Who is CrypticFragments?

Made with My Cool Signs.Net

I was born in August 1968 and was raised until age 10 in a fairly rural sub-division of Red Lion, PA. I attended Locust Grove Elementary School through fourth grade.
I was ahead of my class in most areas and had no shortage of friends, although my report cards often indicated that I was stubborn or did not really apply myself to my school work.

My grandfather died 3 days before my sixth birthday and was buried the day of my birthday party. I have no "true" memory of anything prior to that date in 1974.

We moved at the end of my forth grade school year to a townhouse community while our new, bigger family home was being built. I started fifith grade at Emigsville Elementary School, where I felt pretty at ease.
It was here that I began to leave childhood behind...I was forced to get my first bra, hid in a cornfield where I was dared to kiss a boy, and first introduced to fm radio.
I also became friends with a Kuwaiti family, whose influence has lasted to this day (as you can see in my lenses regarding Islam and Christianity in the Middle East).
The complex had a pool where I developed my first crushes on "older men"...two long~haired hippie types, and to this day I notice long haired men first!

Our house was ready for move in by Christmas break, and I was thrust into the middle of fifth grade at York Township Elementary. From the beginning I was looked upon as an outcast. This school had a lot of students who lived in upscale areas of York County and whose parents paid tuition to send them to that school because of its higher academic standard.

I did not look like them, dress like them, talk like them, or have money like them. And they let me know it. All the way through middle school.

I developed an anxiety disorder sometime during middle school. I've blocked out so much of my past because of the pain that I'm not really clear when things really got bad, but it seems like by tenth grade in high school I had a serious problem.

There were times when I literally beat my head against a concrete wall trying to let the pain out.
I chewed not only my fingernails and the skin around them, but also the flesh on the knuckles of my right hand until they were bloody pulp.
I became a cutter. I often carved lines into my wrist...just until I saw blood, because then the bad was coming out and I could breathe again. The year I studied Philosophy I carved an "N" into my wrist repeatedly...it stood for "nihilism", the idea that nothing is real, which seemed like a true sanctuary for me.
I missed so much school my tenth grade year I was nearly unable to advance to eleventh. I also stopped caring about grades and got several D's and even E's, whereas before I had been an A-C student.
Why my parents and/or guidance counselors & teachers never noticed or said/did anything about these things still stymies me.

In eleventh grade I discovered MTV and became a new wave/punk. Now I identified with a very cool, trendy group. There were only about 5 other students in my school who expressed this fashion style/musical taste, and we were looked at with awe, if nothing else.
Somehow, during this period, I also decided I needed to attend college, and devoted myself to school work enough to make Honor Roll and even once Distinguished Honor Roll.
This continued through my graduation in 1986.

I entered West Chester University of PA as a French Major/Creative Writing minor in autumn 1986. I suffered severe "freshman jitters", which literally made me vomit almost 24/7 for nearly 10 days.
I tested into graduate level studies in many courses but freshman policy dictated I could only take sophomore year second semester classes. I was shocked, and began skipping class to associate with the international students at their soccer matches.
By Thanksgiving break I made the decision not to finish the semester. My father told me if I dropped out he would never pay to send me to another school.
Thus ended my "official" higher education.

After dropping out of college, I returned to live with my parents, but spent more and more time hanging out at the local mall/record store with rockers, who introduced me to the local "circuit" (a street loop we cruised to see and be seen) and to The Dell, a famous local landmark party haven.
Most of this crowd drank heavily and smoked marijuana and/or hash. Eager to fit it, I drank (wine coolers) and smoked with them although I HATED the way it made me feel. I was desperate to finally "belong".

Shortly before turning 21, I attended some under-age concerts at our local rock club and made friends with the manager and some of his exotic dancers. Within weeks I too was performing in little more than my skin.
A lot of the dancers did cocaine and introduced me to it. That was a turn which led my life into a downward spiral for nearly 14 years.

There were days when we'd drink from 7am until 2am. We drank ourselves sober (as the saying goes). Or we did cocaine from 10pm until sun up, slept all day, ate a handful of pretzels or a slice of cold pizza, and started drinking as soon as we hit the stage. Day after day, year after year.

I'd get out of the business for a few weeks but suddenly need rent money, which I knew I could make in 3 nights. This pattern made it very hard for me to eventually enter the "real" workforce or understand why people would give up their lives for a job they hated.
What never occurred to me at the time was that I had done the same, maybe worse.

I did get a real job in 1991, and in summer 1992 had saved enough to escape my town. Full of illusions, I headed for the Orlando, FL area...where, with a few brief interludes (including several overseas trips to Ireland), I stayed until the early 2000s.

I returned to my hometown to live with my grandmother, who was ill, Living with her was the BEST experience of my life. We had so much fun, had so much in common.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to spend those months with one of the best women I've ever known.
She drove me to work one day, and we had an argument. It was the ONLY day I got out of her car without saying "I love you". She was on her way to her sister's house for lunch.
A few hours later I got a phone call at work from my Great Aunt asking where Granny had been going before coming to her house. I knew immediately that she had died. My work would not let me leave until hours later when my cousin called to confirm she had died of a massive heart attack in heavy traffic/construction and although an ambulance was directly behind her car, they said there was no way they could have saved her.
I have never stopped blaming myself although everyone says it was the traffic and her already weak heart (this was her third major heart attack) that killed her.

Shortly after her death, I began dating a guy who seemed wonderful. He was kind, generous, timely...everything I wanted. He also happened to be a coke dealer.
Back down the drain I went for another several years.

This perfect man turned out to be an alcoholic, coke addict and my abuser. Domestic violence is NOT just physical and you really should see my lens on this topic also.
Domestic Violence Info and Resources

I spent 6 months in a transitional housing project for abused women which helped me get back on my feet.
It was the first time I was diagnosed with anxiety or depression or treated for it. Unfortunately the treatment and meds are expensive if you're not on disability, so I have been on and off meds ever since.
Another thing with these meds is, it takes up to 4 weeks to know if they are working/right for you, another 4 weeks to wean off if they are not, and the cycle repeats.
It took literally years to find the combination/dosage I require, and once my benefits from AZ expire (when I start my Colorado job later in May), I will no longer be able to afford them on my own.

I have diagnoses ranging from severe anxiety/depression and PTSD to OCD and ADHD plus possible rapid cycling bi-polar II. I have never been able to stay in therapy long enough to learn more/be sure.
I DO a lot of "self-help"/growth work and am determined to have a full, healthy, productive next 40 years!

After leaving the shelter program I moved back to Florida for a few years...from Fort Lauderdale to Orlando to St Pete area.
In 2005 I moved to Albuquerque, NM...until I was abused by a co-worker and fled yet again.
I spent six months in the UK after that before finding my job at the Grand Canyon, which I called home for 11 months. Another attack by a roommate prompted my departure from there, and I went on to Wyoming for several months.
Believe it or not, as soon as I started dating again (for the first time in months), I fell in with another abuser!

I have moved cross-country more than 8 times in the past 2 years alone. I cannot even count how many times/places I have lived during my adult life. Sometimes I can't even make a list of where I was or what I was doing any particular year.
It's frightening and what makes it worse for me is that other "normal" people simply cannot relate to my experiences.

In many cases "adrenaline addiction" is considered a sign or symptom of bi-polar (formerly known as manic depressive disorder).

As a young adult, I became addicted to being the center of attention, or at least as close to it as possible.
I dated musicians, mostly local, but had a few "flings" with some internationally known band members (whose names will remain anonymous to protect the guilty!).

I also dated a few members of NASCAR (Winston Cup, at the time) race teams (no drivers, sorry...lol) and got to see some of the most inside aspects of the "game" both at the track and post-race parties.

Another aspect of all this was, if deep inside I felt I could never be cool, or cool enough, at least I was able to woo many who WERE the coolest!

My interest in an artistic career developed during junior high school with a passion for writing and has since turned to focus on visual arts. My poetry and short fiction have appeared in literary magazines, including my own "Inverted Ostrich Newsletter". Although that publication was short-lived, the name stuck with me as I moved on to other creative pursuits, and the poetry collection can be seen at CrypticFragments Poetry

Since 1989 I have focused on ethnic~inspired jewelry (I'm a featured indie designer on Stylelist.com) , paintings, mixed media work, and photography.
(More on these pursuits in the sections below.)

Between 2005-06, I discovered a range of internet marketing opportunities, beginning with CafePress, later expanding into Squidoo and, more recently, etsy and Zazzle. My goal is to eventually rely exclusively on these as a source of income!
CrypticFragments Zazzle-ography

"I Am" Poster, available at AllPosters.com

My current passion is the study of ancient history. It is actually a recurrent interest, although this time I'm taking it more seriously than previously.
My goal is to learn about the world one era, one culture, at a time.
Of course, history is not linear, so this makes my plan a little more difficult.
I have just started my exploration of early Christian history, starting from about 1000 BCE.

Passion number two...helping people from different cultures learn about each other and grow closer through understanding. I would like to eventually put my cultural studies to good use working with an international volunteer agency or other international resource.
In the meantime I encourage you to explore my lenses on these topics!

Islam for non-Muslims

Christianity in Islamic Countries

Religions of Iran

I can't seem to resist sharing everything I am working on and thinking with the rest of the world. It started when I got my first pen pal during seventh grade. I soon had correspondents on almost every continent who all wanted to know what I was doing! When I was introduced to the internet in 1998 (or so it opened up a world of new opportunities. Soon I was participating in public forums and using emails to report on my where~abouts and activities to friends and family in other regions.

Eventually I discovered MySpace as a personal network and later as a way to advertise my creative pursuits. MY MySpace gets more into that aspect of life.
I have a FaceBook profile which I am slowly turning into a business site rather than a place to play w/ fun apps.

And then there's blogging. I blog and I blog and I blog... sometimes daily, sometimes intermittently, on all areas of my interests. For the curious, pop over to CrypticFragments Blogging Life and Art on the Edge to find out more.

I have joined twitter and Digg recently. I am also on lensroll.com and the Isle of Squid. I have some stuff on Bumpzee and Zimbio but can't seem to figure them out! (Have I mentioned that internet savviness is NOT my forte?!)

Squidoo lets me indulge some of my old passion for writing without the stress of creating characters, making them dance, and hoping someone else finds them interesting enough to pay for. I can create lenses which I know will at minimum have an audience of other lensmasters. It is also a school for me, where I am learning about basic html, SEO, and many other interesting topics!

At one point I had over 135 live lenses, but in 2008, after a payment dispute, I sold almost 3/4 of them to loyalis and lost my Giant Squid status.
I am, however, actively creating new lenses and joined the Kab's Fab Team and plan on regaining Giant status this summer!

If you do not yet Squidoo, please do....

It may not seem like it, but I actually do have a life away from the computer! And it is about to get more active in a few weeks when I head to Estes Park start my seasonal job at Trail Ridge Gift Store's Native American Room(for details on how to get a job like this yourself, please see Adventure Workers).

When I'm not on the computer or working a tourism-related retail job, I enjoy being in the great outdoors, especially if it involves water and/or mountains and canyons! I am a Leo, naturally curious and rather restless (and sometimes reckless). I take LOTS of pictures of my travels and adventures (see CrypticFragments Digital Photography Showcase).

I like books and magazines and there was a time when I actually READ them. Nowadays I seem to be more interested in their imagery as a source of inspiration. It's easy for me to spend several hours in a bookstore cafe with a stack of design, travel, and craft publications and a tall hot beverage!

I read in bit and pieces, a chapter here, a paragraph there. Here are some titles I am perusing at the moment...I simply love French and British decor magazines!

Maisons Cote Ouest

Marie Claire Maison
France

Maison Cote Est

Elle Decoration
British Edition