CRAZY CRAYON COLLEGE COLLAGE 

Don't get me mad!

If I'd wanted your opinion about my art I'd have asked!

Never mess with Grrrl Power!

What makes you think we're related?

My name is Ernestine...not yoo hoo!

Dahling...move over and give me some space on your canvas!

Meet the "Maven of Mocktails"!

SO SMARTY PANTS, WHAT'S A CRAYON? 

A crayon is much more than a tallow tool. It's a tantalizing treat for talented tots and considered a troublesome chore to remove from floors and walls by grown-ups.

A humble crayon (by the name of Conte, that's with a french accent over the "e"), was born in Europe several centuries ago. As fate would have it, the crayon gave starving artists and doodlebugs a reason for being besides signing up to fight another war or waiting for Godot to show up and tell them what to do. During the nineteenth century however, when things got a bit bleak and boring, the crayon emigrated to America to seek a more fulfilling and rewarding life as a "Crayola crayon".

The crayon is a wonderful tool for writing or drawing on glossy surfaces such as porcelain (Mum's fine china or a bath tub), glass (a bedroom window, or a plate glass store window), not to mention painted or stucco walls of any kind (found at home, at kindergarten, or at work).

And here's a tidbit of trivia, a crayon will melt at 120 degrees Fahrenheit or 40 degrees Centigrade (which is handy to know when you're popping them in the dryer, the microwave, or the stove as part of your next creative experiment).

Dictionary writers, politicians, and scientists all agree that a crayon is not a pencil, (even though the word "crayon" is the French word for pencil, and no wars have been waged lately to determine who who makes the biggest and best crayons in the world).

Not to put too fine a point on it, but police, parents and pedants have long expressed concern about the fact that there are far too many colorful characters out there with crayons in their hands making a mess of everything, (which is why rules and bylaws were created to curb the use of crayons in unauthorized places).

And lastly, a crayon comes in all shapes, sizes, and smells which is why it is given to grubby kids to keep them quiet and not to grumbling grown-ups who can't remember how to play.

ARE YOU CRAVING FOR MORE CRAYON STUFF? 

CRAYONS - A BRIEF INTRODUCTION

For those with short attention spans, and a need to know, this blurb about crayons will do.

THE SHORT HISTORY OF THE CRAYON

Here's the long and the short of the story on crayons.

SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW CRAYON ARE MADE

Here's the latest lean manufacturing information on how to make crayons (it's from the horse's mouth...well maybe not).

THE CAPITAL OF CRAYONLAND

Welcome to Crayola...makers of more than 200 different crayons if you please.

CRAYON COLORS...THE WHOLE BALL OF WAX!

The evolution of the crayon...started out with 8 colors in a box, and on the occasion of the 100th anniversary of Crayola in 2003, they introduced some whopping new colors and turfed out the most unpopular ones with long names that no one could pronounce or remember.

WHY NOT VISIT THE CRAYON MUSEUM

Yup, there really is a museum in Easton, Pennyslvania devoted to Crayola Crayons!

WONKY WORKS OF ART IN CRAYON 

For those who have no sense of style.

Does he hang out at your office?

If love is in the hair, what's her problem?

Crayon critters come in all shapes and sizes!

Oh get a grip...green isn't everything!

A colorful person is one who adores crayons.

This could be the Crayon Monster in disguise.

And now a word from the Purple People Eater.

Do I look like Tony the Tuna to you?

Meet the Prince of Pumpkins.

A CRAZY CHARACTER ON THE SUBJECT OF CRAYONS 

"The Simpson's", probably rings a bell, especially with anyone who still watches TV and has a satirical sense of humor.

Here's a dazzling bit of dialogue involving one of those crazy characters on the show, Ralph Wiggum:

Ralph: Miss Hoover?

Miss Hoover: Yes Ralph?

Ralph: I don't have a red crayon.

Miss Hoover: Why not.

Ralph: I ate it.

(LESSON FOR THE DAY: Those who consume crayons are probably the same ones who put them in a microwave, a toaster or a clothes dryer on the off chance that heating it might enhance the flavor.)

PURPLE CRAYON PEOPLE WILL BE HAPPY WITH THIS ONE! 

CRAYONING 101 - DO's & DON'Ts 

Recommended for those with limited knowledge.

GOT CRAYONS?

...just wondering because
I recently ran out of blue.

CRAYONING 101: Required Reading Material 

The Crayon Box that Talked

If animals and crayons can talk...the world's a weird place!

Amazon Price: $9.58 (as of 05/09/2008)

Amber Brown Is Not A Crayon (Amber Brown)

by Paula Danziger

Hmmm...have you met my friend Blizzard Blue?

Amazon Price: $4.99 (as of 05/09/2008)

The Body Crayon Book (Klutz)

For those who adore cosmetic crayons and bawdy art.

Amazon Price: $11.51 (as of 05/09/2008)

Crayons and Computers: Computer Art Activities for Children Ages 4 to 8

by Carol Sabbeth

A prerequisite for those who want to learn how to connect the dots with ease and color inside the lines.

Amazon Price: $13.05 (as of 05/09/2008)

Tub Time Noah's Ark Bath Book with Bath Crayons

Rub a dub dub...it's time to draw in the bath tub!

Amazon Price: (as of 05/09/2008)

CRAYONING 102: OVERCOMING YOUR FEAR OF COLOR 

Recommended for those with Cockamammie Colorless Character Syndrome (CCCS) or those with Black and White Personality Disorder (BWPD)

HELLO...

who said I'm afraid
of yucky "YELLOW"?

CRAYONING 103: LEARNING TO DRAW INSIDE THE LINES 

Recommended for those with a lax or libertine attitude to life. Note: Ability to keep crayons neat, not peel them, or consume them at recess is required.

CRAYONING 201: HOW TO GO BEYOND THE PURPLE PALATE 

Recommended for those who wish to discover and explore the wonderful world of wild and wimpy colors that do not include variations on a theme of blue and red.

MY NAME IS VIOLET:

COLOUR ME PURPLE!

CRAYONING 202: REMEDIAL SPELLING FOR CREATIVE CRITTERS 

Prerequiste: Ability to
recite the "Sesame Street"
alphabet without skipping a beat
and print one's name correctly.

I DON'T DO Spelling Bees!

CRAYONING 300: SELF PORTRAITS FOR SNOOTY SO AND SOS! 

If you think that inside every
artist is a child with crayons,
you're right...then this course is
definitely right up your alley!

Prerequisite: Ability to stand in front
of a mirror and repeat, "Mirror mirror
on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?".

RECYCLING RESOURCES FOR BROKEN CRAYONS 

USES FOR OLD CRAYONS

Stop crying over old crayons...just give them a new life!

BROKEN CRAYONS - PART 2

Another "how-to" course on what to do with your chronologically-gifted crayons.

CRAYON CUPCAKES ANYONE

Reusing broken crayons made easy.

OUR FACUTY: MEET THE DEAN OF DOODLES 

Bartholemew Q. Bellibones, Dean of Doodles

Bartholemew (a graduate of the Paint By Numbers University in Moose Factory, Ontario), has had a gifted artistic career as Cr8tive Director at the Connect-the-Dots Advertising Agency and Chief Pencil Pusher at the esteemed Wild West Wax Museum of Bandits & Broncos, not to mention serving as President of the International Society for Research Into Dabbling & Doodling (ISRDD) for the past 25 years and authoring several books of note including, "What's The Best Way To Get Melted Crayon Out Of A Dryer?", "150 Uses For Mature Crayons", and "How To Avoid Buying a Box of Crappy Crayons".

OUR FACULTY: MEET TOOTSY TWILLINGATE 

Tootsy Twillingate, Professor of Poka Dots

Tootsy, (a former exotic entertainment professional at the Lady Marmalade Club in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky), took up crayoning as a career at the tender age of 39 when she realized that opportunities for advancement were limited in her previous line of work.

Her Motto: If you can't find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, at least paint them with your broken crayons!

WACKY WISDOM FROM THE CRAYON BOX 

Wacky wisdom can often be found in odd places, for instance, a blessed box of crayons.

Linus and Lucy from the comic strip "Peanuts" have a few words to say on the importance of crayons in one's daily life:

Linus: How do you like the chocolate I made for you?

Lucy: It's terrible! It's too weak! It tastes like some warm water that's had a brown crayon dipped in it!

Linus (tastes it): You're right. I'll go put in another crayon.

* * *

Or how about these little lost lines buried beneath a newspaper column marked "Tidbits and Treats":

"I nailed down the crayon smell...it's that dirty foot cheese flavor". (Gratuitous graffiti scribbled on the wall of a blue cheese factory).

"Pink crayon stains on a sweathshirt do not a cool duded make." (An off-colour comment made by a feisty, finger-pointing fashionista that made it onto the front page of a Hollywood scandal sheet).

"Put your crayons away and grow-up. (A singularly loud party-pooping remark overheard at a formal dinner hosted by Big Bird and friends).

"'Burnt Sienna' just tastes like a crayon; it's not worth it!" (A tawdry tagline that didn't make it into the final cut for a popular TV cooking show titled, "Hell's Kitchen".)

"Take my advice, he's not the brightest crayon in the box." (A telling line from a stray email that wound up on everyone's inbox when the "reply all" was inadvertently hit by a high-ranking official in an unmentioned municipal planning department.)

C.R.I.M.E. stands for Crayon Renderings Implicate Mostly Everyone. (Title of a proposed policy brief to elected politicians in the hope of ending the scourge of crass crayon art decorating boring utility boxes, mundane mail bins, and the weary walls of neglected places of ease all located in a town called, "No Name".)

"How can I do my job when you only give me broken crayons. (You guessed it, those famous last words of the 'not the brightest crayon in the box' person.)

I take it this box of crayons doesn't have a Flesh crayon. (Anonymous complaint received in a kindergarten suggestion box, signed by "Smarty Pants".)

* * *

To conclude this deep musing exercise for today, here's an off-the-beaten track observation to reflect upon:

"We could all take a lesson from crayons. Some are bright, some are beautiful, some are dull, some are short, some are tall and some have weird names! But they all live in the same box."

GAPINGVOID ON CREATIVITY WITH CRAYONS 

"Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with books on algebra etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the creative bug is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please'." -- Hugh Macleod, GapingVoid creator.

HOW TO BE CREATIVE WITH CRAYONS 

Everybody's born equal, they all get a crayon box, the real issue is what they're going to do with it that counts.

Some complain about the fact that they haven't got the right colors. Some blame their parents for not having been given genius status so they wouldn't have to go to kindergarten let alone school. Still others blame manufacturers for not providing them with a money-back guarantee of satisfaction before they'll use them.

The fact of the matter is that the universe provides many ways for all of us to be creative. All we need to do is take the first step; by the way, "what color is your parachute?"

Don't worry, even if your knowledge of color is limited to your adorable little "Purple People Eater" Halloween costume, you may have a future in fashion design or establish a nifty new non-profit: "The Positive Purple People Society"!

So without further ado, just follow the guidelines below:

1. Open your box of crayons, pick your favorite color and do something with it: draw or doodle, write a poem, or compose a song ...failing that tap it on a table to get a beat. (Hint: Drawing outside the lines, filling in the blanks, and thinking outside the box is OK, trust me).

2. Ignore what everyone else is doing and do your own schtick, (that's what makes you unique ...after all no one has ever seen a heffalump have they!)

3. You don't have to have a big idea, but it helps if it's a different way of doing something or another way of looking at the world, (thank goodness for itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis).

4. Don't wait for "The Great Pumpkin", the "Tooth Fairy" or "Santa Claus" to inspire you before you begin...after all, creative genius is inside everyone, so there's plenty to go around. (Hint: just talk to your inner child and ask it to come out and play!!!)

5. Know where to draw the red line that separates what you're willing to do and what you're not. (Knowing your boundaries is as important knowing how to build bridges...we need both to enjoy life and to exercise our spunky spirit of creativity.)

WHAT TO DO WITH MELTED CRAYONS? 

Show off your crayon culinary skills!

Going around in circles is fun!

How about some ham and crayon eggs?

Meet Your Master - The Melting Monster

Have a bird - with a glue gun!

BATTY BOOKMARKS FOR BOOBIES 

CREATIVE CRAYON RE-NAMING PROJECT 

CRAZY CRAYON CORNER 

Here are a few facts you probably didn't know about crayons.

1. Kids, aged 2-8 in the United States, spend an average of 28 minutes each day coloring, or 6.3 billion hours a year. (NOTE: No statistics are available on what proportion of time they spent eating them).

2. In February, 1996, the 100th billion Crayola crayon was made by Fred Rogers of "Mister Roger's Neighborhood". (NOTE: This revelation is important to Baby Boomers and their kids, however the "millenial" generation will not have a clue what we're talking about).

3. The scent of Crayola crayons is among the 20 most recognizable to American adults, according to a Yale University study...the first two being coffee and peanut butter. (NOTE: perhaps the latter smells are symbols of a healthy, prosperous, and grown-up society, however the fact that crayon scent ranked number 18 may suggest the existence of an inner child waiting to come out and play if only asked to do so).

Source: B&S History and Crayola Trivia, May 2001.

CRAYON COLLEGE OFFICIAL STUFF 

Crayon Queen Tote Bag

from Bride T-shirts, Baby T-shirts, Personalized Gifts

Tiny tote bag for a Crayon College graduate.

Price: 16.99

Please don't eat the crayons White T-Shirt

from by Sandra

For those who can't keep things out of their mouths!

Price: 21.99

I Heart (Love) Crayons Women's Plus Size V-Neck T

from Dirty Jerzey

Yup, some of my best friends are crayons!

Price: 32.99

Not The Brightest Crayon Large Framed Print

from Body Designs Cafe

Awarded to the most clueless character in our crayon classes!

Price: 39.99

CREATIVE CRAYONING COMMENTS WELCOME! 

CrypticFragments oh this is fun! great stuff! 4 stars and a lensroll. I recently completed a Crayola lens Come lookie. http://www.squidoo.com/crayolacreativity Posted March 25, 2008

littleliz Wow so many different things to do! Fantastic lens. 5 stars from me. I love it... mind you it brings back memories of my kids drawing on the radiator! Oh what a suprise when I peeled the white towls off the hot wax!! Posted September 24, 2007

bdkz This is so cute! Posted August 01, 2007

Crystal_Booth Wonderful lens. Welcome to the Humor and Hilarity Group. ~ Crystal Posted July 20, 2007