Divorce Busting: Saving Your Marriage...

Maybe you and your spouse are talking about divorce, or maybe you are already separated. It's okay if your spouse isn't ready to work things out just that, for now we are going to just talk about you.

I want you to get a clear vision in your head of you and your spouse not attached by a wedding ring, but by a rubber band. As your spouse pulls away from you, and you follow right along behind them trying to bring them back to you, what happens to that rubber band?

Nothing, it just sags in between the two of you doing nothing. It serves no purpose.

Now what happens if you just sit right where you are and let them go? That rubber band begins to stretch right? So what happens when it stretches as far as it will go? It snaps back doesn't it?

Your first instinct when you feel someone pulling away from you is to chase after them, but for now I want you to remember than rubber band. Go get one and put in around your wrist if you have to just to remind yourself.

That rubber band is love, and every time you are tempted to follow your spouse from room to room trying to get them to talk things out, or work on your problems I want you to think about that rubber band.

If you follow them, you are short circuiting the natural job of that rubber band between the two of you. Let it do its job. If that love is still alive, they will come back to you when they are ready, that rubber band will pull them back.

But you ask... what if their love isn't still alive?

Remember the rubber band while we move on to step two.

Take that rubber band around your wrist if you have one, stretch it as far as you can and let go. Ouch! That hurt didn't it? Now, do it again. No? Why not? Because you already know what will happen now right?

Okay, chances are you already knew what would happen before I asked you to do it the first time, this is probably what kept you from doing it in the first place right? The results are pretty predictable.

Now back to your marriage, chances are that there are some pretty predictable things about your marriage as well aren't there? If you really think about it I'll be you can think of several things that have had fairly consistent results in your marriage, am I right?

Let's face it, what you have been doing in your marriage hasn't worked very well in the past, yet you keep trying to do it the same way don't you?

Now, look at our little rat friend here. Rats are fairly smart animals, that's why they are used in so many experiments. The scientist sets the cheese in the maze, then turns the rat loose. The rat searches tunnel number one, tunnel number two, tunnel number three, and finally finds it in tunnel number four.

If they keep placing the cheese in tunnel number four, eventually that rat is going to understand this and start going directly to the forth tunnel and ignore the other three.

Now, what happens if they move the cheese to tunnel number one? The rat looks around for awhile and begins exploring the other tunnels, eventually he finds the cheese and all is well again.

That's what happens in marriage, we figure out what works and we keep doing it. Then one day it stops working, and instead of looking for a new way to approach it, we humans keep trying the same things. We keep forcing it, just knowing if it worked at one time it is bound to work again if we just try hard enough.

Humans are smarter than rats, but they are also far more stubborn.

By now you are figuring out that I mislead you a little bit aren't you? I told you we were going to change your spouse, but all we have really been doing is changing you.

That it turns out, is exactly the point.

You can't change other people, but you can change yourself.

If your spouse says they don't want to be with you anymore, then what are your options?

You can keep trying to change them and doom yourself to failure,

or...

you can work on becoming not only someone your spouse wants to spend time with but you are very likely going to find yourself becoming someone you like even more.

If you have been sitting at home every night while your spouse goes out with friends, get up and go out with your own friends.

If you have been working late every night, make it a point to come home on time.

If you have been waiting for your spouse to come around before you made a big change in your life, stop waiting and just do it.

Michelle Weiner-Davis has a remarkable range of products that really will change your life and everyone in it, but most of all they will change you and how you look at life.

She also offers marriage coaching, and support forums for those using her products. To visit her site, click the link below.

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