>A nun, badly needing to use to the
>restroom,walked into a local Hooters.
>
>The place was hopping with music and loud
>conversation and every once
>in a while the lights would turn off. Each time
>the lights would go
>out, the place would erupt into cheers.
>
>However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room
>went dead silent.
>She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May
>I please use the
>restroom?
>
>The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn
>you that there is a
>statue of a naked man in there wearing only a
>fig leaf."
>
>Well, in that case I'll just look the other
>way," said the nun.
>
>So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of
>the restaurant.
>
>After a few minutes, she came back out, and the
>whole place
>stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud
>round
>of applause. She went to the bartender and said,
>"Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud
>for me just because I went to the restroom?"
>
>Well, now they know you're one of us," said the
>bartender, "Would
>you like a drink?"
>
>But, I still don't understand," Said the
>puzzled nun.
>
>"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time
>someone lifts the
>fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
>
>Now, how about that drink?"

How To Clean Your Toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up & add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat & soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet & close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate & make ample suds. Never mind the noises coming from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power-wash" & rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door. Be sure there are no people between the bathroom & the door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can & quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, & run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet & the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the
stand! He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' 'Why,
yes,
I do know you, Mr. Williams! I've known you since you were a young boy,
and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me! You lie, you cheat on
your
wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs!
You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher! Yes, I know
you!'
The lawyer was stunned!

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
'Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why, yes,
I
do! I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too! He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem! He can't build a normal
relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire
state!
Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women! One
of
them was your wife! Yes, I know him!'

The defense attorney almost died!

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet
voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll
send
you to the electric chair!' BWAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAA