Contacting Your Ex When You Want Them Back

No matter what you say or do, your ex will never date you again until one thing happens: he or she finally wants you back. You can't beg or plead, and you sure can't use guilt or pity in order to get your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend to come back to you. And even if you could, you certainly wouldn't want the relationship that followed. It would be short-lived, one-sided, and you'd end up getting hurt in the end.

To make your ex want you again you'll need to first make them miss you. The best way to accomplish this? By not being around. Although it seems to go against every fiber of your being to completely break contact with your ex, it's also one of the most important early moves you need to make. Even if your relationship ended a while ago, it's never too late to stop contacting your ex. Once you do, that person is going to finally get the chance to miss you. They'll wonder where you went, who you're with, and what kind of plans you've got going on. Lack of contact always puts you back into your exboyfriend or girlfriend's head... and that's where you want to be.

Don't call your ex. Stop emailing her, sending him text messages, or calling to share your daily routine. Drop off the map for a while, and do your own thing. When your ex comes sniffing around, that's when you know it worked. And if he or she doesn't? There are lots of ways to re-establish contact with your ex once you've made them miss you for a while. Read on!

This is the best-case scenario for someone looking to get back with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. After your initial disappearing act, your former-lover is going to wonder where you went and what you're now doing. Suddenly they won't feel so special anymore, especially since you're not chasing after them. They may be missing you, curious about you... whatever. It doesn't matter, really. All that matters is that by contacting you out of the blue, your ex is giving you one of the major signs that your ex-boyfriend may want you back.

If you're trying to get back an ex girlfriend, the signs your ex-girlfriend wants you back are basically the same, but her motives for wanting you back may be slightly different.

At any rate, being contacted is always better than having to re-establish the connection on your own. If you've starved your ex of any kind of communication with you, chances are you're due for a phone call. Don't go thinking your ex is too busy to call you, or doesn't care enough to pick up the phone... the reason things might not be working out for you right now is because you're keeping up too much of a relationship with your ex. Being always around, they never get the chance to miss you. Try disappearing for a while - you'll be surprised at how well it works.

There are two ways you can bump into your exgirlfriend or boyfriend. Either you run into her somewhere you both might commonly be (the mall, a local resturant, school...), or you set up a situation where you "accidentally" bump into her. While I don't recommend the latter, there are instances where you can make it work. What you'll need to do first though, is have a long period where you and your ex haven't seen each other, spoken, emailed, or even had third-person contact through a friend. If that's the case, your ex won't suspect anything when you suddenly and casually run into her in public. But beware: if she thinks for even one split second that you set her up? You're going to be labeled a stalker... and there's almost no coming back from that.

When you do see your ex for the first time, there are two important things to do. First, keep it friendly and casual. Don't discuss anything serious (especially not your break up!) and don't ask her about her dating situation (doing so is a big red flag for her at this point). Make small talk, but keep eye contact. Be genuinely happy to see her, but don't act overly excited. Ask her how things have been, and what she's been up to, and how her family is doing.

The second thing to do: keep it short. Even if the conversation is going good (and especially if it's going good), keep things quick and get moving. You want to leave your ex wanting more... you've said hello, made an impression, it was good to see each other again. Know that she'll be thinking about you even after you've moved on, so don't linger around longer than you should. If you do that, it could come off as a little bit clingy or desperate.

In trying to get back your ex, a lot of the process involves the correct timing. While you're alone and removed from his life, try to still keep an ear to the ground as to what your ex is doing. Don't overly occupy yourself with his daily life, but there may be situations where your ex is a little more approachable than other times. When enough time has gone by and you're ready to re-establish contact with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, there may be an opportunity you can take advantage of.

For example, if you know your ex is graduating, you can send them a card or give them a congratulatory phone call on that day. This is something you knew beforehand, so it's not like you stalked him... and he'll think it's kind of sweet that you remembered his day. You also haven't called or talked to him in a long while, so he doesn't think you have ulterior motives. This is the type of situation I'm talking about.

And remember all those things your ex left behind after you broke up? This is another more innocent way you can get in touch with him. If he left nothing more than a CD or book, you really have no grounds to make such a call. Weeks or months later, that type of contact with your ex will seem lame and contrived. But if he left a bunch of stuff? You can shoot him an email. Tell him you were cleaning up, and you found XYZ... and hey, would he like it? Don't offer to drop it off, either. Let your exboyfriend arrange a time and place where he's going to pick it up. If he offers to meet you for lunch or coffee or something like that, even better. That's yet another sign he's been thinking about you in a good way.

When you get to the point where you're going to physically meet your ex again, congratulations. If even this meeting is nothing more than an innocent cup of coffee it's still a giant step toward winning back your ex. Feeling somewhat nervous about seeing him or her again is normal, but try to remember that your exboyfriend or girlfriend is probably feeling the same way.

You'll want to steer clear of any serious conversation on your first meeting. Keep things light, happy, and fun. Don't tell your ex you missed him or have been thinking about him - tipping your hand too early can set you back a few steps. However, be on the look out for signals or signs your ex might be giving off that act as green lights toward reconcilation. Know exactly what these signs are, so you can encourage them when they occur.

First face-to-face contact with your ex should be something you both have a good time with. Break the ice with small talk and try to just catch up on things. Don't think about your past relationship and try to treat this almost as if it were a first date. There may be some flirting, or maybe not. Let your ex do most of the talking, and try to read where he is on things. Maintain some distance of your own, but be prepared to close that distance if your ex starts leaning in more intimate directions. Body language plays a big role here, and you should be aware of it.

The goal of your reunion date is simple: to have another one. Leave your ex happy and wanting to see more of you. "Let's do this again" should flow naturally from both sides of the table, it shouldn't be awkward or strange or anything like that. The more comfortable you ex becomes around you, the easier it will be to get him or her back.

For those having trouble getting to the point of exgirlfriend or exboyfriend contact, there are some great resources. Learning how to get back an ex takes time, and believe it or not, some practice too. The sooner you get working on things, the better... and the more knowledge you have, the easier it will be to get your ex back into your arms. It's important to know what moves to make, and which not to make. The following are hands down the most popular and successful relationship guides on the internet - together they've already helped hundreds of thousands of couple reunite with their ex's!

For women who are experiencing problems reaching that point of reconnection, there are two guides specifically written from a girl's point of view. They detail the major mistakes women make when trying to get back an ex boyfriend, and how to reverse those behaviors in order to make him want you back:





And for men still having problems getting to the stage where casual friendly contact has been established, these next two relationship resources are an incredible asset to winning any girlfriend back. They dive into the inner workings of the female mind, and let you know exactly which emotional hot buttons to push in order to get her thinking about you again. They also go over the biggest traits women are looking for in a potential boyfriend, and how you may have lost these traits over the course of your relationship:





Finally, the 8-Step guide found below details both the male and female versions of winning back an ex, and in a nice, easy, step-by-step format:

How to Get Back an Ex Boyfriend

How to Get Back an Ex Girlfriend

However you go about accomplishing your reunion, try to remember that every break up takes time to fix. Nothing happens overnight (except in the movies!) and the more you're willing to work patiently on things, the better off you'll be.

By keeping your chin up, maintaining a positive outlook, and staying cool throughout the whole ordeal, you can get your ex back... and you will! Good luck!