Can you Cope in a Sexless Marriage?

The negative effects of being in a sexless marriage are far reaching and can be quite dire for the relationship and for personal mental and physical health. Coping with a sexless marriage is therefore something that anyone stuck in this unfortunate situation needs to learn how to do.

Some of the things that must be endured include:

  • Humiliation - Being rejected by ones spouse is not just annoying it is humiliating and soul destroying
  • Self Esteem Issues - Linked to the humiliation many begin to blame how they look for their partners indifference.
  • Depression - Living with constant rejection can spiral into clinical depression as this becomes the focus of all your problems in life.
  • Infidelity - Men and women without a sexual partner frequently are tempted to cheat even if it makes them feel guilty and they still love their spouse.
  • Divorce - Eventually for many people they give up and while they still may care for their partner the intimacy that was the grease in the gears dries up and the whole machine grinds to a halt.

So just how does one cope with all these problems?

Help on Coping With a Sexless Marriage

There are many ways you can approach each separate issue that is plaguing you because of your sexless spouse but here is one essential thing you must so before you can help your spouse to a normal healthy sexual relationship again.

You must learn to be a whole person.

This does not mean abandoning your spouse to go explore the world or something but it does mean that if you are not coping with your marriage you must build a stronger sense of self. There are three reasons for this.

1. Strong People Are Attractive – Both men and women react to strong people with a defined sense of self. This should not be mistaken for ego however as that is just being full of yourself! One problem in many relationships is that you merge so closely you lose who you once were to become a wife or a husband. Reclaim your whole person and also be a wife of husband! This will often stimulate attraction again form your spouse.
2. Stronger Sense of Self Copes Better – If you have a defined sense of what you want and how to achieve it outside of your marital troubles it can help you cope with those problems. The more you focus on your sexless marriage the more you become anxious and frustrated. Taking time to explore the other things in life gives you a chance to change the focus and become stronger in the process.
3. Being Secure Help You Help Others – The person with the problem in the sexless marriage is not the one who wants to make love and be intimate. That is normal and healthy. The person who really has the issues in the spouse who has lost the desire. While the causes of this are varied you will not be in a position to help if you have been brought low by the whole situation too! Being in charge of your own emotions and being self fulfilled in other aspects will give you the strength to help and to not be too intertwined with their suffering to be enmeshed in it.

Don't Just Cope in a Sexless Marriage!

I dislike the with coping to be honest. It strikes me as a term used to describe carrying a burden for which there is no relief. Just suck it up and keep moving … this does not need to be the case.

Good communication is the real key to fixing rather than just coping with a sexless marriage. Uncovering the reasons behind your spouses change in sexual attitude is vital to do before you can take any real substantial action to mend this rift before it spirals into something worse.

For more information about healing the gap between you and your partner to reclaim the passion and intimacy of a healthy sexual marriage i recommend the following guide.

More Lenses on Sexless Marriages


Sexless Marriage Blog Posts


Reader Feedback

  • Follow
    Share to:
    Alert message
  • losing my mind May 04, 2013 @ 8:40 pm
    My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in 2 years and before that it was over a year. I am losing my mind and running out of patience. I used to be this positive, happy, upbeat person very social and outgoing and now I find myself depressed, bitter, angry and resentful and looking back on my life wondering how I ended up in a sexless relationship with a man who is no longer attracted to me. He tells me I'm beautiful and is still attracted to me but I find that very hard to believe because he doesn't want to touch me or be affectionate. He gives me kisses through the day but I told him yesterday let's just stop that because it is pointless and I"m just done with it. We have 3 small kids and he claims he's tired, headache, long work day, just wants to watch tv..excuses are endless over the years and I have heard them all. I am so depressed I go to bed alone and watch tv til I fall asleep. I can't leave because we have 3 kids and this would tear them up but I don't know how long I can manage this depression is really affecting me on a daily basis. It is so hard to live with someone who just isn't attracted to you and won't have sex. I am in great shape I cook clean and the house is immaculate he has never had to cook a meal or do laundry I am always telling him how sexy or attractive he is but now I am going to stop trying. I feel like all I can do is get in the best shape ever and just have an affair. I think after 2 years of no sex and he won't go to therapy what am I supposed to do? He wouldn't touch me at all during 2 of my pregnancies I went the whole 9 months of no sex as well and that was so depressing. I have no self esteem left and I used to be so confident and outgoing now I feel worthless, ugly and just disgusting.
  • Is This Really Happening Sep 10, 2013 @ 3:11 pm
    I have lived with this too, Losing My Mind. I don't understand it. I am also in good shape and I have seen pictures of myself pregnant and I was so pretty. Great clothes and a smile and everything. I am clean and a great stay at home mom. People tell me that I look 35 and I'm 41. I have friend and hobby and a part time job. I don't know what's so horrible about me. We've gone to counseling and I've threatened divorce, but like you, I don't want to destroy my little girl's life-- plus I have no money.
  • The forgotten Apr 18, 2013 @ 9:27 am
    I'm both saddened and releived that I'm not the only one experiencing this-I have been married for nine years and it seems like over the years my husbands desire grew less and less..maybe twice a year, to once a year-now for the last two years nothing..its not just about sex it's everything that would connect us emotionally. There no hand holding, a hug, a peck goodbye or hello..when I go to sit by him and hug his arm he just sits there there is no closeness. It's caused me to be so so upset, sad and my self esteem is to zero. I have tried to talk with him and he make empty promises..I've been seeing a therapist and I'm not sure it's helped..shes gives recommendations on how to approach him but im regected each time. He agrees something is wrong with our marriage and claims he wants to fix things and save our marriage-but is always too busy to go with me to therapy. I feel so lonely. We have two small children and I love my husband and the thought of divorce breaks my heart even more. Having to only see our kids 50% of the time...but I don't think I can do this for much longer.i need to feel wanted and loved. It's people in public always say we have a beautiful family and that my husband is lucky he gets to look at me everyday..i always wonder why he doesnt see it that way. if those people really knew my situation they wouldn't think we (or at least I was) lucky..
  • hayley Mar 11, 2013 @ 12:09 am
    My husband and I have been married 10 months and we have absolutely no passion in our marriage. No kisses unless I ask for a kiss, he doesn't ever.just grab me to hold.or hug me just because. And the worst part is I have always dreamed of being a mom and sadly he won't give me that.and I fear he will never! He says he wants kids but theres no sex at all! I could count on 1 hand how many times we have had sex since we have been married.....what do I do? I have talked to him and the conversation is one sided and empty promises!
  • SylviaLongman Mar 20, 2013 @ 9:44 pm
    Is this a big change from before you were married?

See all comments


You may also like...

Lens of the Day

Applesauce Recipes - Delicious and Nutritious

Got apples? Whether it's fall and time for the apple harvest or if you just picked up a big bag of fruit...


Make your page on Squidoo!

Get started