How to Deal with Difficult People

The key to successfully coping with a complainer is to break their cycle of complaining and move them towards a problem solving perspective. Complainers operate quiet happily in the cycle of blaming others, active passively and bemoaning their powerlessness.

Here are some strategies to break the complaining cycle.

Listen attentively

This step is probably what you least feel like doing. And listening attentively to a complaining person can be very demanding. It is however an important step. Listening is a very powerful tool. It is particularly important for the complaining person. First of all it gives the complainer the opportunity to release some frustration, fear or anger. Without being able to let off steam, a complainer is unable to move towards problem solving.

Listening also can lessen the complainer's sense of being dismissed. Another advantage is that through listening you can gather information to progress to the next stage.

Acknowledge

By acknowledging what the complainer has said, you communicate that you have understood, that you know how they feel, and that you are taking them seriously. The way to communicate this is to paraphrase back what you think the main points were and finish with acknowledging how you think the complainer must be feeling.

Interrupt if Necessary

You may need to interrupt as often complainers don't stop to take a breath. As soon as you understand what they are complaining about, stop them as politely and firmly as you can.

Use Limiting Responses

Complainers tend to use extreme words such as: 'never' and 'always'. The goal with a complainer is to get them to be specific about times, places or facts.

Don't Agree

Acknowledging the Issues can be profitable because it demonstrates understanding and attention. Agreement however can indicate responsibility for the problem.

The goal when dealing with a complainer is twofold. Ideally you want to divert that energy out into complaining into problem solving for solutions to the complaints. If that proves too difficult then the next strategy is to firmly,but kindly get them to leave.