Do You Need a Life Change?

At different periods of our life, we experience periods of great change. During these periods of change, we need to use a special plan of action to include:

a) Learn to "gentle" yourself during these periods.

b) Gauge your reactions to future events by asking yourself how you feel about this and learn to listen to your feelings. Feelings aren't right or wrong, good or bad, but are only appropriate or inappropriate. So let your feelings be.

c) Many times we use our energy to try to change or stop what change is coming. Learn to "read" the change that is coming and make early decisions about which part of the change you can accept.

d) Bless what there is for being and let go of the rest.

e) The "blame and shame" game is a total waste of energy. The way to evaluate this is to ask if finding the "culprit" solves the problem. Generally, the answer is no-the rug still needs cleaning, the door is still locked, the work is still undone. Ask yourself is you'd rather be right or be happy.

One of my favorite aspects of blog writing is finding others who are on similar life paths. One of my change team, David St. Lawrence, posted about moving out of your "comfort" zone on his blog. He tied comfort zone to something that makes you feel secure.

The question for us who are interested in change is can anything outside ourselves give us security? I mean, can you use something other than yourself and the power of a God of your understanding to overcome fear? My pattern of change always starts with denial-I'm Ok just the way I am. I usually am quick to find some handy scapegoats to why I don't need to change.
.
But the need for change is a restless and slow tormentor." It just nags and gnaws at me. Then when I turn my attention to the change opportunities available to me, fear takes charge. I can't do so and so because I've never done it before. These thoughts lead to the feelings of running from change. I am convinced that many people on a constant treadmill of activity think that he/she can outrun themselves. I'm glad that I know wherever I go; there I am (from Jon Kabat-Zinn). In other words, geographical changes rarely work if I'm trying to move away from myself.

David St. Lawrence suggests that the best way to expand our comfort zones is to move into areas where we are uncomfortable. The main accomplishments come from being areas which cause us the fear. So I know when I get into the fear that the answer isn't far behind. Challenging myself this way has taken thirty years to be comfortable most of the time wherever I am. It does not happen overnight. But the ease comes from accepting the negative feelings and knowing that feelings can't really hurt me if I accept them.I now allow my confusion to lead me to a resolution. I believe the trick is relaxing into the turmoil.

Creativity is the secret to being in our passion. We are in our "flow" when we are working and time seems to disappear. Joy can't be discovered by the mind. Joy happens when our total being--thoughts, words, feelings--are all focused at the same time.

Mihaly Csikszentmihaly states that flow has the following components:

1. Usually occurs when we confront tasks we have a chance of completing
2. We must be able to concentrate on what we are doing.
3. Concentraton is usually possible because the task undertaken has clear goals and provides immediate feedback..
4. One acts with a deep but effortless involvement that removes awareness of the worries and frustrations of everyday life.
5. Enjoyable experiences allow people to exercise a sense of control over their actions.
6. Concern for the self disappears, yet paradoxically the sense of self emerges stronger after the flow experience is over.
7. The sense of the duration of time is altered; hours pass by in minutes.

Athletes call this phenomenon being in the "zone".

"Whether we like it or not, we are simultaneously the child we once were, who lives in the emotional atmosphere of the past and often interferes in the present, and an adult who tries to forget the past and live wholly in the present. The child you once were can balk or frustrate your adult satisfactions,^ embarrass and harass you, make you sick-or enrich your life.
H. Norman Wright

The Changemaker products are available at kathyberman.com.

The Changemaker Test only (explanations included for all personality labels) ($19.00)

The Emotional Eater Diet (also labeled the Changemaker Diet) ($19.00)

The complete Changemaker ebook (which includes Changemaker test, explanations resources for small groups, and the Emotional Eater Diet) ($29.00)

Changemaker Online (which includes everything in the ebook but it is interactive as it is a password-protected blog) ($29.00)