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The Definitive Guide To Buttocks

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All You Need To Know About Butts

Its a Saturday morning and Im out doing some shopping.

So, Im walking down the street minding my own business when from afar I can see a young woman coming towards me in the opposite direction.

I immediately go into attraction mode.

I take a deep breath, run a hand over my bald head, stand up straight and slowly exhale.
My posture changed from a semi-relaxed slouch to an upright, confident position. Eyes forward, chin up and most importantly......smile.

As we got closer I could see that she was, in my eyes, average looking and had a nice figure.......not bad.

We walked past each other, exchanged split second glances and carried on forward on our seperate paths.

The thing is, for me it didnt end there. I could hear the voice in my head saying,
" Turn around "
" Go on! Turn around and check her ass out! "
" Do it now! Shes getting further away! "

So I turn to look.

A couple seconds of stareing directly at her butt and with a satisfied feeling I turn back around and carry on about my business.

Now I know Im not the only guy that seems to have this erge to look back; and I know many women do it too.

What I want to know is why our butts feature so strongly in the physical attraction game?!
What is it about a persons toosh that makes us want to go,......." mmmmm!!!! "

Im going to be mainly focusing on the female derriere here, ( its a tough job but....), so if there are any women out there expecting to catch a glimpse of Brad Pitts ass then I suggest you go rent out the, Thelma and Lousie, DVD.

Defenition Of Gluteal

Gluteal

Pertaining to the buttock region formed by the gluteal muscles.:

Gluteus Maximus
Gluteus Medius
Gluteus Minimus

These muscles extend the thighs and help support the body in standing. They also serve in hip abduction, ( spreading the legs ).

A Tiny, Yet Majestic Creature.

" The Butt Ox "

Tush, Clunes, Buttress, Apples, Hams...........

Power Of The Female Form

Nothing seems more attractive to men than women`s booty in super tight sexy jeans..............or a well fitted skirt........leggings, high cut shorts, G-String, bikinis.....

Come to think of it, I dont think men care what garments are worn on the ass. Even better....naked would most certainly be acceptable!

Truth is, no matter how small, big, plump, wobbly, flabby, skinny, shapeless you may think your ass is, if your wearing something that looks good on you, or just generally feel good about yourself, then chances are men will look.

The female form in general is beautiful, but there is something about the ass that just draws your eyes to it. Its like a beacon giving off undetectable signals telling us to " LOOK HERE! " or " CHECK ME OUT! "

So with its few uses, is this also an undercover attraction device?....I think so!

Yes, we have our many ways of drawing in our prey and the ass is one of them.

You women know what Im talking about; you have been trained throughout your lives, through media, peers etc, to use the ass. Sometimes it gets you what you want! Sometimes it gets you what you dont want!

Many men become quite vunerable when presented with one of these natural works of art...especially if its attached to a women they are attracted to. I am one of these men, and we are defenseless against it.

So what I have here in this lens is an analysis of the female backside.

Maybe here lies the secret to its power!

" G-String!!!! "

The Three Gluteus Muscles

Gluteus Maximus

This is the largest of the three gluteal muscles.
Its very powerful, and makes up a large portion of the shape and appearance of the buttocks.

The primary actions of this muscle are extension and lateral rotation of the femur. It swings the leg powerfully backwards.
It works more effectively if the body is bent forward at the hip.

It maintains the trunk in the erect posture but is usually inactive during walking.

Gluteus muscles come into play in many sports, such as volleyball, hockey, basketball, soccer and football.

Gluteus Medius

The middle of the three gluteal muscles. It is broad and thick.

Its posterior third is covered by the gluteus maximus.
Its actions are thigh abduction when the limb is extended, external and internal hip rotation.

Gluteus Minimus

This is the smallest of the three muscles.

It is fan shaped and situated beneath the gluteus medius.

Is actions are hip abduction, transverse abduction and internal rotation.

The Study

A big ass or a little ass?

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass. I thought the results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their ass is too big.

10% of women think their ass is too little.

The other 5% say that it doesn't matter, they love him and would have married him anyway.

Tush Translations

Learn 20 Different Languages

TRANSLATION------------------LANGUAGE-----------------LOCATION

kont -------------------------------Belgian---------------------- Belgium
bunda-----------------------------Portuguese -----------------Brazil
pigu-------------------------------Chinese----------------------China
kolos------------------------------Greek------------------------ Cyprus
cul---------------------------------French----------------------- France
arsch----------------------------- German ---------------------Germany
okole----------------------------- Hawaiian-------------------- -Hawaii
fenek ---------------------------- Hungarian------------------- Hungary
tahat------------------------------Hebrew -----------------------Israel
culo-------------------------------Italian----------------------- - Italy
oshiri-----------------------------Japanese-------------------- Japan
zadnica-------------------------- Macedonian----------------- Macedonia
punggung------------------------ Malay------------------------ Malaysia
kont------------------------------ Dutch------------------------- Netherlands
men som-------------------------Norweigan--------------------Norway
puwet or pwet-------------------Filipino----------------------- Philippines
cur-------------------------------- Romanian------------------- Romania
zhopa---------------------------- Russian---------------------- Russia

Phone Prank

What?

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Aesthetic Analysis Of The Gluteal Region

" Characteristics Of A Caboose "

Here is something that caught my attention while surfing the net.

A bunch of researchers and plastic surgeons asked the question,
" What makes a womans buttocks beautiful? "

They pondered on the question and then decided to find out.

A report was written up and here is what it said........

" To discover what makes the gluteal region attractive and seductive, we studied 2,400 photographs of nude women ages 20 - 35 years.
Pictures as seen from behind, in different postures and actions to identify each of the features and anatomic elements that create harmony and beauty. "

WHAT?!!!!!!

Basically, these researchers got paid to look at women`s asses all day to determine which type is the most aesthetic!

You dont need a Degree to figure that out.......just ask any male teenager and you will get an answer straight away!

I have a feeling that a teen would have loads of magazines filled with photographs of the aesthetic derriere. Chances are he would also have DVDs on the subject......trust me, these kids have years of experience.
After many years of " analysing " these photographs the researchers came up with this conclusion.

There are four characteristics considered consistent features of beauty.
  1. Lateral Depression, ( dimples on side of butt ).
  2. Infragluteal Fold, ( crease under the butt ).
  3. Supragluteal Fossettes, ( the two hollows located on either side just above the butt ).
  4. V - Shaped Crease, ( check photo ).

Model 

Synonyms

Butt....in other words.

Have I missed any out?
  • Tush
  • Butt
  • Buns
  • Rear
  • Caboose
  • Taillights
  • Derriere
  • Fanny
  • Behind
  • Ass
  • Keister
  • Booty
  • Hinney
  • Hind-end
  • Rump
  • Bottom
  • Bums
  • Cheeks

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!”

Amusing Video

Talking Ass

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Improving Your Look

Some Helpful Tips

  • Use support underwear. Body shapers will make your butt look firmer. It is like an instant butt lift.
  • Good jeans will help your butt. If your butt is big, do not make it look bigger or saggy with long waisted pants or jeans.
  • Avoid tapered jeans and pants. They create the illusion of an elongated and deformed picture of a woman wearing a pair of jeans with a tight fit to give her butt a lift. If your butt is big, they will make it look bigger. Beside they are not in fashion.
  • If your butt is small, look for darker jeans with pockets right on top of the butt.
  • Light jeans make us look bigger and they are also not in fashion.
  • Look for straight or boot cut jeans. Avoid jeans that do not hug the butt or you will look flat.
  • Jeans with Lycra are great for a saggy or smaller butt. They give a butt lift.
  • Many spas are offering butt facials. There are also treatments such as bleaching and hair removal to make the private area look good. These are professional treatments done in spas and salons. However, if all you want is a soft butt, you do not have to go to such extremes. A good exfoliant is all you need.

" The buttocks are the most aesthetically pleasing part of the body because they are non-functional. Although they conceal an essential orifice, these pointless globes are as near as the human form can ever come to abstract art "

Kenneth Tynan

Inventions For The Keister

You want me to wear that?!!!

ISNT IT AMAZING WHAT A PERSON CAN THINK UP WHEN THEY ARE BORED....AND PROBABLY PENNILESS.

HERE ARE A FEW INVENTIONS DESIGNED TO HELP US IN SITUATIONS INVOLVING OUR TUSH.

AIRBAG UNDERSHORTS:

If falling on your behind isn't humiliating enough, why not draw even more attention to your plight by wearing inflatable underwear?

These underwear detect a fall via sensors, sending gas into balloon-like pockets and basically inflating your ass! Acceleration, distance and rotation are measured to determine whether activation is required - so no running, jumping, swimming, walking, dancing...with these undies on!

BUTTOCKS SUPPORT DEVICE

I would love to try on one of these!

It seems this product is doing quite well in the market.
Apparently this " undergarment " lifts, supports, and shapes a person's buttocks similar to the underwire bra that is a fairly common undergarment for women today.

They have these for men too and also have a thong version,( not sure how that could hold anything in place ).

To me, this looks like somekind of Wedgie torture device!!

BUTT SPREADER

Now here is a revelutionary idea.
This thing is a specially designed toilet seat that automatically spreads the ass cheeks for you.

Why does it do that?.......well apparently we need a contraption like this in our lives because we are unable to take a clean dump.

"The invention aims to facilitate defaecation for the user in a simple, comfortable manner and preventing soiling in the area around the anus when defaecating ".

Mmmm.....what an ingenious idea.

For The Ladies

Which Ass Would You Like To Have?

Watch the, " 10 Celebrity Booties " slideshow above.

Lets assume for a moment that you arent happy with the butt you already have.

If you could choose to have a new one, which of the booties in the list below would you go for?

1 = first choice
10 = last choice

1

Vote Up
Vote Down

Jennifer Ellison4 points

2

Vote Up
Vote Down

Maria Sharapova3 points

3

Vote Up
Vote Down

Kate Hudson1 point

4

Vote Up
Vote Down

Carmen Electra1 point

5

Vote Up
Vote Down

Kristen Bell1 point

6

Vote Up
Vote Down

Beyonce

0 points

7

Vote Up
Vote Down

Brooke Burke0 points

8

Vote Up
Vote Down

Jessica Alba0 points

9

Vote Up
Vote Down

Jessica Biel0 points

10

Vote Up
Vote Down

Sofia Vergara0 points

Butt Facials

" The New Fad "

Well, its already spread across America and is on its way to a city near you. This is the latest craze.

Here is a new way for spas to earn money, and its pretty big money too with prices of $300 to $800 per treatment!

So what exactly is it?

Butt facials involve cleansing and detoxifying the skin on a persons rear-end.

After at least two sessions the treatment will create a firmer, tighter, toner butt and could last quite a few weeks, ( depending on how well you treat your ass in that time ).

It starts with an exfoliation and cleansing, followed by 30 minutes of microcurrent therapy to reduce cellulite.
Then a mask is applied to deep cleanse the skin.

All spas differ with treatment and your looking at about an hour of your time with your bare butt exposed to a total stranger.

I may joke around, but I actually think this is a good idea. I used to be a masseuse myself so I know many of these ideas do work.

If I was a rich dude living in Beverly Hills then I would have no problem paying $800 to bare my ass to a pretty masseuse.

Of course............Im not rich.......so I guess that isnt going to happen!

Surgery

Buttock Augmentation

Butt implants, or also known as buttock augmentation and gluteal implants are usually used as a last resort for people who want a shapely bottom but no matter what they do, cant seem to be able to achieve that goal.

Implants are intended for men and women who would like curves and/or a well-balanced physique. " The procedure will increase the individuals buttock contour by creating a fuller shape "

For more details check out the blogs below.

Books To Read

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“I cant hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if youre going to hit a golf”

Booty Power

Afterthought

So what have I learned while writing this lens?

Well, its apparent that our, " rear-end " plays a major part in our lives.

It has more uses than I thought!
  1. The natural padding is great for our comfort when sitting down.
  2. Its great to lay your head on someones butt, the waterbed effect is kinda relaxing.
  3. If the kids are bored then let them bounce on it. It keeps them busy and you get an ass massage in the process.
    Just be careful, because if the kid falls down on you.... head first, you got yourself an issue.......you know what Im saying?!!!
  4. The butt has many ways of attracting a partner. The way it moves when we walk, its strength when we exercise, the curves, size, feel all contibute.
    This shows in the amount of services and products available on the market for us to improve our asses.
  5. Its used as a communication tool.
    A good example is, "The Moonie". Depending on the situation The Moonie can mean different things.
    It can say:

    " Hey guys, laugh at me, have fun! "

    or

    " Eat me, buddy!! "
  6. Where would we be today without, " The Wedgie ".

    In schools around the world, bullies mastered this technique to give them the Alpha status that they required.

    Yeh....thats a great idea, lets pull someones underwear up over their head and watch them walk around all day!!
  7. Lets not forget, " spanking". A combination of pain and pleasure.

Write your opinions here

Was this interesting?

Hi everyone,

I had a lot of fun making this lens.

I hope you like it.

Andy

  • YourFirstTime Jul 13, 2011 @ 7:36 pm | delete
    This proves it. There; a lens for everyone.
  • bcarter Jul 6, 2011 @ 5:16 am | delete
    I have to admit that I prejudged you a little before even opening this lens. I apologize, this is a very well written lens. Thanks for the morning chuckle.
    B
  • PeteSchultz Apr 28, 2011 @ 8:53 am | delete
    very amusing....to tackle this subject, one would have to be witty and brave....or just an ass.
  • LoKackl Aug 20, 2009 @ 3:32 pm | delete
    Very cute, very original. VERY honest. I like your sense of humor. (It must be the poems.hhmmmm.. ) Made me smile and smile.
  • Sojourn Jul 28, 2009 @ 12:11 am | delete
    No comment. Simply laughing hysterically! :)
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