Custody Relinquishment
Ranked #2,874 in Parenting & Kids, #91,613 overall
The result of a failing mental health system
Every day, parents are being asked to choose between getting the mental health treatment their child needs or keeping custody of their child. It cuts across all income brackets from the wealthy to the poor.
Residential care can exceed $250,000 annually, and outpatient weekly visits can exceed $100 per visit. Many (most?) health insurance plans offer only limited mental health coverage.
Nationwide, one in five families who seek mental health care for their child faces this heartbreaking decision. We are one of those families.
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Custody Relinquishment Laws
Currently there are thirteen states - Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, North Dakota, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Wisconsin - that have passed laws that prohibit child welfare from requiring custody relinquishment in order for parents to obtain mental health care for their children.
Such laws do nothing to improve access.
What Is Shared Parenting?
Shared Parenting means biological or adoptive parents or legal guardians and foster care providers share responsibilities. Responsibilities are for the physical and emotional care, education and medical well-being of child/youth who meets DDD eligibility criteria and who is in a voluntary out of home placement as is described in the shared parenting agreement.
Shared Parenting Plan is a written plan between the parent, and a foster care provider and DDD. The expectation is of sharing responsibilities for care of a child/youth, including exchanging information on a routine basis about medical, education, daily routines and special situations in the life of the child/youth.
Statistics on Custody Relinquishment
and resources on Custody Relinquishment
How wide spread is the problem?
A 1999 NAMI report shows the prevalence of the problem. In this report, twenty three percent (23%) of respondents to NAMI's national survey of parents and caregivers, reported being told that they would have to relinquish custody of their child to access services.
Twenty percent (20%) of the respondents ultimately relinquished custody. (Source)
The federal General Accounting Office reports that thousands of children (at least 12,700) were placed in the child welfare and juvenile justice systems in 2001 to obtain intensive mental health services. (Source)
- Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation on Custody
Legal Issues of Pediatric Bipolar Disorder - Relinquishing custody to the state
- Custody Relinquishment to Obtain Mental Health Services for Children
Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law
- GAO Report on Custody Relinquishment
"Federal Agencies Could Play a Stronger Role in Helping States Reduce the Number of Children Placed Solely to Obtain Mental Health Services"
- NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | Children
Nowhere to turn: must parents relinquish custody in order to secure mental health service for their children?
What Is Voluntary Placement?
Voluntary Placement offers a variety of supports and services to a child residing in a licensed setting outside the family home. This occurs when a child's disabilities are so severe that the parents make a request for out-of-home placement, due solely to the child's disability.
Important: The parents retain custody of their child and work jointly with the licensed provider to provide a shared parenting model to best support their child.
Voluntary Placement Agreement is a written agreement between the department of social and health services and a child's parent or legal guardian authorizing the department to place the child in a licensed facility.
Our Story

I remember the day that I was told I needed to make my son a dependent of the state in order for him to continue to receive the services he needed.
Did they not understand the implications of what they were asking me to do? I thought for sure my heart would break. How could I just give up? Our lives would never be the same.
No parent should be faced with such a decision yet sadly, many are.
That was over 10 years ago. I lost that battle and made the most difficult decision of my life to relinquish custody of my son; not because I had given up on him but because I loved him enough to want better for him.
Thus begun a cycle that would span over 8 years; one that involved case managers, therapists, psychiatrists and other specialists, advocates, meetings, and court reviews.
In spite of all our struggles and how our lives were forever changed, I think we won the war. I am happy to report that today he is an semi-independent young man who works and has his own apartment.
You can read more of his story here.
It's A Sad Day
Fears put into words
It is a very sad day in a mother's life when she is told that her child - our future - her's, mine AND yours - is not worth fighting for anymore. It is a very sad day when a child and his mother's hope are dismissed with a few simple words.
It is very sad the burden this child has already had to bear in his short life - the rejection from his peers, teachers, elders, siblings, family members, and countless others. Even his own mother has thought, even threatened, to turn her back on him at times. The difference between his mother and these other cowards in this child's life is his mother keeps fighting with some unexplained strength that she pulls from deep inside her heart and soul.
It is a very sad life this child and this tireless mother has to live when the ones appointed to help them through this bloody war also turn their backs on them, admitting defeat so very easily. Our future looks mighty dark to me - how about you?
It is a very sad day when this child and mother cry out for help, but no one is there to listen anymore.
It is a very sad day when this child, with his gun, returns to a school and starts shooting, not seeing friendly faces, but faces of other children who taunted him for years. Children who haven't visited the dark places he has seen. This child sees teachers who embarrassed him in front of his peers for years - teachers who were supposed to direct him on his path into a bright future. This child sees counselors who turned their backs on him and his mother when they both cried for help so many many times.
It is a very sad day when other parents lay blame on this mother, the school, the guns. Who is to blame? You search your heart and find that answer within yourself.
It is a very sad day when this young man takes another path. He continues to endure the ridicule and torment - continues to bottle it up inside. He has stopped crying for help and has decided to live with his demons alone. This young man continues life alone with these demons until he does some terrible crime when one of these faces appear before him once again. You see the news, you know the figures of the over-crowded prison system. The murder rate is increasing. You put two and two together.
There are many paths this young man may take. How can these paths be cut off and lead to a happy life - a life without pain and torment, without ridicule and hatred, without hopelessness and worthlessness? This is a question that lies before each and every one of you today.
It is a very sad day in a mother's life when she lays her son down for the last time. She places a kiss upon his cheek for the last time. She tucks a silk cover over him for the last time. She closes the door on her beloved son for the last time. She places a flower on this door and weeps for the other children who should not have to follow the path that her son found himself on. She also sheds tears of happiness because her son will endure the pain and suffering no more. He has closed his eyes for the last time and may finally sleep in peace.
It is a very sad day in our future when our society continues to let our children slip into darkness this way.
Custody Relinquishment Resources for WA
- CLIP Administration
Children's Long-term Inpatient Program (CLIP) is a Washington State mental health program providing inpatient psychiatric care for children, adolescents and troubled youth in four Northwest treatment facilities and one psychiatric hospital.
- Shared Parenting Plan
Shared parenting between residential care providers and parents.
- Voluntary Placement Agreement (VPA) For Child or Youth With Developmental Disabilities
Designed and implemented to support the family unit while the child lives outside the family home, in addition to outlining the responsibilities of the parent while their child is in placement
- Voluntary Placement Services
Chapter 388-826 WAC on Voluntary placement program
Principles Of Good Parenting
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Comments?
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LeanneChesser Feb 11, 2010 @ 6:35 pm | delete
- Sometimes all you can do is say, "Wow." Blessed.
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Wednesday_Elf
Jan 19, 2010 @ 3:12 pm | delete
- Thank you for sharing your story and providing this group of resources.
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prosperity66 Jan 18, 2010 @ 2:22 am | delete
- There are pages that can have me speechless... So, no comment...
Blessed by a Squid Angel.
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luvmyludwig
Jan 11, 2010 @ 6:36 am | delete
- Your strength continues to amaze me. Thank you for telling your story. I know this will be a great resource for anyone dealing with this. I'm so glad your son is doing well.
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kimmanleyort
Jan 7, 2010 @ 9:23 am | delete
- I had no idea these laws were in place. Thank you for sharing this information and your story. 5*
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