Dead Flower Art

Let's begin. It really only takes two steps.

First, enjoy your flowers in their vase with water for a few days. If you are like me, forget about them until you notice they are beginning to wilt for lack of water.

Second, when you finally notice the flowers are wilting, put them somewhere no one is likely to look. Then forget about them again. They will stay there for months -- right now, they'd last until the Solstice, Christmas, or New Years (heck, mine have been there for a year!

If you are the conscientious type, however, and you can't handle the thought of leaving those flowers to go through their natural stages from live to dry, pour out the water and put them (still beautiful) into a room where you will not go for a month.

Take them out on Halloween and place them wherever they will look Dead-ly, and appropriate.

That's all there is to it!

...

OK, so there is a wee bit more...

First, make sure your live flowers are in a container you won't need to use for living flowers. It might not be a good idea to put them in your best crystal vase to let them dry. If you do use your best crystal vase, you can transfer them to a not-so-good vase after you've enjoyed them live for a few days. When you relocate your dead flowers (after they are dead and stiff with flora-mortis), move the entire container WITH the dead flowers in it.

Second, make sure they are arranged dreadfully before you allow them to die. You can't move dried flowers around very easily, as they tend to snap off and maybe even crumble. True, you want them to look dead (really dead...), and they do! But you also want them to look dead in the vase, not be normal flower waste on the floor. Once you have them arranged, you can then begin the dying process. If you feel Morticia's hand on yours, snip off the blooms after they've wilted, because the flowers will have pulled the tips of the stems downward for an interesting effect.

Third, place them in a safe location. Walls are generally nice. Also, keep the short people and humans in animal suits away from your Dead Art. Tails, balloons, sweeping wands, flying food -- these all pose a danger to the dead flower arrangement and could surely sound the death-knell for all your hard work. The dead flower artwork will look appall-er, appropriately lovely next to a wall behind all the chaos. They will also look elegantly ghoulish in the center of the table, safe from the edges.

Fourth, avoid placing them near open flames.... (candles, incense, fire-logs, Bunsen burners, etc.) I promise if they are too close to fire the effect will be truly and dreadfully spectacular. Your dead flowers will have an extremely short death-life. The Dead Flower Spirits won't like it, either.

Fifth, (and this is most important) avoid allowing anyone to water them. If you hear a gasp, or a "tsk, tsk," take note! That annoyingly helpful person who thinks they know exactly what to do at all times will certainly try to bring your boo-tifully dead flowers back to life with water. Not only will those flowers fail to re-animate, they will mold in no time at all. Rush to their rescue and gently but firmly remove the glass of water from the culprit's hand. "These are a Party Decoration," you could say. Or... "Water at your own risk," might be appropriate.

If you are wearing a Grim Reaper costume... "Water them and Die," would probably work.

Or.... you could threaten to initiate a real Apocalypse, Zombie or otherwise...