How to Choose and Use Condoms

Sexually-transmitted infections are passed through skin contact or bodily fluids. The condom prevents both things from happening, if properly used. One caveat -- if the infection has spread to skin that the condom doesn't cover, then the condom doesn't offer protection (obviously).

Proper condom use can prevent:

chlamydia

gonorrhea

herpes (possibly, see below)

the HPV strain that causes cervical cancer

hepatitis* B, C and D

syphilis

HIV/AIDS

*I left out hepatitis A even though it is caused by fecal contamination. It is generally passed through contaminated food and water, not sex.

Skin-related disease that condoms cannot prevent:

crabs/pubic lice

molluscum contagiosum

chancroid (rare in the US)

herpes (if the skin around the genitals has an outbreak)

genital warts (if present on the skin around the genitals)

Although you may think condoms sound chancy, in truth, they aren't. Condoms have proven their worth in stopping disease transmission in parts of the world where HIV/AIDS is rampant. And by blocking HIV/AIDS, condoms block a lot of other diseases as well.

Safer sex guidelines point out that condoms should be used for every sex act: hand job, blowjob, vaginal or anal sex. (Other barriers are recommended for other sex acts but I'm concentrating on the condom right now.) The point is to prevent bodily fluids from mixing. To accomplish that, one must use condoms consistently and right from the start. There is no disease protection in stopping halfway through sex to put on a condom.

Pick up an individual condom. Tear the package open (not with your teeth, not with scissors). Remove the condom and unroll one turn to figure out which way it goes. Pinch the end of it with two fingers while holding it on the head with the other three fingers. Use the second hand to roll the condom down the shaft. That's it.

If you make a mistake, you can always grab another condom. If the size is wrong, gently remove the condom and put on the correct size. If there is too much air in the condom, remove it and try again.

Removing the Condom
When removing a condom from a fully-erect man, place your whole hand around the base (with a finger or two behind the anchoring ring) and smoothly pull up with a firm grip. The condom will slide off the end of the penis without pulling or snapping.

If removing it after sex, care should be taken not to spill. One of the nicest ways to remove a condom is to get a warm washcloth and gently massage it off. The condom can be disposed of with little mess.

It is recommended not to flush condoms because they can block toilets.

Lubricant.

Without adequate lube, condoms will tear during sex. (The amount of friction it would take to tear a dry condom is not something I want to imagine!) Many condoms are pre-lubed, but it wears off quickly. Using an additional lube keeps everything moving smoothly and without friction. Friction is what causes condoms to tear or break (as well as being damned uncomfortable).

Oil-based lubes cannot be used with latex condoms because the oil eats away the latex. Oils are safe to use with polyurethane condoms. There are water and glycerin -based lubes easily and cheaply available, such as K-Y Liquid. Slightly more expensive are silicone-based lubes, like Astroglide and Eros.

Silicone-based lubes can be hard to wash off (and sometimes impossible). Water/glycerin -based lubes wash off very easily but don't last as long. Some silicone-based lubes, like Pink, offer a very realistic feel and wash off easily. Finding a lube that works for you requires some willingness to experiment and access to lots of sample-sized lubes.

Lube always goes on the outside of the condom. Using lube on the inside can cause the condom to slip off during sex. This is counter to the idea of safer sex. Using a drop or two of lube on the inside of the condom during a hand job or blowjob makes for a better experience and any slippage is easily controlled. (If sex is going to follow, don't put lube in the condom.)

Spermicidal lubricants have fallen out of favor, even though many condom manufactures still put them on their condoms. Many people have developed allergies to spermicides. Worse, spermicides will dry out the interior of the vagina, causing microscopic cracks to form. This makes a woman even more vulnerable to infection.

The first step in choosing a condom is deciding what material to use. The only two materials that have proven disease protection are latex and polyurethane. Condoms made out of other materials should not be used.

Latex
Latex is the cheapest and most common condom material. Properly used, it should not break. Latex condoms come in a variety of sizes, shapes and colors. Unfortunately, many people have allergies to latex, which narrows their condom choices.

Polyurethane
This is a newer material in the condom world. Polyurethane is supposed to be stronger yet thinner than latex and transmit heat better. These condoms work well for people with latex allergies. Polyurethane condoms are more expensive than latex condoms. They do not conform to the penis like latex does, leaving kind of a baggy effect when worn. The anchoring ring at the base is very stiff and will only fit men with a large girth.

New studies suggest that polyurethane condoms break more often than latex condoms. Personally, I've never had a condom "break" on me. Ever. (They have slipped off, which is another matter.) If properly used, you should not have problems with your condoms, no matter what type you use.

The size of the condom is probably more important than the material. By size, I mean the girth/circumference. I've never encountered a condom that wasn't long enough but width/girth is a tricky and important factor to judge.

The reason girth is such a big issue is because you need the condom to fit the man well enough so that it stays on without any problems. You also don't want it so tight that his penis feels choked. The first problem leads to condoms slipping off (which leads to other serious issues) and the second is an issue of pleasure during what is supposed to be a pleasurable moment.

Three basic sizes
I found that men will fit three basic sizes of condom. That's right -- small, medium and large. If very large, a polyurethane condom would work as well.

Whoever is buying the condoms needs to be honest in their size assessment. A "thin" guy will require a small condom. "Average" condoms will fit a range of types and "large" condoms are good for both the well-endowed and the overweight (who develop "fat dick"). Simple.

There is one place where I know you can compare the actual sizes of each condom: Condomania.com. Even if you don't buy from them, the site is very useful as a research tool. I've also included links to the four condoms I regularly used.

Using condoms with anal sex is very much the same as using condoms for anything else. Latex or polyurethane offer disease protection. Oil-based lubes will eat away latex.

You will need either more lube or heavier lube for anal sex. There are gel lubes that are created for anal sex. They're heavy and long-lasting. They also come in silicone or water/glycerin -based varieties. They can usually be found in shops catering to gay men or the BDSM community. (It is recommended not to use desensitizing lubes.)

The important thing to remember is that the anus is full of bacteria. Even between trusted partners, the bacteria could still cause an infection or illness. Anal sex requires that fresh condoms are put on before transferring to the vagina or the mouth.

I know very well that condoms don't feel like the real thing (nothing does except the real thing). If you go and actually read some of the disease stats on the CDC and UNAIDS sites, you'll understand why condoms are necessary.

I've tried to make this as simple as possible. I've used a lot of condoms and am very familiar with them. Using condoms is part of healthier living, like putting on lip balm in the winter. Choosing and using a condom is a little more complicated than choosing a lip balm, but not much more so.

You're trusting your life to that little piece of rubber or plastic. This realization should make your decisions much easier.