communication skills

One major problem with communication is actually being understood. This can come from many causes but the root of the problem is almost always how people code and decode their messages. Often this is based on old beliefs and decisions about what has been said. That is to say, rather than actually hearing what has been said, you may have already decided what the other person means.
One way you can get around this, is by using a simple technique known as reflective listening.
You may have to exercise a bit of caution so that the person you're communicating with doesn't think you're taking the mickey, though. What I do is to say to the person something like. " Can I just check what you said so that I know I have really understood what you mean ? What I understood was ******. Is that right ?
This gives the other person the feeling that you actually find what they said is important. It gives them the opportunity to restate what they said and will clarify things for you.
This technique is useful for taking the heat out of arguments etc. If the other party continues to not make sense, or is angry, you can always tell them that this may not be the best time to have the conversation and arrange to talk later.
Communication skills are about more than being understood of course. These skills are critical in creating and maintaining effective teams. If you think about it, you will realise that every great project or event was based on effective communication. There's no point in coming up with the next big thing if you can't rally the support to make it happen. If you can't convey the ideas clearly, nothing will happen except you getting more frustrated and stressed. Neither of these things are good for your long term health or sanity.

There are a number of things that you can say, that will not help you to sort out a problem you are having with someone else.

These comments or replies are refered to as ROADBLOCKS.
The term was first coined by Thomas Gordon. Gordon was a former pilot training officer in The US navy during WW2. He got dismayed by the fact that young men were being sent into combat with barely enough skills to get their aircraft off the ground. He went on to develop parent effectiveness training and a number of other courses.

So, here's the list of ten roadblocks

1/ Ordering- Lets face it nobody likes being ordered about

2/ Threatening- Like the last one but with a serious danger of being clobbered

3/ Moralising- Save this for church on Sunday but expect the pulpits to be empty

4/ Advising- I'm not sure about this one as there are times when I want advice. Except when it's coming from someone I'm having a dispute with. During the dispute...

5/ Lecturing- Don't you just love being made to feel like you're three years old..Our survey says...Uh Uh

6/ Blaming- This one is a real doozy. It's guaranteed to get the other guys back up.

7/ Labelling- yes and as a matter of fact you are one of those*********( insert description in the last field )

8/ Analysing- This is another one where you turn the tables on the other guy just before he slugs you.

9/ Praising- This one is that sorta smarmy sarcastic response that you get from people some times. ( Not you, obviously )

10/ Reassuring- This is the dismissive approach. An example of this is having the fire brigade tell you that at least you don't have to paint the house, as it burns to the ground...

11/ Probing- this one is close to analysing.

12/ Diverting- Isn't it great to talk about our own problems. Actually there's something you just said that reminds me of when .......
(I have lots of former friends who did this one. )

There are lots of better ways of communicating with people when there is a disagreement.

A great thing to do is to listen and make sure that the other person feels heard and understood.

When folks feel understood that's where the magic happens in any relationship.