Domestic Abuse/Violence Resources and Information

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED... EVER!
Not physically, emotionally, spiritually, or sexually.
Not by strangers, family members, aquaintances, co-workers, employers, or an intimate partner.



a·buse

1. To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: abuse alcohol; abuse a privilege.

2. To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.

3. To force sexual activity on; rape, or molest.

4. To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.You have the strength to break free. Just look at all of the strength required to stay and suffer. Redirect that strength to a positive end. You can do it!

My Story

By,Trina L.C. Sonnenberg Copyright 2010







I was first abused at the age of four, by a middle-aged, mentally retarded member of my own family. I kept the secret verbally, but I drew pictures. I began drawing pictures of men with penises sticking out straight, but my mother never questioned it. To this day, she has those pictures I drew forty years ago, but in that time she never thought them to be significant.



I was a troubled teen. By the age of 12, I had been molested by another family member, but didn't realize that what he had done to me was wrong, I thought I was grown up, so I kept the secret. I thought that if anyone found out, it would become a bad thing and I didn't want to have my family frown upon me for it.



At the age of 13, yet another family member attempted to rape me, but I fought back. I told on him, but my family didn't belive me and my attacker, when confronted, made it my fault; saying that I tried to come on to him. Remember, I was 13 years old; he was my father's father. Everyone chalked it up to my being a troubled teen.



After telling on him, my parents abandoned me. No one in my family, nor my psychologist, ever reported the crime. I was shunned by my father's side of the family.



The abuse in my life goes way back and shaped me in ways that would take years to overcome. I did overcome! Let me share with you, my story, and show you how there are no ends to the possibilities. Anyone, at any time, can change the circumstances of their own lives. I did it. You only need to know what you want, and go after it. Learn to love yourself enough to allow yourself to be happy in your life. I went from miserable waif to Wonder Woman/Super Mom!
Don't wait for rescue, save yourself!



Forever and Always... ISBN: 978-0-557-43111-3

Keywords: Forever and Always, abuse, rape, crime, life

Online Advertising Provided By Ads-On-Q.com

Think its ok to boss a girl around?
slap her around a few times and teach her a lesson?

She's just a dumb "bitch" a "slut".

No! She's human being, a girl that deserves to be loved and respected; not used and thrown out like a piece of trash.

A "man" should NEVER hit a woman.

And he should never force his girl to have sex with him;
that's not something you do to the person you supposedly love.

So if you're against Spousal Abuse please re-post this!
And if you don't you're not going to die or be raped by a toaster, you're just cold at heart.
And if your a guy that is man enough to re-post this good for you

My memoir contains the underlying message that women in abusive relationships can change their lives. I did it; anyone can do it. That the Law of Attraction is real; The main character falls in love as a teen and never gives up on that love; 17 years later she marries the man she fell in love with so many years before. Prior to their reunion, she survives not one but two abusive marriages and saves herself from a life of misery.


This is my life story! I'm sharing it with you. I promise that if nothing else, you will be entertained.

Try Before You Buy... Read the first few chapters here, for FREE!

I know those words sound harsh, but when you live with an abusive person, that is the only advice I can give. It is vital that you leave, or make them leave. Do whichever is going to be the fastest, easiest and safest method.

Once you get out, never look back. Make a life for yourself as an independent woman. You can do it. It takes far more energy and stamina to stay than it does to leave. It may not seem that way at first, but trust me, your life depends on it.

I left my abuser once, only to return and find out that nothing had changed except for the fact that the abuse got worse after the tricking period was over. He convinced me to come back, convinced me that he'd get help and change. That didn't happen. He went through the motions for a while, but by the end of 20 months, it had gotten so bad that I felt ill every time I had to drive home from work.

Get out and stay out is my advice to anyone who is being mistreated in their own home. Going back will only increase and prolong your suffering. Abusers seldom keep their promises and it is even less likely that he will change into anything resembling the man you thought you loved. That man doesn't really exist; it was all a front to get you under control. How do I know this? Because I've been there, done that and burned the T-shirt.

I have been free for the last 14 years and I have never been more happy or secure in my life. If I can do it, you can too!

I want to share my story with you, even if it is only the abbreviated version, so that you can know that it is possible to end the suffering you are experiencing right now.
I am a survivor. I survived two abusive marriages, and this is my story.



I started dating my first husband at the age of 15. By age 16, we were living together; by 20, we were married. During these first five years, some major psychological damage was done, that would take me years to undo. My first husband never beat me physically; he didn't have to. He used his booming voice, cruel words, and intimidating posture to control me. And when he drank, it was worse.



Everything that went wrong was my fault. I was stupid, no one else would ever want me; I made him do the things he did. He could do as he pleased and if I felt differently, I would end up on the floor, in a corner, in a puddle of tears, wondering if I'd be better off dead. But, he never hit me, so I never once considered myself as being abused. I bought into every negative, hateful thing he ever said to me. The mind learns through repetition, and he was repetitive.



By the time we'd been married a year, he was publicly humiliating me, having affairs, and bullying me in front of our friends. And, it was all my fault. The affairs he denied, but I knew differently (it doesn't take two hours to drive a few blocks to take a waitress home after her shift).



Three years into our marriage, our son was born. He had abandoned me during my pregnancy, but wanted to come back after our son was three months old. Being scared about raising a child on my own, with no job, no money, and as I saw it, no future, I took him back. After all, I still loved him, and even though I was a failure, I could make it work; I knew I could. All I had to do was change.



He came back, and nothing had changed, except that I grew smaller.



By the time our son was two years old, he was drinking every night, and staying out until I had to leave for work in the morning. He'd come home reeking of alcohol and wanting sex. I couldn't stand pacing the floor each night; I was a wreck. I decided to leave, and did. As scared as I was, about raising a child on my own, I had to get my son out of that environment.



Even after I had moved out and filed for divorce, he did not stop trying to control my life. He'd scare potential boy-friends away by confronting them. He made up lies about me, accusing me of child abuse, drug addiction... to try to have our son taken from me. He even went so far as to accuse my brother of molesting our son.



I had petitioned the court, asking for sole custody, but somehow the papers got lost. (I filed for divorce without a lawyer; my ex insisted on filling out the forms with me.) I ended up with joint custody; no child support order.



So here I was, 26 years old, with a toddler, living in a housing project, making $6.00 an hour at my full time job, and working nights as a waitress, to make ends meet. (Somehow, I got stuck with the lion's share of the debt my marriage had produced.) And that's when I met husband number two.



He seemed like Prince Charming. Our first date even included my son, he took us both to dinner. He wanted to help me financially, and when I lost my full time job, he moved me in with him, and out of that dangerous neighborhood. I was glad to go.



I found another job, and thought things were looking up for us, my boy and me. Then one night after work, I went to visit my mother for awhile. When I returned home, I was not welcome. It didn't matter where I had been, or what I was doing, I was out the door; my bags had been packed and were waiting for me.



I spent the night at my mother's, and the next day he called to tell me that I was forgiven, he'd give me another chance, and I could come back. I went. Where else was I going to go? My mom's one bedroom apartment wasn't going to hold three of us, and I was down to one job. Prince Charming had told me to quit my second job. The hook had been set, and I was about to go from the frying pan into the fire.



This one was a Jekyll and Hyde; he drank too. And, he did get physical with me. Throughout the four years we spent together, I experienced some pretty bizarre things. He freaked out on me for dancing with my brother, accused me of sleeping with everyone I worked with, including the women; he would fly into rages and destroy my clothing, photos, etc.. And he did things I won't even mention here. He was a pro at keeping me off balance.



He never hurt me when my son was with us, and he made sure that there were no marks for anyone to see. He never laid a hand on my son either. But he messed with his head. He wouldn't allow him to play outside his room, except to go outside the house. He would chase my son with a mask on, giving him nightmares... The psychological abuse was there. Inside I was dying. Guilt was consuming me.



To the outside world, I was the picture of confidence, but when it came time to turn in to the driveway, after work, I would be sick, scared, and wanting to be anywhere else than where I was.



Though I knew the problem wasn't me, I fell for the: promises to change, apologies, suicide threats, and more. I'd had him arrested three times, obtained a TRO, and still, I took him back. Once, while he was at work, I even moved out. I was a mess.

I should mention that while all of this is going on, my ex-husband is trying to use my situation against me in court, over our son.

Because of a court ordered treatment program that Prince Charming had to attend, I met a woman who changed my life forever. She worked with women, in partnership with my husband's therapist. She offered her program to me; she took me into her group, even though I had no way to pay her.



At this point, I am 29 years old and heading into a mid-life crisis. I am attending sessions, with a group of four other amazing women. I live for these sessions. I am transforming into a brand new woman. And for the first time I realized, after it having been pointed out to me, that I had been a battered woman for the last 15 years of my life. Not just the last four, when the hitting started, but every year since I started dating my first husband. Battered with hand or with words, it didn't matter. Abuse is abuse.



As my 30th birthday approaches, I find myself more depressed than I have ever been. I feel so old. I spend a lot of time thinking about turning thirty; talking about it and writing about it. (I've kept a journal since I was a teenager, and it is what kept me sane, even when I thought sanity was a universe away from where I was at.)



One fine day, it dawned on me that the only reason that I was stressing out about turning thirty was because I was not where I thought I'd be in life at that point. Sure, I had a decent job, an awesome kid, and I felt better about myself than I ever had, but I was miserable. The abuse hadn't quite stopped either, even though Prince Charming was in therapy, sober, and on probation.



So, I made a decision... I was going to change my life into what I wanted it to be. I decided that my 30th year would be my best year yet. I came to realize that I could make it on my own. That's really what I'd been doing all along. If I was strong enough to put up with the abuse for all these years, I was strong enough to stop it. And that is just what I did. I gave Prince Charming his walking papers, and went on with my life.



Of course, it wasn't without snags, but I got through those too. He stalked me for a while; called me threatening suicide, and my response was to refer him to his therapist, or the police.


I spent 20 weeks in therapy, getting support from those fabulous women, and the experience saved my life. I learned that if I am not happy with my life then it is up to me to change it. I am powerless to change my abuser, but I can change the circumstances in which I live. I am strong, and I have value. There is no reason that I should waste my love on someone who does not treat me with the love and respect I deserve.



Do I hate these men? Absolutely not. To hate them would require me to live in the past, and the past is better left where it is. My life is better now and theirs is of no consequence to me.



'My Journey' is the result of my experiences. Writing was my therapy. Whenever I felt lost, out of control, or hopeless, I would sit down and write. Taking my pain, and turning into something creative, helped me get through it all. I could write what I dared not say, and the page wouldn't tell me that I was wrong, stupid, or worthless. The only thing the page could tell me is something that, deep down, I already knew... My life was crazy, not me.



My message to you is this: Seek support and help. It is out there. You are not the problem; you are the solution. Be smart, be safe, but don't let fear keep you prisoner. Free yourself; you can do it!



Trina L.C. Sonnenberg



In case you're interested... I have been living in Colorado for the past 12 years, with my first love, my only true love, (no, not my first husband) being happier than I ever thought possible. Jeff and I were blessed with a child on Thanksgiving day, 1997. As for my older son, he is on his way to college now, and he's grown up to be quite the impressive young man. I am very proud of him.

My Journey
A Lifetime of Verse
by Trina L.C. Sonnenberg

I would get up early each morning to give myself a chance to wake up. I'd drink several cups of coffee, while working on a crewel project. By early, I'd be out of bed by 3:30 A.M. to get ready for work at 5:00. Most mornings, I'd wake up alone, except for my two-year-old, sleeping in the next room.

Most mornings, I had gotten only three or four hours of sleep the night before; I'd spend most of the night pacing.

My husband got off work at 10 P.M. but didn't typically get home before I had to leave for work at 4:30 A.M.. I wasn't afraid of him being in an accident. I wasn't really afraid of him being in jail. (A little voice inside my head told me that he was safe and sound in someone else's bed.) What I was afraid of was being late for work.

I could not afford to lose my job; I had already decided to leave him. I needed to find a second job and someone to watch my boy, while I worked.

I longed for my lost love to come and rescue me from this drudgery.

When he'd finally come in the door, I was out it just as fast. I'd work my shift until 3:00 P.M., pick up my boy and go look for an apartment. By the time I'd returned home, he would be gone to work. Whew! An evening alone with my son. After I put my son to bed, the whole process would repeat.

Deep down, I didn't mind his absence. It meant no yelling or fighting. However, knowing that he was out drinking and sleeping around didn't please me about his not being home. I had reached my breaking point. I could not take living this way any longer.

He begged me for a second chance and this is how he uses it? It didn't take him two weeks to go back to the behavior that he demonstrated while I was pregnant. I've given him a long enough leash. It's time to walk away. It's past time to walk away. I must rescue myself, if Trampus will not return.

How it all started
How it is ending

Have you ever wondered why the world is the way it is today? I have. I have come to the conclusion that the world is in the predicament it is in because the majority of people focus on what they don't like. I would suggest that all of the whiners stop whining and turn their attention to making the world a better place. Think in terms of solutions, not how the other guy is doing something you don't like. If you don't like the way one does something then it is your responsibility to do it better.



Spend some time appreciating what you have. No matter who you are, you undoubtedly have more than someone else does. Appreciate it and work toward making the world a better place than it is right now for everyone. Complainers don't get very far in life because they focus on the negative, drawing more of it to them.



Rather than focusing on how bad a war is, think about the fact that it will end. Rather than focusing on what you don't have, focus instead on what you do have. You'll get what you want when you put your focus and energy into it. There is no other way.



If you don't like your country, leave it. If you don't like your town, move to a place you'd like better. If you don't like your neighbor, get a different one. Moving forward is the only way to accomplish anything and sitting back and complaining about your life is not moving forward. To move in any direction requires action. To stay where you are is to do nothing but complain about where you are. That is the road to nowhere. Get behind the wheel of your life and drive.



Our world is where it is today because so many people live in fear and inaction. If you don't like something, do something about it. Just do something.



There is more good in this world than most people realize and every negative situation can become a positive one when the lesson it holds is seen and acted upon.

There was a point in my own life where I hated my existence. I complained all of the time. It was not until I took action to change my circumstances that my life completely changed into one I would not trade for all of the money in the world. I learned that the only person who could change my life was me, and all the complaining in the world would serve no purpose, but to add to my misery. I could walk away from the unfairness I perceived and make life fair again, on my own terms.



If you don't like the food put in front of you, do you eat it and complain later, or do you find something else to eat? Are you thankful that you have food to eat in the first place, or are you going to be stuck on the fact that you don't like what is in front of you?



Life is your choice. Make it everything you want it to be; I dare you.

Has Mr. Right Become Mr. Wrong?

Trina L.C. Sonnenberg



Having survived two abusive marriages, I have noticed something very distinct about them both, and my part in them. I never had a positive word to say about these men while I was married to them. I noticed this recently, because it occurred to me that having been married to my husband for the last 12 years (my third marriage) I have absolutely nothing negative to say about him.




I remember complaining all of the time, to my family and friends, about my abusers. In their eyes, I could do nothing right, but in my eyes, neither could they. That says quite a bit about the relationship doesn't it. I wasn't abusive to them, in fact, I did everything I could to try to please them, but could not meet their expectations. I was a fussy housekeeper, but the house was never clean enough for my second husband. I am a good cook, but my second husband would throw his food at me, complaining that it was slop.



The difference between my complaints and theirs was this: I complained about how they treated me and the other people around me, about the things they did to hurt the relationship (drinking, cheating, hitting, etc..); they complained about me as a person. Hard as I tried, nothing I ever did was good enough. I could be out there, working three jobs, which I did, to his one, but I didn't contribute enough money. I did all the housework, child care, cooking, shopping, but I didn't do enough.



I've come to notice a fair amount of postings in forums these days, where women have absolutely nothing good to say about their spouses. Things like: He sits around and drinks beer all day, or he refuses to get a job, or he's not very good with the kids... One woman I know, in particular, posts terrible things about her husband, but in the public eye, pretends to have the perfect marriage. It makes me wonder what would happen if her husband were to read the things she writes about him; does he know how much his wife dislikes him? She doesn't claim abuse, just that he is a fat, lazy slob. Now does that sound like something a happily married woman would say about her man? I don't think so. So, why doesn't she get off her butt and do something about it?



The thing I have to wonder is why these women married these guys in the first place, and why do they stay with someone they obviously don't like very well? How can you be in love with someone you can say nothing nice about? Could it be that these women are in love with the memory of the person they thought they were marrying?

In retrospect, I have come to realize that I was not in love with either of my exes. I thought I was, but really I was afraid of being alone, and through their psychological manipulations, I thought I couldn't do any better, or that no one else would want me, so I'd better just stick it out.



WRONG ANSWER! They had been lying to me about my value, and once I learned that, I got rid of my abusers. I left the first one, and kicked the second one out, after having him arrested, that is.



If you've got nothing positive to say about your spouse, you should not be married to them. If they've got nothing good to say about you, you should not be married to them. If they hurt you, you should not be married to them



When I was going through it all, I had to make the decision to leave, for myself. I couldn't change either of them, but I could change my own life, by excluding them from it. I had to take charge. Once I stopped complaining and took action, I stopped having anything to complain about.



As I've said, I have nothing negative to say about my husband, Jeff. He is good to me, and I am good to him, and he has never said anything to me that could be twisted into a negative manipulative statement. I have plenty of positive things to say about him though.



My husband is:

Thoughtful

Kind

Compassionate

Honorable

Honest

Ethical

Hard working

Trustworthy

Generous

Fun



Everyone gets annoyed by things in other people, (leaving the cap off the toothpaste type stuff) but if you can't let the small stuff slide, with your partner, you're with the wrong partner. If there are a bunch of big things, you're with the wrong partner. Bashing your partner publicly is not going to make anything better. Get counseling or get out. Those are the choices. Nothing in a relationship ever fixes itself, and you can only fix you, not the other person.



Copyright &copy 2008

The Trii-Zine Ezine

http://www.ezines1.com/triizine


About the Author:
Trina L.C. Sonnenberg

Publisher - The Trii-Zine Ezine - Your Trusted Source for Internet Business and Marketing Information. EST 2001. ISSN# 1555-2276



Author of: My Journey A Lifetime of Verse, ISBN: 978-0-61516405-2

Co-Owner: Internet Marketing Mavens
http://internetmarketing-mavens.com

Keywords: profiteering, government bail outs, tax dollars, corporate America, credit industry, banks, interest rates

I am Happy Because I Choose to Be

Trina L.C. Sonnenberg


It is so easy today to blame things outside ourselves for the misery we perceive in our lives. It is easier to place blame elsewhere than to take responsibility for it, and we as humans seem to be a little like water, in that we seek the path of least resistance; blame the other guy. The rub here lies in that our failure to take responsibility for our own happiness is really what leads to all of the unrest in our lives.




Life is a series of choices. We choose how and where to live and we choose how we respond to the activities around us. Others have no power over how we feel and react to the circumstances around us. If Joe Blow hits my car in the parking lot, leaving a dent, I get to choose whether or not to become angry about it. I do not have to get angry. Rather than letting it ruin my day, I can choose to file a claim with my insurance and go on with my day, knowing that the dent will be repaired.



Equally, no one else is in control of your happiness. My husband does things that please me, but it is my choice as to whether or not I will be happy about his actions. He is not responsible for my happiness. Because he loves me, he takes care to do things that he thinks will please me, and strives not to do things that will cause me angst, but ultimately, it is up to me to decide how anything he does or does not do will affect me. Furthermore, if I want him to continue to do the things that please me, I must let him know that he's appreciated for those things he does.



When others don't appear to be helpful to you, you must resist the temptation to become angry with them. There may be things happening in their lives that you are totally unaware of, that prevent them from accommodating your wishes. It is always your choice, just as it is their choice as to whether or not to help you. You can be angry, or you can work toward finding an alternative solution. You can choose to feel cheated, or you can choose to move on. Your feelings are your own and no one else controls them. No one can hurt you unless you let them.



No one wants to entertain the thought of being responsible for any discomfort we have felt in our lives, but the truth is that we are 100% responsible. Let me give you a very personal example of what I am talking about:



I married my first husband at the age of 19, after having dated him for four years. He was an abusive man, not physically, but verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and I was impressionable.



I spent 10 years with this man, believing every negative hateful thing he ever said about me. I made the choice to belive the things he said. I chose to trust his word. I gave him power over my life.



Because I was convinced that I could not do any better, that I deserved to be treated that way, I fell right into another abusive relationship immediately following the end of the first marriage.



Within six months, of leaving my first husband, I met and eventually married a man who was even more abusive. I was miserable and truly believed I couldn't do any better.



After four years with husband/abuser number 2, I learned that I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. I learned that I do derserve better and that if I hope to get it, I needed to change the way I thought about myself. Since I believed I couldn't do any better, I didn't. I actually did worse the second time around. (Only I control my thoughts.)



Based on my flawed belief, I made a poor choice. However, it was my choice to make. No one forced me to maintain a relationship with this man.



I made the decision to change my life. I shifted focus from the problem to the steps to take to eleviate the problem and move my life forward. I ended the second marriage and have not been truly unhappy since then.



I choose when to be happy and I choose what makes me happy. Similarly, I choose when not to feel good. If you were to spit on my shoe, it would be my choice as to whether or not I would get angry about it. To say that you made me angry would be giving you all the power. Only I have the power to control my life, to change its direction. No one else can have that power because I choose not to give it to anyone. Give power to [focus on] solutions, not problems.



I am happy because I choose to be. Life throws challenges my way. It is up to me to decide how to deal with them. I can choose to feel sorry for myself and blame others, or I can meet the challenge, head-on and overcome the obstacle; feeling great about myself for my success.



Realizing that I and I alone am responsible for everything that comes my way in life, has been tremendously liberating. It has also given me great hope and expectation for the future of my life.


Copyright &copy 2009

The Trii-Zine Ezine

http://trii-zine.com

What do you do when you've been the victim of sexual assault and your parents do nothing to help you?

When I was thirteen years old, I lived with my grandparents for awhile. My paternal grandfather tried to sexually assault me while I lived in his home. Following his first attack, I did all the things I thought I was supposed to do. I told on him! I told my uncle, my father and my mother. When they did not believe me or try to help me, I ran away. What else was there to do.

No one seemed concerned that the man who called himself my grandpa had tried to have sex with me. No one called the police to report it; in fact, I was called a liar.

Over the years since this happened, thirty to be exact, some of my family members have asked him about what happened. His response was to say that I came on to him. I was 13 years old! Even if I had come on to him, which at that point in my life would have never occurred to me, he was the adult and should've known better. Not only was I 13, but I was his grandchild. For some reason, his explanation was suitable to those who questioned him about the situation.

These people are my family, and they abandoned me when I needed them most. My own parents did not do anything to help me; the therapist I was in family counseling with did nothing either.

The man is now dying of cancer, [he is now dead.] and my family honestly expects me to care. And, I am not the only female member of this family that he's gone after either.

I've been told to forgive him, but how can I when he blames me for his actions? I cannot forgive a man who refuses to accept responsibility for himself and his immoral desires. To say that a 13 year old girl is responsible for the actions of a 60-something man is crazy. Even if I were the seductress that I've been painted as, what would a young girl want with a worn out old man who is her grandfather? Please!

If you are in a similar situation, keep telling people about it; never give up like I did. If I had reported him to the police myself, he'd be dying in prison not at home in his own bed. I didn't know any better, so I am hoping that my story will educate others. Keep telling until someone does something about it.

CHILDREN DESERVE TO BE LOVED, RESPECTED AND PROTECTED!

Whether or not a child is beaten they suffer from the abuse they see and hear in their home. When a child witnesses the abuse of a parent, or a sibling, the damage can be life-long. Children learn from what they experience, and if they see abusive behaviors on a repetitive basis, they learn to use abusive behaviors to cope with life, perpetuating the cycle of abuse as they grow. Your job is to make it stop!

According to 2003 statistics, 4 children die each day as the result of abuse or neglect; the majority of them are under age 4. Over 3 million cases of abuse or neglect are reported each year. Actual instances of abuse are probably much higher, as many cases go unreported.


Children who have been abused are twice as likely to become addicted to drugs or alcohol, and as many as 1/3 of abused or neglected children will grow up to abuse or neglect their own kids.

STOP THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE!

If you suspect that a child is being abused, REPORT IT! Child abuse reports can be made anonymously; the accused does not have access to the name of the accuser, if it is given, and you could be saving the life of a child!

What is child abuse?
Click for a definition.

The Facts:

Children are most often sexually abused by someone they know, not strangers. They [molesters] most often establish a position of trust, or exploit an existing position of trust with the child.


The leading cause of death for children age 4 and under is child abuse or neglect.


Child molesters usually begin their behaviors as teens; as early as age 12.


Abusers come from all walks of life, economic backgrounds, social classes, vocations, races, creeds, ages, etc.

Warning Signs:
Aggressive or anti-social behavior

Depression or withdrawal from others

Poor school performance or excessive absenteeism

Change in appetite

Knowledge of a sexual nature, inappropriate for age

Fear or avoidance of certain adults

Lack of supervision

Poor hygiene, clothing not appropriate for the weather

Bruises, burns, welts, unexplained broken bones, or excessive 'accidents'

Broken Spirit

Trina L.C. Sonnenberg


There are those who walk among us whose only delight in life is to break the spirit of others. These people have no distinguishing marks to identify them by; they appear to be average people, but they are not. They seem to have the need to build themselves up, not by striving to be good people, but by tearing others down.




Evidence of this can be seen in the millions of women who are abused by their partners. Psychological abuse is the most devastating and the hardest to prove, but it is the most prevalent form of abuse being exercised on people today. The injury is not visable, like a bruise, but it is there, and the damage lasts much longer.



To damage one's psyche is to achieve control over that person. To convince a person that they have no value, or to doubt their own mind, is to achieve control. But what are the methods used to do this?



The abuser becomes the accuser. That is to say that the abuser will accuse their victim of perpetrating assaults on them. The abused is accused of committing the abuse. Typically, if the abuser is cheating, they accuse their victim of being the cheater, etc.. They wrap up all of their own faults and throw them onto their victim so that they can feel better about themselves. What is good for the gander is only good for the gander. 'I can cheat, you cannot. Or, I cheat because of you.'



This is another abuse tactic; 'You make me do the things that I do to you. If you would just be perfect, in my eyes, I would have no reason to act the way I do.'



Another psychological tactic is to keep the victim mentally off balance. Convincing them that they are crazy. This is done in many subversive ways. Abusers will act contrary to their own words, and then claim to have never said what they did. Or, they will take an action, then deny ever doing it, telling their victim things like: 'You're crazy! I never did that! You did that, or you said that, not me.'



This type of abuse is not limited to intimate relationships either. No, not by any means. It can occur in any setting; at work, in churches, and communities; really, any place where people have ongoing contact with one another. In its simplest form, it can be seen in slanderous remarks made by one person, or a group of people, against another. Gossip is a form of psychological abuse. The spreading of false information to change the opinions of others with regard to the victim. Just look at the last presidential campaign. It was fraught with the spreading of lies to change the opinions of a whole nation of people. This type of behavior is designed to make a person, pack up and quit, go home and wonder why they've become so unpopular, or how to repair the damage that has been done. It leaves the victim wondering why the source of the negativity hates them so much. Of course, in the presidential campaign, the answer is obvious; they want to win the election, but in private life, among communities of people, the answer is seldom so obvious.



Let us not forget that those who spread the rumors that they've heard are just as guilty as the person who made them up in the first place. Just because you've heard something doesn't make it true. The best course of action to take when a rumor has been passed on to you is to go to the subject of that rumor and ask them what their side of the story is.



These people, the abusers, are attempting to build themselves up by tearing down their victim. 'Look world! I am better than they are.' When they have no legitimate ammunition, they take their own behaviors and misconduct and accuse their victim of those deeds. It is my opinion that this goes on because the abuser is wrapped up in jealousy; jealousy of their victim. They wish they could be more like them, and since they lack the capacity to honestly emulate them, they trash them instead.



I have been a victim of these types of assaults from within my own community. I know who my abusers are. And, I have finally come to know why they have chosen me as their victim. That gives me power.



They have gone on the war path against me because I am the opposite of what they are. Because I stand up for injustice; because I am not afraid to call a spade a spade, and have the courage of my convictions. I stand up for myself and others.



I have been the subject of many untruthful blog posts, local gossip, and have received threats in my email and private messenger. Just this morning I received an email from someone I do not even know, calling me a liar and a fraud. Yesterday I received a private message telling me that my husband is a crook, and that I am a liar. I was also informed that I am being watched. These people are trying to silence me. They want to scare me into keeping quiet about a truth they do not want anyone else to hear. So, they've made their sins mine.



The thing that these people don't seem to realize is that my years as a domestic abuse victim, and survivor, have taught me how to deal with psychological abuse. I have learned to see it for what it is, and to not let it affect me in a way that would provide them their desired result.



I know who I am, and I like that person very much. Nothing that they can say or do will change that, and if others choose to believe the garbage being said about me, and to formulate their opinions based on lies, then I don't care. If someone is going to decide that I am a bad person without ever bothering to get to know me, then that is their loss, not mine.



The only real rub here is that since this negativity has been proliferated on the Internet, it has had a negative affect on my business, making my financial situation more dire than before. It has also had a negative affect on my husband's business locally. He used to be the busiest carpenter around, but now no one calls him. I would have the phone ringing all day long, with people looking to talk to him about doing work for them. Now the only phone calls that I receive are from my mortgage holders and other creditors because I can't pay my bills. So, if their intent was to ruin my financial situation, they've won, I guess, but they have not broken my spirit. They never will break my spirit.

Just click the button to cast your vote. You can vote up to three time daily.

Pepsi is giving away $1,300,000 each month to fund great ideas, Learn more.
Make sure to check out some of the other 1132 ideas competing.

From their web site:
RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline (OHL), recipient of the Technology Innovation Award from Npower for the best use of technology by a nonprofit. We propose to help more victims of rape by expanding the OHL to provide Spanish-language services.

* Glibness and Superficial Charm

* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

* Incapacity for Love

* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

Author Unknown

A philosophical club of like-minded thinkers who believe that life is the ultimate adventure... because thoughts become things, dreams come true, and all things remain forever possible!
Membership is FREE and begins with taking The Oath to receive our free 'Notes from the Universe' emailings - short and often humorous reminders of life's magic and your divinity.

Sign Up Now!

POEM: She Was Only 13
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking?"
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless piece of CRAP!
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms
George B.
A child dies every day from child abuse

My name is Chris
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I cant do a wrong
I cant speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlies bar
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
Im so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
Hes already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
'Im sorry!', I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Chris
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me
And you can help
Sickens me to the soul,
And if you read this
and don't pass it on
I pray for your forgivness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be affected
By this Poem
And because U R affected,
Do something about it!
So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on!