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Coping With a Sexless Marriage

by SylviaLongman

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Can you Cope in a Sexless Marriage?

The negative effects of being in a sexless marriage are far reaching and can be quite dire for the relationship and for personal mental and physical health. Coping with a sexless marriage is therefore something that anyone stuck in this unfortunate situation needs to learn how to do.

Some of the things that must be endured include:

Humiliation - Being rejected by ones spouse is not just annoying it is humiliating and soul destroying
Self Esteem Issues - Linked to the humiliation many begin to blame how they look for their partners indifference.
Depression - Living with constant rejection can spiral into clinical depression as this becomes the focus of all your problems in life.
Infidelity - Men and women without a sexual partner frequently are tempted to cheat even if it makes them feel guilty and they still love their spouse.
Divorce - Eventually for many people they give up and while they still may care for their partner the intimacy that was the grease in the gears dries up and the whole machine grinds to a halt.

So just how does one cope with all these problems?

Help on Coping With a Sexless Marriage

There are many ways you can approach each separate issue that is plaguing you because of your sexless spouse but here is one essential thing you must so before you can help your spouse to a normal healthy sexual relationship again.

You must learn to be a whole person.

This does not mean abandoning your spouse to go explore the world or something but it does mean that if you are not coping with your marriage you must build a stronger sense of self. There are three reasons for this.

1. Strong People Are Attractive - Both men and women react to strong people with a defined sense of self. This should not be mistaken for ego however as that is just being full of yourself! One problem in many relationships is that you merge so closely you lose who you once were to become a wife or a husband. Reclaim your whole person and also be a wife of husband! This will often stimulate attraction again form your spouse.
2. Stronger Sense of Self Copes Better - If you have a defined sense of what you want and how to achieve it outside of your marital troubles it can help you cope with those problems. The more you focus on your sexless marriage the more you become anxious and frustrated. Taking time to explore the other things in life gives you a chance to change the focus and become stronger in the process.
3. Being Secure Help You Help Others - The person with the problem in the sexless marriage is not the one who wants to make love and be intimate. That is normal and healthy. The person who really has the issues in the spouse who has lost the desire. While the causes of this are varied you will not be in a position to help if you have been brought low by the whole situation too! Being in charge of your own emotions and being self fulfilled in other aspects will give you the strength to help and to not be too intertwined with their suffering to be enmeshed in it.

Don't Just Cope in a Sexless Marriage!

I dislike the with coping to be honest. It strikes me as a term used to describe carrying a burden for which there is no relief. Just suck it up and keep moving ... this does not need to be the case.

Good communication is the real key to fixing rather than just coping with a sexless marriage. Uncovering the reasons behind your spouses change in sexual attitude is vital to do before you can take any real substantial action to mend this rift before it spirals into something worse.

For more information about healing the gap between you and your partner to reclaim the passion and intimacy of a healthy sexual marriage i recommend the following guide.

Fix Your Sexless Marriage

Great Stuff on Amazon

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship

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The forgotten Apr 18, 2013 @ 9:27 am | delete

I'm both saddened and releived that I'm not the only one experiencing this-I have been married for nine years and it seems like over the years my husbands desire grew less and less..maybe twice a year, to once a year-now for the last two years nothing..its not just about sex it's everything that would connect us emotionally. There no hand holding, a hug, a peck goodbye or hello..when I go to sit by him and hug his arm he just sits there there is no closeness. It's caused me to be so so upset, sad and my self esteem is to zero. I have tried to talk with him and he make empty promises..I've been seeing a therapist and I'm not sure it's helped..shes gives recommendations on how to approach him but im regected each time. He agrees something is wrong with our marriage and claims he wants to fix things and save our marriage-but is always too busy to go with me to therapy. I feel so lonely. We have two small children and I love my husband and the thought of divorce breaks my heart even more. Having to only see our kids 50% of the time...but I don't think I can do this for much longer.i need to feel wanted and loved. It's people in public always say we have a beautiful family and that my husband is lucky he gets to look at me everyday..i always wonder why he doesnt see it that way. if those people really knew my situation they wouldn't think we (or at least I was) lucky..

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hayley Mar 11, 2013 @ 12:09 am | delete

My husband and I have been married 10 months and we have absolutely no passion in our marriage. No kisses unless I ask for a kiss, he doesn't ever.just grab me to hold.or hug me just because. And the worst part is I have always dreamed of being a mom and sadly he won't give me that.and I fear he will never! He says he wants kids but theres no sex at all! I could count on 1 hand how many times we have had sex since we have been married.....what do I do? I have talked to him and the conversation is one sided and empty promises!

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SylviaLongman Mar 20, 2013 @ 9:44 pm | delete

Is this a big change from before you were married?

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A Beautiful Woman Feb 27, 2013 @ 11:36 pm | delete

I hope this helps. I have a high sex drive. I love the whole ritual of getting myself prepared for a mind-blowing evening of red hot passion. I want to make my spouse melt or become inflamed with passion for me. I can't have those things. I love my spouse. I've come to terms with it because in other ways I know I am needed and loved very much. It took time to come to terms with this, but there are other things in life I have focused on to fulfill me. It takes time. It takes anger. It takes feeling rejected, and then moving on.

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AtTheEndOfMyRope Feb 16, 2013 @ 10:41 am | delete

I have been with my wife for 6 years. I love her deeply, and am as sexually attractive and intreseted as the day we met. We were only together for a few weeks when we concieved or first child. During her pregnancy my wife rarely wanted a physical relationship but still made attempts occasionally. Since giving birth she has lost all interest with physical intimacy. We were married almost two years ago, and I suppose I naively thought showing my commitment would bring my wife a confidence that would help her opinion of me. I was ignored on our wedding night both at our reception and in our hotel room. We were together once on our honeymoon and then once a month or so later when our second child was apparently concieved. My wife wanted nothing physically to do with me during the entire pregnancy (not because she was ill, or felt tired) and it was not until our baby was 8 months old that we were together for the first time on Christmas Eve. Since then she has stated outright that she hasn't been intrested in sex, kissing or anything since our first child was born 5 years ago. Admittedly I was alright with my wife's wanting children early because she had been diagnosed with endimetriosous (sp?) making an early hystorectomy a possibility. She had also stated flatly to me that she believed the secret to a good marriage was daily sexual intimacy. After a couple years of a sexless relationship we went to a councellor where my wife stated that her expectations of intimacy in our relationship had changed and that my wish for a physical relationship was therefore unrealistic. I love and respect ky wife, and could never seriously contemplate infidelity but I need to feel wanted. My self esteem and confidence are in the gutter. I can't even think of splitting up my young family. We are 30 and 25 respectively, just too young to give up on love. I don't know what to do. Wife has been promising for years to see her doctor about hormones being an issue, but has never followed through. Anyone have any suggestions?
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