How to Help a Child Cope with Grief and the Sorrows in Life
Children and adolescents are not immune to facing loss, death, dying and grief; they encounter loss and will experience a grief response.
Much as we, as parents and teacher, might want to protect and shelter children and try to create a world for them in which no one ever dies, losses do not occur and they never have to experience grief, we cannot. We are unable to shelter our children from these realities of daily living--the sorrows that occur as a part of life. We can teach them how to cope with these sorrows.
Children are affected by loss and death differently than adults. They may express their grief in a variety of ways and deal with death in many different ways, not necessarily in the same way as adults.
Photo Source: Horton Grou. Sad Girl on Steps. Royalty Free Use.
Helping a Child to Cope with Loss
Developing Skills to Last a Lifetime
- Helping a child cope with loss
is perhaps one of the most important roles an adult can play.
In effect, you are helping that child develop skills that can last a lifetime.
Mental Health Association
Ways to Help a Child Cope with a Loss
Advice for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers
Remember, helping a child cope with a loss is one of the more important skills you can teach.
The following list includes helpful suggestions for helping a child cope with death.
- When talking to a child about a tragedy, first, find out what they know or think they know has happened. Children may be aware of more than you think.
- Answer any question simply and honestly, but only offer the details that they can absorb. Do not give the child more information than is requested.
- Let them know you will be available to listen. When they are ready to talk--listen.
- Let the child have time to grieve, be upset and talk about their fears. Give them a chance to talk. Listen, validate their feelings and then provide reassurance.
- Give the child different ways of expressing his or her loss, grief and sadness--verbal, written, creative, musical and physical.
- Encourage the child to draw, read, write letters or poetry, sing, tell stories, play with clay, build and other creative means of expression are all helpful ways for a child to express grief.
- Let the child go outside to play and be active can be a good way to run off the anxiety they may sense from the adults and feel themselves.
- Try and keep regular routines. Children can grieve a change in behavior and mourn the environment and the predictability of a schedule that existed before the loss or death. Keeping regular routines can help.
- Be patient and flexible. Children grieve intermittently. They may cry one moment and then play normally the next.
- Remember that it may take the child a long time to recover from the loss or the death depending on the child, the type of loss and the relationship with the lost person, pet, object etc.
Quote on Children and Grief
Sweeten the Tears, Take Away the Grief
- Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.
Pamela Glen-Conner
Photo Source: Modified Microsoft Image.
Helping Children Cope with Grief on YouTube
A Video From the Mourning Star Center
The Mourning Star Center
The Mourning Star Center is a nonprofit support center for grieving children and families. The center serves children between the ages of 3 and 19, and their parents or other adult caregivers in ongoing grief support groups. We also receive numerous phone calls each week from parents, teachers, school counselors or other family members in Riverside County and San Bernardino County seeking help or advice in dealing with a grieving child or children.
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A Featured Lens on Writing a Condolence Note
The How to Write a Condolence Note lens includes information and examples on Condolence Notes from Children.-
How to Write a Condolence Note or a Sympathy Note
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Taking a bit of time to write a condolence note or condolence letter can be a great source of comfort and provide a gift of healing for a friend or a loved one who is grieving a loss. According to research by Hallmark, Americans send nearly 125 mill...
Articles to Help a Child Cope with Loss and Grief
More Information on Ways to Help a Grieving Child
- Children And Grief
- An article from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry one of their Fast Facts.
- Helping Children Cope With Loss
- An article from Mental Health America to help children cope with loss.
- How to Help a Grieving Child
- A helpful article for Professionals on How to Help a Grieving Child from Fernside, the nation's second oldest children's grief center.
- Coping Strategies for Children
- From the Loss, Change and Grief section of the Journey of Hearts site, an article on coping strategies for grieving children.
- Helping Children Cope with Death
- From the Loss, Change and Grief section of the Journey of Hearts site, an article on helping children cope with death.
- Helping Children Cope with Grief and Loss
- From the University of Virginia Health System's Chaplaincy Services and Pastoral Education a useful article on helping children cope with grief.
- Helping Children Cope with Grief
- A downloadable pdf file on Helping Children Cope with Grief from the Girls Scouts.
Books to Use to Help Children Grieve a Loss
Available on Amazon
Lifetimes
Amazon Price: $11.20 (as of 07/26/2008)
What's Heaven?
Amazon Price: (as of 07/26/2008)
Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 07/26/2008)
Tear Soup
Amazon Price: $15.64 (as of 07/26/2008)
Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing With Loss (Elf-Help Books for Kids)
Amazon Price: $5.95 (as of 07/26/2008)
Organizations Helping Children to Cope
National and Local Organizations for Grieving Children
- Dougy Center
- Through our National Center for Grieving Children and Families the Dougy Center provides support and training locally, nationally and internationally to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children in grief.
- The Mourning Star Center, Inc
- A nonprofit support center for grieving children and those who love them, providing loving support in a safe place where grieving children can share their experience as they move through their healing process.
- KIDSAID - A safe place for kids to grieve ~ Kidsaid.com
- KIDSAID is a site to kids, for kids, by kids for grief support and peer support, and for kids to express themselves through artwork, stories, and poetry. Kids can ask questions and get answers from other kids. Monitored by adults, this site is an approved safe site for all kids.
- Amanda The Panda - Support for Grieving Children and Families
- Amanda the Panda provides support to grieving children and their families through a variety of services including weekend camps, support groups, home visits, fun days, school presentations, holiday cheer boxes, pen pal programs and more.
A Lens for Anyone Who has Ever Experienced a Loss
Journey of Hearts - Grief, Loss & Transition
Our website includes a section with information and resources on Helping a Grieving Child or Teen.-
Journey of Hearts - Grief, Loss & Transitions
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Journey of Hearts was launched in the Fall of 1997 as "a Healing Place in CyberSpace." It was the as the first and only physician sponsored website devoted to educating people about the normal grief response. In the fall of 2007 Jo...
Book Resources for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Cope
Available on Amazon
Helping Children Cope With the Loss of a Loved One: A Guide for Grownups
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 07/26/2008)
Treating Trauma and Traumatic Grief in Children and Adolescents
Amazon Price: $24.15 (as of 07/26/2008)
35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child (Guidebook Series)
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 07/26/2008)
Helping Teens Cope with Death
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 07/26/2008)
Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss, Revised Edition
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 07/26/2008)
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