by 2 people |
Have you ever considered the possibility that the movies you watch contribute to the heartache you feel from failed relationships?
In the past few years, society has held the belief that violent media causes those who participate in it to be more violent. There have been Oprah episodes devoted to uncovering the causes of teen violence, and many times, one of the causes has been violent video games. After the Columbine shootings, the world was searching for the answer to the question, "Why? Why did they do it?" After much discussion, the general consensus was that playing Doom and other first-person-shooter video games had desensitized the shooters to violence and they took the short step from fantasy murders to real murders.
In much the same way, the love stories and courtship practices in many of the films that our youth watch are influencing their romantic desires and expectations. When girls see princesses carried away by dashing young princes, followed by the credits and the assumption that "they lived happily ever", our sisters and girlfriends get the wrong impressions about "true love" and end up hurting themselves and the guys they date. This lens will illustrate a few ways in which movies produced by companies such as Disney are having a negative impact on our youths' dating practices.
In much the same way, the love stories and courtship practices in many of the films that our youth watch are influencing their romantic desires and expectations. When girls see princesses carried away by dashing young princes, followed by the credits and the assumption that "they lived happily ever", our sisters and girlfriends get the wrong impressions about "true love" and end up hurting themselves and the guys they date. This lens will illustrate a few ways in which movies produced by companies such as Disney are having a negative impact on our youths' dating practices.
Knight in Shining Armor
The first negative trend (and perhaps the most detrimental) is the assumption that "someday my knight in shining armor will come" and all I have to do is wait for him. This mentality is showcased in movies like Sleeping Beauty and stories like Rapunzel. Both of the fair maidens waited, their princes came, and love just happened. I have seen this in girls that I have dated personally, and it has caused much heartache. The girls assume that love will just happen to them, if they wait. They do not understand that love is not an inherent trait, but rather that it takes work and learning. When asked questions such as, "Which qualities would you like to see in guys that you would date or marry?" girls with this mentality respond, "I don't know." These mislead souls are counting on the fact that their perfect prince will just stop by, love will hit them, the credits will roll in, and they will live happily ever after. Dr. Laura
My wife and I read her books while we were engaged, they gave us lots of good advice, mostly about looking at things from the other's perspective.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage
Amazon Price: $19.72 (as of 11/10/2009) 
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Amazon Price: $10.04 (as of 11/10/2009)
Stop Whining, Start Living
Amazon Price: $18.96 (as of 11/10/2009)
Fireworks All the Time
Another way in which movies such as those marketed by Disney negatively impact the way our youth approach love is in the way these films depict love as being constant excitement. This comes from movies where the couple goes through amazing adventures together all the time.Aladdin is a perfect example. The poor bum Aladdin leads Jasmine through the market district of Agrabah on an escape from the Sultan's guards, leaping across rooftops and hanging out with a playful monkey. Later, as he is impersonating the price Ali Ababwa, he takes Jasmine on a magic carpet ride, they sing together, and end up in China watching fireworks. Quite understandably, Jasmine falls for Aladdin.
The problem is that our young ones, either consciously or subconsciously, expect an unnatural level of excitement in their own relationships. The poor boys they date are expected to pay more and more on their girls and plan bigger and bigger events (or vice-versa). The girls end up bored and the guys end up broke (once again, or vice-versa).
Bad Boys
Closely related to the constant excitement principle is the bad boy persona. Aladdin once again gives us our example. Aladdin steals to live, lives with a monkey, runs away from the palace guards, and in the process wins Jasmine's heart. The bad boys have the exciting lives, which as previously explained, are portrayed in the movies as requisite for true love. The consequence is that this causes girls to abandon the nice boys in favor of the ones who ride motorcycles and drink whiskey from the bottle.So the nice boys have two options: keep their standards and lose the girl, or lose their standards in an effort to keep the girl. Abandoning their standards can easily lead to personal downfalls, loss of confidence or opportunities
Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts
My wife took a course offered by our university on relationships and this was required reading. Good Stuff!
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry
Amazon Price: $13.59 (as of 11/10/2009)
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Workbook for Women: Seven Questions to Ask Before—and After—You Marry
Amazon Price: $8.99 (as of 11/10/2009)
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Workbook for Men: Seven Questions to Ask Before—and After—You Marry
Amazon Price: $8.99 (as of 11/10/2009)
You Must Unlearn What You Have Learned
It is understandable that companies like Disney would market movies that depict love in this way, because such stories are unconventional and they sell! Think about it: Who would want to watch a movie about "real" love? Two people meet at a diner, they spend lots of time together just talking. They go to an art exhibit and kiss in the corner when no one is looking, then to 7-11 for hot chocolate and talk more. Months later he finally proposes under a belltower as it rings midnight. A real snoozer, huh? It just wouldn't sell.But something must be done to counteract the harmful influence of these movies on our youth. One of the best ways is through education-education at the family level. Parents can help their children by teaching them how true relationships work; teaching them by explaining their own relationship, how the parents met and how they make their marriage work.
Where have you found good relationship advice?
debnet wrote...
You've made some very good points here about how the media is shaping our society.
Well done!
Posted August 29, 2008
mulberry wrote...
Absolutely. We are all influenced by what is shoved in front of us constantly. Girls believe the fairy tale and the bad boy stuff, and guys are expecting the mini-skirted sexpot instead of a real women. None of these images or expecations are realistic and I agree they can kill relationships.
Posted August 29, 2008
by cactusdo
Back to my USA home after two years as a volunteer in Belgium and France, found a lovely wife and we're figuring out life together. (more)
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