Canadian humor, facts, fiction, language, and traditions.

Back in Canada's early days incoming ships did not consider Canada's native population to be the rightful owners of this land. So the first ships to land in Canada claimed the land as rightfully theirs to own. The English were the first people to lay claim to Canada, but they found this land to be a cold, and inhospitable country. The land was officially theirs on paper but they were not all that interested in colonizing Canada.

Canada did not seem to have much to offer up to the English, it was just so gosh awful cold and barren, that it really did not seem to be a location that any of the English would want to relocate to.

So along came the French who figured that Canada was free for the taking, and so decided to place a stake into this new land, by moving their french speaking population onto it.

Not too long after this occupation by the French, England got a funny little notion that a certain furry Canadian critter with a big flat tail that lived within those backwoods was something that they could use. The Canadian Beaver had a thick fur coat which could be designed into really super duper nice warm hats for the English elite to wear on those cold British evenings. The Brits wanted those fur hats, which meant that the English now had a heightened interest in re-staking their claim to Canada, and they were willing to fight for their rightful claim on Canada.

After a few years of squabbling and shooting at each other, France starting thinking that Canada really was not worth having such a great big fight over, so the French gave up. France signed over to England the rights to all of the lands belonging to Canada, as well as the rights to Canada's furry little Beaver inhabitants, and that ended that debate.

What remained on Canadian soil was a large population of French speaking Canadians who did not want to, or were unable to, leave Canada. There were in fact more French speaking Canadians, then there were English speaking ones, and these French Canadians had absolutely no desire to let go off their traditional language. Which of course made enforcing English as the official language of Canada just a wee smidge difficult.

The French population within Canada continued to speak french even after England claimed this country as it's own, and the newly arriving British population could not make them change their minds, so the English spoke English and the French spoke french. Which means that Canada was now officially a country with two languages, Canadian French, and Canadian English.

Ah but this is not where the story ends, it turns out that when the English allowed the French to maintain their language and distinct cultural heritage, that they opened up a whole tasty jar of multiculturalism for everyone to enjoy. Canada now became a nation of tolerance and acceptability toward it's incoming immigrants.

Canadian immigrants are accepted into the mainstream but respectfully allowed to maintain a large degree of their heritage, language, and culture. Canada has two official languages, but these are largely influenced by the many distinct cultural communities that now reside within this multi-cultural country.

The furry little creature who started this whole scenario wound up becoming one of Canada's most recognized national symbols. The thick coated, big toothed, flat tailed beaver now proudly graces Canada's five cent coin.

Eh, it's a Canadian thing.

Yep, there are a still a couple more historic events that occurred which greatly influenced Canadian culture. The introduction of the metric system into Canada was one of these historical events. The metrication system proved that Canadians are a people who do not like change.

Canadians were used to the Standard measurement system of inches, feet, and the Fahrenheit temperature scale. The new Metric system was just too much for the average laid back older Canadian to figure out. Canadians stood with their mouths open as new thermometers, weigh scales, rulers, and mileage signs appeared in their world.

Those who did not want to, or were unable to grasp, the metric system initiated a new and unique twist to the Canadian way of speaking. Rather than dealing with the confusing issue of converting miles to kilometers, Canadians began to judge their distances in factors of time, and to add this new method of judging distance, into their basic cultural language base.

The city of Creston was now about an hour and a half from Cranbrook, and Prince George was about ten or eleven hours away, while downtown was about ten minutes from where you currently were.

Temperatures also took on a whole new theme. Rather than try to figure out the Celsius temperature scale Canadians just began to eliminate exact temperatures from their discussions. The weather was now discussed as being a little below freezing, or a little above freezing, or just pretty damn cold. Sure is a nice day, or wow is it ever hot, now became standard descriptions for a nice summer day.

Turns out that Canada's monetary system is a bit loony too. Canada made an economic decision to eliminate their one dollar bill, and develop a one dollar coin instead, which would not have to be replaced as often. This was an initiative that could save Canada a substantial amount of money over the long term.

Now the mighty Beaver was already gracing the Canadian five cent coin so the powers that be decided that they needed a different creature to put on their one dollar coin. It turns out that a choice was made to put the wild and soulful Loon on the new Canadian one dollar coin. Hmm, well you can imagine what that led to.

Putting a Loonie on the one dollar Canadian coin naturally had the inhabitants of this country dubbing the new coin "The Loonie". Despite all attempts to dignify the new one dollar coin it's nickname stuck.

Despite issuing various other images in an attempt to add a little more dignity to the coin, the name "Loonie" was ingrained in the minds of Canadians countrywide, and this dubious title staunchly remains as the most popular term for Canada's one dollar coin.

When Canada later introduced it's two dollar coin, it was quickly dubbed a "Toonie", or "Twonie". What can one say but that Canada's monetary system is a little loony.

Eh, it's just another one of those Canadian things.

Multi-colored money: In 2004 Canada made history when it introduced the world's first colored coin. The Canadian quarter proudly displayed a bright red poppy on it that year. Since then many other colored Canadian coins have continued to be issued, but a very special quarter displaying a pink ribbon was issued in 1996, and was printed specifically in support for awareness of breast cancer.

Loonie: This one dollar coin is one of many coins and bills that comprise Canadian money. It acquired it's name because the first coin came out featuring a loon on it's front. Subsequent attempts to drift away from having our one dollar coin hosting the distinguished title of "Loonie", have not worked, the term "Loonie" remains to stand tall and strong within the Canadian History Books!

Beaver: The famous furry little critter that started the rush to colonize Canada.

Canada Goose: Our national bird?

Eh!: A Canadian phrase to encompass anything from "Job well done!" to "That is one hot mama!".

Maple Leaf: A leaf that grows upon the mighty Maple Tree, which is a source of nothing other than maple syrup, or Maple sugar, and maple fudge. The maple leaf is also a National symbol of Canada.

Insulin: Famous Canadian medical breakthrough announced in the winter of 1921, credited to two Canadians Sir Frederick Banting, and his assistant Charles Best.

Churchill: Nothing like Parliament Hill. Residing in this community are approximately one polar bear per every five residents. So it is indeed a rather exciting little Canadian community to set up a homestead.

Niagra Falls: Half Canadian and half U.S. these Falls sit between the two cities of Niagra Falls, Ontario and Niagra Falls, New York.

Terry Fox: A Canadian Hero. This young lad lived a very short life but he initiated the Marathon Of Hope which lives on in his memory. Over 400 million dollars has been raised in his name for cancer research. Thank you Terry.

Hockey: Canada's National sport.

Wayne Gretzky: A Famous Canadian Hockey Player who was sold to the United States.

Pamela Anderson: A well recognized Canadian figure.

Stompin' Tom Connors: A National Canadian Cowboy Singer who stomps on boards during his concerts. After his concert these dented boards are auctioned off for charity. (Yep, would take a Canadian to think that one up!).

Judging Distance: Canadians generally judge distance in spaces of time rather than measurement. For example a neighborhood cafe might be fifteen minutes away while the nearest town is around an hour away. The reason for this unique language lies in the Country's change over to metrics, and the majority of Canadians being forced to live the metric system, but completely unable to figure it out.

Go Canada Go!

So if you are planning on visiting Canada in the near future, bring with you a good map, a metric conversion chart, and a really good sense of humor.

You will definitely be needing these items to maneuver your way around the amazing cities, vast wilderness frontiers, and the local inhabitants of this country. Canada and it's inhabitants are a delightful mix of wonderment, and confusion, and an adventure that is just too good to miss out on.

If you find their terms and phrases are a little different from one shore to the other, just remember that it is Canada's historic past, that has created her distinct language usage. If you know basic English or French then you'll be okay in Canada. Just keep your map, your metric conversation chart, and your sense of humor with you. Canadians are definitely a unique linguistic lot.

Eh, it's how Canadians learned to speak Canadian.

This is my personal opinion on the course of things.......

Posted October 2008.

There are times in life when it becomes necessary to speak out and this is one of those times. Under pressure to do what he feels is best for the Liberal Party of Canada Mr. Stephane Dion has stated that he will resign as party leader at the next leadership convention.

There was a petition online that focused on raising votes in support of keeping Mr. Stephane Dion on as head of the Liberal Party. At the very least it was to be a measure of support offered to a great man for the services that he has rendered to Canada.

It was set up so that those in favor of keeping Mr. Dion on as head of the Liberal party might have a chance to vote their support of him. This is a right that those individuals might not otherwise have to vote in favor of a man whom they believe is an honest and honorable person. It was an opportunity for voices that might not otherwise be heard, to be heard.

Unfortunately the opportunity provided to voice support for Mr. Dion via this Online Petition had also received a large degree of negative attention. Despite the fact that each vote must be verified via an email address, certain individuals had taken it upon themselves to post repeat, and offensive material within the comment section.

In what appears to be an attempt to steal away any support offered for Mr. Dion a number of unfortunately very uninformed individuals had taken to spamming this petition. These individuals had taken the opportunity to use this petition to vent anger, hate, and ridicule in a manner similar to that of school yard bullies.

Their taunts filled with all the pride and ignorance that sits behind a bullys words, these individuals flooded this petition with vulgar comments, language and slurs. Many of these attacks proudly signed to let everyone know that they were from Conservative supporters. If these comments are any indication of the morals, attitudes, and behaviors supportive of the Conservative party then this is indeed a very sad legacy for these party supporters to leave behind.

There is no logical reason as to why Mr. Dion a very honorable man should be treated with such anger and hate. No logical reason why this petition should be defiled in such a manner by these individuals.

Personally it shocked and greatly saddened me to hear the context of many of these voices. So proud in their ignorance. I was saddened that these thoughts attacked an honorable man who has done nothing wrong. Saddened me that this type of attack would occur in Canada.

I see nothing to be proud of in the foul mouthed comments and false votes that I saw on this petition. I saw absolutely no honesty or honor in the individuals who posted these attacks. In fact, I am ashamed of them, and in how they choose to represent Canada.

Perhaps if these people had a little more pride in their country, and a little more honor within themselves, than perhaps this type of behavior would not occur.

Stephane Dion was born September 28, 1955 in Quebec City. He was first elected into office in 1996 in the riding of Saint Laurent Cartierville in Quebec. He was re-elected in that same riding in 1997, 2000, 2004 and 2006. On December 2, 2006, Stephane Dion was chosen to be the eleventh leader of the Liberal Party of Canada. It is Mr. Dion's three stem policy of focusing on economic issues and social justice while still striving for "environmental sustainability" that is believed to have earned him this position.

Considered one of the "Greener" major party leaders, Mr. Dion came equipped with a past reputation of environmental consciousness. Appointed as Environment Minister in July 2004, during his time in this position Mr. Dion is known to have helped create one of the "Greenest Budgets" to be implemented since Confederation. This is an attitude and lifestyle that he brought with him into the 2008 Election Campaign.

It appears to be Mr. Dion's language, and the fact that he originates from Quebec, lie as the main causes of this honorable mans inability to be accepted as a respected leader throughout Canada. Mr. Dion was born in Quebec and raised to speak the French Language. Although he does speak English, his skills in this language, are not as good as some Canadians feel a true Canadian Prime Minister should have.

As for myself, well I thank you Mr. Dion for the dignity, honor and pride for Canada that you brought with you to represent Canada. Thank you Mr. Dion for being a gentle Canadian who has the courage to do what is best for the country that you care so much for. Thank you for being a true Canadian hero.

...and yep, I voted for Mr. Jean Chretien too. I think he was one of the best politicians that Canada was ever lucky enough to elect.

When you participate in pleasurable activities like smiling, laughing, exercising or playing, your brain does an amazing thing and releases a little chemical message known as an endorphin.

These endorphins are feel good messages that have the power to actually remove physical and emotional pain. They travel down the spine, and then throughout your body, sending a feeling of well being as they go. These endorphins not only have the ability to relieve pain but they also have the power to make you feel happy.