Children Of Separated Parents

First, and foremost, among these is growing up in a single parent home, regardless of which parent that is. Though not found in all cases, the effects of not having both parents in the home can be life long and less than favorable. Below are links to various studies on this issue. In the following sections (see links above), will address the Desires and Needs of the Children, as well as the issues of living in StepFamilies.

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census


• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes


• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)


• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)


• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)


• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all Gods Children.)


• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)


• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

Divorce, Nontraditional Families, & Its Consequences For Children
"We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their Parent." By Rhona Mahony, Stanford University

Boys raised by traditional families 'do better at school'
Boys raised in traditional families are more likely to perform well at school and avoid suspension than those brought up by single mothers, it has emerged. In a major study, researchers said family structures had a much more significant effect on boys' early education than school type or even the gender of teachers.

The American Myth of Divorce
For the past 30 years, Americans have used these ideas to justify their increasing recourse to divorce. Recently, however, mounting empirical evidence indicates that these justifications are illusions. The widespread practice of divorce in this culture has been based on the wishful thinking of adults while its tragic cost has been borne by children. By William C. Spohn

All Children Deserve Two Parents
Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears has noted, children born to unmarried women and to those in cohabiting relationships "must often overcome increased risks of poverty, education failure, child abuse, delinquency, emotional distress and mental illness....the lack of a father's guidance in children's lives is a major cause of their suffering. "Marriage is the best child welfare, crime prevention, anti-poverty program we have".

Single Mothers & The Baby Boom
For some, the growth of single-mother families is a sign of female empowerment. If children without fathers fare worse than children in two-parent families, say defenders of single mothers, the answer is better pay for women and better social programs. Yet even in Sweden with its generous welfare state, a major 2003 study found that children raised in single-parent homes were at significantly higher risk for addictions and serious psychiatric problems. By Cathy Young, Boston Globe, May 26, 2009

Fatherless Families & Crime
"Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless." Fortune Magazine

1. PRAISE MORE THAN PUNISH: More positive results will come from praise of a child's acts and this in turn will help limit the child's acting out to get attention. Inappropriate punishment can result in loss of a child's self-confidence and self-esteem.


2. STRESS THE ACT ITSELF: When praising or reprimanding a child, focus on the act rather than scolding a child for "being bad". Rather, talk about the harm in the act, not in the child.


3. ACKNOWLEDGE FEELINGS: Listen to the child and hear how and what he is feeling. Acknowledge these feelings as being O.K. Underscore the importance of the child's point of view.


4. DON'T ATTACK A CHILD'S ATTITUDE: Children need to bump up against limits set by his parents to develop autonomy. This is healthy (try to remember this).


5. BE EXPLICIT: When explaining anything to a child, do not assume anything. Be very specific with what you expect and do not want the child to do.


6. BE A ROLE MODEL: Behavior is caught more than it is taught. Children will follow your example, be it good or bad. They will do as you do, rather than do as you say to do.


7. BE CONSISTENT: Whatever discipline you use, or example you set, make sure it is consistent and that you stay "within character." Inconsistencies produce anxious children adrift in the sea of behavior.


8. BE REASONABLE: Disciplinary measures should be reasonable in degree and easily repeatable.


9. EXPLAIN RIGHT FROM WRONG: Clearly explain what is right or wrong about a particular behavior.


10. ENCOURAGE RESPONSIBILITY: Encourage children to take responsibility for themselves, according to their age and maturity.

Using these TEN DO'S of DISCIPLINE in your daily life will strengthen both your PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP and your case for custody of your child(ren).

A good starting point is educating parents on the long term effects of the breakup. Yes, even parents need to be taught lessens, and who better than their children, so let's start with some reference articles:



Divorce, Nontraditional Families, and Its Consequences for Children
"We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their Parent." Stanford University, CA

All Children Deserve Two Parents
"Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears has noted, children born to unmarried women and to those in cohabiting relationships "must often overcome increased risks of poverty, education failure, child abuse, delinquency, emotional distress and mental illness." The Herald-Gazette, GA

Fatherless Families & Crime
"Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless." Fortune Magazine

What If?
If your parents are intent on this, than consider asking for Joint Physical Custody of them, rather than the other way around, or worse, living with one parent, while "visiting" the other.

Instead of "LIVING" or "VISITING" one of them, they can LIVE WITH YOU, and your siblings. You remain in the home, and each parent can live there for three weeks, than switch. Once a week, the parent not in residence takes you and your siblings out for an evening to dinner, bowling, etc. While in resident, the parent does not date, nor have overnight guests, other than relatives. This includes after work drinks, or staying the night elsewhere, while you have a sitter. Other than going to work, their time in the home belongs to the children, solely.

On the off weeks, the parent rents a room, stays with relatives or friends, or they can split the cost of a two-bedroom apartment that they share, with each having their own secured room.

The priority here is that YOU, THE CHILDREN, not having your lives disrupted by the poor choices of your parents. Your parents' lives are equally disrupted, and they split the cost of being in the home, or a percentage, using child support guidelines as an example. If child support is ordered, both parents can pay into a Trust Fund that pays the household expenses, in accordance with Federal Regulations. Anything over and above those expenses remains in the fund to collect interest. It can be used in emergencies, and/or for college educations.

You keep your own rooms, friends, and schools. There's no shifting back and forth, packing bags, and making new friends. There are no arguments over not wanting to go visit the other parent, for the weekend, because you have a date, a school function, or some other event.

In addition, less likelihood of either parent remarrying, having more children, or dealing with stepparents, step-siblings, step grandparents, etc. Your parents remain dedicated to you.

In the final sense, perhaps they will relearn what they once had, and why you exist. You could become the glue that puts the family back together.

When you are grown, and completely out of the home, than the home (if owned) can be sold, or whatever the parents want to do with it. They can than move on with their lives to do whatever they want. This is called Bird Nest Custody