be. There is no medication to take away the scar that comes from mental abuse (only one form of bullying). You did a GREAT job writing this lens. "Blessed by a SquidAngel" and added to my feature module.
  • monarch13 Jan 9, 2010 @ 6:47 am | delete
    Great resource. Rolled to "Parent's Basics to Healthier Children ".
  • Jan 6, 2010 @ 8:29 pm | delete
    What an awesome lens! great read! 5 *****'s and favorited! Happy New Year!
  • arncyn Dec 21, 2009 @ 7:18 am | delete
    What a wonderful and well-thought-out lens. The message of this lens hit close to home since I was teased and pushed around a lot (alright, bullied) as a child and was too meek to defend myself -- which led to a lot of self-worth issues growing up. Thank you for doing the community a great service for putting this out where everyone can learn from it. (:
  • mbgphoto Nov 27, 2009 @ 1:04 pm | delete
    This is such an excellent lens on a very important subject. Words can be so hurtful...I still remember a friend's brother calling me needlenose in grade school. It is amazing how things like that stick with you...I can't imagine having to deal with it all the time.

    I am currently reading a book with my 5th grade epal through In2Books. It is a fiction book that deals with bullying and in the discussion we ask our epal questions to help them see what bullying can do to others. The book is "Dork on Run" by Carol Gorman. I think discussions like these in classrooms and with adult mentors will be helpful in curbing bullying in the schools.

    Thanks for dealing with this important subject and congratulations on your Purple Star! Blessed by a SquidAngel!
  • HappyBusyBee Nov 27, 2009 @ 11:54 am | delete
    I love visiting a lens where I can feel the passion, personal experience and research into the topic.

    Hugs,
    Holly
  • Themiscorkscrew Nov 26, 2009 @ 10:07 am | delete
    I think bullying is a big problem but I also think the schools are responsible. Sometimes they ignore the circumstances b/c they dont want to choose one chid over another and will punish the victim equating that to the acts of the bully. I am glad u created this site! Great lens!
  • Margo_Arrowsmith Nov 24, 2009 @ 11:00 am | delete
    Bullying is such an important issue, I think its one of the most important things to deal with for a civil society and it gets ignored so much!
  • BevsPaper Nov 24, 2009 @ 7:23 am | delete
    Bullying is such a horrible thing in life. You have shared some wonderful information and this will benefit so many people. Spreading my Angel Wings to add a Blessing.
  • tara27oh Nov 19, 2009 @ 8:28 am | delete
    People who bully usualy are bullied somewhere themselves, like at home, or another place.They are usually troubled kids,sometimes bullying is over looked cause the parents do it, or had done it.These kids are usually insecure,scared, use this just to be funny or fit in.It's not cool, I have seen kids kill themselves cause they were picked on in my school.I tried to be nice to everyone. It's hard enough in school to fit in and get good grades, now...we have to deal with bullying? This has to be taken serious, cause the older they get the more dangerous it becomes.Thats where guns and other bs comes into play. So much for not spanking in school anymore!!
  • stacy_mcdaniel Nov 16, 2009 @ 12:18 pm | delete
    Nice lens! I was picked on when I was in school because I was quiet and shy. Thanks for sharing this information. I pray that all bullying will stop.
  • RollingLuggage Nov 9, 2009 @ 4:59 pm | delete
    Wonderful lens & Great information
  • Nov 3, 2009 @ 11:31 pm | delete
    Very interesting lens, Thank you for sharing!5*****
  • mitchking Nov 3, 2009 @ 4:49 pm | delete
    It is not just bullying issues. My kindergarten age daughter was held down by a boy and kissed. This was just too much for me.
  • Artemus-Gordon Nov 3, 2009 @ 1:53 pm | delete
    My step-son is having bully issues as his day care. He is 5, I can't believe that it is this bad at such a young age.
  • sparklenz Nov 2, 2009 @ 3:51 pm | delete
    This is a great, inspiring lens! Children are so vulnerable and it breaks my heart to think of a kid getting bullied. Getting people informed and improving understanding will go a long way to breaking the bullying cycle. So thank you for taking the time to set up this lens!
  • Carl_Masure Oct 26, 2009 @ 9:20 pm | delete
    Absolutely outstanding lens. Excellent!
  • KFreeman Oct 23, 2009 @ 4:56 pm | delete
    Having a child in elementary this topic is of great importance to me. Thank you for for delivering such a valuable perspective on the matter.
  • TasiL Oct 20, 2009 @ 1:32 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing! I really love this lens it has so much great information that is very helpful to any parents!
  • pkmcr Oct 20, 2009 @ 12:40 am | delete
    This is such an important subject and lens and more than worthy of a SquidAngel Blessing - blessed :-)
  • mukunda22 Oct 19, 2009 @ 1:08 am | delete
    Sweeping in for a blessing--great to be able to do it!!

    ####Blessed####
  • QueSea Oct 17, 2009 @ 10:17 pm | delete
    This is a very interesting and important topic. Thanks for handling it so well. Lensrolled to my Self-Esteem Lens (smile).
  • Pukeko Oct 16, 2009 @ 12:49 am | delete
    Hi - just returning to a few favorite lenses to try out my new wings. Squid Angel blessed.
  • SquidChris Oct 12, 2009 @ 2:48 pm | delete
    Students aren't the only ones who can become bullies. Teachers can also be bullies, not physically, but verbally and mentally. Elementary school was hard for me, not with the kids, but with the teachers.

    Make sure your kids are being treated by everyone, don't let someone with a little authority slip your mind, as everyone can be very cruel.
  • lisasboutique Oct 12, 2009 @ 5:56 am | delete
    Love this lens...my son has been bullied, and then the same family transferred it to one of our younger sons. So I know how frustrating the situation can be to deal with.
    I think this lens rocks...it has so much great information, with lots of hints and tips.
    Bullying should not be allowed, and should never be accepted. I like to think that one day all of our kids will be safe from bully's but that seems unlikely. Thanks for your lens.
  • GrowWear Oct 7, 2009 @ 7:21 pm | delete
    Have always wanted to bless this lens. Now blessed!
  • Oct 4, 2009 @ 5:39 pm | delete
    This is an excellent lens. Bullying is such an important topic for children and adults. Bullying can happen in so many different areas - school, the workplace, clubs and other arenas. I like how you pointed out that there are so many ways in which bullying can occur; physical, verbal and emotional (excluding).

    I think we all have been touched by bullying...this is a very important lens for everyone.
  • ols Sep 28, 2009 @ 5:01 am | delete
    I was never bullied at school, though one of my children, a girl, was to a small extent. Bullying is one of those things I detest, and your lens has got some practical tips for parents to be able to identify whether their children are being bullied. Well done, 5*.
  • lasertek Sep 22, 2009 @ 10:09 pm | delete
    Having bullies in school is always a problem. The child being bullied will definitely be traumatized.

    This lens is very helpful. Thanks for sharing.
  • inspirational-desktop-wallpaper Sep 21, 2009 @ 11:19 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing this important lens. If it stops just one instance of this abuse, you have done a great service. Thank you.

    Trevor Bowers
    Inspirational Desktop Wallpaper
  • Michey Sep 19, 2009 @ 6:58 am | delete
    AJ I know about bullying in States, but I don't know that it is an international problem in schools for this generation.
    I like the way you explain, it is an excellent idea to give examples of celebrities, as people keep an eye on them.
    I wish each parent and teacher read your lens!
    Thanks
    Michey
  • O_Johnson26 Sep 18, 2009 @ 8:36 am | delete
    Great Lens. It is so sad to see kids go through this. I was bullied when I was in middle school and now Im helping kids that are being bullied in my local community.
  • Floorance Sep 12, 2009 @ 3:45 pm | in reply to sandralynnsparks | delete
    What a fabulous lens! My son just went through an intensive anti-bullying seminar through his health class. So much wonderful information here - you are helping so many people! God Bless.
  • sandralynnsparks Sep 8, 2009 @ 6:43 pm | delete
    I'm glad to see this. I'm working on a lens about another apsect of this topic; when I'm done, I want to add this to the lensroll there. Excellent!
  • theraggededge Sep 2, 2009 @ 5:04 pm | delete
    Have lensrolled this to my TeesOnLine lens - the lady featured prints t-shirts for, and gives 100% of the profits to, the UK Anti-Bullying Campaign. Although my children, thankfully, have never been bullied, we home-educate and so hear of many others who have been de-registered for that very reason.
  • bengriston Sep 1, 2009 @ 2:09 pm | delete
    Bullying is a major issue in our schools and now sexual harassment is as well, even in primary. It is frightening.
  • charkamman Aug 30, 2009 @ 6:11 am | delete
    Thank you so much for this lens, great insights and tips.
    My daughter is bullied at school, I am now putting her in a different school, where hopefully the anti-bullying policy is actually used...
    In the meantime I discovered that using EFT (free manual at http://emofree.com) helped her a lot to cope, together with the use of a Tapping Bear (http://tappybear.com). So even though it did not stop the bullying, she did not suffer that much as she did before.
    Holidays are almost over here, so I hope the new school will give improvements - if not we will change to homeschooling...
  • aj2008 Aug 23, 2009 @ 12:14 pm | in reply to jpvillalobos | delete
    Yes, my research and my persoanl experience would seem to support your comment that family problems may be the root cause as to why some children bully. I cover this in my other lens on bullying: "Does Bullying Run in Families?"
  • aj2008 Aug 23, 2009 @ 12:11 pm | in reply to Joy Cowley | delete
    I am completely in favour of encouraging children to try and take action to deal with bullying themselves. However, to be able to do this they need to know (and the school needs to show that they will be supported). In our case our daughter's efforts to deal with both the girls, and then the girl who continued, were not sufficiently backed up by the school.

    In my view there is no way that any child should be expected to cope, without support from their parents or the school, if their attempts to assert themselves are not successful. Particularly when the school allows the problem to continue for the three years that my daughter was suffering.

    It's a shame you did not leave your comment as a logged in Lensmaster Joy, as I would like to see your lens when you publish it.
  • Joy Cowley Aug 23, 2009 @ 11:27 am | delete
    Doing a lens on this topic. If you want your children to B responsible, let them deal with bullying!
  • jpvillalobos Aug 17, 2009 @ 12:39 am | delete
    I have read that children bullying at school are those who has family problem.
  • Tipi Aug 16, 2009 @ 4:36 pm | delete
    The Poll results are interesting here, you asked some very good question on them. I was just doing updates to Snuggie Humor and added this as a featured lens, also MiMi's lens Children: Building Character. I felt it was time to add some more class and this lens is an A in that and a needed word for today. I hope this helps get the word out!
    Best wishes,
    Susie
  • StephenC Aug 7, 2009 @ 12:34 pm | delete
    Think I visited here before. Just Squidooing around. 5 stars was my vote!
  • telltilly Aug 6, 2009 @ 12:00 am | delete
    A wonderful lens which I wish I could have had access to when my daughter was at school.
  • LotusPetalYoga Aug 2, 2009 @ 5:56 pm | delete
    Great lens, very thorough and detailed and offers good suggestions. My son is only 3 but I am gearing up for his later years at school. I also work at a high school and see bullying at that level and many, even many teachers just stand by. its nice to have more and more awareness about this topic and what can be done. thanks
  • Sojourn Aug 1, 2009 @ 10:09 am | delete
    I've been fortunate not to run into this with my three boys but we're not through school yet so definitely hanging on to this. Also, I hadn't really thought about the fact that just because my children haven't experienced this doesn't mean that I shouldn't be talking to them about becoming defenders rather than bystanders. Excellent suggestions that really triggered something for me. Thanks!
  • Jolene_Belmain Jul 30, 2009 @ 2:14 am | delete
    Thank-you so very much for the blessing... also 5 stars on this lens. An excellent topic that needs to be exercised more for sure. Good work!!
  • Adelie Jul 29, 2009 @ 12:41 am | delete
    Wow! This lens is very inspirational! 5*
    Sadly we're all affected by bullies at some point of our lives :( Great to see such a wonderful lens :)
  • Adelie Jul 29, 2009 @ 12:41 am | delete
    Wow! This lens is very inspirational! 5*
    Sadly we're all affected by bullies at some point of our lives :( Great to see such a wonderful lens :)
  • bloomingrose Jul 28, 2009 @ 12:12 am | delete
    Thanks so much. I have been bullied, my sons have been bullied, many people I have known have had this horrible experience. I believe that awareness will help, and that this problem can get better. It helps knowing that so many successful people have been bullied, the best revenge is a life well lived.
  • MikeMitzner Jul 23, 2009 @ 2:38 pm | delete
    I had some huge buck teeth when I was a little kid and experienced some severe bullying. This lens brings back memories of the pain but also of the joy I found when I fought through those problems and was able to feel comfortable around my peers no matter what. Great lens!
  • DAnnieB Jul 23, 2009 @ 10:00 am | delete
    Oh, excellent AJ -- this is why I sent my son to boarding school! (I gotta lens on that too!)
    (Your lenses are just.. awesome!)
  • lollyj Jul 23, 2009 @ 8:07 am | delete
    Excellent lens. I was in grade school long before anti-bullying or zero tolerance rules. As a clumsy fat kid with thick glasses whose parents were divorced, verbal and physical bullying were part of life for me. I was one member in a small cadre of kids who were lucky to survive grade school, especially recess. My injuries included broken glasses, black eyes, a shoulder separation and a dislocated Achilles tendon, and I was one of the lucky ones.

    I'm horrified to know that bullying is probably worse now than it was then. 5, fave, lensrolled to all my lenses.

    PS. Thank you for the Angel Blessing to my personal philosophy lens. I'm thrilled!!!
  • clouda9 Jul 12, 2009 @ 3:24 pm | delete
    You have done such a marvelous job with this lens! It's enlightening and very empowering. Thank you for sharing this on Squidoo.
  • jjj1 Jul 12, 2009 @ 3:06 pm | delete
    An excellent lens. Many thanks. As a parent of 3 1/2 year old twins, I am terrified of them being bullied when they start primary school next year (I myself have had traumatic experiences of adult bullying). Should I need to (fingers crossed I won't) I shall refer to your lens again.
  • CoolFoto Jul 11, 2009 @ 11:31 am | delete
    My sons are adults now and we never had these problems. But, this is a wonderful discussion, resource and help for those who do. Congrats on Purple Star.
  • JeffRiveraAuthor Jul 11, 2009 @ 9:15 am | delete
    An outstanding lens
  • shoopak1 Jul 9, 2009 @ 1:12 am | delete
    great lens. I just forwarded this to 2 families I know who have been struggling with the challenging issue

    my blog
  • helpdaddy Jul 7, 2009 @ 12:11 am | delete
    great lens! bullying in school is such a serious matter and should be a concern of every parent.
  • HomeStagingNJ Jul 6, 2009 @ 12:19 pm | delete
    A powerful and deeply affecting lens. Thank you for bringing such a dark topic out into the open.
  • dagsmith Jul 4, 2009 @ 9:48 pm | delete
    Outstanding lens! I just forwarded this to 2 families I know who have been struggling with the challenging issue. Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
  • whitemoss Jul 4, 2009 @ 3:29 am | delete
    An outstanding lens, and so deserving of the purple star! Thank you.
  • Pukeko Jul 3, 2009 @ 2:26 am | delete
    Thanks for writing this. It was really helpful for us to decide what is the next step.
  • Shelly Jul 2, 2009 @ 10:12 pm | delete
    Congratulations on your well deserved purple star--may it light the path to many as they visit here and find relief from the pain of bullying, a redeeming value of the terrible pain suffered by your own family.
    I believe that giant squid badge I'm seeing is new as well, congratulations!
  • janices7 Jul 2, 2009 @ 4:34 pm | delete
    Fantastic lens about such an important topic that too many people don't seem to take seriously. Congrats on the well-deserved purple star!!
  • Tipi Jul 2, 2009 @ 2:27 pm | delete
    AW! Congratulations on being awarded the Purple Star on this lens. Truly a great lens and well deserving! You must be very happy and I'm happy for you....time to do the dance of joy!!!
    Susie
  • aj2008 Jun 29, 2009 @ 9:57 am | in reply to julcal | delete
    Yes, the Bullies often have their own hurts and worries, which is why I wrote a second lens: "Does bullying run in families?"
  • julcal Jun 29, 2009 @ 9:54 am | delete
    Fabulous lens. Much needed information. What a sad problem, mostly for the victim. But the bully has very sad issues going on inside too - very deep issues.

    thanks for this lens - it his me deeply.

    BTW you are a great writer!
  • dc64 Jun 27, 2009 @ 4:19 pm | delete
    I feel for what your daughters have been through. I was painfully shy in school, and such an easy target! I didn't react though, I had problems showing emotion so the bullying didn't last long, but there was always someone else there to take up where it left off. I dealt with it, though, but I still don't understand how a person can be so cruel to another. Regardless, bullying is everywhere, and those of us who have been subjected to it have learned to diffuse it, so we are stronger in the long run. honestly, we probably were to begin with....
  • aj2008 Jun 22, 2009 @ 7:51 am | in reply to jvizzini | delete
    I am glad you enjoyed my lens. I agree that one of the problems with Squidoo is junk and Spam. But we also have a huge problem with people leaving links to unrelated lenses and websites in Guestbooks.
  • jvizzini Jun 22, 2009 @ 7:36 am | delete
    Great lens! I love it when I see real people writing quality lens. There is so much junk on www.squidoo.com and seeing something that is compelling to read is just awesome!

    More info about me can be found at: http://www.squidoo.com/accidentattorneys

    My latest project is: Accident/Lawyers Attorney Firms - www.accidentattorneyfirms.com
  • debnet Jun 20, 2009 @ 12:55 pm | delete
    I'm glad your daughter is no longer suffering at the hands of others.
  • OhMe Jun 20, 2009 @ 12:43 pm | delete
    Back for a second time and still learning from it. Great work.
  • nightbear Jun 19, 2009 @ 8:10 pm | delete
    I've seen this lens before, but it is worth saying again :) It is very beautiful, and so important that this sad subject be exposed. Well done AJ.
  • The_Party_Animal Jun 19, 2009 @ 4:21 pm | delete
    I also hope many do not have to come to this lens for help, but I am also glad you put it out there for those that do. Bullying is horrible - I went through it, my kids have dealt with it to a point. It is hard for kids to fully understand the long term effects of it. I am glad that in our schools this is a big education lesson that they are always talking to our kids about and I hope the kids listen. Thanks for writing about it and I hope this can help many people who need it.
  • fanfreluche Jun 19, 2009 @ 2:13 pm | delete
    Your daughter poem is wonderful, she is gifted. It's a great lens. It need
    to be promoted. The more that read, the better.
  • Brain_Washer Jun 15, 2009 @ 9:50 am | delete
    Amazing lens. You probably put more effort into it than I put in all my 12 lenses combined. I gotta favorite it.
  • Stuwaha Jun 14, 2009 @ 4:22 am | delete
    This is quite possibly the best lens I've ever read on Squidoo. What a valuable resource for parents to learn how to be proactive about such an important topic! I was bullied horribly in school from grades 1-10. Children can be absolutely evil to one another.
  • mukunda22 Jun 10, 2009 @ 7:16 am | delete
    I appreciate that you have brought up this topic. I bet more people home school because of the Bully Problem.

    Sometimes, Bosses bully too--They are especially distasteful!! Well, all of it is.

    *****5 and Faved!!
  • nickupton Jun 1, 2009 @ 2:41 am | delete
    This is an amazing lens, deserves to be number 1. I was bullied a little at school. Eventually I found the courage to give the bully a beating and he was moved to another school by his parents. Not all kids find the self confidence for something like that, and perhaps it isn't the best solution anyway, so this lens provides some really good information. I am sure it has been a comfort to many parents.
  • LaraineRose May 30, 2009 @ 4:48 am | delete
    I was only bullied once at school. I was very tiny for my age so I learned how to talk my way out of fights. One time a gang surrounded me. I told them all to stand back and I'd take on the leader. Before I started though I wanted to let her know that I grew up on a farm and hawled heavy bales of hay around and even though small, I was very strong. (I made that up .. but it worked.) The leader, although never my friend, stopped bothering me. Sometimes you can bluff your way out of trouble. (EEE sometimes not!) 5*s for this interesting lens.
  • papawu May 28, 2009 @ 7:06 pm | delete
    I was a pretty big and tough kid at that age. I was also that kid other kids used to run to for help against the bullies. I may have done a little bullying myself, but it was never meant to be mean spirited. I think it was more of an outlet for me to take my anger and resentment of my parent's abuse out on others. That is also a reason I took up contact sports, so I could vent my frustrations and anger in a more constructive manner. I detest bullies, but you must remember that sometimes those bullies are just confused little kids that are hurting and don't know any other way to deal with their aggression.
  • 5starbaby-com May 28, 2009 @ 1:13 pm | delete
    Can we all send this great link to our kid's teachers and all adults who are part of the system. You have done a remarkable job w/ this lens...I love it!
  • JaguarJulie May 18, 2009 @ 1:36 pm | delete
    What a wonderfully informative and helpful lens. It is most unpleasant to see bullying at school; it is most courageous to write about it as eloquently as you have.
  • interstellaryeller May 15, 2009 @ 3:05 pm | delete
    Great lens. bullying went on even when I was I school. I told my parents about my situation. they talked to the teachers and they observed the situation, and I was given free reign to seek out each of the seven people involved one by one and resolved the problem. Fists flew problem solved. Not a good solution but one that worked.
  • May 11, 2009 @ 1:26 pm | delete
    This is such an important issue. Thank you for writing about this topic - very powerful lens!
  • Peggy707 May 10, 2009 @ 5:45 pm | delete
    Wonderful lens. Thanks for sharing your story.
  • pyngthyngs May 9, 2009 @ 12:23 pm | delete
    What a wonderful lens. This is the first time I'm coming across a RocketMoms lens but not bullying. I do remember the bullies from elementary school and always laugh at how sad these types of people become in life. Fives stars and a fave.
  • MsSnow4a May 5, 2009 @ 2:29 pm | delete
    Great lens and great info.
  • aj2008 Apr 25, 2009 @ 2:55 am | in reply to ChineseKitesforKids | delete
    My Sparky is a very sweet girl. She is pretty and her nickname is Sparky because she has a very sparkly personality. What we have tried to do is help her see that the problem is with the other girl not with her. We suspect that the other girl is bullied at home, which is why I wrote the other lens "Does bullying run in families?".

    Although I dont think you should show your daughter that you are worried, if I were you I would be concerned about the other girl picking on her. The more she does it and gets away with it, then the more it will go on. That is how the bullies started off at my daughter's school. The school did not resolve it and so they ending up being the class predators for years.

    While we are trying to resolve the bullying and the nastiness, at the same time we have to find a way to make these sweet children capable of being assertive so they can stand up to these other children politely but firmly and retain their self esteem.
  • ChineseKitesforKids Apr 25, 2009 @ 2:34 am | delete
    Very powerful lens. I worry about my seven year old being bullied alot. She's very sweet and she gets picked on sometimes by an awful girl. It's nothing horrible but it could cause a self esteem issue or two? I think this is a great lens and you have a lot of information to absorb. Thank you for sharing.
  • cjsysreform Apr 23, 2009 @ 2:13 pm | delete
    Excellent information on an important topic. Thank you. 5* and favorited.
  • KarateKatGraphics Apr 20, 2009 @ 10:20 pm | delete
    There can't be too much info on this topic, as far as I'm concerned. Cyberbullying is the new frontier and is already happening in our (mostly wonderful) school district. Research shows bullying is bad for not only the bullied but the bullies and bystanders, too. Nobody wins. Great lens.
  • Amanda Apr 19, 2009 @ 6:00 pm | delete
    I think it is impotant for parents and children to learn about bulling. I always felt like becuase I wasen't popular or chubby everyone hated me. I did get blullied and I hated it.
    Finally I stood up for myslef and I learned that nothing is going to happen.
    So from then I learned how to stop bulling and I hope no one else has or had to threw what I did.
    Thanks
    Amanda
  • gardenlady Apr 17, 2009 @ 1:34 pm | delete
    This is the most incredible lens. So Very important. 5* and then some. Everyone knows someone who has been bullied. Thank you for bringing so many resources together all in one place.
  • alteredkat Apr 16, 2009 @ 11:29 am | delete
    Great lens - excellent information here...big concern for me as I have 2 wee ones in elementary school and we've already had some dealings with bullies...agh, as a mother I wish we could all skip that part of life.

    5*
  • MattTaylor Apr 15, 2009 @ 4:50 pm | delete
    Yep... I was bullied when I was at school... because I was "different." Small and skinny... I was pretty miserable about that...

    When I look back on that experience... I can appreciate how careful we have to be to make people feel included and accepted...

    Thanks for a great lens,

    Matt
  • mikeitloffe Apr 15, 2009 @ 1:13 am | delete
    Information like yours helps improving the life of people. 5 stars for this lens favorite. And you just got a new fan! Good job.
  • mikeitloffe Apr 15, 2009 @ 1:13 am | delete
    Information like yours helps improving the life of people. 5 stars for this lens favorite. And you just got a new fan! Good job.
  • Sarunas Apr 10, 2009 @ 6:35 am | delete
    Amazing lens. : )
    I gave you 5 stars : )
    Your are doing great job. Keep it up :)
  • Christene Apr 5, 2009 @ 10:51 pm | delete
    Blessed by a SquidAngel
  • jura Apr 3, 2009 @ 5:18 pm | delete
    Very good lens this's the problem in all of the schools aroud the country.That's a schools falt .
  • divacratus Apr 3, 2009 @ 12:45 pm | delete
    Loved this lens! Giving it a 5*. My cousin's daughter went through a lot of bullying at school. I can totally understand the trauma that a small kid goes through when she or he is subjected to bullying. Very informative.
  • paperfacets Mar 14, 2009 @ 4:19 pm | delete
    Bullying is a selfish reward for inner carvings to feel good. It should be dealt with in an open manner, so that everyone realizes it is unacceptable. Thanks for writing excellent lenses about it.
  • clemency Mar 12, 2009 @ 6:36 am | delete
    What a great lens with so much information. Thank you for being so honest about your experiences - as a Mum with school age children it is extremely helpful to me.
  • GrowWear Mar 11, 2009 @ 11:22 am | delete
    Honored to welcome this lens to the Memoirs Group. :)
  • StacyWhiting Mar 9, 2009 @ 9:03 pm | delete
    This is a powerful lens and I want to thank you for it. My daughter was bullied for a short time in first grade - it was not a good experience. This lens is one that every parent should read because these emotional scars stay with children forever. Thanks again!
  • SammySpam Feb 26, 2009 @ 9:52 pm | delete
    Great lens, definetely a must read for any parent with kids at shool. Lots of information, thankyou!
  • SammySpam Feb 26, 2009 @ 9:52 pm | delete
    Great lens, definetely a must read for any parent with kids at shool. Lots of information, thankyou!
  • rms Feb 19, 2009 @ 6:06 am | delete
    Thanks for taking on this difficult topic!
  • Feb 12, 2009 @ 3:00 am | delete
    Very informative lens - 5*. Feel free to visit my new lens Everything About Easter
  • JaguarJulie Feb 11, 2009 @ 1:29 pm | delete
    What I have yet to write about is my story about being on the receiving end of a female bully in 9th grade when we moved in with my grandparents. That one girl made this a rough year for her, but my grandmother told me to be strong among other things. Thank you for writing about an important and difficult subject.
  • WhitU4ever Feb 3, 2009 @ 2:35 pm | delete
    I can certainly relate the things you've written. I made a lens about all of the crazy things that go on in public schools, called Why We Need School Vouchers. Thanks for sharing this info with us... it is a very helpful resource. 5*'s and favorited.
  • wordstock Feb 1, 2009 @ 3:18 pm | delete
    I am raising my grandson who is in the 2nd grade. I do not like the way he and his teacher worked out the problem so I am going to take a more pro-active approach. Tomorrow, I will sit in his classroom until I decide how I will proceed. Our schools are too afraid to take action but after reading your lens, I have some other ideas. Thanks
  • boshemia Jan 29, 2009 @ 12:07 am | delete
    What a great topic! I lensrolled this to gifts for our children and the making of a school shooter. Since bully proofing is important in both topics
  • topstuff Jan 22, 2009 @ 4:01 am | delete
    What a fantastic lens AJ, my daughter is just starting to experience bullying now, I hate it, so thank you for sharing such helpful info in this lens
  • CCGAL Jan 21, 2009 @ 3:31 pm | delete
    I know this lens is focused on children, but I have experienced bullying both as a child in school, AND as an adult on the job. You have an excellent resource here, and some of the steps parents can take to help their children are also excellent ideas for adults who are being bullied, especially the keeping of a diary as proof.

    Great job, this lens. 5* and a fav.
  • Jan 20, 2009 @ 6:56 pm | delete
    This is a very common problem and must not taken for granted. Recommended lens.
  • debnet Jan 18, 2009 @ 12:14 pm | delete
    Hi Aj, just to let you now that I've posted this lens to a Facebook group called the Elsa group. Elsas are Emotional Literacy Support Assistants in schools. It's a small group just now but I know it'll take off soon ;)
  • aj2008 Dec 30, 2008 @ 9:34 am | in reply to bjhughes | delete
    Thank you for this link Betty - it is now featured on the Link List above.
  • bjhughes Dec 23, 2008 @ 8:38 am | delete
    Hi AJ - you were kind enough to post a comment about my first lens, and I happen to see you had this lens about bullying, which our oldest son had to deal with. Just wanted to mention a program called Bullies2Buddies - it's a very different approach but worked like a charm for us. It literally turned our son's bully into a friend. The site is bullies2buddies.com, and there are free downloadable manuals there designed for both kids and parents. Hope this is helpful!
  • awelldressedbullet Dec 17, 2008 @ 7:13 am | delete
    As not having any children, I can't even imagine the agony and hurt parents or their children go through. It is so sad that this problem even exists or that we as a society handle it so poorly. Thank you for such a well written and informative lens with such an important message. - Kathy
  • seegreen Dec 16, 2008 @ 3:56 pm | delete
    This is such an important issue.

    I recently read and highly recommend Please Stop Laughing At Us by Jodee Blanco. The author was bullied as a child and this book is about her quest to stop bullying in U.S. schools. Her first book is Please Stop Laughing At Me which I haven't read, and is about her school days being a victim of bullying.
  • alexkazam Dec 10, 2008 @ 2:25 am | delete
    A very important and informative lens- bullying is an unfortunate part of school life that often slips by unnoticed. It's something that definitely needs nipping in the bud to prevent it snowballing out of control. I believe that any child being bullied would also benefit from activities that will boost their self esteem and confidence such as drama lessons and martial arts- taught well with a balance of demand and support.
  • leacharlton Dec 9, 2008 @ 1:18 am | delete
    WOW, this is some lens - very informative and complete. Thank you. I cannot say that my children are being bullied now, though there have been times. Although our school district has an anti-bully program, they still do not handle the issue as it should be handled. Quite often the children receive a simple slap on the hand and the problem continues. I am glad that you are educating others, so that their children do not have to hear, "this is life" instead of "I'll take care of this for you". God Bless!
  • Phil Dec 8, 2008 @ 9:50 am | delete
    I wanted to add a resource for anyone suffering from bullying at school or a parent having to deal with any parenting problem.
    The people on the site are very experienced especially with single parent families
    Copy and Paste into your browser-
    http://www.onespace.org.uk
  • Phil Dec 8, 2008 @ 9:50 am | delete
    I wanted to add a resource for anyone suffering from bullying at school or a parent having to deal with any parenting problem.
    The people on the site are very experienced especially with single parent families
    Copy and Paste into your browser-
    http://www.onespace.org.uk
  • EuroSquid Dec 6, 2008 @ 4:59 am | delete
    I was bullied. I was the skinny, smart kid in class. You can imagine, I am sure. Your daughter is lucky that she has you on her side. You have obviously saved her much pain. I did not tell my parents. I guess I was ashamed to do so and we did not have such open and easy communication.

    This lens deserves an LOTD. I have favorited it. My wife is expecting. Maybe one day we will need this as a reference. But I hope we never will.
  • hlkljgk Dec 4, 2008 @ 7:21 pm | delete
    At the high school I worked for we had a voluntary girls discussion group around Odd Girl Out; definitely a must-read. Great information in this lens.
  • ronpass Dec 3, 2008 @ 2:29 am | delete
    This is a very valuable resource, especially the identification of signs of bullying. We have a son who was bullied mercilessly by two other boys for a period of nine months. We did not see the signs until the damage had been done - and it took two years for him to recover. Take a close look...if you see unexplained aggression, this may be a telltale sign. Thanks aj for your sharing.
  • fotolady49 Dec 2, 2008 @ 1:11 pm | delete
    Very informative lens. I have an 8 year old grandson. I will pass this on to my daughter so she can become more aware and for future reference...Thanks....5***** Can't wait until I have more time to finish reading all of it.....
  • Christopher_Scott Dec 2, 2008 @ 7:47 am | delete
    Great lens and thanks for commenting on my lens for the Month of Hope Challenge.
  • mistyblue75605 Nov 28, 2008 @ 9:48 am | delete
    congrats on top 100!
  • mistyblue75605 Nov 23, 2008 @ 8:15 pm | delete
    wow awesome lens and great info. I have been thinking that one of my boys was being bullied at school last year. We had books that we paid for but he would give them away... even though he was the one that picked out what books he wanted. so it wasn't like he didn't want them. Used to try and sneek money out of the house. among other signs. Thank god this year is soo much better.
  • d-artist Nov 23, 2008 @ 10:46 am | delete
    Yes, bullying is a sickness and transmitted from having been bullied, this making a person insecure...I personally was bullied in school, especially when I first came to Ameica, I was called a Nazi, Hitlers daughter, goose-stepped in my presents, screamed at etc...and I didn't even know what they where talking about. My mother used to say this to me "they are only words and you don't have to allow them to affect you" It is so true you alone have the power of your thoughts and emotions (outside of being ill) I have had many things happen in my life and could have gone down the wrong path, but I CHOSE not to....great lens...5*
  • aj2008 Nov 20, 2008 @ 6:48 am | in reply to eccles1 | delete
    Children bully for a variety of reasons, but sadly one of them is that they are bullied at home. I discuss this in my other lens: Does Bullying Run in Families?
  • marsha32 Nov 19, 2008 @ 8:41 pm | delete
    revisiting to congrarulate you on hitting the Top 100!
  • eccles1 Nov 19, 2008 @ 12:57 pm | delete
    This has been going on for many many years the question is why do kids became bullies ??
    Thank You
  • nightbear Nov 17, 2008 @ 8:03 pm | delete
    I don't have any children, but I was bullied as a child and all through high school because I was "brainy" and overweight and taller than everyone else. It was horrible and there didn't seem to be many resources. I am very happy you did this lens, and I am very happy you have your Sparky back.
  • pkmcr Nov 17, 2008 @ 1:31 pm | delete
    A very moving and inspiring lens

    Thank you for sharing

    Take care

    Paul
  • inkserotica Nov 17, 2008 @ 2:37 am | delete
    I'm so glad to hear that things have improved for 'Sparky' ;) She is so lucky to have such a caring and supportive mum. Your lens and story is inspiring. If I could give another 5* I would! :)

    P.S the security word is confident :)
  • Margo_Arrowsmith Nov 15, 2008 @ 12:08 pm | delete
    Glad you are bringing this up again, and cudos to Britain for having this week of recognition. I will recommend Stephan King's novel IT for anyone who wants some more insight from a different kind of source.

    I already gave ***** can't give anymore but would if I could
  • Dr-Cornelius Nov 12, 2008 @ 4:37 am | delete
    AJ - It's funny how we suppress things. I was bullied at school, for years. Made me leave at 16 instead of staying on for University. I went on to spend most of my working life helping others who were disenfranchised. The pain never leaves you but the memory does. It's been years since I thought about it, until I checked out your site. It's fantastic. Well done and thank you.
  • ArtByLinda Nov 6, 2008 @ 1:21 pm | delete
    AJ,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to congratulate me on LOTD for my Kootenay Lake, BC lens. I really appreciate you! :-) This lens is fantastic, and definately deserved lotd twice! Linda
  • aj2008 Nov 3, 2008 @ 11:51 pm | in reply to Mortira | delete
    Thank you Mortira. Leave a link to the lens here.
  • Mortira Nov 3, 2008 @ 7:46 pm | delete
    Hey AJ! I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I've chosen Bullying Awareness Week (November 16-22) as the theme for my November bead of the month. The unofficial color for anti-bullying groups here in Canada is pink, and many schools and other organizations wear pink all week to get people talking about the importance of bullying awareness. I've linked to your lens so that readers can get some great info about the cause and how important it is. Keep up the great work!
  • Angelina_Howard Nov 3, 2008 @ 11:31 am | delete
    Amazing and so very important. My oldest daughter has a physical disability and her first few years of school were very difficult. She was deemed as different and verbally abused many times. After constant meetings with the school, we finally moved to a better district. The district we are in now is amazing. Bullying, harassment , negativity are not tolerated. When this policy was put into place, the principal advised there were many suspensions and even a few expulsions. Our principal struggled most with the parents to get them to take his disciplinary actions serious. That is very sad!! Now a few years later - not one suspension nor expulsion occurs. The children are actually nice and caring in this school and my daughter loves it. Her confidence level has gone up and so has grades. This is so important to understand the repercussions bullying can do to a child.
  • Angelina_Howard Nov 3, 2008 @ 11:31 am | delete
    Amazing and so very important. My oldest daughter has a physical disability and her first few years of school were very difficult. She was deemed as different and verbally abused many times. After constant meetings with the school, we finally moved to a better district. The district we are in now is amazing. Bullying, harassment , negativity are not tolerated. When this policy was put into place, the principal advised there were many suspensions and even a few expulsions. Our principal struggled most with the parents to get them to take his disciplinary actions serious. That is very sad!! Now a few years later - not one suspension nor expulsion occurs. The children are actually nice and caring in this school and my daughter loves it. Her confidence level has gone up and so has grades. This is so important to understand the repercussions bullying can do to a child.
  • Tipi Oct 31, 2008 @ 8:52 pm | delete
    Powerful, compiling content! Thank you so much for getting this out. It came from within you! With tears....
  • Environbee Oct 30, 2008 @ 7:47 am | delete
    AJ - now you've really struck a nerve. Another great lens - You have some great content here and I really wish we had Squidoo when I was growing up and also when I was raising my children. I really think this lens needs some frontline recognition - well done .
  • Squidster Oct 28, 2008 @ 2:37 pm | delete
    I will keep a close eye on my sons and keep your lens handy, just in case. I have very vivid recollections of being bullied physically during my first years of school. The grown-ups of our time used to brush our fears aside, saying how we must learn to cope on our own, as that's all a part of growing up. There probably wasn't even a term for bully behavior. Surely, I don't want to raise wimpy whiners and will try to prepare them for the harsh realities of life. But I also want to ensure that they can enjoy a carefree childhood and grow into confident, kind and responsible members of society. Angel Blessings for this important, comprehensive resource! ^:)^
  • Tigga Oct 26, 2008 @ 12:40 pm | delete
    You mentioned the Anti-Bullying week UK in your squidcast. In my grandchildren's school there is now a volunteer advisor available several afternoons a week for parents to talk to. My 7 year old granddaughter tells me the children have been discussing the importance of always talking about anything that troubles them. This is a faith school, I don't know whether that makes any difference.
  • Pastiche Oct 23, 2008 @ 8:40 am | delete
    I was bullied at 2 different times by students, and by my 2nd grade teacher. I got support from the school staff to stop it each time. My own girls were defenders as they grew up. Fine lens, such a worthy topic. 5*s
  • Mr Webkinz Oct 14, 2008 @ 10:57 pm | delete
    What a great Lens! I remember the bullies very well when I was a kid. You have put together a very comprehensive list of excellent suggestions for helping a parent and thus a child through this horrific part of childhood.
  • debnet Oct 8, 2008 @ 4:41 pm | delete
    Glad to see this lens still doing well. :)
  • SharonMay Oct 8, 2008 @ 4:16 pm | delete
    Thank you for a very informative lens. Thankfully we have turn the corner with our son being bullied this year and he has found a new friendship group. He is so much happier.
  • Mortira Oct 5, 2008 @ 4:20 pm | delete
    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and reaching out to other parents. When I learned I was having a child, I was terrified that one day I would have to send him to public school. In North America, we've become very Spockian in schools, and teachers have NO power over the behavior of children in their care. Then I saw a story on CBC that gave me hope! There are still some good kids out there, thanks to active parents like you!
  • chefkeem Oct 5, 2008 @ 12:58 pm | delete
    A hearty SquidAngel Blessing for this incredibly important lens. This is Squidoo at its best!
  • Janet21 Oct 3, 2008 @ 8:25 pm | delete
    A very well written lens on an important topic. 5*s and Blessed by a Squid Angel. :)
  • diggyisking Oct 2, 2008 @ 3:43 am | delete
    Ok ran out of characters... NLP is a form of hypnosis, used in everyday speech, persuasion, a way of dealing with people that has a step up above the rest and you can diffuse a lot of situations, even turn them around in your favour!

    Just my little bit of advice:)

    Also the more your child shows he is affected by bullying, the more the bullying continues:)

    Great lens!
  • diggyisking Oct 2, 2008 @ 3:35 am | delete
    Wow interesting lens...but you wrote it from the persepective of a parent:)

    Ill share it with you from my view, since as a kid in school i was picked on a lot because I was the shy smart quiet kid:)

    The best way to help your kid against being bullied is not by taking control yourself and meddling with other kids and the school or the principal. It is an issure of respect amongst the kids, and your child needs to earn that.

    It is important that firstly they take on some martial art form to protect themselves against physical bullying, and martial arts also trains the mind and spirit, and makes someone a better person in general. Secondly, a thing that can create great respect amongst people is being able to dance. Send your child to breakdancing lessons.

    Teach him or her how to be confident, to not care what other people think to a degree, and how to handle certain situations...there are lots of books out there, maybe even NLP (neuro-linguistic prgramming).
  • marsha32 Sep 30, 2008 @ 5:54 pm | delete
    This is interesting and insightful.
  • ElizabethJeanAllen Sep 24, 2008 @ 3:36 pm | delete
    There are bullies at all levels, even adulthood. Teaching children how to handle the situation is not easy. Every situation is different. You offer some great information. That should help.
    Great lens
    Lizzy
  • debnet Sep 22, 2008 @ 3:28 pm | delete
    I'm glad to hear that your daughter has settled into High School...phew, what a relief for you!
  • Margo_Arrowsmith Sep 22, 2008 @ 9:36 am | delete
    Wow! What an extensive lens! Years ago I read the book, IT by Steven King. The whole premise was that when adults ignore bullying as if it were nothing big huge monsters get created and we have been seeing that in Columbine like incidents.

    I also don't want people to go overboard and think that everything between kids has to be settled by adults, because kids do need to learn.

    But leaving kids to bullies would be like having to cops tell you to work it out for yourself when you get mugged!

    Thanks for this 5* lens!
  • packetlog Sep 19, 2008 @ 12:39 pm | delete
    excellent lens. full of useful information for parents. thanks!!
  • Sep 18, 2008 @ 9:47 pm | delete
    Lucky you!! You're this weeks featured Lens on Parenting on Squidoo. Go ahead, take a peek!
    Ashley
    Everything You Need to Know About Attachment Parenting.
  • AMB1 Sep 18, 2008 @ 3:10 pm | delete
    Fantastic amount of information and research! Have you read "Odd girl out"? About alpha females and bullying.
  • richard_wheeler Sep 15, 2008 @ 11:12 pm | delete
    I was bullied as a child because all the children thought I was ugly and weird. And the worse part a had a teacher whom treated terribly as well. However, as I have matured and learned over the years how to deal with other people is to let it go and not let it bother me. People whom are doing the bullying are usually hurting themselves in someway and do not know how to deal with the pain. So they take it out on other children. What I have also learned through the years is the only people can really persevere is through trying times. I hope people can look at all their trials with that perspective! The lens was great! I too give it five stars.
  • aj2008 Sep 9, 2008 @ 5:43 am | delete
    Oh, WhitePineLane,if your son is constantly bullied I would say that his school has utterly failed him.

    My heart goes out to you all
  • WhitePineLane Sep 8, 2008 @ 11:54 pm | delete
    Wonderful lens! Unfortunately, my eldest is a "bully magnet" and has been bullied continually since Kindergarten. No one who hasn't lived through bullying can truly understand the pain and the effect it has on the child and on the whole family. Five stars and favorited!
  • GrowWear Sep 8, 2008 @ 10:55 am | delete
    Thank you for accepting Teach Children Character at Children and Parenting Group.
  • EverythingMouse Sep 8, 2008 @ 10:42 am | delete
    I am glad to be able to return to this lens and give it a very well deserved Squid Angel Blessing.
  • kellilvn Sep 8, 2008 @ 9:42 am | delete
    My son has mutliple disabilities and is the target of bullies at school all the time. Great site! 5 stars!
  • ByRoy Sep 8, 2008 @ 6:49 am | delete
    Excellent lens on a very difficult subject. I sure every parent would benefit from reading this.
  • 0ctavias0fferings Sep 8, 2008 @ 5:28 am | delete
    Excellent lens full of top quality information, well done :-)
  • Joan4 Sep 3, 2008 @ 4:28 pm | delete
    Extremely well done and very important information for all parents. As a grandma, this is of real concern to me! Thank you!
  • opalship Aug 31, 2008 @ 1:41 pm | delete
    Wow, this hit me.
    When I was a kid in school , we lived in a rough area, VERY ROUGH. Kids actually died, as the parents did not take part in their child manners and supervision.
    I recall 3 people at age 7 trying to strangle me to DEATH with a wire coat hanger to steal my bicycle. HONEST
    Not long after the lead bully was killed by a shop owner where the boys broke in.
    I think the parents are the source of this problem. Educating them is a real issue, perhaps schools need to do a little screening, an awkward proposal certain to meet with resistance and excuses.
    As for me, I had to learn to be a fighter. Not something fair to children, especially girls.
    Many people in school would cling to me to avoid the bullies.
    A child with challenges does not need the extra trouble when learning is challenge enough.
    Form a parent group outside the school purview, unity is hard to ignore if you persist as a team of concerned parents.
    Also ...see my other comment to you on SERVICE DOGS.
  • poddys Aug 24, 2008 @ 9:13 pm | delete
    Very nice lens, 5*****. This is a tragic problem I too was bullied at high school and my life was hell for several years.
  • Evelyn_Saenz Aug 22, 2008 @ 6:09 pm | delete
    Bullying is a difficult issue to deal with. I have found that it is important to have a time each day in the classroom to deal with social issue such as this one. I have been inspired by the Responsive Classroom movement and hope to write a lens about it soon.
  • nyfamily5 Aug 21, 2008 @ 8:09 am | delete
    Great Lens. My older son was bullied in school for a long time and it can affect so many things about them.
  • NaturalMommys Aug 21, 2008 @ 1:39 am | delete
    What a great topic and very imformative! You really will be making a difference in peoples lives with this lens. Glad I took the time to read it and I will rate it 5 stars for sure!
  • miragana Aug 19, 2008 @ 9:18 pm | delete
    I like the content of your lens.
  • inkserotica Aug 16, 2008 @ 4:08 am | delete
    Brilliant lens; I just wish I had help like this when I was bullied! x
  • TwoBrightHeads Aug 15, 2008 @ 5:28 pm | delete
    Good informative lens. Thank you.

    big bright head
  • tdove Aug 13, 2008 @ 7:56 pm | delete
    Thanks for joining G Rated Lense Factory!
  • Aug 12, 2008 @ 4:16 pm | delete
    Hello!
    Thanks for joining the group Parenting On Squidoo,
    I've just featured your lens, please check it out to make sure its in the right category, and if you feel
    inspired vote on a poll or two.

    Warmly,

    Ashley
  • a_willow Aug 12, 2008 @ 3:41 pm | delete
    Check my 'it's all parents fault?' debate! I'm sure you have opinion on that issue!
    There is also some great posters on bullying that could fit perfectly on this lens!
  • SemperFidelis Aug 12, 2008 @ 12:49 pm | delete
    A very excellent lens and a great resource on bullying.
    Blessed by a Squid Angel today! :)
    Colleen ~ www.squidoo.com/squid-angel
  • chefkeem Aug 11, 2008 @ 3:40 pm | delete
    This is such an important lens, and very well designed. Thank you. 5*s
  • Aug 5, 2008 @ 5:15 am | delete
    very helpful lens. I really hate this kind of situation at school. Even though I haven't been bullied when I'm in grade school but I've seen other students experiencing this. It's really difficult..
  • mulberry Jul 31, 2008 @ 11:50 am | delete
    Important topic. Appreciate the tips!
  • bdkz Jul 29, 2008 @ 2:08 pm | delete
    Great information here!
  • debnet Jul 28, 2008 @ 3:51 pm | delete
    Thank you for joining the Emotional Wellbeing Group :)
  • ckinadg Jul 28, 2008 @ 7:23 am | delete
    To be bullied is hard; to defend someone who is being bullied is even harder. Sometimes, we find it hard to take a stand because we are always trying to please everyone, but I think ultimately we will need to choose a stand (and hopefully the good side) or else we'll end up being the losers: despised by both the bullies and the bullied.

    5*!
  • Amanda_Blue Jul 27, 2008 @ 11:46 am | delete
    There are few things more terrible in a child's life than being bullied. I went through it at a famous and very progressive private school in Manhattan. The bully/ringleader was a girl who had come to that school from another one-- with a gang of friends. Her (their) bullying took the form of excluding me. This began when we were all 9 years old. My personality changed radically which particularly showed itself in MY bullying a young and very sensitive gym teacher,in class, who was new to the school and whose life I made miserable. There were many other ramifications in my life as well. It is terrific that you have written this very comprehensive lens on the subject. I never mentioned what was going on to my parents; it would have been far better had I done so. 5* and favorited!
  • aj2008 Jul 24, 2008 @ 6:22 am | delete
    Thanks for your comments everyone.

    Debnet is right, we really should make notes at the time of the meeting and then get all parties to sign that they agree.

    And Debnet is also right that other work needs to go on with the children to help them develop their assertiveness skills and increase their self confidence so that they find it easier to stand up to the bullies. This is what happened with both our daughters and their friends. However, in this lens I just wanted to concentrate on how to handle the school. But there is definitely plenty of material that would be helpful, that would make more lenses to link in with this one.
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aj2008

Sadly bullying at school has affected us over the last few years and I hope that by sharing what I have learned, I can help you and your children. more »

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