Carmen's angels

The "First Angel" was a dream and not a vision. I was awakened in the middle of the night by what felt like someone was gently tapping on my spine with their knuckles. And I came awake startled and a little bit frightened because I hadn't shared a bed with anyone in years! But as I peered into the darkness around me with my equally bewildered cat by my side, I remembered what had happened in the dream. And that in itself wasn't normal - I only remembered dreams when they were nightmares - and this was ANYTHING but a nightmare. It was a message that would eventually turn my whole life around!

In the dream, a large and imposing angel came up to me. So close in fact that it was practically nose to nose with me. And it unrolled a parchment scroll and held it right in front of my face. And the writing on the scroll was in an unknown script and in my mind I was puzzled about what it was supposed to be telling me. And in answer to that internal question, a voice that was vast and completely "solid" said, "An angel sleeps in every soul. Your ONLY task is to awaken yours!"

And I got it. I mean I REALLY got it that no one else was going to be able to "fix" me. That no other person would ever be able to make me feel complete. But the beauty of it all is that I DO!!!

This angel has an interesting story. The Christmas following my separation was pretty tight, financially speaking. After paying all my bills that month, I had about $10 left for all my Christmas shopping. I had decided to just buy a pack of Hallmark Cards to send to friends since, as they all knew of my situation, I knew they'd all just understand.

The week before Christmas, however, I was having lunch with one of those dear friends (this lunch was her present to me). And I told her about my decision and her suggestion seemed far nicer! She said she'd really love nothing better than one of my angels and she was also certain that the others would feel the same way.

As soon as I got home from the restaurant, I proceeded to sit for a meditation. And this drawing was what I saw. And the $10 bought 10 color copies - one for each of my dearest friends (who just loved them)!

The TRULY interesting thing to all of us who got this drawing is that the face of "Peace, Joy & Happiness" is exactly that of our dear friend, Dee, the same lady who took me to lunch as my Christmas present. And it was TOTALLY unintentional!

And, to this day, the original hangs in Dee's office, on the wall behind her desk for all of her clients to see that the REAL nature of the woman before them is angelic - at least, that's how she feels to me.

After my divorce, in the natural order of human living, I'd often find myself praying for another man to love in a committed and fulfilling relationship. One day, I got this image, and the message that went along with it was that while I was looking for that "other" to love, I'd really do well to learn to love myself, as well, for love like charity begins at home! (I took that message to heart - and kept it there for many years now.) By the way, "Love" and its message were so popular with my friends, that it, too, became my Christmas card one year.

This illustration was for my 1992 Christmas card, and it was drawn right after the election of Bill Clinton to his first term as President that November. The model I used for the angel was Hillary Clinton.

There was talk that year about how much Bill Clinton owed to Hillary for making it to the highest elected office in the nation. I think that Bill himself remarked to the effect if Hillary had married a gas station attendant, then that man would have been elected President.

Hilliary impressed me as being one of the most powerful women I had ever seen, with a remarkable ability to manifest her own destiny on a grand scale. It seemed right that Hillary be the face of an angel that year.

During the first Gulf War, in 1991, I was going through a really nasty divorce and got laid off. All of this, added to the fact of the once-thriving business my mother and stepfather had begun way back in the 40's had gone, bit by painful bit, out of business. I had never before in my life had to face the prospect of going without anything, much less feeling totally alone and helpless in the process.

Facing the horrible prospect of ending up out on the street, in a city far from home and friends, I'd reached the end of my rope. And one night I just prayed and implored God to just let me die.

The tears on my face had left dried streams down my face by the time I'd gotten to a place of total resignation to whatever must be in store for me when suddenly and entirely unexpectedly, a blue-green light filled a corner of my room. And in the middle of that light emerged an enormous angel (she was at least over six feet tall). She was moving slowly towards me, with a solemn and compassionate look on her face, and she was holding a lit white candle, extending it out to me.

And a voice in my head said, "Hope is the light God sends us to see us through the darkness."

And I just knew that I had to accept it one more time. It took a few minutes for the shock of the vision to wear off enough for me to realize that if I didn't do something to document it, I'd surely soon begin to doubt that it had happened. So I got up and got an old sketch pad (one that had sat unused for years) and sketched out the outline of that angel with her candle.

And then I just went to sleep - and I slept peacefully, for what seemed like the first time in years.

I was awakened early the next morning by a phone call from the sweet lady who'd been my supervisor. She had actually been crying as she'd informed me of the layoff and was calling with glee in her voice to inform me of a job lead she thought would be perfect for me.

That afternoon, I interviewed, was hired on the spot. And I had my rent paid up two weeks later.

My mission ever since that night has been to give hope to anyone in need of it, just as God, in all His mercy had sent an angel to do for me in the midst of my darkest hour.

The drawing of "Faith" followed a meditation I'd had on a woman's request to do an angel for her 11-year old grand daughter who was dying of leukemia. And that child's name was Faith.

Along with this image that I saw in my meditation was a message that this young girl had come to earth as such a perfect messenger of love that her mission had been done with such exquisite devotion and it had already been accomplished in just those few, short years. And the umbilical cord of silver light, that had been holding her to the physical earth, was just gently dissolving.

The message as much as the drawing seemed to comfort this young woman's grandmother. For she said it was certainly the truth about her sweet and precious grand daughter. And that information comforted me, as well.

I just love "Noel" because she is an angel with a keen sense of humor, which may not immediately be apparent.

I had sat down and drawn what I thought would be my annual Christmas angel, but it was getting late and my day job required that I go to bed instead of finishing the drawing. So I left the pencil sketch on the coffee table and went off to bed, like a good girl.

That night I had the most VIVID dream of this angel coming to me shaking her finger and stomping one dainty foot and complaining that she hadn't liked my drawing of her. NO! Not one bit! She hadn't liked how I'd positioned her hands and she was REALLY offended by the wings (which, she said, were large enough to be Dumbo's ears!!!).

So I did a whole new drawing of her the next day - but I didn't finish this one intentionally. I went to sleep to see if I'd get any angelic feedback during the night. And since I didn't get a scolding that night, I finished the inking the following morning - and was smiling and chuckling through the doing of it. (And I STILL laugh when I think about my little angel of the temper tantrum!.)

On the very frigid morning of my Second Degree Reiki initiation, I'd heard a bulletin on TV that one of my favorite local newscasters had been in a serious accident. He'd been driving his two daughters to school when his van hit a snow-hidden patch of ice and, while both of the little girls were apparently fine, the man was in terrible condition - and in a coma - and not expected to live.

At the beginning of the ceremony that afternoon, the Reiki Master told all of us being initiated that this was a special day for us. She said that because we were making a commitment to be of service to others that God's entire universe wanted to make a gesture of gratitude to us. And she added that as a result of this, whatever we prayed for in that instant would be granted. And I instantly thought of that man and his two young daughters, who must have been terribly distressed by one minute having their father and in the next moment to see him like that!

And this angel appeared to me behind the Reiki Master's right shoulder and the message in my head was that all would be fine concerning this man and his family. (This image was tangible and long-lasting in nature that I could even see the tiny gold threads that created the smocking on her shoulders.)

As soon as the ceremony ended and the others had left my apartment, I began to sketch this angel and I gave it to a friend at work who, I knew, was a close friend of the family. A few days later, she came into my office and told me that something very comforting had happened. The man's wife and daughters had liked the drawing so much that they'd made copies of it for the girls to color and taped the colored drawings to the head of his hospital bed.

Since this man had really not expected to survive, the doctors had chosen not to fix his other injuries. There was no way in the world that he would have survived the various surgeries that would have been required. But a few days after the angels were posted, the man opened his eyes! The doctors, astonished that the man seemed aware of his surroundings, began to schedule the appropriate surgeries.

And, although this gentleman did eventually pass some years later (from the effects of his many injuries), at least his daughters, his wife and his parents (our entire community) had gotten the blessed chance to say good-bye to him and that we all had had the time to learn that his passing was a mercy - and that all was indeed in Divine Order.