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Divorce Parenting Help and Tips - Children and Divorce

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Parenting Tips for Parents in Conflict (and happy families too)

Parenting is a difficult, complex and ultimately rewarding experience.



Whether you're happily married or headed unerringly towards divorce, it's important to remember that children require a great deal of attention and development to turn into balanced adults. They often don't understand why parents are considering divorce, and often blame themselves. Even in happy families, children are under a lot of stress from school, peers and their own parents' expectations.

To properly develop children it's important to give them structure, love, discipline, latitude and rules in order to give them the resources they need, while giving them the freedom to learn and develop.

Experienced child and family issues mediator Frank Gaunt has sound advice for parents who are having trouble and are seeking parenting help.

Things to Remember

Children look up to their parents because they are their guiding force in life.

They emulate you, and want to be like you (at least until they get more outside influence and start becoming unruly teenagers). Even then, they will incorporate your morals, your habits and your personality. If they're going to emulate you, then you need to give them attention so that they can follow what you want them to, and yet develop in a way that they can be independent when it's time for them to go off on their own.

15 year olds may seem independent, but all children, especially young ones, rely on you for everything. You provide the roof over their heads, their clothes, their food, most likely their transportation, you are their everything (even if they don't always act like it).

Being this dependent on you, conflict creates stress and uncertainty that makes their lives extremely difficult. Particularly in cases where parents are considering divorce, this is a life-ending development for many children. They are used to having two parents who love each other, and are there for them, and care for them. They know they can come home and feel safe, and concepts like divorce break up their world in ways you may not have considered.

At all times, remember to love, support and encourage your children, and when necessary, train and punish them within the boundaries of educating and preparing your children for their lives ahead.

Parenting Tip of the Day

When a child joins a team or an ongoing activity, have the child follow through on the commitment unless for some reason it would be harmful for the child to continue.

Past Parenting Tips - General

  • Plan family nights consistently.  Whether it means going out together or a movie night at home, schedule time to be together having fun.

  • Schedule one on one time with your children.  Kids love to feel special.

  • Get to know your child's likes and dislikes; favorite color, favorite teacher, least favorite food, etc.

  • Make sure you express unconditional love for your children often.

  • Have dinner together (at the dinner table) on a regular basis. Use it as a time for interaction. Avoid interruptions - no answering the phone, no texting, etc.

  • When your child does something you appreciate, make sure to thank them. Children want to be acknowledged.

  • Parents need to give consistent messages. If kids think they can play one parent against the other, it is a recipe for disaster.

  • When parents are encountering problems (i.e. marital problems, stress at work) children often pick up on the stress.  Children often believe that the parent is stressed because the child did something wrong.  It is important to assure the child that they are not the cause of the problem and that they are still loved.

Past Parenting Tips - Toddlers

  • Set limits.  Stop inappropriate/dangerous behavior.  Remove the child from danger.  Explain the danger briefly in understandable terms.  Don't try to reason with a toddler beyond his/her level of reasoning.  Redirect the child to another activity.

  • "Catch" a child being good.  Reinforce positive behavior.

  • Occasional temper tantrums are a natural expression of attention-seeking and limit testing. Remove the child to a quiet area until the behavior changes. Ask the child to let you know when they are ready to act differently.

  • Develop a morning routine (not too rigid).  Start with several minutes of interaction (a brief "together"  time).  Have a personal hygiene and breakfast routine.

  • At age 3 or 4, allow kids to pick out their own outfits to wear (activity and weather appropriate). It encourages development of a small level of independence.

Past Parenting Tips - Teens

  • Teenagers need to understand that they have limits.  Make expectations clear and follow through with enforcement.

  • While it is natural for teens to want independence, make sure you are spending time with them regularly.  Maintain your connection.  If you lose it, it is very difficult to get it back.

  • Make your home a gathering place for your teen's friends. Get to know the friends.

Divorce Parenting Help in the News

Nagley: Parenting together after divorce
Did you know that the way a child deals with divorce or separation is affected by the amount of conflict their parents have? Below are some tips to help reduce the stress of co-parenting and to make sure that your child remains happy and healthy.
Divorce Tool Box Divorce Coaches Offer 8 Tips During International Child ...
Her extensive experience in high-conflict cases within the judicial system has shown that parents who do so are much more successful at transitioning into the life of co-parenting. With over a million children affected by divorce in the US each year, ...
Morton Grove Community Calendar for Feb. 23, 2012
Parenting a child with special needs? Join other parents and consult with professionals on specific parenting issues for children with special needs. Single seminars and ongoing sessions offered at Jewish Child & Family Services, 255 Revere Drive, ...
Going Through A Divorce Without Going Crazy
When you hire an attorney for your divorce, you are hiring a problem solver. Divorce-related stress is often a legitimate response to a host of parenting or financial problems. Hiring the right attorney to help solve these problems should considerably ...
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Frank Gaunt

Frank Gaunt brings a unique background to his work with Agreement House -- over two decades working with child and family issues.

He worked as a therapist, and also was the Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer of Child Welfare Services for La Causa, Incorporated.

Frank is a native of Wisconsin. He received his undergraduate degree from Marquette University and his Master's of Social Work from the University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee. He obtained certification in mediation from De Paul University.

His parenting help tips come from years of experience and many cases with families in need.

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Agreement House

Divorce, Parenting, Business and Residential Conflict Negotiation

At Agreement House, we strive to help people solve their differences through communication, negotiation and mediation to satisfy mutual benefits, rather than resorting to going to court and invoking the legal system.

Whether you have disputes in your neighborhood, your business or your personal life, we're here to help.

In Arizona, call Agreement House at 480-496-2201 or visit our Arizona Divorce Mediation and Business Conflict Negotiation website.

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