Helping Children Cope with Loss, Grief and the Sorrows in Life
Children and adolescents are not immune to facing loss, death, dying and grief; they encounter loss and will experience a grief response.
Much as we, as parents and teacher, might want to protect and shelter children and try to create a world for them in which no one ever dies, losses do not occur and they never have to experience grief, we cannot. We are unable to shelter our children from these realities of daily living--the sorrows that occur as a part of life. We can teach them how to cope with these sorrows.
Children are affected by loss and death differently than adults. They may express their grief in a variety of ways and deal with death in many different ways, not necessarily in the same way as adults.
This lens offers some helpful ways to help a child cope with loss and grief along with a collection of some of my favorite books on this topic.
Photo Source: Horton Grou. Sad Girl on Steps. Royalty Free Use.
Helping a Child to Cope with Loss
Developing Skills to Last a Lifetime
- Helping a child cope with loss
is perhaps one of the most important roles an adult can play.
In effect, you are helping that child develop skills that can last a lifetime.
Mental Health Association
Image Source: Joel Terrell. Mother and Son. Royalty Free Use.
Ways to Help a Child Cope with a Loss
Advice for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers
Remember, helping a child cope with a loss is one of the more important skills you can teach.
The following list includes helpful suggestions for helping a child cope with death.
- When talking to a child about a tragedy, first, find out what they know or think they know has happened. Children may be aware of more than you think.
- Answer any question simply and honestly, but only offer the details that they can absorb. Do not give the child more information than is requested.
- Let them know you will be available to listen. When they are ready to talk--listen.
- Let the child have time to grieve, be upset and talk about their fears. Give them a chance to talk. Listen, validate their feelings and then provide reassurance.
- Give the child different ways of expressing his or her loss, grief and sadness--verbal, written, creative, musical and physical.
- Encourage the child to draw, read, write letters or poetry, sing, tell stories, play with clay, build and other creative means of expression are all helpful ways for a child to express grief.
- Let the child go outside to play and be active can be a good way to run off the anxiety they may sense from the adults and feel themselves.
- Try and keep regular routines. Children can grieve a change in behavior and mourn the environment and the predictability of a schedule that existed before the loss or death. Keeping regular routines can help.
- Be patient and flexible. Children grieve intermittently. They may cry one moment and then play normally the next.
- Remember that it may take the child a long time to recover from the loss or the death depending on the child, the type of loss and the relationship with the lost person, pet, object etc.
Quote on Children and Grief
Sweeten the Tears, Take Away the Grief
- Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.
Pamela Glen-Conner
Photo Source: Modified Microsoft Image.
How Famous Children Cope with Public Grief
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How Famous Children Cope with Grief in the Public Eye
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Coping with the death of a loved one is difficult for most people. Coping with the loss of a loved one in the public eye is even more difficult. Now try to imagine being a child coping with the death of a beloved parent and you may begin to understan...
Helping Children Cope with Grief on YouTube
A Video From the Mourning Star Center
The Mourning Star Center
The Mourning Star Center is a nonprofit support center for grieving children and families. The center serves children between the ages of 3 and 19, and their parents or other adult caregivers in ongoing grief support groups. We also receive numerous phone calls each week from parents, teachers, school counselors or other family members in Riverside County and San Bernardino County seeking help or advice in dealing with a grieving child or children.
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curated content from YouTube
Lifetimes in the Amazon Spotlight
This was the book that my mother in law sent me and I read to my daughter's to help them prepare for my father in laws death.
Lifetimes
Amazon Price: $10.08 (as of 12/10/2009)
Lifetimes emphasizes "lifetimes" for different things, for plants, for animals and for people. It helps portray the fact that all creatures have a life cycle. The soft illustrations are very beautiful and soothing.
This book is an excellent choice for a child who is asking about death or who has recently experienced the loss of a pet, friend, or relative.
A Featured Lens on Writing a Condolence Note
The How to Write a Condolence Note lens includes information and examples on Condolence Notes from Children.-
How to Write a Condolence Note or a Sympathy Note
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Taking a bit of time to write a condolence note or condolence letter can be a great source of comfort and provide a gift of healing for a friend or a loved one who is grieving a loss. According to research by Hallmark, Americans send nearly 125 mill...
Books to Use to Help Children Grieve a Loss
Available on Amazon
What's Heaven?
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Life Guides for Families)
Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 12/10/2009)
Tear Soup
Amazon Price: $13.57 (as of 12/10/2009)
Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
What On Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies?
Amazon Price: $8.99 (as of 12/10/2009)
Articles to Help a Child Cope with Loss and Grief
More Information on Ways to Help a Grieving Child
- Children And Grief
- An article from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry one of their Fast Facts.
- Helping Children Cope With Loss
- An article from Mental Health America to help children cope with loss.
- How to Help a Grieving Child
- A helpful article for Professionals on How to Help a Grieving Child from Fernside, the nation's second oldest children's grief center.
- Coping Strategies for Children
- From the Loss, Change and Grief section of the Journey of Hearts site, an article on coping strategies for grieving children.
- Helping Children Cope with Death
- From the Loss, Change and Grief section of the Journey of Hearts site, an article on helping children cope with death.
- Helping Children Cope with Grief and Loss
- From the University of Virginia Health System's Chaplaincy Services and Pastoral Education a useful article on helping children cope with grief.
- Helping Children Cope with Grief
- A downloadable pdf file on Helping Children Cope with Grief from the Girls Scouts.
The Next Place in the Amazon Spotlight
The Next Place
Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 12/10/2009)
With soothing and stunning illustrations, The Next Place is a celebration of life and a look at what may lie ahead.
A simple way of explaining death or a life beyond to children without being scary or overly religious.
Organizations Helping Children to Cope
National and Local Organizations for Grieving Children
- Dougy Center
- Through our National Center for Grieving Children and Families the Dougy Center provides support and training locally, nationally and internationally to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children in grief.
- The Mourning Star Center, Inc
- A nonprofit support center for grieving children and those who love them, providing loving support in a safe place where grieving children can share their experience as they move through their healing process.
- KIDSAID - A safe place for kids to grieve ~ Kidsaid.com
- KIDSAID is a site to kids, for kids, by kids for grief support and peer support, and for kids to express themselves through artwork, stories, and poetry. Kids can ask questions and get answers from other kids. Monitored by adults, this site is an approved safe site for all kids.
- Amanda The Panda - Support for Grieving Children and Families
- Amanda the Panda provides support to grieving children and their families through a variety of services including weekend camps, support groups, home visits, fun days, school presentations, holiday cheer boxes, pen pal programs and more.
Featured Lenses about Dog Tags for Kids
An organization helping children cope with parents who have been deployed.-
Dog Tags for Kids
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Serving in the military, and being deployed into harm's way is hard on every soldier. For those with families left behind, the separation can be even more traumatic, especially for the younger ones at home. So how do you thank the troops for their pa...
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Dog Tags for Kids Link Children with Their Deployed Parents
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Dog Tags for Kids is a nonprofit organization created to show support for the troops and their families. They supplying for FREE specially engraved Dog Tags to service members that can be sent home to their children. These Dog Tags can serve a linki...
Journal and Activity Books to Help Children Cope on Amazon
When Someone Has a Very Serious Illness: Children Can Learn to Cope with Loss and Change
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Good Grief For Kids
Amazon Price: $11.66 (as of 12/10/2009)
Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing With Loss (Elf-Help Books for Kids)
Amazon Price: $5.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
A Lens for Anyone Who has Ever Experienced a Loss
Journey of Hearts - Grief, Loss & Transition
Our website includes a section with information and resources on Helping a Grieving Child or Teen.-
Journey of Hearts - Grief, Loss & Transitions
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Journey of Hearts was launched in the Fall of 1997 as "a Healing Place in CyberSpace." It was the as the first and only physician sponsored website devoted to educating people about the normal grief response. In the fall of 2007 Jo...
Dragonfly Books Available on Amazon
The different stages that dragonflies go through in life, the different transitions that they make become metaphors for explaining death.
Water Bugs & Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children (Looking Up)
Amazon Price: $3.00 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Dragonfly Door - a Mom's Choice Awards Recipient
Amazon Price: $13.46 (as of 12/10/2009)
Waterbugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children
Amazon Price: $6.50 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Dragonfly Secret: A Story of Boundless Love (a Mom's Choice Awards Recipient)
Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 12/10/2009)
Blog Posts on Helping Children Cope with Death
These were articles written about that and about helping children cope with death.
- Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies
- A look at helping children cope if Harry Potter dies from the Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog.
- Children are likely to Grieve Over Any Deaths in the Latest Harry Potter Book
- A look at the premise that Children are likely to grieve over any death in the Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog.
Book Resources for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Cope
Available on Amazon
Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One: A Guide for Grownups
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 12/10/2009)
Treating Trauma and Traumatic Grief in Children and Adolescents
Amazon Price: $31.45 (as of 12/10/2009)
35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child (Guidebook Series)
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Helping Teens Cope with Death
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss, Revised Edition
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
Children & Grief is a Featured Grief and Loss Club Lens
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Grief & Loss Club Headquarters
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The Grief & Loss Club is for lenses that have information, resources and support to anyone grieving a loss. The Grief & Loss Club is one that people do not choose to join, rather it is a club that their experience of grief has given t...
The Grief & Loss Club Resources for Helping Children Cope
This is a list of useful resources submitted by the Grief & Loss Club members.
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The Dragonfly Door by John Adams
Help children identify the beauty and hope in all more...0 points
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I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas
When a close friend or family member dies, it can more...0 points
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A Terrible Thing Happened - A story for children who have witnessed violence or trauma by Margaret M. Holmes, Sasha J. Mudlaff
Sherman Smith saw the most terrible thing happen. more...0 points
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What's Heaven by Maria Shriver
This treasure of a book, for people of all faiths, more...0 points
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Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies by Janis Silverman
An art therapy and activity book for children copi more...0 points
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Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying by Joyce C. Mills
Written for children who may not survive their ill more...0 points
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The Snowman: A Book About Children and Grief by Robin Helene Vogel
The Snowman was the first Tommy and Buddy built si more...0 points
Reader Feedback on Children and Grief Lens
Your place for comments, messages, suggestions, ideas and feedback
Have you found other resources to be useful when helping a child cope with a loss?
Be sure to leave your tips, comments, rank the site, pass on the word about the site (email) and leave a message (Reader Feedback).
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Reply
- SharonMay SharonMay Sep 19, 2008 @ 2:27 am
- Thank you for your wonderful, touching lens. It is very helpful to me as my son has lost both his grandparents and now his best friend in the last year. Here is the lens dedicated to my Mother. Alzheimers disease
by Comfortdoc
Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT is a respected physician, an expert in life challenges, loss, grief and bereavement, professional health educator, professo...
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