(by 38 people)
Picking up the pieces to become whole again.
When the heart breaks, all else in the world tends to lose its luster. Sometimes picking up the pieces after a break up or divorce can prove to be more of a challenge than the relationship itself was. Every day, countless people are confronted by the painful reality of love lost. While every situation has its own unique circumstances, there are also a number of universal qualities that can be found within the series of emotions typically experienced as the result of a break up or divorce. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for a broken heart but there are measures that can be taken in order to smooth out some of the bumps along the road to recovery. Resist that urge to fall apart at the seams and instead, take advantage of the opportunity to develop a new and improved you! Breaking Up Without Breaking Down is a newly published break up survival guide that puts you back into the driver's seat of your life. Designed for both men and women alike, it adopts a more universal approach to healing. In addition to common sense advice and a few innovative ideas to facilitate healing, it also provides readers with a unique glimpse into the personal struggles of others who have endured and ultimately survived a messy divorce or painful break up. If you are in the market for a guide that will help you start picking up the pieces to become whole again, this is the book for you. It can be found through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, as well as various online retailers. It is also available at a discounted rate through its own website at: www.BreakingUpWithoutBreakingDown.com
About the book
A peek inside Breaking Up Without Breaking Down...
Breaking Up Without Breaking Down is unique from most other break up survival guides that are currently available in two ways:First of all, it was designed to address issues faced by both men and women alike. Unlike other survival guides that tend to offer gender biased advice, Breaking Up Without Breaking Down offers a more objective perspective and advice that can be applied by just about anybody.
Secondly, it offers a glimpse into the lives of others who have been through hell and back with regards to love and relationships. Their stories are summarized and include a quote from each contributor with personal advice on what to do and what not to do when recovering from a broken heart. In order to maintain the objective pace of the book, there are fifteen relationship profiles presented from both the male and female perspective. Also, a distinct effort was made to include a diverse range of personal experiences so that all readers can find something to relate to.
The premise of the book is the idea that the end of love does not need to equal the end of happiness. Readers are presented with an exploration of the emotions that are commonly experienced during the aftermath of a break up or divorce as well as suggestions for ways to channel those emotions effectively.
Because sometimes it is easier to learn from the mistakes of others than it is from our own, readers are invited to discover the pitfalls and promises experienced by others in similar situations.
Following please find a summary of the book's table of contents:
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction
Chapter 1: Common Factors
Chapter 2: Boys and Broken Hearts
Chapter 3: Girls and Broken Hearts
Chapter 4: Step One - Acceptance
Chapter 5: Step Two - Ride the Emotional Roller Coaster
Chapter 6: Step Three - Reinvention
Chapter 7: Forgiveness
Chapter 8: Children and Divorce
Chapter 9: Personal Chronicle
Chapter 10: Final Thoughts
Great Stuff on Amazon
Breaking Up Without Breaking Down
Amazon Price: $11.65 (as of 01/08/2009) 
Should you stay or should you go?
the IF factor
Denial is such a powerful force to be reckoned with.We all deserve to be happy. But sometimes it's hard to know exactly what happiness means to us, especially when the one we love is also the source of our misery.
Should you find yourself struggling with the question of whether or not to end a romantic relationship with someone you may love, consider the following:
Is there an IF factor?
And by that I mean, when you think about the relationship you have with this person, do you find yourself thinking "it would be so perfect, IF only.... " fill in the blank?
Though no relationship is without problems, true love should be completely free of the IF factor. The one you love is either perfect for you or would be perfect for you. It's important to be honest with yourself about whether the former or the latter applies to your own situation.
Regardless of how much love may exist, how much time you have invested or whatever else you may use to justify staying in a relationship that isn't living up to your expectations, nobody should ever have to settle for less! So if you are unsure about whether or not you should give up, signs may be pointing toward that dreaded white flag.
Neither path is ever easy but life is far too short to compromise your worth, especially if your partner isn't validating that worth.
The truth is, if you even have to ask yourself whether or not you should go, then you probably already know the answer...
Mind over matter
Self-help starts with YOU
I think the concept of self-help may often be misunderstood.Having recently published a break up survival guide, I noticed how some people seem to believe that simply reading the book will magically cure them of their emotional pain. The truth is that there is no such thing as a quick fix.
The answers do not lie within the pages of a book or "self-help program". They lie inside each and every one of us. Sometimes it takes an awful lot of digging to find them but the key is to stay positive and keep moving forward.
Self-help books can be useful guides and sources of inspiration but unless the self is willing to do its part, then very little progress will be made.
The concept of mind over matter is quite real and if used properly, can really work to one's advantage. Self-help is usually nothing more than training the mind to prevail.
No matter how dire the circumstances may seem, changing the way you perceive that situation will have a drastic influence on the way you feel about it. And of course, the way you feel about it determines how much power it will have over you and your life.
Granted, this is much easier said than done but it is possible and with enough conscious effort, even likely. There is nothing wrong with using self-help products to point you in the right direction as long as you don't expect them to do all of the work.
Break Up Commandments
Rules to heal by...
1. I shall NOT contact my ex.2. I shall NOT keep pictures or reminders of my
ex in plain view.
3. I shall NOT plot revenge against my ex.
4. I shall NOT blame myself for that which is
out of my control.
5. I shall NOT be careless with my body.
6. I shall NOT be ashamed to cry or release my
emotions.
7. I shall NOT isolate myself from my friends
and family.
8. I shall NOT be careless with the hearts of
others.
9. I shall NOT settle for less than I deserve.
10. I shall NOT stop moving forward.
Relationship Funeral
Preparing to move on...
In many ways, recovering from a break up or divorce can sometimes appear to be more daunting than coping with the loss of a loved one to death's embrace.When someone we love dies, there are specific procedures in place...traditions that allow us to grieve the loss and prepare ourselves for a life without that person in it.
But when a relationship or a marriage ends, because no one has physically died, the loss is hardly ever properly mourned. The truth is, however, that something has died...the relationship has.
Even though your ex may still be alive and kicking, you will need to prepare yourself to live a life without him/her in it and as such, should plan to mourn the loss accordingly. If there are children invovled, obviously your ex will still be around to some degree but you will nonetheless need to adjust to a different kind of life than the one you were used to living with him/her.
Though it might sound silly at first, from a psychological standpoint, conducting a relationship funeral could help to facilitate a sense of much needed closure.
Just how to go about having a relationship funeral is entirely up to you. It can be a private affair where you go through the motions on your own or you can invite some of your closest friends and family to attend and support you as you say your goodbyes.
The first thing you want to do is schedule a set place, date and time for the event. Then gather all pictures, letters, mementos, etc. Once you are ready to begin, take some time to reflect on the relationship in question.
Be objective during this process, acknowledging both the good and bad points. You can do this silently to yourself or if you prefer, you might say a few parting words aloud or ask your friends and family to do the same.
Recognize that this relationship was once a part of your life and that from this moment on, it will live on only in your memory. Find it within yourself to accept that through the death of this relationship, a new world of opportunity is opening its doors to you.
Once you have said your goodbyes, take those things you have gathered for this purpose and either set them ablaze or bury them in a designated area. Regardless of how you choose to dispose of these things you've collected, imagine that you are disposing of your pain along with them.
Of course a relationship funeral cannot magically erase the pain but if taken seriously, it can be a useful exercise that will bring you one step closer to achieving a true sense of closure. That possibility alone makes it well worth the effort.
Night in Kalapa
by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
Night in KalapaThis time it happened -
I was caught in a thunderstorm
I spun and twirled
I was dizzy, I was happy
I was caught off guard.
This whirlwind caught my heart
At just the right moment.
I needed this, I wanted this.
I needed everything to fall apart
Like feathers from a pillow
Tossed high into the sky.
Everything came falling down,
Gliding on a breeze caught in its own time -
Energy that could not be measured.
Comet shoots across my existence.
This wonderful force does not know where it will go.
I need things to fall apart
I want things to fall apart.
All through time, all through the day
I have held on and held on tight.
Now everything has fallen apart.
The sun and the moon know how to fall apart.
Spring knows how to be summer
Autumn leaves know how to fall down.
Can I be like the seasons
And know that falling apart
Is the movement of time,
The movement of life?
I have not given up,
I have simply woken up.
This burst of energy
That I cannot contain in my being
Wants to hug something
It wants to twirl and spin
It wants mayhem.
I am mayhem.
I am claustrophobia self-liberated,
Hesitation with a friend called fathomlessness.
I am that smile
That shines across the sky.
If you look up, you will see me
And fall apart.
Break up videos
Quote Collection
Get sad, get mad and then get inspired!
Tear jerker quotes
Words and hearts should be handled with care for w more...1 point
Angry quotes
There are very few people who are not ashamed of h more...0 points
Quote Collection Continued
Get mad, get sad and then get inspired!
Inspirational quotes
Getting over a painful experience is much like cro more...1 point
Random quotes
Sometimes I wish I were a kid again; skinned knees more...1 point
Break up Jokes
Sometimes you just need a good laugh
#1
If you love something, set it free...
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes b more...1 point
#3
How to impress a man or a woman...
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
1.Compliment her, 2. cudd more...1 point
#5
The trouble with spaghetti...
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shor more...0 points
Regret or rejoice...you decide!
Tell us where your last relationship ranks...
Alfred Lord Tennyson was a fellow broken heart survivor who endorsed a rather optimistic view of love. How does his age-old saying apply to your most recent experience with love?
LoveScope
See what the stars have in store for you...
Break up resources
- Daily Strength
- This is an incredible resource for positive support in all its forms. It offers free membership to various communities including a community for break ups/divorce. The people are wonderful and serve as a great network of support.
- eNotAlone
- Another free resource for online break up/divorce support.
- Whats up! Friend
- Free online dating and personals site with million of users.
- BellaOnline Dating Site
- A plethora of free news, tips and articles related to dating.
- Breaking Up Without Breaking Down
- Additional information about the book upon which this lens is based, Breaking Up Without Breaking Down.
Got a question, comment or suggestion?
Please deposit your two cents here...
SemperFidelis wrote...
You have a lot of stuff here. Great job! Blessed by a Squid Angel today! :o)
Posted March 09, 2008
the-secret wrote...
It is tough starting out with relationships knowing that most fail. I've written an article "Is Your Relationship A 10?". You can find it here: Http://www.tameyourbrain.com/relationship.htm
Powerful Relationship Ecourse!
Posted March 05, 2008
MaryJDressel wrote...
Pretty awesome concept. I think we've all been there, and it's great for you to do this book. Best of luck.
Mary J. Dressel
http://www.maryjdresselbooks.com
The Enchantment Series
Visions of Enchantment
Enchantment's Embrace
Posted December 16, 2007
Giannis256 wrote...
Thank you for this one. It's simple really now that I think of it, look forward, value what you have. But when you're inside these situations, all emotional, mind plays some nasty tricks.
Posted December 15, 2007
