Cow Tipping

Cow tipping is still considered a right of manhood in good ol' America. Though considered an urban myth many a young man entering into manhood this is considered an initiation right in much of the country. They say there is a sucker born every minute well there really is and cow tipping is no different. Still to this day there is many a young soul who decides to take the initiation rite into manhood often on a dare and late at night.

Cow tipping can be considered cruel but it is a fact that it still occurs usually after a late night party a few dares.

Now I have to speculate that somewhere somehow that some lawmaker has proposed a ban to possibly outlaw in some state to make cow tipping against the law and possibly a misdemeanor so as stated tip a cow at your own risk.

Now there are trespassing laws in many states and localities on private land. Unless your heading out to open range.

The following is considered the bare bone basic supplies for cow tipping.

One person on a good dare and a 12 pack of cheap beer. It would be hard to believe that a redneck would break from tradition and would probably have some good corn whiskey or moonshine.

One full size American pickup with off road lights. The more lights mounted on the truck the better it should look like a 747 coming in for a landing as it approaches the field. You have heard of deer in the headlights well off road lights are best for spotting a cow ... uh so I am told.

If you don't have the required truck a car with a 30,000 candle spotlight that will plug in to yer' cigarette lighter will work.

If you have not a pickup a very bright flashlight will do.

An old pair of sneakers that can be discarded. Cow dung just does not wash off that easily so consider these a sacrifice to the cow tipping gods.

If you have no cheap sneakers a pair of football cleats uh ... hum borrowed from a friend out of the locker room are also the best way to avoiding slippin' on cow pies. Mud and dung they look similar so no one will notice.

Now my brother in law Billy Sue in Montana wants to give a real good tip for you city slickers attempting this. A cow is a cow and a bull is a bull. A bull has one thingy hanging down under its belly and at the other end is a delicacy called rocky mountain oysters that some of our kin in the Ozarks like. A cow has 4 thingys called teets and and are attached to a large bag called an utter. You only want to milk a cow. If you still are not sure which one is which then the ability to run a 4 minute mile may be an indication of how successful you may be. I tell ya' this because you may have ran out of beer.

Oh and a pair of wire cutters.

Now if your buddy that is tipping the cow must cross a wire fence the best way to determine if it is safe to cut with wire cutters is to have them relieve themselves on the wire. This will help determine if the fence is 'live' so they will not get shocked when trying to cut the fence with wire cutters. Lots of fluids such as beer should help in this area because there may be a few fences to test on the way in. Safety comes first when messing with 'live' fences.

Once you have approached the cow with bright lights and it has not been startled you just give it a good push and run like the wind and hope you clear all the cow patties you passed on the way in.

Cow patties can be very dangerous and rather slick like running on ice when you hit one and you can break your neck if you are not careful.

If you make it back to the truck or your ride without breaking you neck, getting trampled to death, field or road rash or getting buck shot in you backside for trespassing on private property you are considered a success.

Now my second cousin Mary Sue said that most recently there is a new strange cult of cows out there that seem to be a little smarter than the rest. Mary sue said that these cows are easy to spot because they believe that eating petas will somehow protect them and they usually are spotted eating petas after midnight hours on Friday and Saturday nights. You heard it here first.

Now I have to stress I do not endorse cow tipping at all. This is all second hand information relayed to me by a few close relatives and what I can recall from memory years gone by as I long entered my rite of manhood several decades ago.