Decluttering Your Home

Whether you are the hoarder, or a loved one of a hoarder, I am sure that by now you have realized that this problem affects everyone around the hoarder. For the hoarder, It is difficult to know that you are causing conflict and unhappiness and feel helpless to fix the problem. For someone that lives with a hoarder, it is equally difficult to live with, but for different reasons.

For the people living with a hoarder, there is a sense of hopelessness as you watch the clutter build up over weeks, months and in some cases, years. Although it is not how YOU would choose to live, you love the hoarder and have no wish to do anything to hurt him/her. This can be a constant source of internal conflict for you, wishing that you could live in a tidy, organized home, and yet knowing that the 'things' around you are precious to the hoarder. Eventually this can lead to either an ultimatum, or the loved one enabling the hoarder. By not expressing your dissatisfaction with the way things are, you end up condoning the very actions that you detest.

For the hoarder it is equally difficult, if not more so. There is a strong feeling of guilt, knowing that your hoarding is causing pain and anguish to the ones around you, and yet not feeling able to stop the problem. "Things" are extremely important to you, give you comfort, protect you, hide you.

Understanding the feelings of both parties, being able to discuss the problem as an illness, sets the hoarder and his/her family on the road to recovery. Expressing positive wishes for the future decluttering and organization of the home aids all persons involved.

Your house is over run with "things" but you have come to the point where you know that it is time to deal with the quantity of things and begin to reclaim your 'space'. By using this Step by step method, the clutter will be eliminated once and for all and you will begin to live in a normal home again. This is both exciting and frightening at the same time.

Step 1. Communicate your concerns and frustrations in a calm, non threatening manner. This is not always easy, as hoarding is an emotional issue for all parties concerned, but being able to talk about the problem opens up the path to recovery and success. Understanding and accepting the feelings of everyone concerned, and allowing everyone to be 'heard' really does help.

Step 2. Decide how much time you are going to allocate each day or week to decluttering and make a solemn promise to stick to your schedule. Write it down and place in a prominent place (refrigerator is a great place) where it can be seen regularly by all parties living in the house. If you feel able, tell someone that you trust of your plan so they can keep you accountable. A family member living outside of the home, that knows of your situation, or a friend that you feel you can safely tell, who will support your decision and encourage you to succeed. By everyone participating in a written schedule you can ensure that all parties are 'on board' and therefore everyone will be accountable. Decluttering your home may take days, weeks or even months, and so being able to refer back to the schedule, and tackling it in small chunks will make it seem less of an enormous burden.

Step 3. Make a decision about WHERE to begin. This depends largely on which areas of the home are affected by clutter. The kitchen and family room are two of the best places to begin, but if these rooms are not of the utmost importance to your improving your living conditions, choose the room that is. If a ROOM is too much for you to begin with, choose an ITEM to begin with, such as magazines, books, papers, etc. If you have old food items or clutter that is clearly trash, such as fast food containers, etc., it is imperative that this be eliminated from the house first. The reason I say this is for your health and the health of those around you. Reducing the possibility of bugs and vermin is extremely important.

Step 4. Assemble the tools necessary for your declutter. Suggested items are tubs, large containers, labels, black marker, trash bags, rubber gloves. Place them together in the area you are going to begin on.

So you have talked about the problem, decided a schedule to tackle the clutter, and decided where to begin. Good for you! I know it wasnt easy to get to this point, but knowing that you DID means you have the tools necessary to make a success of your decluttering project, and that a tidy, organized home is in sight.

Step 4. Take a deep breath and reaffirm your committment to decluttering your space. You will need 5 containers, bins, tubs, etc.
Bin 1 is for TRASH. In this bin anything that is clearly trash will be placed. Hopefully this bin will fill fast and you will need to empty it into your wastebin many times before you have completed your allotted task.
Bin 2 is for items that you absolutely must KEEP- photos, important documents, etc.
Bin 3 is for items that YOU no longer want or can use, but still have life left in them. These items will be DONATEd to a local charity.
Bin 4 is for items that you no longer need or want, but have value if you SELL them. Try not to get too many items in this bin, simply because hoarders tend to reclaim items from this bin if they are not sold immediately. If, however, you plan to hold a Garage Sale, putting these items into a designated space in the garage, out of sight, can be of benefit, until such time as you feel you have enough items to justify a Garage Sale.
Bin 5 is the UNCERTAIN bin. In this bin you will place items that you cannot immediately decide the fate of. It is perfectly normal for this bin to fill quickly, however realize that this bin will need to be gone through again towards the end of your declutter session, and items moved from it to one of the other bins. This bin, while being filled during your declutter session, should never be left with items in it at the end of your session. Understand the need for the decisions on those items to be made before ending your session, and you will make good progress. It is understood that the pressure of having to make a 'snap' decision can be overwhelming and this bin can alleviate the immediate stress, however many hoarders knowing that the decision still will need to be made, choose to make the decision at the time of inital assessment of that item, thereby avoiding the need to go through the process again.

Your decluttering session, in particular the first one, will be stressful and extremely tiring. Limit it to a short but productive timeframe, but make the progress noticeable. For example, if you have a large bunch of old newspapers stacked in a corner, eliminating them into the recycle/waste bin can free up that space immediately, and can be extremely encouraging to the hoarder and his/her helpers. Reclaiming space, no matter how small, can be inspiring!

At the end of the actual declutter session, the following must be dealt with:
Bin 1 needs to be emptied into the trash collection bin immediately upon ending your declutter session.
Bin 2 can be set aside for a later date, and even though this may seem counterproductive, in many hoarders homes, there simply is not space to put these items away where they belong permanently, until some larger degree of organization and declutter has been undertaken. This is perfectly okay at this point.
Bin 3 should be moved immediately to your vehicle and taken to the charity drop off point. If the hoarder doesnt feel able to do this, one of the family members should assume responsibility. Again, it is important that this task be done as soon as the declutter session is finished, reducing the temptation to go through the items again.
Bin 4 should be moved immediately to the allocated "For Sale" space, preferably completely out of sight.
Bin 5 needs to be assessed again, items moved to the appropriate bins, and the empty bin moved to the next scheduled declutter space.

Making decisions as to which bin your items need to go into can be quick or they can be gut-wrenchingly slow. Applying a time limit of 3 seconds to make that decision can speed up the process, however be really true to your committment. Dont allow too many items to go into the Unsure bin, as you set yourself up for having to go through it again. Your aim is to have as little as possible in the Unsure bin, thus avoiding the painful second visit to those items. Remember: you are not giving away your things, so much as reclaiming your space and ultimately your LIFE!

Hoarders often feel that the 'things' around them control their lives. Realizing that this is NOT the case can often be extremely enlightening. You, the hoarder, must take back control from your surroundings and exert your authority over the items that are cluttering your home. Decluttering will give you the power you need. Although your progress may be small and slow, YOU control the pace at which progress is made. By deciding that you want a better lifestyle and habitat for you and those around you, you take the first vital step towards making it a reality. Inanimate objects cannot make decisions for you and therefore cannot control how you live your life. Knowing that gives you the POWER to take back control of your life.

So you have tackled your first declutter session, and although you are probably mentally and emotionally exhausted, perhaps even physically exhausted, you must allow yourself to feel a sense of accomplishment and POWER. YOU did it!! Perhaps things didnt go quite as easily or as fast as you may have liked, but reflecting upon what went well and what didnt go well, will ensure you know how to do things better next time. Pat yourself on the back, and if feeling despondent about your progress, here is a simple and yet seemingly silly tool you can use. If you know the square footage of your house, get yourself a piece of graph paper (the kind with small squares printed onto it), measure out the equivalent footage using one square per square foot and then fill the equivalent area with color, to designate the actual space you managed to reclaim today. After several sessions, you will be surprised and elated with the progress.

FINAL STEP: Simply continue to 'rinse and repeat' the steps above, until you have nothing but the KEEP bins left. At this point, organization is required, but that is a topic for a whole new article.

It seems so simple a process, but because of the emotional and mental aspects of hoarding, simply decluttering may not be the complete answer. For some, it will be, but for chronic hoarders, professional counselling may be in order. Discovering the reason for your hoarding can help you deal with the problem on an emotional level. Many times hoarding is as a result of a traumatic past experience, and facing this can help immensely. Dont be afraid to consult a professional: there is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. This often is an illness over which the hoarder has little or no control, until professional help is sought.

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