Communicating with Toddlers
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Effective Ways of Communicating with Toddlers.
Communicating with Toddlers for beginners ('cause all parents are beginners the first time round - and the second! And ...)
Toddlers. Don't you just love them? Well, actually ...
As any parent of small children knows, you can go from loving these adorable little creatures one minute, to hating the little monsters with a vengeance two seconds later. Their knife edge volatility and refusal to do what we want them to can make our tempers more prone to sudden, frustrated explosion than theirs, and that's saying something!
Well, nobody said it would be easy (actually a lot of people do, but they either don't have kids, or have forgotten what it's like). Communicating with Toddlers can be frustrating, annoying, pointless, funny, and ultimately rewarding, but it takes a lot of work, and a whole heap of patience. This lens will take a look at some of the ways we communicate with our toddlers, and some of the ways we shouldn't, but still do (hey, I've got nothing against bribes as a valid technique - the candy floss my little fellow is eating in the picture kept him - and me! - happy for hours).
The important thing to remember when communicating with toddlers is that it is just as difficult and frustrating for them as it is for you - more so really, because you have all the power (hmmm, that's debatable). Let's have a look at a few tips, a few tantrums, and a really cool audio programme that teaches some very clever and effective strategies for making life with your toddler a bit easier - for both of you!
(The photo was taken by my wife at a country fair we went to. © Leeann Apps)
Toddlers. Don't you just love them? Well, actually ...
As any parent of small children knows, you can go from loving these adorable little creatures one minute, to hating the little monsters with a vengeance two seconds later. Their knife edge volatility and refusal to do what we want them to can make our tempers more prone to sudden, frustrated explosion than theirs, and that's saying something!
Well, nobody said it would be easy (actually a lot of people do, but they either don't have kids, or have forgotten what it's like). Communicating with Toddlers can be frustrating, annoying, pointless, funny, and ultimately rewarding, but it takes a lot of work, and a whole heap of patience. This lens will take a look at some of the ways we communicate with our toddlers, and some of the ways we shouldn't, but still do (hey, I've got nothing against bribes as a valid technique - the candy floss my little fellow is eating in the picture kept him - and me! - happy for hours).
The important thing to remember when communicating with toddlers is that it is just as difficult and frustrating for them as it is for you - more so really, because you have all the power (hmmm, that's debatable). Let's have a look at a few tips, a few tantrums, and a really cool audio programme that teaches some very clever and effective strategies for making life with your toddler a bit easier - for both of you!
(The photo was taken by my wife at a country fair we went to. © Leeann Apps)
Communicating with Toddlers 101
How do toddlers go from this ... 
... to this, in a split second ?There's as many answers as there are toddlers. Fear, frustration, tiredness, impatience, insecurity, or just because they can. In this case, I was trying to get enough distance between myself and the boy to include a pipe band in the photo behind him. He thought I was leaving him behind, so his insecurity set off this reaction. Wasn't much I could have done to prevent it, missed out on the photo (although I rather like this one), and it cost me a packet of candy floss. The point is that these guys are unpredictable and we have to do our best to try and keep a step ahead of them, while we seem to be always two steps behind (or running backwards, as I was here!)
Communicating with Toddlers, part 2 (in a never-ending series!)
How not to
- Yelling - Save this one for when it's really necessary (or when you really lose your temper!). If you yell all the time, it will lose effectiveness and you will lose credibility, so when you really do need to yell at the children, they won't take any notice and could end up in a dangerous situation. Remember the boy who cried wolf?
- Bribes - We all use them, but we need to be careful with this one. Sometimes it's just easier to give in to an incessant, whining (and loud - always so LOUD!) demand for, well, anything - a biscuit ("bistick" in our house), a toy, attention, a cuddle (ours calls it a "tuddle" and is a bit manipulative with this demand - "Daddy a tuddle?". He usually wants one when he is being told off!), or anything else they want, but if it works once, they'll try it again. They'll soon learn that this is an easy way to get what they want, and you will create a rod for your own back.
I prefer the reverse bribe - removal of a privilege for undesirable behaviour, even if the privilege has been recently introduced for just such a purpose. - Saying No - Easiest word in the world to use, but not always the most effective. Chris Thompson, author and presenter of Talking To Toddlers , has a simple and effective method to deal with this:
"Instead of saying "no", you simply say, "So you are asking me ....(fill in the blank)". Whatever your child is asking you for, it is FAR better to repeat their request to them so that they know you heard them and understand them. Then, after you've done that (to build rapport), you can move onto various methods of distraction or logical progression."
They know only too well what the "n" word means - it is never the answer they want, so if you can avoid using it, you should.
Just a reminder
This is what we are trying to avoid
You'll never eliminate this entirely (Would you want to? It is quite amusing, but I always find that with other people's kids' tantrums), but some of the Talking to Toddlers techniques will help to reduce the frequency and severity. Note the date on the clip - it is about a month before our current toddler was born. Just as well I only found it now!
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Talking to Toddlers
Make life easier for you and your toddler
So - how to avoid tantrums, yelling, bribery, and saying "no" all the time? How to have a better relationship with your children that leads to a more peaceful and fun lifestyle for your family? Chris Thompson has put together a brilliant audio programme that answers many of these questions in an original and, most importantly, effective manner.Talking To Toddlers is a series of lessons delivered by Chris in his no-nonsense and easy to understand manner. He clearly explains his clever techniques for modifying children's behaviour without any hype or fuss, and gives simple to follow "homework" exercises as part of the course, so you will start to see results straight away. Below are just a few of the techniques Chris teaches in his course:
- Simple language to bypass "no" - These two powerful tricks dramatically reduce the opportunity for your children to say "no" to you. You'll find yourself using this with everyone, not just kids!
- Get them to say "yes" easily - This secret method is used by sales people, professional hypnotists and expert negotiators. It works amazing on children
- Discover how you can easily drop hidden commands - I'll show you a powerful way to drop hidden commands within everyday sentences or within stories. This is an amazing way to tell your child to "feel ready for bed", or to "enjoy eating dinner tonight" without nagging
- The magic way to change their emotional state - I'll show you how to can change your child's emotional state with a simple touch or sound. A Russian researcher discovered this, but the field of NLP perfected it.
- Get committment - I'll show you a playful way to pretend you made a mistake, which will make it very easy for you to get your kids to agree to things they otherwise would not easily agree to. This is useful in so many ways!
- My protocol for threatening consequences - Doing this will boost your success in "warning" your kids of consequences. If your kids test you over and over, this is for you.
Check out this fascinating series - it's available as an instant MP3 download or a set of CDs - by clicking on the link and letting Chris Thompson tell you about his great course. You will be amazed at how simple it is to change your life for the better!
How to throw a tantrum
This little mite doesn't just throw great tantrums - she runs her own business teaching other toddlers how to do it! Who said they weren't clever, manipulative, and devious? Profitable?
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More Toddlering
Happy Toddlering!
Share your toddler stories - good or bad!
There are loads of funny stories about toddlers. Share your amusing experiences and horror stories about the toddler in your life (or some other poor schmuck's!)
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Chris de Feijter M.Ed.
Dec 17, 2010 @ 11:15 am | delete
- Pre-toddlers, terrible-two's often display behaviour such as hitting, hair pulling, grabbing or pinching. In many cases, these are expressions of inability to communicate. In other cases, those behaviours are to "show-off", dominate. In most cases though, this behaviour can be classified as attention-seeking behaviour from either peers or adults.
My website runs free modules dealing with behaviour and the management of it. Visit www.terribletoo.com to learn effective behavior management strategies for dealing with terrible twos! IT has helped many parents and does not cost a thing.
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skiesgreen
Apr 22, 2010 @ 1:07 am | delete
- Great lens. My latest grandchild is 13 months so I think much of what you have revealed here will soon come into play, although he is pretty good. Blessed and featured on Sprinkled with Stardust under Behaviour
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Pastiche
Mar 16, 2010 @ 11:16 am | delete
- I'm dealing with my 3rd round of toddlers - (siblings, my own children, and now my grandkids). It's really fascinating and frustrating when they're trying to communicate and learn to control themselves before age 3 - can't wait to see how my latest grandbaby works it with her mom and dad.
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KarenTBTEN
Mar 8, 2010 @ 1:28 am | delete
- Nicely done. Your writing is easy to read and engaging. I think people are more likely to buy a book when one demonstrates integrity in their writing and provides something of value right there on the page. Again a great first lens.
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TeachYourKidsToSwim
Mar 29, 2010 @ 9:55 am | delete
- You are absolutely right! Nice lens! You can use these communication methods when you are in the pool with your kid! Check out how you can teach them to swim:
http://www.squidoo.com/teachyourkidstoswim
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garyr_h
Mar 7, 2010 @ 8:52 pm | delete
- This will definitely be a life saver when I have a kid. Tons of great advice for someone like me. Thanks.
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JewelRiver Mar 7, 2010 @ 8:14 pm | delete
- This site is so funny! I can remember the babies in my family doing the same things! 5 stars and great job!
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Gordon_Hamilton Mar 7, 2010 @ 7:56 pm | delete
- Hi, Andy
Enjoyed your lens.
Unfortunately, my knowledge of children extends only to the fact that I used to be one. I will have to take your information for granted.
Good luck on Squidoo,
Gordon
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Treasures-By-Brenda
Mar 4, 2010 @ 10:02 pm | delete
- Oh my, I'm afraid I'm one of those parents who has forgotten what it was like to deal with toddlers. (I'm dealing with teens now.)
Nice job on your first lens & welcome to Squidoo. I hope you've dropped into SquidU at www.squidu.com and introduced yourself! It is also a great place to ask for help when you need it.
Brenda
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Toddlerblogs and Other Things ...
by Toddlerdad
Toddlerdad
Hi - I'm Andy. I'm the happy and amused father of one toddler and one apprentice toddler. They're great fun, if sometimes infuriating, and lots of har... more »
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