Death of a loved one

My stepfather's death was not the only loss for me at that time. I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant about 2 weeks before his death, two weeks after his death I divorced my first husband after a nine year marriage and three children.

We all grieve in different ways. I think for me I was very scattered for many years following this time period.

My Dad also died in 2001 adding to the brokenness I felt inside. He died of a heart attack at 59.

All these losses changed me at a fairly young age. I began to appreciate those that were still alive, not knowing if they would be there tomorrow. I knew life was precious, that you never knew when someone would be gone.

another poem I wrote as I went through this.

My Father's Death

Sudden despair
What do you mean
He's no longer here

What about tomorrow?

It was always there
Before

I have written many poems on loss and experienced more than I would have liked to. Life before experiencing death seemed easier to me somehow.

I grew up from death.

I developed more compassion towards others out of these experiences then I had before. I now knew the pain of a broken heart, of loss, of death. It gave me a new way of seeing others pain that I carry with me still. I am forever changed by these losses.

(picture of me dancing with my dad at my first wedding)

Before I went through these deaths in my life my spiritual teacher taught me about the 5 stages of grief

Stage 1 Denial. This is the stage of shock. You may be saying this can't be happening to me. This isn't real. It's a nightmare. Your mind has trouble facing this has really happened.

I remember when they came to wheel away my stepad's dead body I thought they were making a mistake. I kept saying wait, he might not be dead. I could not believe he was gone.

Stage 2 Anger. Some may skip this step or go through this stage quickly. I think I go through this stage at the ending of a relationship more than I do with death.

Stage 3 Bargaining. At this stage you may go into a place of wishful thinking or trying to bargain with God. If it is the loss of a relationship you might try to make deals with your partner or they with you.

Stage 4 Depression. When you get to this stage you are beginning to face the situation. You may not want to do anything, but this is just part of the process.

Stage 5 Acceptance. Here you arrive once you have worked through the other four stages. We may go through all these stages over and over until we have worked through our grief.

Grief takes as long as it takes. It is different for everyone. For some they never can work their way through it. Some people may let go easier. Either way loss and death are not easy to go through and should be handled with empathy and compassion towards all involved.

Healing eventually takes place. The heart mends, even though we are forever changed.