crazy funny kids

you don't know style, mom

I walked out of the house with my 6 year old the other day. I looked down and she had one shoe on. I said "Nani! really?? one shoe?" and she looked at me, put her hand on her hip and said "Michael Jackson only wears one glove, mom!" hahaha

du rag...

Pieces

awww!! kitty!!

My oldest daughter loves our new kitten. She is ten. The other night she came into my room whining because the cat scratched her. She always messes with him and gets scratched, so I asked her what made him scratch her. She said "I was just petting him and then he was looking at my face and I said 'awwwwww! kitty!!' because i thought he was looking at my face, but mom he was looking at my hair and I didn't know it and he jumped in my face to attack my hair!" lol! I tried to be concerned but when she said the awww kitty part I lost it laughing.

Sometimes I wish she'd say things quietly...

Duh Mom..

Submitted by Laura

FINE MOM..

My daughter, Nani, was spending the night at her grandmother's house. She is a talker, by that i mean she never shuts up. She was 4.
Phone rings, I'm doing a million things and my battery is low.
"Mommy, whatcha doin" comes her sweet little voice.
"sweetheart you know mommy loves talking to you, I really do, but right now mommy is cleaning and cooking and my phone is almost dead, let me call you back very soon, k?"
to which she paused, then said "FINE MAHHH MEEE, since you wanna hang up on me"
lmao

Give him a reason!

Submitted by Laura

It's MY birthday

Of Course I do Daniel..

My kids were talking to eachother yesterday. I always listen in, sometimes their conversations are HILARIOUS.
So my son is talking about chocolate, he is 7, my daughter is 8.
"I love chocolate, Shemara, do you love chocolate like ..I LOVE CHOCOLATE??!"
"OF COURSE I do Daniel. Chocolate is a part of my anatomy!!"
hehe

Ok, so thaaats how you do that...

My daughter was about 2 1/2. Little miss talker, Nani, again. She begged to sleep in bed with me so i let her.
She slept at the end of the bed and i was at the head of the bed. I looked and she was asleep...I don't know if she woke up or was pretending but..
I was watching a movie where a bullet went around a pig, they were teaching some guy to make a bullet go around things...and he had failed repeatedly..
so anyway, the bullet finally goes around the pig and I hear my daughter say "oooooh......OKAY!"
lol

why?

My nephew was 3. My sister, Heather, was in the store with him when a very large, very pregnant woman walks to stand in line behind her. "mommy, why is her belly so big?" he asked Heather "because she has a baby in her belly!" she told him. He sucked in his breathe in shock and yelled "OH MOMMY! why did that lady eat a baby??!!"

stop smiling mom

riches

submitted via email

The ninjas are coming

"so mom, if some boy broke into our house would we call 911?" my 6 year old daughter asked me one day. "yes" I told her. She thought for a second. "so mom, what if two people broke into our house?" "we would call 911 honey" I told her. A slow smiled crossed her face as she said "what about if ninjas broke in?" .....?
I probably wouldn't make it to the phone, honey...

Sugar coating is your skill, baby

The family was in the living room one hot summer day. My daughter was 4, my son 3. Their father took his shirt off to get some relief from the sweltering heat. "OH MY GOSH, daddy! You so fot!" My son exclaimed.
"NO he is not, Daniel" my daughter countered as she ran up and gave daddy a big hug "He's not fat, he's just a biiiiiiiiiigger daaaaaddy!"

you are a genius baby

The kids were upstairs playing. My son was 4 and my daughter was 5. I overhear the end of a conversation:
"no you're not"
"danny yes I am! if you say it again Im gonna hit you!"
"YOU ARE NOT A GENIUS!"
*smack*
*smack-smack*
"waaaaaah"
and they both come running battered and ego abused..

child's innocence

submitted via email by Debbie

You might have it....

submitted by Ty, a mother of 4

I read in the news that a scientist accidently poked her finger with a needle that carried the ebola virus, and the lady is now in quarantine. I discussed this with my husband and told him about the symptoms of the ebola virus that they were watching the lady for.
A few days later my 8 year old daughter and 5 year old daughter were upstairs, and my 8 year old yelled frantically, " mom Te-Te is bleeding when she blow her nose" so I quickly ran up the stairs to find out that she in fact wasn't bleeding, and that the tissue in the toilet wasn't from her, but from some tissue that had red lipstick on it.
My 8 year old replied, "good, because the symptoms are, blood from the eyes and nose, stomach ache, and eventually the person dies"

Too darn smart

It was late at night, probably 3 or 4. My son had just turned four and had been asleep for hours, or so I thought.
I was in my room with his dad, enjoying some mommy daddy time. I hear the television in the other room start clicking through channels. Obviously my son woke up, but what in the heck is he doing clicking through a hundred channels when he only watches one??
A knock at the door. "mommy? mommy what was that sound?" "it was the tv honey, go to bed" I replied
"no it's not" he assured me "I already checked all the channels"
LOL

talented...

my son came up to me one day, extremely proud and excited and said "MOM, look, I can COUNT TO 20 with my EYES CLOSED!!"...and continued to do so, and I praised him for it and cracked up inside...

thats why

My daughter has been talking forever. And boy does she talk. She is four now, but when she was younger she didn't use all words correctly. It caused us some problems for a while when this was our usual exchange:
"Nani, why did you do that?"
"thats why"
"what? that isn't an answer, why did you do that?"
"thats why"
"honey, thats why is not the answer I am looking for, now tell me why chocolate on the dog"
"thats why, mom"

eventually we figured out that "that's why" was her replacement for the word "because"

---------->pic is from when she gave the dog the can from spaghetti ohs while i was in the bathroom..

missing meat

My four year old LOVES salami.
One day I bought a whole pound of it. After sandwiches were made and it was almost bedtime I decided I wanted a slice.
When i went to the fridge it was gone. Just as the bologna was the day before. I asked my 4 year old if she happened to know where it was, I suspected her immediately. Her breath was like a salami volcano spewing aromas up my nose as she shook her head shouting "NO NO NO mommy, i don't know where it is"
"Nani, what did you do with it"
"nothing"
"nani..."
"mommy I don't know! I promise!!"
"pinky swear?"
"Oh yes, mommy. Whoever took that salami was so bad! Huh? They were bad huh? Who took those salamis mommy? I bet shemara did it. I saw her do it. Yep. She took it. Goodnight mommy" and she walked away.
I pretended to walk down the back stairs by the kitchen and waited on the steps. It was only a matter of time.
5 minutes later
Nani sneaks into the kitchen, looks around and opens the cabinet. She climbs into the back and pulls the entire bag of salami out of a pot in the back.
"Nani, I knew you had it!!" I said as I came out of hiding.
She almost choked and ran as fast as she could to bed to pretend it never happened. I looked in the pan.
Dear heaven its a good thing my kid is alive. She had a stockpile of little things I never knew were missing.
some of which were:
half a pack of bologna
3 slices of cheese
one of my necklaces
a video game her brother "lost" a year ago
2 mismatched flip flops. One hers, one her sisters
and finally
a sock

what in the world??

missing meat's inspiration..

several months prior to missing meat i found a similar stash of my son's in a non working heater vent. He putting all of his most important toys and his sister's toys that they wouldn't let him play with in there.
he wouldnt let them play his video games and strangely his game came up missing the next day......hmmmm

picture is halloween...its makeup on his face

slip of the tongue

It was a hot summer day and I took the kids to the beach. My oldest daughter LOVES catching waves. She never, ever uses foul language but appearantly she missed the wave of her life and smacked the water as she screamed "SON OF A B@@CH!!!" she immediately looked at me covered her mouth, turned red and started to cry and beg not to be in trouble.

You know, this one!

submitted via guestbook by busiaf

just checkin out my options

It was my daughter's first day of school. Her teacher at the end of the day said she thought maybe shemara wasn't quite happy with the idea of school yet. I asked what happened and she informed me that during the first hour of school my daughter stood up quiety, gathered her things and walked into the hallway. The teacher went out and asked her what she was doing, to which my daughter replied "looking for a new teacher"

ingredients:cream, milk, sugar, wood?

an email submission from Ginger Y. in Toledo, Ohio

Hi,

My name is Ginger Y******* and, this story is about my son Dillon Y******. I have a funny story for you. When my son was around 2 years old I took him to McDonalds and bought him a ice cream cone. I was watching him eat it and when the ice cream started getting down to the cone area he was tilting the cone back. I was wondering why he was doing this and, why he was not eating the cone. When all the ice cream was gone out of the cone he said " here Mom I don't want this wood thing" He thought the cone was wood.

where did you ever hear that???

My nephew came home from his first day of kindergarten. We do not let the children listen to crazy, vulgar music, so imagine my surprise when he comes in the door, throws his jacket over his shoulder and walks into his room singing:
"Im a jiggalo, got so many hoes"

:0 what???

I want the stick!

submitted by email by JayJay

black hand side

less funny, more inspiring

a submitted story of the KINDNESS of children, by Debbie via email (thanks Debbie for all of your contributions!!)

really? That's a bad word, mom?

submitted by Debbie via email

abc's..

mmmm soup

vocab is always funny... here is 2 year old vocab.
beansoup=bathing suit
fah-tie=flower (don't ask me how)
glaaaavie=gravy, soup, anything runny....milk is glaaaavie if its in cereal
i luh me= i love you
that's why (pronounced "thass why")=because
singaminamin= cinammon
squish squish= any stuffed animal
do it myshelsh= don't help me do it, damn it
go-shes=might have cookies so raid the bag as soon as mom puts it down

sneaky little booger

So my nephew has always been a fun one. My sister and I lived together for a year a while back so I have plenty of stories about him.
He was in a bit of trouble in kindergarten...but his mom didn't find out how much until a year later...

"Tav, go get your old backpack. You're going to have to use it for your first day at first grade since i broke this zipper" My sister said to my nephew. It was late and there was no time to go get another.
He sheepishly came around the corner, backpack in one hand and a large stack of envelopes in the other.
"mom....um.....here's a couple of things i found in here..."
she takes the envelopes from him. There are at least ten. Each is addressed to her from his kindergarten teacher, gym teacher and music teacher.

seems he found somewhere in his backpack to hide letters to his mother for the entire 4th quarter of his kindergarten year!
one letter read:
"mrs.****
Tavy assembled the class and successfully constructed a ramp of snow on recess and then tried to lead the children over the fence. I would greatly appreciate if you could go over rules with him and address this matter.
thank you
ms.*****

lol

If the shoe fits...

It was halloween. My kids had all of their things together but we were running late. FINALLY they were all dressed and i told them to put their shoes one. My youngest (4) begged and begged to wear a pair of boots that were a tad too big that her auntie handed down from her twins. we had 2 pairs. I gave in and said "fine just put them on and lets go!"
halfway through trick or treating
"mommy my foot hurts"
figured it was from walking in them so i started in about how i told her not to wear them and such.
"no mommy, only my one foot hurts"
thinkin that was kinda odd I bent down to discover she had been wearing 2 left boots the entire time.
we called her lefty the rest of the time and my arm hurt so bad from carrying her for an hour that i could hardly move it.

DOGGIE!

look mom! they blow up

It had been a long day. I just finished cleaning up the house and my son (4 at the time) called me from the bathroom.
"look mom, i found these cool things under the sink and when i do this," as he unwraps a tampon and throws it into the toilet "THEY GET ALL BIG!! THAT IS SOOOO COOL!"
*facepalm

John Paul's first kiss

submitted via email by Debbie

why would you do that to the poor kitty???

submitted via email by Debbie