Child Behavior Modification and Control

The truth is, you don't really have control over your child's behavior. Ultimately, they choose how they will behave.

You can beg, plead, cajole, punish, and urge. You may get cooperation. You may get compliance. You may see the behavior you want to see. It might look like you have control, but you don't. They chose to cooperate with you.

Some people would say that their children had to cooperate or else. Here's the question to consider: Or else what? If they want to accept some type of incredibly uncomfortable, painful, or otherwise unpleasant consequence as the result of their behavior, they can. It is always up to them.

Early in our experience as parents, we found that we had a much higher success rate with our kids when we worked to influence their behaviors rather than to control them. Every time we try to control them, they push back in some way. When we use influence strategies, they generally cooperate.

You don't really have "control" over your child's behavior.

Again, you cannot modify anyone's behavior but your own. Your children have to decide that they want to modify their behavior before any "behavior modification" happens.

You can make the consequences for poor behavior painful. You can deny them privileges. You can do any number of negative things for poor behavior or wonderful things for good behavior, and, still, they have to choose to modify their behavior.

When we make a concerted effort to understand our children and to consistently apply positive parenting tips and positive parenting techniques, we get cooperation from them. When we drop the ball on this effort, we get poor results. We work to control what we can control (ourselves and our family environment), and we allow our children to experience the natural consequences, either good or bad, for their actions.

When they were much younger, we used a positive parenting system we developed to help us consistently apply natural consequences rather than venting our anger and frustration on our kids when they made a mistake. As a result, they have learned to accept responsibility for their words, actions, and attitudes. Today, we seldom have to correct them.

You cannot modify your child's behavior unless they choose to cooperate.

We have been through, what should have been, the "terrible twos." We have made the transition from elementary school to middle school. We have moved from middle school to high school.

At each major transition point in our kid's growth, we had people tell us: "You wait. When they get to ____, you'll have trouble with them." Well, each of those stages has passed with only minor issues to address in the transition.

As a result, we have come to the conclusion that rebellion and push-back are not inevitable events. When you consistently and conscientiously apply positive parenting techniques and follow our positive parenting program, you can have wonderful, peaceful, and happy relationships with your children.

Rebellion and push-back are not inevitable.

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