A Woman's Guide to Dating and Relationships

Dating can be a tough pill to swallow, especially after many disappointing dinners, meetings, and conversations that just don't go anywhere. It always seems like the same old thing...you meet someone, talk or text for a little while, go out on a few dates (if it gets that far), then find either one or both of you just aren't feeling the chemistry, and it's over...just as quickly as it started. It can be challenging to keep this vicious cycle up and many of us choose to give up on dating altogether after enough failed meetings with the opposite sex. But, like anything else worth it in life...you have to stay determined and keep plugging away at it. Giving up on dating will only give you exactly what you don't want...a life of solitude and loneliness. Unless of course that's how you choose your life to be. But, chances are, if you have been reading this lens...not looking to be alone forever. While dating advice is not alway fool proof, there are some things you can do to attract love and happiness to you. You just have to be willing to put in the effort.

Here's a list of things to try for attracting positive dating and love experiences into your life...

Smile Often

People are automatically drawn to others who are happy. Happiness makes us a joy to be around. Who wants to be in the company of someone who is always miserable and depressed? Smile a lot and you will attract the same type of person to you. Even if you are in the mood to smile, find something to be happy about (a good memory, something you want to do, the weekend...etc). Not only will you be more attractive to the opposite sex, but you'll also feel good about yourself, which is important when looking for love.

Be Positive

Don't carry the attitude that all "men" or "women" are the same. Try to be positive and open to the next person that comes into your life. Assuming that all people are the same is not only unfair to new people you meet, but also hurts you. When you carry a negativity about the opposite sex, you put a wall up and may shield you from heartache, but also keeps good people out. I guarantee you'll miss your opportunity for love if you shut down and have a negative attitude about anyone of the opposite sex.

Know You're Amazing

Realize how great you are! Right now...do it! Make a list of all your positive attributes, both physical and internal. Do you have a pretty smile, great legs, or an awesome sense of style? Are you intelligent, witty, kind-hearted? Everyone has amazing features that make them who they are and make them attractive to others of the opposite sex. Focus on these amazing qualities and build them up in your head. After all, others are looking at you in this wonderful way if you just pay attention.

Be Confident

Now that you know you have amazing features and traits...show them to the world. Flirt every chance you get, make cute conversation, walk with confidence into a room. Show others just how truly awesome you really are. Having confidence in yourself is very sexy to the opposite sex. When you feel good about yourself, others see it and this confidence attracts them to you. Confidence is like sticky paper to flies. People can't help but be drawn to it and sucked it. Try flaunting your stuff and see. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

Know What You Want

Realize what you want in the opposite sex before going on anymore dates. Don't just date to date. While the experience of dating is great, dating all the wrong people is not. It will only leave you feeling disappointed if you go out with people of the opposite sex that don't rate high on your love and relationship scale. Make a list of the qualities you want in a person so that you understand fully what it is you are looking for. Be sure you have a clear picture of what truly makes you happy.

Never Settle

Now that you have an idea of what makes you happy, don't settle for less! Only date people who deserve your love and offer the qualities you're looking for in a mate. Don't waste your time dating people that don't interest you completely. Even better, date only those people that excite you, make you want to be around them, and even share a connection with you. Yes, you might be left with less dates than usual, but remember, you are weaning out the wrong ones with good purpose...to find amazing love and happiness!

Attracting the opposite sex is all in the attitude. When you are confident, witty, and charming, attracting the opposite sex is easy. There are ways to do this so that you truly feel and are all these things to the opposite sex, even if you think you are not. Here are some tips for attracting the opposite sex that will get you much attention and lots of dates when you may have had trouble in the past.

Be confident in who you are and you'll be more attractive to the opposite sex. Hold yourself in a confident manner so that others know you feel good about yourself. Even if you don't always feel confident, fake it. Confidence comes from believing in yourself and that you can do almost anything possible. Know how good looking you are, how smart you are, how great of a person you are and project this to the opposite sex. Confidence is sexy and sexy makes the opposite sex notice you. Smile with confidence. Talk with confidence. Do most everything with confidence. The more you practice having confidence, the more you will actually find confidence and attract the opposite sex easily.

Try being witty by laughing at yourself and showing the opposite sex that you are not too serious. Joke about yourself to the opposite sex and make fun of your flaws. Attractive people are those that can have fun at their own expense and do not take themselves too seriously. How attractive is a person who gets angry at everything and can never take a joke? Being witty comes from thinking quick and finding funny things to say, but if you mess up, make a joke about your goofiness and see how fast people laugh with you. You don't have to be a comedian to be witty. Just relax and have fun with yourself in front of the opposite sex and you'll see a quick attraction come to light.

Be charming by showing respect and kindness to the opposite sex. Chivalry is not dead if you are a woman and a man who is seeking the attraction of a lady should always be respectful and kind to her. Also, a woman who wants to attract a man should also be kind. Men don't want to attract a girl who is trashy, rude, or treats others ignorantly. Men want a girl who is sweet and acts like a lady. A lady is charming, so too is a man who is generous and has manners. Being charming in these ways can attract the opposite sex fairly easily. Anyone who is treated with kindness will usually respond in a positive way and be attracted to the opposite sex who behaves well.

Use little flirty gestures to attract the opposite sex. Harmless, sweet flirting can make you very attractive to the opposite sex. Throw a smile in his direction or tilt your head in a flirty way. A man can smile as well to create an attraction to himself. When you flirt in such a way that it gives attention to the opposite sex your interested in, it's noticed and often reciprocated. You'll be pleasantly surprised to see the response you get when you flirt with someone of the opposite sex. Not only will you be more attractive, but you'll also be more interesting making you more appealing to get to know better. So find anyway you can to be gently flirty (don't overdo it) and see how fast you can attract someone of the opposite sex.

Respect yourself to be more attractive to the opposite sex. People only want to seriously date those that they respect. This is pretty much a given. If you do not respect yourself, you will not be very attractive to the opposite sex. A woman who does not respect herself will not get very much respect from a man. In turn, a man who does not respect himself will definitely turn off a woman. Respecting yourself means acting tastefully and having manners most expected from society. Do not act trashy, rude, or vulgar in front of the opposite sex if you want to attract him or her. Instead, treat yourself well and show others that you are to be treated with respect also. Respecting yourself can make you very attractive to the opposite sex.

Luckily, I have many guy friends who aren't afraid to talk about relationships and dating including their wants and turnoffs. This has helped me greatly in my own love life, knowing what to do and what to avoid doing. It's not to say that I take all their dating advice to heart, but who better to ask for help on the opposite sex than...the opposite sex themselves? Using this knowledge that I've gained, I've compiled a list of things that guys like in women and what traits turn them off. Check them out and let me know what you think. I'm pretty sure you'll be surprised by a few.

Traits Men Love!

1. KINDNESS - being able to be sweet and loving...shows that he means a lot to you
2. INTELLIGENCE - the smarts to know how to do things and handle situations...even sexier when you know things he doesn't
3. INDEPENDENCE - the ability to take care of oneself and not depend on others all the time...but knowing when to let him help you
4. SELFLESSNESS - knowing when to put him first...makes him feel important to you
5. SENSE OF HUMOR - being able to laugh at oneself and others...even better when you can laugh at his attempts of humor
6. OPTIMISM - the ability to be happy and positive more often than not...happiness is contagious and most men love a happy woman
7. EASY GOING - being able to remain calm no matter the situation...shows him you can handle anything life throws at you
8. TRUSTING - the ability to trust them, when they deserve it and have been faithful...gives him the freedom and breathing room he needs
9. CONFIDENT - knowing you have amazing traits and not being afraid to flaunt them...guys find confidence to be VERY SEXY
10. FUN - being able to enjoy yourself in any situation, even if it's not something you'd rather be doing...he loves this best when it comes to things he enjoys (shows him you are unselfish as in #4)

Traits That Turn Men Off:

1. HIGH MAINTANENCE - taking a long time to get ready and needing excessive material things...men love natural women
2. JEALOUS - getting angry and upset about every little situation, person they talk to, or place that they go...makes them feel imprisoned
3. CO-DEPENDENT- having to rely on everyone for everything all the time...shows you can't take care of yourself
4. MISERABLE - being angry and irritated by most situations and never being happy about anything...no one wants to be around someone who is unhappy all the time
5. CLINGY - unable to do things alone or with friends and having to be with your man every single second...annoys him and makes him wish he was single
6. OVERLY FLIRTY - constantly paying attention to other guys more than your own man...makes him feel like less of a man
7. NAGGY - always complaining about something your guy didn't do or should've done...makes him feel like he can't make you happy
8. LATE - never being able to show up on time for things...shows him he isn't important to you in certain situations
9. INSECURE - unable to feel good about yourself and see your good qualities...usually goes along with being clingy and jealous
10. WHINY - complaining about things and being unable to have fun in most situations...makes him not even want to be around you

Being afraid to get hurt can bring about many frightening emotions when in a relationship. People put up emotional walls to protect themselves from heartache and often times shut the other partner out. This can create trouble in a relationship and prevent it from thriving in a healthy manner. Making a relationship work when you're scared to get hurt is at times difficult, but definitely not impossible, especially if you truly love your partner. Here are some tips for getting past the hurt and opening yourself up to a new relationship that has the potential to offer you a lifetime of happiness.

Decide what it is about past relationships that have hurt you. Make a list, if it helps, for you to determine what things previously went wrong. Recognize what was done to you by former loves and know that it was not your fault. Figure out what mistakes you may have made, if any, so that you can vow to change things in your new relationship. Realize that what was done to you cannot be undone, but can be healed only by you and understanding that you have grown and changed from those previous relationships. Pulling out the feelings and putting them down on paper can help to relieve the hurt you feel. Once you have dealt with the emotions, put the list away and find closure as you file it as gone.

Give your new relationship a chance. A new love means a new start. Try to let go of the pain and realize that not all relationships are the same. No two people will be alike in a relationship and what happened to you before is not likely to happen again. Also, you have good knowledge now of what it's like to be hurt, use this to keep yourself on guard, but not to the point that you shut your new partner out. Slowly open yourself as much as possible, day by day, until you feel comfortable letting your partner in. Give your new partner a chance, but only give as much as you can without fear. As you get more and more into the relationship, you'll be able to trust and feel comfortable. This will help you to move on from the hurt and break down emotional walls that prevent you from being truly happy.

Talk to your new partner about your fears. Sometimes the best way to make a relationship work when you've been hurt before is to talk about that fear. This doesn't mean your opening yourself up for heartache. It merely means you're accepting that you are scared and need to deal with those emotions in a healthy way. If your partner is loving, he will listen and understand. Tell him how you've been hurt before and how that makes you feel. Help him to help you by letting him know what he can do to calm your fears. Most caring partners want the other to be happy and are willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship stronger. If you have trouble with feeling vulnerable, let your emotions out a little at a time, but keep the lines of communication open. You'll feel so much better if you just get your fears out.

Talk to a counselor or close friend about your fear of being hurt. Sometimes we are not able to deal with past relationship pain on our own and need someone objective to talk to. This also helps if you find it hard to talk to your new partner. Tell someone you trust how you are feeling about this new relationship in comparison to your old ones. Let out your fears and explain what it is you are scared of. Be honest so that you can finally close old chapters in your life and open up new ones. People outside of us can usually see things that we are unable to recognize and can help us to deal with issues better than we can alone. You may find that you come up with some great ideas for healing from prior hurt and how to make your new relationship thrive freely from the pain.

Avoid taking out your fears on the new partner. Even if you are still bitter, you should not hurt the new person you are with just because you were hurt in the past. Your new partner only deserves the best if he is good to you and playing games, hurting him with words, or misbehaving in the relationship will make it fall apart. Try to be objective and recognize that you are in a new place and time. If you find it difficult to play fair in the relationship, you may need more time alone. However, you should discuss your actions with your new partner so that he can either try to help you or make a decision about what he wants to do. Two wrongs do not make a right so treating someone else disrespectfully is not the way to go about things. The last thing you want to do is hurt someone new because you were hurt in the past.