National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Christmas Vacation is a 1989 Christmas comedy film directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik. It is the third installment in National Lampoon's Vacation film series, and was written by John Hughes, based on his short story in National Lampoon Magazine, Christmas '59. The title song was written for the movie by the husband-wife songwriting team of Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil and was performed by Mavis Staples of The Staple Singers fame.

Since its release in 1989, Christmas Vacation has been ranked on many lists of "Top 10 Favorite Christmas Films" and is considered a modern holiday classic.

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Clark W. Griswold, portrayed by comedic legend Chevy Chase, has had some disastrous vacations in the past at both Wallyworld ("Vacation") and across the entire continent of Europe ("European Vacation"). Now he wants to make it up to his family by having a special "Griswold Family Christmas." After months of careful planning, Clark invites nearly the entire extended family including his parents, his parents-in-law, and even his grouchy Uncle Louis and senile Aunt Bethany.

While getting the house prepared for company, Clark's cousin-in law Eddie shows up unannounced and uninvited, with wife, kids and even the family dog in tow. This was not a pleasant surprise. In typical Griswold fashion, Clark goes way overboard by adorning his house with over 20,000 Christmas lights. He squeezes a giant Christmas tree into the living room that is so tall it stretches out across the ceiling. As Christmas eve approaches, Clark begins to experience a series of unfortunate events. The Christmas Turkey bursts open, dry and brittle. Aunt Bethany's cat chews on the Christmas lights and Uncle Louis accidentally ignites the Christmas tree. To make matters worse, Clark's boss decided at the last minute to eliminate the company Christmas bonuses without informing the employees.

After an amusingly frightening rant by Clark, poor misguided Cousin Eddie shows up with Clark's boss tied and gagged. The cops break the door down and surround the Griswolds. At gunpoint and amidst all of the chaos, Clark discovers the true meaning of Christmas.

(Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold's yuppie neighbors from next door)
Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.
Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.
Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.
Clark: Whatever, Russ.

Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

(As an entourage of businessmen, lead by Clark's boss, passes by single file)
Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my a$$. Kiss his a$$. Kiss your a$$. Happy Hanukkah.

Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an a$$hole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...
(Cousin Eddie is in the driveway draining his RV's toilet)
Eddie: Sh*tter was full.
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our sh*tters, honey?
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.

Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.

Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on it's way in from New York City.
Eddie: (pauses) You serious, Clark?

Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

Clark: The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.

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