Colorful, original art by Hollie Leffel

I can still hear it echoing in my head
"I'm so sorry girls, but your daddy is dead"
I'm still standing at his casket, begging for his warm embrace
not fully comprehending what had taken place
thinking he was sleeping and would be coming home when we leave
we didn't understand this would be it, not even a grave to go and grieve
we didn't understand what creamated meant
or why into a lake his ashes were sent
what does that mean that it was his will?
Its not the same to have nowhere to let tears spill

I wish I had five more minutes with him alive
I wish the accident never happend, no one drinks and drives
I wish I could sit again in his lap, to be a little girl
and soak up all his love before he left this world
or to smell him one more time or have more I remember
or just go back to that cold day in december
when a set of twin girls were indroduced to their dad
and every second was cherished because we knew 7 years was all we had
those words changed me and haven't gone away no matter how I've pled
"I'm so sorry girls but your daddy is dead"

its real late and my mind begins to stray
to all the terrible things that have come to stay
why aren't there many people left, genuinely kind
why when I'm searching souls bitterness is all i find
why do people foster so much hate
against other people trying to get through the same gate
we all want pretty much the same resolutions
peaceful and equally fair solutions
to problems with no foreseeable conclusions
and then there's the ones with the diluted illusions
the ones who think nothing is wrong when clearly there's contusions
in this world with millions of daily executions
some are guiltier than others but there are no exclusions
i wish everyone would realize we are all only humans
everyone will die soon enough, we really don't need to be zoomin'
through our lives with nothin' but a bad taste in our hearts
hatred for others who are from different parts
of the same world that we live in
people who deserve the same respect that anyone else given
people not given everything we've grown accustomed of
people like us with the same definition of love

It's a long climb that I'm not sure I can make
with razor-sharp edges that I helped to create
this anger that lives deep in my sub-conscience
pushing me farther down as I try to get out of this
my persistent sadness is like a never ending thunderstorm
soaking this ragged cliff and making my fingers unable to perform
each clap of thunder is changed into laughter
not mine but of those who got up faster
mocking my incapable hands as I slide farther within
blood now cascading down the walls as I slowly give in
I close my eyes and leave it up to fate
release my tortured mind let go of what I hate
falling a million miles an hour I'm finally at peace
the wind wrapping my abused body in the softest of fleece
I will fall until the end of time
inside my troubled, troubled mind

To fly again with those that I love
Soaring high with the sparrows and doves
to feel the breeze through my silky hair
and know that I can go virtually everywhere
tears stream from my eyes I reminisce
never again to feel the wind's gentle kiss
for I am stuck gazing upward at the sky
broken wings and no matter how hard I try
I cant leave the soil on which I stand
pointed to the heavens is my bloody hand
begging for someone to come to my aide
praying for some other price to be paid
but it is hopeless, as my life has become
for no one can save me from what I've done
careless acts and my neglectful ways
sentenced me to earth for all of my days
my cries of sorrow through the sky rings
so I weep upon the ground with broken, bloody wings

my existance seems so pointless, so hopeless and lonely
I know them not to be truths, no matter what they've told me
honesty must be too difficult, for your every word is laced with lies
my mind strewn with heartache, tears and my sorrowful cries
Each sentence that falls from your tongue is manipulating
every day I silently sit, painfully waiting
to trust again, to feel secure, to feel comforted and understood,
these things everyone needs, only few have, but everyone should
why does it seem that my heart has built an impenatrable wall
and my mind climbs painfully to the top, only to fall
back to the isolation below, the despair that traps my very soul
the seeping sadness that has overtaken my life and taken a toll
on my sanity and everything that makes me who you once knew
I am no longer happy in life, little things or anything I do
my mind is occupied continuously, reliving my past
thinking of times when you lied, hurt and put me last
the people in my life don't truly love me or care
it's simply more convienient for me to be there
things have to change or I cannot survive
In the dark my soul cannot possibly thrive
When I was young I thought I was meant for so much more
how can I doubt my self worth, my being, my very core?
Living this way has made me question myself
not care about consequences, the future or my health
I'm dying a little more with every breath I take
soon I'll be gone, when there is no more desire to wake
my heart withered and broken, my body a torturous cell
someday I'll be free, and in the wind is where I'll dwell,
no more pain, no more lies, no more solotude, no more sorrow
just the pleasuring thought that, at last, I won't wake up tomorrow