When Debbie Met Tony

My story starts long ago.

As a seventeen year old, I had a full time job, money in my pocket, lots of friends and I was never short of a date.

Then I met my ex husband and it was love at first sight.

We got engaged on my 18th birthday and then married shortly after my 20th.

I thought I was so grown up, so mature.

In time, the children followed. Two girls and a boy. There were times when my ex worked away from home for weeks on end and at times it was like being a single parent. But I coped.

When he did come home for weekends, we were often on a different agenda. We often said over the years that if we lived together full time, that would probably finish us off. And it did.

In the mid 90's, my husbands business was a victim of the recession... and so was our home. That was a major turning point for me in my relationship.

I concentrated on helping my children adjust to life in a new home in a not so nice area, and there was just one thing left I did have control over when everything else was falling apart around me... my weight.

So the anorexia took a hold there for a while. At the time, I thought I was just doing well on my diet. Surviving on an apple a day and a two hour exercise routine in the evenings meant my weight soon plummeted to a little over 7 stone. (98lbs I think).

For my height, that's way too thin.

One evening, after I meal out, I found myself in the Ladies room of the restaurant with my fingers down my throat. That was when I realised how far things had gone.

I was desperately unhappy with so much in my life. My children were the only thing that kept me going. I knew back then that my marriage was over.

Slowly, as I came to accept that I was in control of my destiny, my weight returned to normal.

Time moved on. I knew things weren't right but there was nothing I could do. My children were still growing and there was no way things were about to change.

Over the years, I tried to pretend everything was fine but deep in my heart I knew I was no longer in love. So I talked to him, told him how I felt and that when my youngest had finished his education, I would leave.

And that's what I did... almost. The last year we were together became unbearable for me. I hate arguments and atmospheres but that's what I was living in. I asked him to leave, but he refused, so I scraped together every spare penny as and when I could and hid it away until I had enough money to pay for a deposit and first months rent elsewhere.

My son was 17 by now and almost at the end of his education. But I couldn't stand it any longer, I had to move on.

That was a full twelve years after losing the business and house.

At the time, my favourite hobby was researching my family history - genealogy. I joined a UK website that was a social network but based around helping each other out with family history. I began to get to know people on there as it was a real social community as well as a place to research and help others out.

I became friendly with lots of people, male and female, just as you would on squidoo, tagfoot or wherever. One person I did become friendly with was this character called Tony... aka Poddys. We shared the same sense of humour and I enjoyed 'chatting' with him.

At the same time, I was preparing to leave my husband and my friendships on the net were a major and welcome distraction for me.

I eventually left and began to settle to single life. This was the first time I'd lived alone so it was quite scary. Everyone in the family thought I was having a mid life crisis, but I knew exactly what I was doing. What they didn't know was that in my head, I'd left my ex three or four years before I actually left.

A few weeks after I left, there was a meet up for some of the people on the family history website. Tony was coming over to the UK on business that week and said he'd try and make it. I didn't think much of it as others from various places were also going to be there.

So off I went to meet a bunch of strangers that I knew so much about.

I was sat at a table with a couple of very friendly souls, when the door of the pub opened and in walked this person who made my heart flip. I knew instantly it was Tony and I immediately felt my face blush. Why was I feeling like this I asked myself.

He got some drinks and joined us at our table. We talked. In fact we didn't stop talking. He had to get back to London that evening so asked if I'd like to go and grab a bite to eat before he had to catch a train back. So we did. He held my hand on the way to the restaurant as it felt like the most natural thing in the world. It felt like we'd known each other for always.

At the end of the evening, he walked me back to my car and then I took him to the station. It was the strangest feeling saying goodbye to him. I felt I was saying goodbye and letting go of someone very special, not someone I'd only met a few hours before.

And so it began. The romance that is Debbie and Tony

Tony had a second trip over a few weeks later and we were lucky enough to spend an evening together.

In between times, we were on the phone day and night, for hours at a time.

During that second trip over, he asked if I'd like to visit Florida. I said I'd love to but there was no way I could afford the bus fare into town let alone an airfare to America.

So we talked. We worked out that as I work in education, I have plenty of holiday time. 12 weeks a year in fact. Tony didn't have the vacation time but he could afford the airfare. So we made a decision. I'd go there at the start of the school summer holidays for two weeks and we'd see how we got on.

Everyone thought I was mad of course. Going half way round the world (well almost) to spend two weeks with someone I'd only known a few weeks, but what they didn't understand was that I did know him... quite well in fact from all the emails that were flying across the Atlantic and the all the phones calls. They didn't know how much we had in common or how much we made each other laugh. We had got to know each other pretty well.

And so it was. On the last Wednesday of July 2007, I got on a long haul flight, by myself and headed off to Florida. I'd never flown alone before or been outside of Europe so it really was a huge thing for me to do.

If anyone had watched us as we fell into each others arms in Miami, they'd never have known we'd only previously met twice before.

Tony spoilt me rotten while I was in Florida. he took me out for meals, for long walks on the beach, showed me around places I'd only ever heard of on TV and let me experience Florida.

We had some great trips out. I went on an airboat in the Everglades, met native Americans, watched the dancers at Bayside, had foods I'd never heard of, had wonderful days out at the beach and oh, so much more.

The two weeks came to an end and so I was on my way home.

What I hadn't expected was to fall into what I can only describe as a depression when I returned home. I still had another three weeks off work and I just stayed at home, with only phone calls to look forward to and a bunch of photographs.

Very soon, we booked trip two for the October school holidays.

In the time between the end of summer and my October trip, the phone calls became even more frequent, as did the emails.

We missed and pined for each other so much.

When October finally arrived, again, it was like we'd always known each other. By this time, we had already discussed living together and had decided that Tony would come back to the Uk.

During that trip we had a fabulous couple of days up in Titusville. We went there to watch the launch of the space shuttle and stayed in the quirkiest Bed and Breakfast I've ever seen.

The day of the launch was just amazing. I'm not heavily into NASA or the space programme but how could I pass up an opportunity to see a launch? The next day was spent at the Kennedy Space Centre. As I said, I'm not heavily into this stuff but what a fantastic day out and such good value too.

Whilst I was there, we booked the next flights for Christmas time.

We also bought a web cam. You have no idea how this transformed things for us. We could actually see each other and talk to each other face to face. Well, almost. The added bonus was that it was free!

Of course, you'd expect the phone calls to cost a fortune too but Tony found a calling card that cost less than 1c a minute... yes, 1c a minute. So we didn't need to worry about the cost of calls thanks to I have no idea how many hours we must've spent on the phone. Actually, it probably works out to be weeks or months, not hours. Of course, having a long distance relationship is hard enough. Having with which spans a five hour time difference makes it all the more difficult.

Christmas soon arrived. I was so excited. My first Christmas with Tony.

However, that happiness came at a price. One that I hadn't expected. It was also my first Christmas without my children around me and on Christmas morning all I wanted to do was get on the web cam to see them as arranged. However, the networks had other ideas and I didn't get to see them. We did manage a quick call, but it wasn't the same.

It was so strange. Christmas in the UK is a special time of year. The day after Christmas Day, we have Boxing Day, and a lot of businesses are closed for the two weeks until New Year. It wasn't like this in Florida. I mistakenly mentioned Father Christmas to a little boy and he stood in horror as his Mother explained that I didn't know he was Jewish. I felt homesick that trip. I couldn't even say 'Merry Christmas', it was all "Happy Holidays'.

I did manage to cook a traditional Christmas dinner though. I couldn't get the tiny sausages that we have here. We wrap them in bacon and cook them in the oven. They are then served with the turkey. So I improvised and we had weeners? Is that right? It was so funny. I also burnt the stuffing but Tony ate it all just the same.

The day after Christmas we went to see Davy Jones from the Monkees in pantomime at Fort Lauderdale. It was a great show and I got to meet him afterwards. So Tony tried to make it just like a British Christmas even though the heat told me it wasn't.

Time moved on and our next trip found Tony coming over to stay with me in the UK. This was also the first chance he had to meet my children and for me to meet his son, so it was also quite nerve racking for us! I think we were more nervous about the kids than about Tony meeting my parents!

We spent days visiting the places Tony spent his childhood and then days visiting the area I grew up in.

It was very strange to have Tony in my apartment in some ways. In other ways, that's where I felt he belonged.

The week passed all too soon and in no time at all I was driving him back up to Heathrow for yet another public Goodbye at the airport.

I next visited Tony in April. All of these trips sound fantastic don't they? Well they were. Except for one thing. Tony had to work while I was there, so he'd be up and out the door by 7.30am, back for a short time for lunch, then I'd not see him again until around 5.30pm. So if it rained, as it certainly does in Florida, I'd be sat in the condo with not a lot to do.

We had been planning for Tony to come back to the UK at the end of that summer. However, other things were happening that were making life extremely awkward for us both. So, we decided that it would be good to postpone his return for a year but in the meantime, I could see if I could get a sabbatical from my job, and spend a year with Tony in Florida.

Being in a long distance relationship is very hard. At times we've both been absolutely desperate to be together and known we just had to wait. To go home to an empty house, to climb into a cold, empty bed, is a dreadful feeling when you know there is someone just wanting you as much as you want them.

I've had many nights where I've cried myself to sleep and the airport goodbyes get worse every trip.

My employer graciously agreed to give me a year off, all I need now was a visa! Easy! Or so you'd think. I prepared well for my interview at the U.S. Embassy in London. I had all the required paperwork and evidence of my intention to return. Can you imagine how shocked I was to be questioned as though I were a criminal and then to be told I was being denied a visa as they didn't believe my 'story'. I was told I could still travel to America on the visa waiver programme but could only spend three months instead of the year we'd planned.

We were both devastated. So, I checked out ex pats sites and got advice. I was expecting to be stopped by immigration and so I was. I was held for a total of fifteen hours, whilst they sorted out paperwork to parole me into the Country. This has to be one of the worst experiences I have ever endured.

I'd also given up my home, so knew I'd have to move out and put everything in storage before spending three months in Florida.

You can read more about my immigration story here Positive Vibes Needed Please

Once I had settled from the horrific experience in immigration, it took me a good two - three weeks to settle down.

Tony and I were soon planning a trip to New York, a place neither of us had ever been. We had the most amazing trip. You can read about it here

After a three or four weeks, home sickness kicked in. Although I loved being there with Tony, I was beginning to miss so much about home. I also started to feel like a fish out of water. Everywhere I went, people commented on my accent or teasingly tried to imitate me. I didn't mind but it did highlight to me that this wasn't me home.

I started to experience normal everyday events, rather than just the holiday type stuff and we were invited to a social event in the clubhouse, dinner with friends etc.

We walked every night around DeerCreek and did normal things that couples do. That side of things was fine, I felt relaxed with Tony and was so pleased to be with him.

We had many trips to the beach, day and night. It's a place we both enjoy and feel good at. We had a fantastic trip to Sanibel and Captiva islands. It was a long drive but it allowed me to see different areas of Florida that I hadn't seen before.

Then we went to The Keys for four days. Oh what a beautiful place. It was Tony's birthday while we were there and on that day we went to a national park and for the first time ever I went snorkelling. I'm not too keen on the sea... too may things moving around in there for my liking... so Tony knew I was nervous. He held my hand the entire time. I think we were swimming around for a good hour and all the while he held on tight. I felt so safe with him even when a lobster made it known I'd got too close to it!

We were rained on by the side swipe of hurricanes, we had the sunshine down on us, but it didn't matter. As long as we were together, that was all that matter. The trips were icing on the cake.

In no time at all, it was time for me to return to the UK. Of course, as my intended twelve month stay hadn't happened, I had to request to return to work early. My employer was happy to have me back and I'm so lucky to be valued in my team and that made me return easier.

I'd also had to try and find a new home from 4500 miles away. One of my daughters checked out a little house I'd found on the net and put all the arrangements in place for me. So I returned to the UK on the Thursday, had my 2nd visa interview in London on the Monday and moved house the following Tuesday. I had a few days to settle in and then I returned to work on the following Monday.

It was hard. Hard to leave Tony. Hard to return to work after I'd been given such a lovely send off. hard to keep answering endless questions from family, friends and work colleagues when all I wanted to do was be with Tony. The Embassy had also said they needed to make further inquires about giving me a visa despite the fact immigration in Miami had told me everything would be fine. I was now in a position that I couldn't travel back to the states unless I had a visa so I was in limbo.

I have to take a positive attitude about my shortened trip to Florida. Wasn't I lucky to have spent three months with Tony in such a nice place? How many people get the opportunity to take three months out and still have their job waiting for them when they return?

Meanwhile, I had a health scare and also found out that my eldest daughter had finally fallen pregnant. So in a very strange way, it worked out well that I was here for the health stuff and also, more importantly, to be here for my daughters first pregnancy.

I'm going to fast track and summarise now as I feel I'm waffling on too much! How unusual I hear someone cry LOL!

Tony came back to the UK for Christmas and Easter. He was made redundant back in February although has now found a temporary position.

While he was here at Easter, he proposed to me and of course I said YES!! I've been asked several times if it was a surprise and I have to honestly say no. We knew not long after we met that we'd always be together and during my second trip over there, we talked about 'when' we'd get married, not if.

This has been hard. If Tony didn't have the finance for all those flights, I have no idea if we'd still be seeing each other. We maintained this relationship because we do love each other... very much.

We talked endlessly about 'what if we'd met when we were younger' and we both know we were different people back then and we probably wouldn't have given each other a second glance.

Everything significant for us has happened on a Wednesday. When we met, my first trip over, the day we got engaged and so many other things too. So for us it seems natural that we marry on a Wednesday,

Tony will now be returning to the UK permanently at the end of July... the same week as my first Grandchild is due. What an exciting time. We'll then start on the wedding plans... well, ok, I'll let Tony join in with what I already have planned, but the wedding will be next April.

We are both looking forward to being a 'normal' couple. All the things other couples take for granted, are so much more special to us. Like waking up next to each other in the morning or reaching out to hold a hand.

What we have learnt is that when you find that someone special, don't take them for granted. Show your love for each other every day, even if it's a whisper or a little glance that says 'I Love You' .