Chicken Hypnosis

Firstly, for all northern hemisphere readers, a lesson in a bit of Aussie slang. They're called 'chooks', not chickens. And of course, I realise that the art of hypnotising poultry is an international pasttime, but being Australian, I'm going to refer to the hobby as 'chook hypnosis' and I'm afraid that's that.

So. Chook = Chicken.

Usage: "Have you got chooks?" "Yep, I've 6 chooks and they're all great layers."

A frozen chook can be picked up from the supermarket for dinner, and a barbequed chook is a common Saturday afternoon lunch.

Beer Butt Chook is an unorthodox, but delicious method of preparing dinner. Try it sometime.

Step 1. Catch your chook.

Step 2. Lay her gently on the ground on her back.

Step 3. Stroke her belly.

The astute amongst you may see three immediate problems here. Catching a chook is never as easy as it sounds, and certainly, convincing one to lay on it's back results in feathers flying, talons clawing and excessively undignified squawking. If you progress to Step 3 you must be sure you have the fortitude required for the stroking.

But I do maintain that the perils are small in the face of the success you are bound to achieve.

Persevere, my friends.

Gertrude (right) amiably demonstrates the reclining position.

The Stroking Technique
As explained above. It's not too hard - just stroke their bellies. Really, it's quite soothing for everyone involved.

The Line in the Sand
Hold your chook on the ground, and with your other hand, draw a straight line in the dirt away from her head. She will stare at the line in a fixated manner until the cows come home. (More on cow hypnosis later.)

Look at Me, Look at Me
Perhaps you need to be a Kath and Kim fan to fully appreciate this method, but as soon as your bird is on her back point two fingers at her eyes, all the while gazing solemnly back at her. Chanting 'look at me, look at me' can be added here, but it's effectiveness is disputed.

Rockabye Chicken
By far the most complex method of chook hypnosis, and one only to be attempted by the experts, the Rockabye Chicken technique should only be used when all other techniques fail. A bird that does not respond to the above methods will certainly benefit from the one-on-one aspect of the Rockabye Chicken. Pick up your chook and hold her comfortably under one arm. Gently tuck her head under her wing and then sway slowly from side to side uttering calm words of encouragement. Very soon, your bird will fall under your thrall and you can put her on the ground to stand back and admire your handiwork.

To release a chook from her hypnotic state, just clap your hands. Actually, you don't really have to do anything, as they generally realise that lying on their backs in the middle of the lawn is really a bit silly and they get up and walk away themselves. Usually looking a little sheepish. (More on sheep hypnosis later...)

And of course, to all yall wringing your hands out there, chook hypnosis doesn't hurt or stress the bird in any way. My girls are the happiest birds in town and they get hypnotised all the time. It makes me giggle.

Wikipedia's take on chicken hypnosis can be examined here. See, I told you so!

Oh, why not? One hundred and one tasty chicken recipes right here.
You know you want to.

Thanks must go out to the feathered ladies featured in this lens. Their professionalism during the shoot was just outstanding. Who said never work with animals?

Gertie, Lucinda, Trinity and Splodge - you are true artists, and I'm proud to be associated with all of you.