Chocolate And Being A Chocoholic

Yes I was a chocoholic.

Strange really because all I thought I wanted was a period of celibacy - yes, honest! I'd been dabbling in meditation, chakras and latent powers and I thought a little purity would help me towards my goal of super consciousness. There again, it could just have been that I was completely fed up with men after unexpectedly being given the old heave-ho. Who the heck can you trust?

I soon discovered two things:

(1) celibacy isn't all it's cracked up to be and
(2) you can only buy so many batteries without eyebrows being raised.

I knew I needed more in my life. I hadn't quite achieved super consciousness - for some reason I remained grounded in the physical. So what did I do? As shocking as it sounds, I started hitting the chocolate.

It all started pretty innocently. A friend left a large bar of Bournville dark chocolate at my flat, by accident - but it could have been fate. Who knows the way of the world.

Later that evening, while laying forlorn on my settee reflecting on the previous few weeks, I slipped off part of the red wrapper of the chocolate bar exposing the gold foil underneath.

I couldn't help it, my mouth salivated as I gently opened the foil. The chocolate was so desirable and the smell sent my senses reeling. I snapped off two squares and slipped them in my mouth. Ecstasy! I knew I was hooked but I didn't care.

It felt so satisfying as the chocolate melted tantalisingly on my tongue and the creamy taste trickled down my throat. I couldn't stop and devoured the full bar - slowly.

WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX
- it doesn't make you pregnant
- size doesn't matter
- it always satisfies
- there's no need to fake it with chocolate
- if you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind
- it satisfies even when soft
- you don't have to think twice about swallowing
- you can have chocolate on your desk during office hours without offending colleaguesThat night while in my lonely bed I thought of the chocolate again and, as my mouth grew moist, I realised that I must be choco-gasmic and, what's more, multi choco-gasmic at that.

I could see why, when chocolate was first introduced into Europe, it was said to invigorate men and make women less inhibited. Chocolate seemed so wonderful and, like 63.76% of women, I was beginning to think that it was preferable to sex.

Well just think about some of the good points of chocolate - on the right.

And so began my road to ruin. On the way to work I made a secret daily detour to a confectioners and bought essential supplies for the next twenty-four hours. As well as my favourite Bournville I would buy an assortment of fun size bars to be used to build the tension during the day. I would nibble them surreptitiously. They weren't quite sufficient to fully satisfy but were just enough to motivate the senses for what was to come later - foreplay for the choco-gasmic if you like.

Oh the evenings. I was in love with my creamy friend and no wonder! Chocolate contains minute amounts of a naturally occurring brain chemical called phenylethylamine, which is also known as the love chemical - it seems we produce this when we fall in love. Who therefore needs a man! Especially as I didn't trust them - but you can chocolate.

I had such lovely evenings and I got quite frustrated if friends or family wanted to look in or invited me out. I much prefered to have a long bath in preparation while I decided where to have my chocolate: on the settee, on my balcony or (blush) in the bedroom. And what to wear? When decided I'd choose a bottle of red wine and together with my chocolate would transport myself to heaven.

This was all great for a while but I wanted more and more. I started lunchtime chocolate flake sessions and even pre-breakfast melting moments. It was no good, I realised this couldn't go on. I was way over budget with my chocolate purchases, especially when I went through the experimental phase. I was trying to recapture those first heady days by trying different things.

I knew it had to stop. I wasn't seeing my friends very much, had become anti-social and yet still the delights of choco-gasms remained fixed in my mind. Damn J.S. Fry for being the first man to manufacture chocolate in Britain in the 19th century - he has a lot to answer for.

But how do you give up?

I tried cutting back and limiting the amount of chocolate consumed every day. It didn't really work. I made sure I didn't have much money with me when I went out - there were always cash machines though. I tried doing without completely but got too irritable.

Then I had a brainwave, perhaps chocolate patches might help. So I stuck chocolate buttons with sticky tape to my arm, like tobacco patches. Trouble was, they tended to melt and attract strange comments from interfering work colleagues. If I fixed them to my leg dogs would sniff and lick me. I started to find other places on my person to hide the button 'patches'.

Help came at last. I met my present boyfriend. We went out for a meal and then back to my place. Within a few minutes of stepping through my front door we had consummated our relationship. He seemed quite surprised to find melted chocolate in my bra but did say I was quite tasty - which was nice of him - presume he must have come across the other buttons as well.

From then on things started to improve. I needed less and less chocolate as I got more and more ... well you know. I realised that I wasn't meant to be celibate and, no matter what they tell you, sex is definitely better than chocolate - well most of the time.

I began naturally producing my own phenylethylamine and had a bountiful supply by the time my current boyfriend moved into my flat.

If I'm ever between men again I know I'll have to be careful not to become a chocoholic once more. Chocolate is so satisfying though, more so than virtually any other food. Yes, really! It has over 500 aromas and flavours that give maximum pleasure to the taste buds. You would need several guys to compete with that.

Reminds me: could do with a sandwich right now.

Blow that sandwich. Instead I think I'll have this chocolate flake cunningly hidden in ... whose not cured?!

Find out more about Cadbury's chocolate

If you are addicted to chocolate look on the bright side:

• It's a natural stress reducer as it releases the brain chemical serotonin.
  
  
• It's high in magnesium which helps stabilise moods & emotions.
  
  
• It helps keep arteries clean, may well be as effective as red wine.
  
  
• It contains antioxidents.
  
  
• One ounce of baking chocolate or cocoa contains 10% of the daily recommended intake of iron.
  
  
• It's a natural mood elevator - it releases 'feel good' endorphins.
  
  
• It helps prevent tooth decay - it contains an anti-bacterial agent.
  
  
• A single chocolate chip can provide enough energy for an adult human to walk 150 ft.
  
  
• Believed to help with Parkinson's disease.

SOME OF MY OTHER TASTY LENSES:
My Love For Cheesecake Recipes
My Love For Marmite Recipes