Courage in Patience, a novel, by Beth Fehlbaum

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Courage in Patience

Ashley Nicole Asher's life changes forever on the night her mother, Cheryl, meets Charlie Baker. Within a year of her mother's marriage to Charlie, typical eight-year-old Ashley's life becomes a nightmare of sexual abuse and emotional neglect. Bundling her body in blankets and sleeping in her closet to try to avoid Charlie's nighttime assaults, she is driven by rage at age 14 to to tell her mother, in spite of the threats Charlie has used to keep Ashley silent. Believing that telling will make Charlie go away, instead it reveals to Ashley where she lies on her mother's list of priorities.

"We're just going to move on now," Cheryl tells Ashley. "Go to your room." Ashley's psyche splinters into shards of glass, and she desperately tries to figure a way out, while at the same time battling numbness and an inability to remember what happened when she blacked out after Charlie tackled her. She knew that when she awoke her clothes were disheveled and the lower-half of her body was covered in bright red blood-- but she has only a blank spot in the "video" of her memory.

When Ashley's friend, Lisa, sees a note from Cheryl telling Ashley that Charlie would never "do those things to her," and insisting that she apologize for accusing him of molesting her, Lisa forces dazed Ashley to make an outcry to her teacher, Mrs. Chapman.

By the end of the day, Ashley's father, David, who has not seen Ashley since she was three months old, is standing in the offices of Child and Family Services. He brings her home to the small East Texas town of Patience, where he lives with his wife, Beverly, their son, Ben, and works with his brother, Frank. Its neighboring town, Six Shooter City, is so quirky, it's practically on the cusp of an alternate universe; a trip to the Wal-Mart reveals to visitors that "there's either something in the water..or family trees around here don't fork."

Through the summer school English class/ Quest for Truth taught by Beverly, an "outside-the-box" high school English teacher whose passion for teaching comes second only to her insistence upon authenticity, Ashley comes to know Roxanne Blake, a girl scarred outwardly by a horrific auto crash and inwardly by the belief that she is "Dr. Frankenstein's little experiment";

Wilbur "Dub" White, a fast-talking smart mouth whose stepfather is a white supremacist who nearly kills a man while Dub watches from the shadows, forcing Dub to realize that he cannot live with the person that he is, any longer;

Zaquoiah "Z.Z." Freeman, one of the few African-Americans in Patience, whose targeted-for-extinction family inherited the estate of one of Patience's founding families and has been given the charge to "turn this godforsaken town on its head";

Hector "Junior" Alvarez, a father at sixteen whose own father was killed in prison, who works two jobs and is fueled by the determination to "do it right" for his son, "3", and his girlfriend, Moreyma;

T.W. Griffin, whose football-coach father expects him to be Number One at everything, and whose mother naively believes that he is too young to think about sex; and

Kevin Cooper, a not-so-bright football player with a heart of gold, whose mother, Trini, a reporter for the local paper, is instrumental in exposing the ugliness that is censorship.

Every person in the class is confronted with a challenge that they must face head-on. The choices they make will not be easy?but they will be life-altering. With the exception of her mother and step-father, Ashley is surrounded by people who overcome their fear to embrace authenticity and truth-- the only way to freedom. But will Ashley have the inner-fortitude to survive the journey to recovery and the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Will Ashley find her voice, speak up for herself, and break the bondage of her abusive past?

Realizing "she's gonna need a lot more than we have," David and Bev enlist the help of Scott "Dr. Matt" Matthews, an experienced, slightly unconventional therapist who insists that Ashley can and must come out of hiding in the closet in her mind.

The Chris Crutcher novel, Ironman, is taught by Beverly Asher in the summer school class. When T.W.'s overbearing parents read the book, they decide that the book should be censored, and they involve the pastor of Patience's largest, most conservative church to lead the fight through the Purify Patience organization. Its mission is to cleanse Patience of Profanity, Promiscuity, and Parent-Bashing Pedagogy?all complaints the group has about the novel, Ironman. Its hidden agenda, however, is to return Patience to a time when "Patience was 100% white", "women knew their place","everyone had plenty of money", and "Christian values were taught in school."

The censoring, pseudo-Christian, white-supremacist, misogynist organization is exposed for what it is in a courageous move by one of its own (well..his mother threatens to twist his ear off if he doesn't speak up), isolating the pastor and causing most of his "flock" to deny they ever knew him. National and world press attention shine speculation on the dirty little secrets hidden in Patience, and its inhabitants are forced to examine their own values and beliefs.

Alone in the dark, Ashley must face her worst fears in a pivotal scene between her, Charlie, and her mother. Will she find the strength to advocate for her own right to exist in a world that is free of fear and abuse? Can she, like her friends, find Courage in Patience?

Courage in Patience available September 2008 from Kunati Books! 

Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, and other retailers

Excerpt of Courage in Patience:
FRIDAY, MAY 18

Early evening. My mom had ordered pizza for dinner, and she was going to pick it up. We could have had it delivered; I don't know why we didn't. Charlie had stopped work early that day-it was raining-and he had been acting silly-weird, playing with a water gun he found on his jobsite. He was standing in the front room, looking like a portrait of a happy family man, framed by the shutters lining a huge bay window. He had been running around the house with his new toy like a little boy playing Commando. Now he stood in one place and kept squirting my mom and me, laughing. We were laughing, too.

Charlie wasn't drunk, and he was being really nice to Mom and me. When Mom picked up her keys from the table in the foyer and turned to leave, I said, "I want to go with you."

She shook her head, "No. You need to stay here with Charlie." Charlie zapped a couple of lines of water at me and laughed, "Bwa-ha-ha. I'm about to reload!"

I ignored him; kept watching my mom, trying to figure out what was going on. "I don't want to stay here. Please let me go with you."

Now it was her turn to look at me strangely. "No, Ashley Nicole. You stay here and play with Charlie." Before I could protest, she opened the door and pulled it closed behind her, an end-mark to the conversation.

But, why? Why was it so important that I stay home with him? Looking back on it now, I wonder if she knew what was going on.

Her car no sooner left the driveway than I felt a sharp line of water zip across my breasts. Charlie, watching her leave through the small windows at the top of the front door, turned to me with a crazy look in his eyes. I knew his look, and it was as if a rock fell inside me, from my head to my toes.

Zip. Zip. He was definitely after the wet t-shirt look. He took a few steps toward me, and I was out of there like a shot.

I raced from the front room through the kitchen to the den, only to see that Charlie had doubled back and cut me off. I headed for the hallway to the bedrooms when I slipped on some water on the parquet floor. This gave Charlie the chance to make up distance between us, and I felt the water from the gun on my back. It was very sharp. He was very close.

I was hoping to make it to my bathroom and shove some towels between the doors and drawers, but Charlie caught me by the back of my shorts when I was about a third of the way down the beige carpeted hall. He picked me up by my waistband, and I ended up on my hands and knees, crawling in the air like a wind up toy. I needed to make it to my room, and try to get to the bathroom from there. This, I believe, is a perfect example of "Flight."

My white linen shorts came off in Charlie's hand, and I fell to the floor again, still scrambling. He was laughing as if this was some kind of game. The carpet was burning my knees; I could see my reflection in the full-length mirror at the end of the hall, but I didn't realize it was me. I hooked a left, made it to my bedroom doorway, and then Charlie tackled me.

I am 5'3" and weigh about 115 pounds. I have my mother's small bone structure, plus there is one more component to the Fight or Flight thing: it's called Freeze. In ancient history, those critters that did the Freezing thing were summarily eaten. This is why they don't have real names-- just "critters."

I tried "Flight", and obviously it didn't work. I'm sure I could have tried "Fighting", but terror makes me "Freeze". I tell myself there is no fighting back when you're my size, and a large man who works construction for a living flips you over onto your back and jumps on top, straddling you at the waist. Sometimes I wonder: if I had been able to keep my brain working, maybe I could have maimed him and gotten away. Could I have saved myself?

Courage in Patience by Author Beth Fehlbaum 

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Courage in Patience by Beth Fehlbaum 

ISBN # 978-1-60164-156-4

Courage in Patience will be available in September, 2008, from Kunati Books!

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by BethFehlbaum

Beth Fehlbaum grew up in the Dallas, Texas area. She recalls herself as a very shy, introspective child. She lived much of her childhood in a fantasy... (more)

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