Dog Jokes

A Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in their local doggie bar having a few cold ones when a good-looking female French Poodle walk in the bar and walks up to them and says,

"Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The French Poodle says, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She says, "That's not creative."

Finally the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone...cheese mine!"

Two men are walking their dogs, a Chihuahua and a German Shepard. They decide they'd like to go into a bar for a drink.

" But we can't bring out dogs into that bar," says the Chihuahua's human.

"Hey, no problem," says the German Shepard's owner. "Just watch this."

He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walks into the bar.

"Hey, no dogs!" yells the bartender.

"But this is a seeing eye dog," says the German Shepard's human.

The bartender apologizes and shows them to a chair.

So, the Chihuahua owner decides to follow suit, whips out his sunglasses, and walks into the bar.

"Hey, no dogs!" yells the bartender.

"But this is a seeing eye dog," says the Chihuahua's human.

The bartender objects, "Hey, poodles can't be seeing eye dogs!"

The Chihuahua owner gasps, "Chihuahua? They told me they were giving me a German Shepard!"

In case you can't read the bottom of the pic..it say "The quick fox jumps over the lazy dog"!

A butcher in his shop, and he's really busy, and he notices a dog in the shop.
He shoos him away.
But later, he notices the dog is back again.
So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note, and it reads 'Please give me 12 sausages and a pound of lamb. l have money in my mouth.'
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar bill there.
So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is well impressed, and since it's close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a street crossing light.
The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button.
Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change.
They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.
The butcher is in awe at this stage.
The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus.
The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat.
Another bus comes.
Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery.
Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus.
He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus.
Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.

Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house.
He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step.
Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door.
He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again.
There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.
He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts yelling at the dog.
The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. 'What the hell are you yelling at the dog ? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake !', to which the guy responds
'Clever, my ass. This is the second time this week that he's forgotten his key.'

A guy walks into a bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.

The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

Paris Hilton was shopping for a new dog in an upscale pet center.

"I want a dog of which I can be proud," she told the salesman. "Does that one have a good pedigree?"

"Miss Hilton," declared the clerk, "if she could speak, she wouldn't talk to either one of us.

1. Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? A: Because you can't bury them in trees!


2. Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? A: He stole the show!


3. Q: How can if you have a stupid dog? A: It chases parked cars!


4. Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? A: He was trying to make both ends meet!


5. Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A: A collie-flower!


6. Q: Why do dogs wag their tails? A: "Because no one else will do it for them!"


7. Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot? A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!


8. Q: What is the dogs favorite city? A: New Yorkie!


9. Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian? A: Growlcho Marx!


10. Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie? A: "Well, doggone!"


11. Q: What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table? A: He gets splinters in his mouth!


12. Q: What kind of dog chases anything red? A: A bull dog!


13. Q: What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals? A: A guard dog!


14. Q: What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A: A plain clothes police dog!


15. Q: What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller? A: A computer with a lot of bites!


16. Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo? A: A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead!


17. Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep? A: A sheep that can round itself up!