Dealing With The Fear Of Rejection
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Dealing With The Fear Of Rejection
Self Help Techniques
There was a time when I looked at other people and wondered: How do they do it? How do these people attack life each day with seemingly no fear? I wondered this because my fear of rejection was so strong it literally paralyzed me.
It's funny what a fear of rejection does to you. The fear of rejection forces you to make up pitiful excuses for things, excuses you make to yourself as well as to others. "Oh, I won't bother applying for that job, because I haven't enough experience" or "I'm not going to ask her out on a date, because she'd never be interested in an ordinary guy like me". However, the truth is that we are lying to ourselves. Our excuses are just meaningless words we use because what we're really scared of is rejection. Somehow it's better to miss out on a fabulous job opportunity because we didn't apply, than the fear of rejection rejection if we applied but didn't succeed. The end result, though, is exactly the same!
Or is it? We imagine it's the same. We believe that we would never have gotten the job, or the girl, or whatever it is we truly want, but we don't actually know what the result would have been had we actually tried! Even if the chance of success were only 10% or less, it's certainly higher than the 100% certainty of not getting what we want when we don't actually try.
Click Here And Learn How To Eliminate Your Fear Of Rejection
Fortunately, we don't have to live our lives this way. We can learn to go out and put ourselves in situations where we might likely be rejected, and we can learn from each and every rejection how to become better, and stronger, and in doing so, we can learn how to succeed in ways we never thought possible.
I remember the day I lost my first job. I was an intelligent, university educated woman who got a job as a receptionist. Overqualified? Heck, yeah! But still, a job was a job. I turned up for work on time, was pleasant to customers, learned everything I needed to learn, and performed all tasks admirably. Or so I thought, until just four weeks after getting the job my boss called me into his office and fired me. The excuse he gave? I lost him business because I wrote down a phone number incorrectly. Did I take it to heart? Most definitely! I was crushed. I was completely worthless! An utter failure! I beat myself up about this for weeks afterwards.
My husband tried to tell me that my boss was an idiot, who'd made far more mistakes than I had in the time I'd been working there. While I knew this intellectually to be true, it didn't change the rejection I felt. I believed that if I'd been absolutely perfect, completely without fault, my boss would never have been able to fire me. Even when, some months later, the business folded (he'd never hired another receptionist after firing me), I STILL persisted in believing that this rejection of me was because I was a useless human being.
Yes, there are some people who let these things go like "water off a duck's back", while the rest of us brood on our shortcomings and fear of rejection, and feel as if there's something wrong with us. In short, we take it personally.
The truth is, my boss's business was failing. He was a Realtor, and in the entire four weeks I worked for him he managed to sell only one house, and didn't get any new listings, despite the hours he was putting in. He didn't fire me because I was useless; he fired me because he couldn't afford to keep paying a receptionist.
The only way it's really possible to face rejection is to stop personalizing it and realize that every single human being on the planet, at some time or other, has been rejected. We need to let go of the negative emotions that trap us into feelings of failure, and the belief that we are worthless human beings. It's not always easy to do, but it is possible.
For me, the first step was applying for another job. It was hard, because I was still smarting from my first rejection and from the hit to my self-esteem. Part of me would have preferred to curl up in a ball in my bed and stay there, without having to face the world. However, I knew that was no solution.
So, I applied for a job. My references were fairly useless, (I could hardly use my last boss, could I?), so I wasn't very confident about my ability to secure another job. But I took the bull by the horns and did it. Did I succeed in getting a new job straight away? No. But I did get one eventually, and it was a much better, more enjoyable job than the one I'd been fired from. Just imagine, if I'd stayed in that first job, I may never have found the opportunity that came my way just months later!
Of course, I've faced other rejections in my life too. Just as most other people have, I've certainly had what seems like more than my fair share. At times, I've wanted to give up. I've made up excuses as to why I can't do something, or why I can't achieve something, and I've let those excuses rule my life, at least for a time. Ultimately, though, I've learned to triumph over my fear. While it's been hard, I've stopped taking every single rejection so personally. Now, I'm not saying that facing the fear of rejection has been easy, but over time it does get easier, and the hurt of rejection becomes less profound.
Getting past the fear of rejection is definitely challenging, but it is also possible. More wonderful things have happened in my life because I've learned to face my fear, than could possibly have happened had I decided to let this fear overpower me. When you start to realize that in avoiding rejection you're actually missing out on a wonderful, fulfilling life, it becomes easier to take the plunge and face that fear head on.
Click Here And Learn How To Eliminate Your Fear Of Rejection
There was a time when I looked at other people and wondered: How do they do it? How do these people attack life each day with seemingly no fear? I wondered this because my fear of rejection was so strong it literally paralyzed me.
It's funny what a fear of rejection does to you. The fear of rejection forces you to make up pitiful excuses for things, excuses you make to yourself as well as to others. "Oh, I won't bother applying for that job, because I haven't enough experience" or "I'm not going to ask her out on a date, because she'd never be interested in an ordinary guy like me". However, the truth is that we are lying to ourselves. Our excuses are just meaningless words we use because what we're really scared of is rejection. Somehow it's better to miss out on a fabulous job opportunity because we didn't apply, than the fear of rejection rejection if we applied but didn't succeed. The end result, though, is exactly the same!
Or is it? We imagine it's the same. We believe that we would never have gotten the job, or the girl, or whatever it is we truly want, but we don't actually know what the result would have been had we actually tried! Even if the chance of success were only 10% or less, it's certainly higher than the 100% certainty of not getting what we want when we don't actually try.
Click Here And Learn How To Eliminate Your Fear Of Rejection
Fortunately, we don't have to live our lives this way. We can learn to go out and put ourselves in situations where we might likely be rejected, and we can learn from each and every rejection how to become better, and stronger, and in doing so, we can learn how to succeed in ways we never thought possible.
I remember the day I lost my first job. I was an intelligent, university educated woman who got a job as a receptionist. Overqualified? Heck, yeah! But still, a job was a job. I turned up for work on time, was pleasant to customers, learned everything I needed to learn, and performed all tasks admirably. Or so I thought, until just four weeks after getting the job my boss called me into his office and fired me. The excuse he gave? I lost him business because I wrote down a phone number incorrectly. Did I take it to heart? Most definitely! I was crushed. I was completely worthless! An utter failure! I beat myself up about this for weeks afterwards.
My husband tried to tell me that my boss was an idiot, who'd made far more mistakes than I had in the time I'd been working there. While I knew this intellectually to be true, it didn't change the rejection I felt. I believed that if I'd been absolutely perfect, completely without fault, my boss would never have been able to fire me. Even when, some months later, the business folded (he'd never hired another receptionist after firing me), I STILL persisted in believing that this rejection of me was because I was a useless human being.
Yes, there are some people who let these things go like "water off a duck's back", while the rest of us brood on our shortcomings and fear of rejection, and feel as if there's something wrong with us. In short, we take it personally.
The truth is, my boss's business was failing. He was a Realtor, and in the entire four weeks I worked for him he managed to sell only one house, and didn't get any new listings, despite the hours he was putting in. He didn't fire me because I was useless; he fired me because he couldn't afford to keep paying a receptionist.
The only way it's really possible to face rejection is to stop personalizing it and realize that every single human being on the planet, at some time or other, has been rejected. We need to let go of the negative emotions that trap us into feelings of failure, and the belief that we are worthless human beings. It's not always easy to do, but it is possible.
For me, the first step was applying for another job. It was hard, because I was still smarting from my first rejection and from the hit to my self-esteem. Part of me would have preferred to curl up in a ball in my bed and stay there, without having to face the world. However, I knew that was no solution.
So, I applied for a job. My references were fairly useless, (I could hardly use my last boss, could I?), so I wasn't very confident about my ability to secure another job. But I took the bull by the horns and did it. Did I succeed in getting a new job straight away? No. But I did get one eventually, and it was a much better, more enjoyable job than the one I'd been fired from. Just imagine, if I'd stayed in that first job, I may never have found the opportunity that came my way just months later!
Of course, I've faced other rejections in my life too. Just as most other people have, I've certainly had what seems like more than my fair share. At times, I've wanted to give up. I've made up excuses as to why I can't do something, or why I can't achieve something, and I've let those excuses rule my life, at least for a time. Ultimately, though, I've learned to triumph over my fear. While it's been hard, I've stopped taking every single rejection so personally. Now, I'm not saying that facing the fear of rejection has been easy, but over time it does get easier, and the hurt of rejection becomes less profound.
Getting past the fear of rejection is definitely challenging, but it is also possible. More wonderful things have happened in my life because I've learned to face my fear, than could possibly have happened had I decided to let this fear overpower me. When you start to realize that in avoiding rejection you're actually missing out on a wonderful, fulfilling life, it becomes easier to take the plunge and face that fear head on.
Click Here And Learn How To Eliminate Your Fear Of Rejection
Self-Esteem Affirmations: Simple and Effective
Self-esteem affirmations are a great strategy for building self-esteem and for becoming a positive and self-reliant person. This is because positive affirmations have the power to change your habitual thinking patterns and your internal dialogues that shape your self-esteem. So why aren't more people using this method for building self-esteem? It's because most people just aren't aware of how their own positive affirmations can actually be used to get solid results.
Thankfully, there is an easy set of principles which you can use to construct positive affirmations which are simple and effective. This article will give you a simple strategy for creating and using your own self esteem affirmations.
First, Define Your Standards
Before you begin writing your self esteem affirmations, you need to define your standard for building self-esteem. For example, what is your idea of a person who has high self esteem? Can you think of a specific person...alive or dead? If so, you can begin to define the standards upon which you're going to build your positive affirmations by observing the actions of a confident person. Think about it, what is the point in telling your brain if you're going to become more confident if your brain has no idea what being confident looks like?
Your subconscious mind (which is what you want to influence with your self esteem affirmations) responds to directions. You need to be as specific as possible and the best way to do that is by coming up with definite actions which represent high self esteem. It can be something like the courage to speak to strangers, to the opposite sex, or the courage to negotiate. Just make sure that you come up with a list of actions that you believe to be typical of a confident person.
Second, The Formula of Positive Affirmations
Your self esteem affirmations need to follow four basic principles: they need to be in the present tense; affirmative in nature (in other words, avoid statements like: not, don't, won't, can't, and no); they must be in the first person; they need to be action driven (using the actions you collected in step one). For example:
"I'm assertive and persuasive in my business negotiations."
"I approach women and strangers and engage them in conversations."
"I'm a master at closing sales."
"I disciplined and self-reliant in following my exercise program."
Notice that all of these self esteem affirmations have four things in common:
They're all in the present tense
They're all affirmative
They're all in the first person
They all involve a specific action
Once you have your positive affirmations written according to these guidelines, there's only one thing left to do...
Third, Rehearse Your Affirmations
Using self esteem affirmations is a perpetual process which you must do on a consistent basis. For best results, say your affirmations out loud in the morning and in the evening. This is important because you are actually training your mind, which is no different than training your body: both have to be done on a consistent basis and if you begin to slack off, your results will start to undo themselves. So practice your self esteem affirmations every day, and if you get bored with them, just write new ones. Make it a lifelong commitment, and confidence will become a natural part of your beliefs and your actions.
Dear Visitor,
Congratulations on taking a proactive step towards living the life you've always wanted. What you're about to learn are the secrets of success which most people NEVER discover in their lifetime.
Subscribe To My Newsletter And Free Ebook:
How To Become Your Best Self!
Thankfully, there is an easy set of principles which you can use to construct positive affirmations which are simple and effective. This article will give you a simple strategy for creating and using your own self esteem affirmations.
First, Define Your Standards
Before you begin writing your self esteem affirmations, you need to define your standard for building self-esteem. For example, what is your idea of a person who has high self esteem? Can you think of a specific person...alive or dead? If so, you can begin to define the standards upon which you're going to build your positive affirmations by observing the actions of a confident person. Think about it, what is the point in telling your brain if you're going to become more confident if your brain has no idea what being confident looks like?
Your subconscious mind (which is what you want to influence with your self esteem affirmations) responds to directions. You need to be as specific as possible and the best way to do that is by coming up with definite actions which represent high self esteem. It can be something like the courage to speak to strangers, to the opposite sex, or the courage to negotiate. Just make sure that you come up with a list of actions that you believe to be typical of a confident person.
Second, The Formula of Positive Affirmations
Your self esteem affirmations need to follow four basic principles: they need to be in the present tense; affirmative in nature (in other words, avoid statements like: not, don't, won't, can't, and no); they must be in the first person; they need to be action driven (using the actions you collected in step one). For example:
"I'm assertive and persuasive in my business negotiations."
"I approach women and strangers and engage them in conversations."
"I'm a master at closing sales."
"I disciplined and self-reliant in following my exercise program."
Notice that all of these self esteem affirmations have four things in common:
They're all in the present tense
They're all affirmative
They're all in the first person
They all involve a specific action
Once you have your positive affirmations written according to these guidelines, there's only one thing left to do...
Third, Rehearse Your Affirmations
Using self esteem affirmations is a perpetual process which you must do on a consistent basis. For best results, say your affirmations out loud in the morning and in the evening. This is important because you are actually training your mind, which is no different than training your body: both have to be done on a consistent basis and if you begin to slack off, your results will start to undo themselves. So practice your self esteem affirmations every day, and if you get bored with them, just write new ones. Make it a lifelong commitment, and confidence will become a natural part of your beliefs and your actions.
Dear Visitor,
Congratulations on taking a proactive step towards living the life you've always wanted. What you're about to learn are the secrets of success which most people NEVER discover in their lifetime.
Subscribe To My Newsletter And Free Ebook:
How To Become Your Best Self!
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Oct 27, 2010 @ 1:48 am | delete
- You have to be first, best or different.?? Loretta Lynn.
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