This Lens is God's Cheeseburger.

These are questions that have plagued the minds of men for eons. One man that we know of has now completed this task. Although he didn't survive the ordeal, his field notes did. Here for the first time his notes are printed for humankind to read. Please enjoy but beware that you will become very hungry after reading them.

!!!WARNING!!!

Although attempting to reproduce or locate a meal of this nature will cause a euphoric state of mind, the odds of surviving it are slim.

This is the bun. It is baked fresh today. It is soft and moist. It has the tastiest sesame seeds all over it. When you press down on it, it will slowly pop back into shape like one of those memory foam mattresses. The aroma is heavenly, like that of God's favorite bakery in the clouds.(the one on the corner near the bank)

Ketchup. Mustard. Mayonnaise. These are God's playthings. Sometimes he uses all three. Sometimes a combination of two. And sometimes He works in a mysterious way and omits the condiments altogether. To questions such acts of divine decision making is foolhardy.

This is the pickle. "Oh, to be a dreary cucumber lost in the dirt. Oh, to become a pickle alive and alert."--ancient proverb. The transformation a cucumber goes through to become a pickle is nothing short of an evolutionary miracle. It is round and a little smaller than the tomato, but the pickle adds pizazz to the sandwich. You bite. It bites back. Why was this naughty veggie added to such a divine burger? A mystery forever debated.

This is the onion. These onions are not bitter. They are sweet. These onions are so damn sweet they taste like skittles. Perfectly round swirly rings; they are in the ratio of Phi. When God cuts these onions every angel in Heaven weeps for three days and then the season of Spring begins all over the world.

This is the tomato. It is sliced to an exact quarter of a inch. Perfectly round. There are exactly 24 seeds in this beauty. It is at its peak of ripeness at this exact millisecond in time. The color of a newborn's rosy cheeks. Its creation can only feebly be put into words like this: a mouth-watering explosion comparable to a bolt of lightning striking a garden leaving a single tomato plant with a single tomato attached and when picked you can taste it just by holding it.

This is the lettuce. It is fresh. I mean fresh like as you're reading this I'm still pulling it up from the ground fresh. It is a deep green. Perfectly textured, this vegetable is so crisp and that you hear it when you bite into it. There is a unworldly balance of crunchiness and moistness that it could only have come from Heaven.

This is the cheese. If I was bold enough, I would say this is God's favorite single food. But this isn't any cheese previously tasted by man. This cheese is in love. It is in love with the hot sizzlin' hamburger. It so much wants to be on top of it; to be a part of it, that within a radius of about a mile of the burger it will start to melt. The cheese knows of no other existence then of the one melting on top of his burger-friend. Once its life is complete it will change what was once known as a hamburger to what is now God's cheeseburger.

This is the burger. This is not the dead cow flesh you have been eating a McDonald's. No this burger is made from heavenly dust*. This burger is cooked to an exact internal temperature of 155°F. It sizzles after it is cooked and the entire time it is in the bun. The juices that come out of the burger could hydrate a long distance runner. It is so perfectly created that God developed a new taste bud that only one out of every 700,00 people have. It is appetizing, choice, darling, delectable, delightful, delish, distinctive, divine, enjoyable, enticing, exquisite, fit for king, good, gratifying, heavenly, luscious, lush, mellow, mouthwatering, nectarous, nice, palatable, piquant, pleasant, rare, rich, sapid, savory, scrumptious, spicy, sweet, tasteful, tasty, tempting, titillating, toothsome, well-prepared, well-seasoned, and yummy all at once.

*think pixie dust

This is the bun. It is the same as the top bun. Except no sesame seeds. That is the way it was, is now, and will always be.