Life Lessons Learned from Dogs
- If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you get what you want.
- Don't go out without ID.
- Be direct with people. Let them know exactly how you feel by peeing in their shoes.
- Be aware of when to hold your tongue...and when to use it.
- Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
- Always give people a friendly greeting (like a cold nose in the crotch).
- When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you've been dragged out from under the bed).
- If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
Dog Heroes: Budweiser
This is why dogs rule...
Budweiser the Saint Bernard was 14 months old and living in John's Island, South Carolina in 1973 when he saved two of his owner's grandchildren by dragging them by their shirts from a burning house. Top Ten Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
***
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*
* 1. Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws.
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*
* 1. Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws.
Dog Heroes: Reona
This is why dogs rule...
Reona, a Rottweiler living in Watsonville, California, saved a frightened 5-year-old neighbor with epilipsy during the 1989 San Francisco earthquake. He pushed the girl aside just before a microwave oven fell from the top of a refrigerator, then calmed the young girl and spared her from a seizure. Barktastic Sites to Visit
- Dog Heroes of 9/11
- Dog Heroes of September 11th: A Tribute to America's Search and Rescue Dogs, by award-winning author Nona Kilgore Bauer, is a chronicle of 78 search and rescue (SAR) teams that responded in America's time of need. Bauer embarked on a difficult journey to locate and interview more than 75 of the canine search and rescue teams that responded to the September 11th emergency. Many of these teams were among the first responders to the biggest attack on American soil in history, and their vivid accounts of the aftermath are heartrending and unexpectedly uplifting.
Dog Books on Amazon
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Amazon Price: $11.16 (as of 10/13/2008)
101 Dog Tricks: Step by Step Activities to Engage, Challenge, and Bond with Your Dog
Amazon Price: $12.91 (as of 10/13/2008)
Cesar's Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems
Amazon Price: $11.16 (as of 10/13/2008)
Old Dogs: Are the Best Dogs
Amazon Price: $13.57 (as of 10/13/2008)
Dog Heaven
Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 10/13/2008)
Top Ten Reasons Dogs are Better Than Women
- A dog's parents will never visit you.
- Dogs love it when you leave your clothes on the floor.
- Dogs limit their time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
- Dogs never expect you to phone.
- Dogs don't get mad if you forget their birthdays.
- Dogs don't care about the previous dogs in your life.
- Dogs don't get mad if you pet another dog.
- Dogs never expect flowers on Valentine's Day.
- The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
- Dogs don't shop.
Top Ten Reasons Dogs are Better Than Men
- Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
- Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
- Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
- Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
- You can house train a dog.
- Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
- Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
- Dogs don't care whether or not you shave your legs.
- Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
Dog Heroes: Sheena
This is why dogs rule...
In St. Petersburg, Florida, in 1991, Sheena's disabled owner was attacked by two men in a parking lot. This once-abandoned mixed breed immediately sprang to action, lunging at the assailants. She knocked one of them to the ground and chased the other one away. Dog Property Laws
- If I like it, it's mine.
- If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
- If I can take it from you, it's mine.
- If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
- If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
- If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
- If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
- If I saw it first, it's mine.
- If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
- If it's broken, it's yours.
Dog Stuff on CafePress
Dog Heroes: Sparky
This is why dogs rule...
In 1992, Sparky and his owner, Bo, were living in Tullahoma, Tennessee. Out for a morning walk, Bo collapsed from a heart attack. Sparky, a 130-pound yellow lab, dragged his 227-pound master home nearly 200 yards. Because of Sparky, Bo made it to the hospital just in time for his condition to be stabilized. Dog Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "Sit!", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't work.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "Sit!", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't work.
Why do YOU think dogs rule?
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