The Craziest Things I Never Said

"My brother bard my pickup truck." My brother borrowed my pickup truck.

I got a chewin' out in mamatone. My mom was annoyed and gave me a good scolding.

Act like you got some raising! (spoken by an irate parent)

Well, if that don't put pepper in the gumbo!

Look at that long tall drink of water.

Boy, you ought to see her cut a rug!

He's as country as cornflakes.

Every now and then, even a blind pig finds an acorn.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

I discovered an entertaining blog I think you'll like. Leigh Dyer is the former newcomer reporter for The Charlotte Observer. I love her easy-flowing writing style and the way she candidly talks about Southern ways of speaking and carrying on. Here's a post she titled, Southern Sayings, in which she writes:

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"...And go your own way.

Oh, how I remember this during my eight years in the Deep South! You could say just about anything as long as you followed it with your oh-so-caring, "Bless her heart." Sometimes I'd hear it punctuated with an extra dose of sympathy, as in, "Bless her heart, poor thang."

Something happens when a group of Southern women are seated on a porch. Not sure if it's the breeze, the leisure, or those tall glasses of sweet tea, but it sure sets the tongues to waggin'.






Buy at AllPosters.com

He's so clumsy he'd trip over a cordless phone.

That's about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.

We better git on the stick! (We better get started.)

Can't carry a tune in a bucket.

It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.

You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits.

He'd have to stand up twice to cast a shadow. (very thin)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

I'm feeling as low as a toad in a dry well.

There were so many people, you couldn't stir 'em with a stick.

He's about as dumb as a box of rocks

That old feller is tighter than bark on a tree. (he's frugal)

Her boyfriend is just big hat, no cattle.

Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing.

Are you always this blank or are you making a special effort today?

It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. - Aesop

The main advantage of being famous is that when you bore people at dinner parties they think it is their fault. - Henry Kissinger

Yo momma's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!