Death of a loved one
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Loss and Bereavement
Death
Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage, a relationship, loss of money, home etc. Most of us will at one time or another go through the grief of loss.
I faced loss the hardest at 29 when my stepdad died of cancer. He was only 65. It happened fast from the time they told us he had cancer to the time he died. He had esophogeal cancer. It took him in 6 months.
I still remember the day we found out. It was labor day and we were having a barbecue to celebrate as a family. He cooked the barbecue, but as he began to eat, he started throwing up and could not stop. Of course this prompted an emergency room visit where we found out he had a tumor in the throat area- hence the esophogeal cancer. They took the tumor out and told us he would be okay. I had a feeling he would not be okay as I noticed he had trouble keeping his balance.
My mom and him had been married 18 years when death came to claim him. It was very hard to let go of him. It was the first major loss I had experienced. My heart ached for a year. After that I still missed him terribly but each year has gotten easier. I guess you always miss someone though and have trouble understanding they are gone in your heart. I know that is how it has been for me.
Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage, a relationship, loss of money, home etc. Most of us will at one time or another go through the grief of loss.
I faced loss the hardest at 29 when my stepdad died of cancer. He was only 65. It happened fast from the time they told us he had cancer to the time he died. He had esophogeal cancer. It took him in 6 months.
I still remember the day we found out. It was labor day and we were having a barbecue to celebrate as a family. He cooked the barbecue, but as he began to eat, he started throwing up and could not stop. Of course this prompted an emergency room visit where we found out he had a tumor in the throat area- hence the esophogeal cancer. They took the tumor out and told us he would be okay. I had a feeling he would not be okay as I noticed he had trouble keeping his balance.
My mom and him had been married 18 years when death came to claim him. It was very hard to let go of him. It was the first major loss I had experienced. My heart ached for a year. After that I still missed him terribly but each year has gotten easier. I guess you always miss someone though and have trouble understanding they are gone in your heart. I know that is how it has been for me.
(the picture with this story is of my stepdad and me at my first wedding.)
Contents at a Glance
Death
a poem I wrote
I wrote this poem after the death of my stepdad about himI'll never see your face again
Or hear your laughter
As days go by
I remember you still
As you were
When you were still here
With swollen tears
And a heart that aches
I'll never again
Feel your embrace
Even though your spirit is here
It's just not the same
As hearing your voice
And seeing you near
No more tomorrows
Will hold you
Only yesterday remains
Yet the sun still sets and the stars burn bright
The morning becomes day
The day becomes night
But you are not here
And the sorrow and pain
That death can claim
Bring heavy hands
It's just not the same
And I wish that you were still here
With footsteps light
And laughter long
Sympathy and Grief Poem- Hawaii Sea
(the picture if of him with my oldest daughter at Christmas time)
More loss
My stepfather's death was not the only loss for me at that time. I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant about 2 weeks before his death, two weeks after his death I divorced my first husband after a nine year marriage and three children.We all grieve in different ways. I think for me I was very scattered for many years following this time period.
My Dad also died in 2001 adding to the brokenness I felt inside. He died of a heart attack at 59.
My cousin died young in 2006. He was only 34 when he died. It was a shock to our family.
I put photos in a slideshow below of him, my stepdad, Grandad and dad.
All these losses changed me at a fairly young age. I began to appreciate those that were still alive, not knowing if they would be there tomorrow. I knew life was precious, that you never knew when someone would be gone.
another poem I wrote as I went through this.
My Father's Death
Sudden despair
What do you mean
He's no longer here
What about tomorrow?
It was always there
Before
Sympathy and Grief Poem- Hawaii Sea Card
I have written many poems on loss and experienced more than I would have liked to. Life before experiencing death seemed easier to me somehow.
I grew up from death.
I developed more compassion towards others out of these experiences then I had before. I now knew the pain of a broken heart, of loss, of death. It gave me a new way of seeing others pain that I carry with me still. I am forever changed by these losses.
(picture of me with my step dad and mom)
Pink Flowers in the Sky
Books on grief
How To Survive Your Grief: When Someone You Love Has Died by Susan L. Fuller
How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Ha more...3 points
A Lesson Before Dying (Oprah's Book Club) by Ernest J. Gaines
From the author of A Gathering of Old Men and The more...1 point
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
From one of America's iconic writers, a stunning b more...1 point
Courageous Souls: Do We Plan Our Life Challenges Before Birth? by Robert Schwartz
Courageous Souls explores the premise that we are more...1 point
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye (Updated Edition): Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Pamela Blair, Brook Noel
This updated edition of the best-selling bereaveme more...1 point
I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas
When a close friend or family member dies, it can more...1 point
Embraced By the Light by Betty Eadie
Multi-million copy bestselling account of the auth more...0 points
Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives by Michael Newton
Learn the latest details and most recent groundbreaking more...0 points
Stepdad and me 1999
5 stages of grief
Before I went through these deaths in my life my spiritual teacher taught me about the 5 stages of griefStage 1 Denial. This is the stage of shock. You may be saying this can't be happening to me. This isn't real. It's a nightmare. Your mind has trouble facing this has really happened.
I remember when they came to wheel away my stepad's dead body I thought they were making a mistake. I kept saying wait, he might not be dead. I could not believe he was gone.
Stage 2 Anger. Some may skip this step or go through this stage quickly. I think I go through this stage at the ending of a relationship more than I do with death.
Stage 3 Bargaining. At this stage you may go into a place of wishful thinking or trying to bargain with God. If it is the loss of a relationship you might try to make deals with your partner or they with you.
Stage 4 Depression. When you get to this stage you are beginning to face the situation. You may not want to do anything, but this is just part of the process.
Stage 5 Acceptance. Here you arrive once you have worked through the other four stages. We may go through all these stages over and over until we have worked through our grief.
Grief takes as long as it takes. It is different for everyone. For some they never can work their way through it. Some people may let go easier. Either way loss and death are not easy to go through and should be handled with empathy and compassion towards all involved.
Healing eventually takes place. The heart mends, even though we are forever changed.
Flower, Sky and Tree
On death and dying
and living and loving
Loss
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Death
(picture is of me and my dad when I was a baby)
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When I think of you
This is a poem for my Grandad who died in June 2010
So many memories of my life with you
Came to my mind
When I think of you
I think of family
All the vacations we took
Motorcycles in the desert
Three wheelers, two wheelers, that side car
You loved so much
And the way you would make it go up in the air
It would give me a pretty good scare
But it had a television in it
So, it was pretty cool to be in there riding along with you
When I think of you
I think about
All the things you loved to build
Best of all for me was the dollhouse you made
When I was ten
Furnished with thoughtful touches
You loved us like that
I think some may have missed
The beauty in your heart that makes you want to
Do things like build a butterfly house or a doll house
It is all out of love
When I think of you
I think of airplanes
You loved to fly
I speak often of the time I was 4 years old
Sitting on grandma's lap co piloting with you
You let go and made me think I was driving the plane
I was so scared
But you were always there
You always cared for all of us
When I think of you
I think of orange trees on the farm
Of Christmases come and gone
Of memories that live on
Your wacky humor I have pictures of
And I am so glad
We said to one another
I love you no matter what
Because I do
Photo Gallery of these loved ones from my life
This too
This too shall pass...
Chicken soup always makes you feel better
Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul: Stories About Life, Death and Overcoming the Loss of a Loved One (Chicken Soup for the Soul)
Amazon Price: $6.35 (as of 02/15/2012)
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naheedahsan
Feb 14, 2012 @ 8:54 am | delete
- it is so difficult.
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TheLittleCardShop
Feb 8, 2012 @ 3:15 pm | delete
- Losing someone close to you and that you love so much is hard. I lost my mom on May last year it is still hard for me, not even a year yet. And as my birthday approaches it gets worse because I was born on her birthday and this will be the first without her. I also lost 3 close cousins at young age, they were all between 19 and 22. Ii is hard and guess we have to get over it even when it seems impossible. I miss my mom
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sheezie77
Jan 22, 2012 @ 6:06 am | delete
- Thank you for sharing this! thumbs up
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Tipi
Jan 18, 2012 @ 6:45 pm | delete
- Returning to bless this labor of a loving heart...
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kathysart
Jan 12, 2012 @ 11:24 am | delete
- Ahh me where to start.. it is so difficult. I have had many losses and each one has been painful. In my family we lost 2 adults under 30, 2 children, and grand parents. I always kept thinking I saw them.. I would think "Oh there you are", but then I would remember that no, I would see them again as they had passed.. they were actually dead. It is a reminder that we will ALL one day die. I write poetry as well about it all.. that sadness that never leaves. Beautiful lens and heartfelt poetry. Angel blessed.
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About Me
by Jewelsofawe
Jewelsofawe
I write poetry. My poetry is available at amazon. Two of my books are Jewels of Awe and Poetry for and from the Soul. You can see some of my poetry... more »
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