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From the lens Your Christian Walk.


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  • Earl Waggoner Apr 28, 2012 @ 8:25 pm | delete
    At the age of 13 I walked up and gave my life to Jesus Christ as my Savior. From then on I walked with Jesus and walked away from him so many times. The following is a short short bio of the last 34 years of my life. I hope this will help others know that He will stay beside you no matter what.:

    Sometimes baggage can be locked up for a long time and, even though that baggage can be opened with a key so that you can deal with it, some of us seem to have no strength to turn it in the bag.

    33 years ago my wife at the time asked to separate so that she could “find herself.” We had 2 beautiful children at the time ~ my son, age 9, and daughter, age 5. We decided that my son would stay with me and my daughter would live with her. My wife would work a lot of hours on 2nd shift,I would have both of them most the time, which was fine with me.

    At the time my wife was going out with other men and, with the people she went with, I knew she was using drugs as she later admitted. My choice at the time was alcohol, and I began to drink more and more as the separation went on. She at one time came to me to ask for money for and abortion and I refused to give it to her. What ever happened about that I never asked, but have always wondered.

    One afternoon my two children were playing outside after dinner while I did the dishes and finished my bottle of wine. I remember just sitting down with my bottle on the couch when the loud screeching of tires made me jump from the couch. The next thing I heard was my son screaming at the top of his lungs “DAD”. I ran out and he yelled “the truck hit her”. I asked where she was, and he pointed down the street. I saw her body laying on the pavement 3 houses down and a big red pickup in front of our house.

    I ran to her and she wasn’t breathing, so I tried to give her mouth to mouth when a nurse who lived close by took over. The ambulance kept her breathing from there to the local hospital to the bigger hospital an hour away. By the time over 20 relatives showed up, the doctor came from the operating room and pulled my wife and I into a conference room. There he told us that her brain was completely gone and asked if we wanted him to turn the breathing machine before we saw her, and we agreed to that. We both walked down the hall, not saying a word to each other.

    I remember, one time, trying to put my arm around her and she pulled away. As we stood there looking at my daughter, not a word was said. On the way back to tell the relatives, I asked her to please come back home, that both I and my son needed her now more than ever. She turned and said, “You tell them she’s gone and now, I haven’t found myself yet.” It was then I broke down and cried like a baby. I can’t remember her crying at all although, I’m sure she did, at least I hope she had.

    We entered the room with all the relative in and I told them she was gone. After much crying and hugging, there was a silence when my wife’s father walked up to me. He got about an inch from my face and bellowed out “Don’t you ever go near my daughter again you drunken son-of-a-bitch!” Til this day I can’t remember what anyone else said in that hospital waiting room, but I do remember what he said as if it were an hour ago.

    The funeral was special, with the pews full of relatives and others that loved our daughter. Even her whole kindergarten class showed up at our Catholic church and the graveside service. My father paid for the heart shaped stone with her picture on it, and the grave site. I can’t remember anything else that happened that day, or too much that happened the few weeks after that.

    About a month after that I filed for a divorce from from wife. She was using drugs and running wild while I continued doing the “legal” thing and staying at home while drinking more and more. We sued the man who hit my daughter when we found out he was traveling over 55 in a 25 mph zone and drinking beer in the truck. She had went across the street to get a ball and, as my son said, looked both ways before starting back across when the man’s truck came over a hill and struck her, sending her 3 houses from where she was hit.

    It took a year before the divorce was final, after a very nasty fight over custody bringing up her drug use and my drinking. It appeared my drinking was not a problem to the courts but her drug us and lifestyle was. She tried again 3 times to get custody, but each time lost, My drinking continued to get a little worse each passing year and my withdrawal from society became a worry to those around me.

    What saved me most was that God sent me a young lady that was having the same troubles in her marriage, but was full of trust in Christ and love for others. We married shortly after my divorce and, though I knew I had found my soulmate, my depression continued to grow. I continued to use alcohol in putting my depression in check, hiding the amount I drank from all around me.

    My depression and drinking began giving me problems in every aspect of my life until I began to run from all my problems, sometimes dragging my family with me and sometimes on my own, believing my family would be better off without me. My wife stuck with me through all, always saying that she knew I was a good man. She saved my life many times, giving a reason to get help for both depression and alcoholism. Over our last 20 years together I had been placed in the hospital many times for depression after wanting to commit suicide, at one time given 10 shock treatments because no medication would work and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. There have been 5 different times in alcohol treatment centers and 4 different halfway houses. I’m proud to say I’ve been sober now for over 5 years.

    Last year we were invited to see a movie sponsored by the church. During the movie a young girl was killed. It was during the funeral part that they showed a picture of the girl on top of her casket, just like we had placed on my daughters, that I walked out. At age 13 I attended a church camp that I had gone to for a few years. At a campfire meeting that year I walked up and accepted Christ as my savior. I have never forgot that feeling that Christ gave me that night. There has been so many times that feeling returns and reminds me what Christ has done to help me in the deep valleys that I ended up in.

    Everything else seems to have fallen into place these last few years. Of course the medical problems and financial situations in my life are troublesome but with Christ’s help I am learning and healing a little at a time. I just can’t seem to find, if there even is one, a cure for this deep, large empty hole within me left from my daughter death. Some say to just accept it and live with it. Others say to turn it over to God. I’ve tried both and more. I needed someone to help me turn the key in that 1 piece of baggage to get it open so I can deal with it. I’m still searching through my church and fellow AA members and it’s a long process, but I have faith in God that this long suffering of guilt and emptiness will somehow work its way through. I’ve asked Christ to please come back in my life

    The last 5 years have been tough with 2 heart attacks, bladder cancer and the development of type 2 diabetes, but God has given a strong heart back to me, has made me cancer free, and helping me stabilize my diabetes through his grace and medication. Because of health issues my finances have been a struggle to the point that my choices of meds or bill paying has been an issue. More times than not I have chosen meds over paying living expenses. As time has gone by, our problems have added up and our credit has gone down to the point that a loan through our bank and other financial places have declined us a loan to catch up. We are now in a position that we are about to lose our home and the car my wife uses to go to work. The amount seems small to many at $2000, but it’s like a million to us. What is the most surprising is that my depression hasn’t returned because of this and my desire to run and drink hasn't returned, either.

    My trust in the Lord and his ability to help me has grown to the point of a calm that I had never felt before. That trust in Him has given me a reason to live and see outside myself in things that boggles my mind. I enjoy helping at church and in the community more and more. The love my wife and I have continued to grow stronger. Maybe it’s because of my age, my pain, or my trials, but turning to Christ for all things will get me through this. Trust in Him, who has carried me through so much in my life, will continue to be my strength.
  • ercramer36 Apr 17, 2012 @ 4:35 pm | delete
    Great hub! Good explanation of walking with Jesus.
  • MrWFS49 Jan 9, 2012 @ 12:08 pm | delete
    How do you see religion? I have written an article “Religion Is A Matrix” on http://www.squidoo.com/answers-to-spiritual-questions-01 and would like your opinions on it.
  • BFuniv.com Jan 9, 2012 @ 12:31 pm | delete
    I feel religion is man trying to make accommodation with a universe the wise know we can never fully understand. Christianity is treated as religion by many, sitting in a pew once or twice a week to appease the unknown, or finding a church claiming to be Christian that requires you work your way to god.

    What has almost become a cliche: Religion is man approaching gods, Christianity is God approaching man. Most men are uncomfortable with this as they want to be in charge and decide the terms of engagement. Jesus does not allow that option - no wonder he is hated when honestly portrayed.
  • HorseAndPony Sep 14, 2009 @ 3:45 pm | delete
    Very nice lens. Hope you do not mind me asking but after reading many of your other lenses I wonder if you walk with Jesus completely on your own or do you attend a church? I ask this because the Christian Church is very difficult for people who are believers of the topics written in your other lenses. I have attended many Christian Churches and Schools (many different denominations and non-denominational) and I am of the opinion that there is not really a place for people who think for themselves.
  • BFuniv.com Sep 4, 2010 @ 7:31 pm | delete
    I view the church as the body of believers, no two of which are the same. I have attended church, and at times just gathered with friends. The place for thinkers is where church is most vital, in personal relationships. Starting with accepting God's offer of a personal relationship with him, we can then have deeper relationships with others.

    Founding buildings, bureaucracies, and authoring rule books are not why Christ came to earth. In fact, disrupting those things seems to have been a constant part of his ministry.

    Christianity is a personal relationship with God before it can be anything else. Most of the anything else is man's ideas, not Gods.

    Ask him where you belong, today. Tomorrow may well offer change if you keep conversing with him.

    Life, she is good.
  • marlene3 Jul 5, 2009 @ 12:20 pm | delete
    Hey very nice lens! I love finding others who shares the love of Jesus Christ like I do.
  • James43302 Jul 4, 2009 @ 8:38 pm | delete
    Hi great lens. I love finding fellow christians shareing in the faith of Jesus Christ Online. I also love to help when I can. I gave your lens five stars, a favorite, and lensroolled on five spiritual lenses. God bless! :)
  • AppalachianCountry May 29, 2009 @ 2:40 pm | delete
    Thank-you fo this lens. We work daily to grow closer to Him. Thank-you for your words.
  • JaguarJulie May 28, 2009 @ 9:44 am | delete
    Ah, Allan! Reading your lenses always puts a smile on my face -- love this: "Peace, Contentment, and Pleasurable Anticipation" -- PCPA! ;)
  • CosmeticMom Apr 17, 2009 @ 11:55 pm | delete
    >>God will talk to you
    Study the Bible and learn to recognize his voice, be still, be quiet; listen.

    Great Job Allan...love the above quote!
    I really believe most people are not studying The Bible and listening to what God is teaching through His Word! So many people think The Bible is a "Book of Stories written by Man" If that was the case, we may as well not believe anything The Bible says...who trusts Man's word?
  • Wahoo Mar 24, 2009 @ 10:19 am | delete
    As you continue to grow you are seeking to be a friend of God.
    You are now adopted into God's family; there to grow.
    This is so true, It is a gift to loved by the holy spirit as I am
    a friend with the lord, filled with love and growing.
  • aande Feb 7, 2009 @ 1:48 am | delete
    Good stuff. Thanks for the encouragement. I love it when someone tells it like it is. We need to grow up and share HIS love with the world.
    Eric
    Christian Testimonies
  • familychristianmedia Oct 30, 2008 @ 2:55 pm | delete
    Great Lens, 5 stars all the way. Good to see other Christian Len's on Squidoo.
  • Mildred Conn Aug 11, 2008 @ 5:46 am | delete
    Very good message, Allan. Your approach is encouraging, personal, concerned, and concise. Anyone reading your message will be encouraged, feel a personal touch, a concern for your spiritual status and are not burdened with over-kill because you quote the Bible words from Jesus that fit the topic. Keep the faith! Continue to share!
  • TheInfamous7 Aug 10, 2008 @ 9:36 am | delete
    Allan!!..I really like your analogy of "Teenagers walking with parents!" You are right..you have a difficult job capturing the youth of today! Peer Pressure dictates all..and in todays modern world Western Religions are losing out to atrophy, agnosticism and lack of direction!!

    Remember to change Text/Write Mod title!
    Keep up the Good Work!! :-)

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BFuniv.com

Allan R. Wallace Trains Visionaries

"I just might be wrong; but if you view change as a problem rather than an opportunity you'll always be too late.... more »

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