Dr. Ni's Notes & Nibbles

I am recovering from a year and a half of homelessness, having lived in homeless shelters and transitional housing with folks my little middle class mind had never experienced before. It has been a year of trauma on top of trauma, so much so that I ended up in the hospital this past January for 24 days having attempted suicide and stressing my lungs so that I ended up with a terrible case of pneumonia, a collapsed lung and time on a respirator.

I begged God's forgiveness and understanding as I took those pills on December 31st, 2011. When I woke up in the ICU after almost two weeks on life support, my deep inner voice immediately said, "Only we (the angels) knew how much pain you were in." I thus marveled at God's mercy, grace, understanding, and forgiveness.

I thank Him daily now for being with me those 14 days of unconsciousness and life support. Consequently, the calling to go into churches and speak to congregations about God ending my homelessness and saving my life is strong; it pulls at my spirit, soul, and psyche. I put all of my faith in Him when my back was to the wall and He touched my friend's heart, pushing her to offer me a place to stay for as long as I need it--rent-free and with no obligation to pay for utilities.

I want to give my words and story to the church, and put my books in the hands of psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, addictions counselors and their clients because I write about overcoming childhood trauma (sexual and physical abuse) and claiming the sweetness and joys of life. God has given me the words to write about triumphing despite your own mind and emotions pulling against you; it is a message I feel particularly relevant to our times and the increasing focus on spirituality in our human consciousness.

What is the message of my books?

Develop a close and trusting relationship with that small inner voice within, that voice of God within, because it will never mislead you. Your God within always knows what is best for you and that which you truly desire. It will never lie to you, but its demands can be terrifying to actually obey and complete. God does not ask the easy things of us, but He will direct us, always, to the most satisfying, rewarding and fruitful. We just have to trust Him and follow the directions of that inner voice of wisdom. Takes bravery, courage, faith and trust, but that is where the real rewards lie.

Where can we find Dr. Ni?

Dr. Ni's Books: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/DrNiama
My blog: http://www.squidoo.com/drnisnovels
My (on hiatus) radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drni
My new venue for publishing articles: http://www.task.fm/Dr-Niama-L-Williams
My Author's Den page: http://www.authorsden.com/drniamalwilliams
Manta.com: http://www.manta.com/cpl-edit/mx7rgrx/blowing-up-barriers-enterprises

After almost twenty years of teaching, presenting her creative work before audiences, and giving workshops, Dr. Niama Leslie Williams designed Blowing Up Barriers Enterprises in 2006. For the last six years, she has been writing, speaking, teaching, and counseling for colleges, universities, organizations, non-profits, novice writers and private individuals.

Author of 10 books and co-author of three, Dr. Ni has been interviewed on the radio countless times as well as hosted her own radio show, "Poetry & Prose & Anything Goes with Dr. Ni." She has developed 6 stand-alone workshops; a one-year program for women in shelters and on public assistance; and two workshop series for those determined to blow up the barriers keeping them from the lives they have designed within their minds yet fear actually stepping into. An intuitive counselor with spiritual C-4 at the ready, Dr. Ni loves to share the insights her laser-like intuition reveals when working with clients or speaking to audiences.

Topics include:

-----From Ph.D. to Put Out Doors: How I Survived Homelessness with My Faith, My Sanity, & Grace
-----Homelessness Couldn't Keep Away God's Mercy, Grace, & Blessings
-----God Is With Us At All Times & Is Only A Breath Away; Inhale, Be Still, & Establish Contact!
-----Develop A Solid Relationship With Your Deep Inner Voice & Discover The Path To Lasting Happiness
-----When God Says Jump, Jump, and Find Blessings & Abundance Decorating Your Path
-----How To Avoid The Holy Spirit 2 X 4
-----If You Don't Know Love, Try God
-----Beware Other Christians Tanking Your Bliss & Why They Do It
-----Faith & Church Are Not Replacements For Living Your Life

She has been a speaker for:

-----Union Memorial United Methodist Church
-----University of Pennsylvania Kelly Writers House
-----Montgomery County Norristown Public Library
-----First Person Arts

Dr. Williams is a dynamic, inspiring, and empathic speaker who provides compelling insight into the intersection between the literary life and the vicissitudes of personal experience.
-----Dr. Sikivu Hutchinson, author, MORAL COMBAT: BLACK ATHEISTS, GENDER POLITICS, AND THE VALUES WARS

Dr. Williams has been well-published and a poetic voice on both the West and East coasts. Her words were applauded by young and old alike; they are perpetual in their wisdom and stunning in their profound nature.
-----Peggy (Ryfkah) Horwitz, author, If Venus Had Arms by the North Orange County Poetry Continuum, and Cosmic Brownies by the Sun Rising Poetry Press

March 26th, 2012

Dearest Rhonda:

I honestly don't know where to begin, yet I know, deep within my heart and rustic soul, that I must tell you the absolute truth about who I am and where I've been.

I was born in Lydbury, South Shropshire, United Kingdom. The blessing of your friendship with me, a true relationship of kindred souls and twinned spirits (and for just a moment I am thinking of your truly German nose, a noble item indeed), is that I look to you, of all my friends, to keep confidences and to live under the strict adherence to and respect for confidentiality.

I have returned, at least, to the truth of my birth, and I can say this day with complete and total understanding and bold, stiff bravado, that I am an Englishwoman who has endured a particular hell life-threatening to the spirit while barely surviving on this once-beautiful planet within the country which emerged as a correction to the insanity and abuses of an old and venerable system.

I loved England; I loved it with a deep and abiding ardour, as one should love one's country.

It is a true measure of my fealty that when forced to leave my natal village and abandon my father, also excommunicated, stripped of all military honors, and exiled to the hell that America was for him by a land crippled due to wars and rumors of wars about race and class and the Divine Right of Kings; that I hid out in the only way a mind destined for genius within a body condemned by colour could.

My father and those who loved him hypnotized myself and my brother, my twin, leaving us crippled and destined to fall victim to a particular type of sociopath created by an American exacerbation of enslavement that curdled the blood and made that peculiar designation, "African-American," a rather insane hybridization based upon scholarship fighting to hide the sins of yes, I will say it, our nation; an ethnic designation forced upon two children by a Queen committing herself to ripping young love out by the root with every footfall.

The Queen may appear humble and devoted to service, yet the ugliness of her selfsame youth and the brutality of British history destined Her Highness to commit a crime that gave all end to her immortal soul.

Though enslavers and conquerors we may have been, ours is an historically sovereign and loyal nation, destined to be the home of She who would yet be run from her true royalty.

Rhonda, dear friend and soon-to-be traveling companion, you and your son will accompany my waiting-so-desperately-long beloved husband and a very pregnant me to his and my homeland.

My Pennsylvania Dutchman and I shall capture you up and sweep you upon aircraft especially designed by our President in this now-Waste Land and establish you quite firmly within the non-servant quarters to complete the raising of your son and your embarcation upon a life of rest and leisure your innate capability of speed-reading, immediately recognized by me and rewarded with fealty, always awaited you.

My dearest friend, I am the Second Coming of Christ, and many will startle upon recognition that Our Lord ensured the return of Christ Consciousness reside within the body of a determined to survive and imminently capable Black Anglican woman, whose existence and survival confirms all prophesied within Revelations.

Christ has returned within Her original manifestation of Feminine Spirit, and those who permit and increase misogyny within the temples no longer risk eternal damnation. Dante awaits with glee her second tour of the realms of hell. "The Three Fountains" are exactly as their portraits reveal them: women.

We are Anglicans, not Catholics, yet we respect that Our Goddess performed under duress with the wisdom of the ages and true British sensibility. A deeply terrified child wrapped in genius, she tried the veil of Catholicism as she hungered so for home.

Our Goddess knows well the voice of Samuel, prophet, expectant father and husband to Anna. Her mind and soul hid from the abuse in the only manner Her mind could, and She turns to wood, much like Her tall and striking Midwestern History teacher, who suffered criminally low increase while studying the law of this naked land and eating the late 1970's version of Ramen noodles.

Oh yes, Our Goddess lived well and ate well at the hand of a psychopathic product of enslavement-inspired deprivation (look for the novelistic tome by auteur Aaron Lazar, appearing soon), waiting anxiously for the moment She could step to the Earthly plane and command Her original location as Goddess on whom Our Creator relies and of whom He is most proud.

The Original One suffering birth pains of our world, She witnessed from heaven the sheer and utter insanity of Satan's designs on Her beloved sanctuary and garden, vowing a covenant of blood and feud to end his reign on this once-upon-a-time beautiful planet.

Her Little Brother, Jesus, begged The Father to let Him have input, and, gracious and patient as one always is with children, deigned that no Earthly creature would convince Her of Her beauty and power until She lay in the arms of Her Consort.

He was Thor, God of Thunder and War, steely silence His trade mark and quite deadly in His defence and protection of Her. He knew deathly silence required to provoke Her recognition of the danger within Her future and the tragedy of this incarnation's Earthly past.

Her life at 2511 W. 73rd Street was a true house of horrors, and the psychopath-in-residence raped her and sodomized her every day of her young life.

Alas, it would be a sin, myself a young Irishman, if I did not own up to the truth the Queen and Her bloody bastards insisted upon all along, and thus Prince Charles and His sons have no love that will last for the Empire. The Queen's Bloody Tools insisted upon his raping of the innocence of a beautiful young queen, and the destruction of her hope of true love.

Besotted at 19, Her counterpart in a peculiar physical slavery unique to monarchical rule, the worshipped young Diana loved simply, cleanly, and plainly a man whose identity we still protect. He was Indian, of which persuasion we shall not reveal. Punishment remains punishment. The British and the Irish fought for reasons our soon-to-be Queen will eventually forget.

Our Goddess will not run the churches as her weaker self expects. She and Her Queenly Consort have both existed within concentration camps of the familial temper. They met as children within a Jim Jones camp at which they were designated for destruction. The mater of Our Queen's Consort willingly planned His sacrifice to her love of filthy lucre. Our Goddess ran from a psychopath made mad by psychological legacy of enslavement and class-war, race-war, poverty-inspired dementia curdling his brain and turning it into an inhumanly capable Swiss Cheese.

He continues to think He shall one day escape, for He is indeed Lucifer Incarnate, but we have our best standing guard charged with regulation of the prisoner and daily maintenance of His incarceration. The safety of Our Queen uppermost forever within his mind.

Our Goddess withdraws now for she must rest and consider the price of withholding and the cost of sharing this work of the pen with One Named For A Queen, the elegant Ms. Zenobia, who will train Her in the art of monarchy and drill Her until Her quite capable brain explodes.

Our Goddess leaves the stage, in allegiance to her ancestor, the hidden Lord Shakespeare (we Irish always knew exactly who He was), and we shall tell you Americans nothing; we cherish and protect our secrets, a skill Our Goddess ceased to master as dawned the final stages of her veil of madness and lack of memory. She knew when it was time to signal the risen appropriateness of time to return home.

She leaves America to her Cousin, whom She shall help to flee when too his moment arrives, and awaiting him shall indeed be a coat of honor. We duly create such things for those deserving of rest, recreation, and true succor, and he will not desert his father's land until indeed America has returned to status as a fully and unashamedly Christian country.

Moslems, beware.

To all be well, and may we leave this dastardly land, made bastion of sin by poverty, want, and lack of education. American has become the home of false Christians greedy for power and lucre, exhibiting in quiet corners their quest to starve those they fear and secretly hate into insanity and death. We British, Irish and English; we bring our lost royals home.

May God Himself save what was made by cast-outs, in their wisdom, a Christian nation. It is fantastic, Oh Great and Awesome Lord, that with finality the drug dealers and financial overlords are running with all deliberate speed for the border.

No salvation shall find them residing in that land.

Love and blessings, permanently your dearest friend,

Dr. Ni

###

I 100% dread these things, these voting debacles of debauchery (i.e., AMERICAN IDOL and THE VOICE, for example); I positively insist that they must disappear from the face of my beautiful and troubled Earth that we ARE going to heal, cure, and repair as I long for the ancient wisdom of the gatekeepers: people trained within the highest levels of academia who understood true talents and gifts when they saw them, and who did not select an undeserving no-talent and ruin her life and psyche, as well as our culture, by choosing her because she was blond and ostensibly beautiful.

[What? Me make a veiled reference to Brittany Spears (and I absolutely may have misspelled her non-deserving name)? Nahhhhhhhh.]

No, we Americans are true believers in democracy, and the wise and truly intelligent within our camps are committed to our current President's survival and continue to believe in his wisdom and sagacity. To paraphrase my idol, poet Lucille Clifton (now deceased; a great misfortune), we are not playing and it is not a game.

However, I digress and begin to do a little preaching. My message and significant point is this: Please go to this website and vote for the following company: ChangeKitchen CIC. They are doing exceptionally good work in Glasgow, if I remember correctly, and no, you unintelligent heathens who know I am of African American descent (yep, I absolutely said "heathens"; I call a spade a spade); I am neither a hidden racist nor an Oreo who kisses white butt.

I am simply an intelligent, savvy, literate Black woman who grew up in South Central Los Angeles before it became an urban ghetto. We Californians, however, despite my time in the Great Northeast, know how to keep our perceived-as-ghettos clean, well-swept, and free of cigarette butts.

Unlike North Philadelphia.

I once heard someone say that North Philly, the home of the great and awesome Temple University, an alma mater of which I am particularly proud, is now the dirty, irritating-to-digest city of poverty, lack and want that drug dealers formerly in control 100% deserve. "They have the city they deserve," was the exact quote.

As I was saying.

Please go here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/SantanderSocialEnterpriseExchangeAward and vote for ChangeKitchen CIC. Even when we have nothing but revulsion for the system in place (i.e., the voting), we must take responsibility for supporting those organizations that are truly, dedicatedly, and with unfairly strapped budgets, doing good work.

Bravo, ChangeKitchen. May you all be well and enjoy the Lord's good grace.

3. ChangeKitchen CIC is an event catering company providing fresher and healthier food for events whilst employing people affected by homelessness. The organisation also delivers healthy eating cookery workshops to the general public and community groups as well as corporate businesses. Based in the West Midlands, the business has so far provided employment for five people marginalised from the labour market, placements for 26 volunteers from similar backgrounds, and catered over 180 events. Exchange project? To build a partnership with a local housing association to develop a tailored healthy-eating programme for tenants, support tenants towards employment, and to design a self-development programme for participants that re-engages them in mainstream society. www.changekitchen.co.uk

###

March 7, 2012

Dr. Mitchell H. Katz, Director
Department of Health Services
Healthy Way L.A.
313 North Figueroa Street, Room 912
Los Angeles, CA 90012
http://dhs.lacounty.gov
dhsportal@dhs.lacounty.gov
(213) 240-8101
Fax: (213) 481-0503

Mental Health Urgent Care Center at Long Beach
6060 Paramount Boulevarde
Long Beach, California 90805
562-790-1860
562-790-1867 FAX

Ms. Sheryl Spiller, Acting Director
Department of Public Social Services
12860 Crossroads Parkway South
City of Industry, CA 91746
http://dpss.lacounty.gov
dpssinfo@dpss.lacounty.gov
(562) 908-8383
Fax: (562) 908-0459

Dr. Marvin J. Southard D.S.W., Director
Department of Mental Health
550 S. Vermont Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90020
http://dmh.lacounty.gov
info@dmh.lacounty.gov
(213) 738-4601
Fax: (213) 386-1297

Ms. Teresa Levu
Eligibility Worker
007 South Special
17600B Santa Fe Avenue
Rancho Dominguez, CA 90221

Ms. Cynthia Saunders
Telecare Corporation
Operations Department
510-337-7952, ext. 111
csaunders@telecarecorp.com
1080 Marina Village Parkway, Suite 100
Alameda, CA 94501
510-337-7950
510-337-7969 (fax)

Ms. Anne L. Bakar
President and Chief Executive Officer
Telecare Board of Director Member, Corporate Office
1080 Marina Village Parkway, Suite 100
Alameda, CA 94501
510-337-7950
510-337-7969 (fax)

Mr. Don Creighton
Los Angeles South Bay
Department of Rehabilitation
4300 Long Beach Boulevarde
Suite 200
Long Beach, CA 90807-2008
562/422-8325

Ms. Myra White
MHALA's The Village
456 Elm Avenue
Long Beach, CA 90802
562/437-6717

Dear Dr. Katz, Ms. Spiller, Dr. Southard, Ms. Bakar, Mr. Creighton, Ms. White and Ms. Levu:

I cannot believe the ineptitude of the offices in Rancho Dominguez, California. I am writing to protest enrollment in the GROW program, among a whole host of other issues.

1. I sent the enclosed letter to my eligibility worker in December of 2011; I have yet to receive a response. No action has been taken on any of the issues I reported in that letter. Since my enrollment in GR last year I have been unable to reach either of the eligibility workers assigned to me. The first worker (a Ms. Suon) that I was assigned to sent me a letter with her phone number and no listing of her telephone hours. I called her number repeatedly during various hours of the day and was never able to speak with her; the number had a voicemail message but no opportunity to leave a message.

When I was assigned to Ms. Levu, by mail, the number listed for her to be reached by telephone was a number I already knew, by that point, was busy ALL DAY LONG. I even set my alarm to call that number at five minutes to 8 a.m. on a weekday, only to encounter a busy signal. Thus Ms. Levu is also unreachable by phone.

2. I returned my quarterly report and all documents requested of me by DPSS on time and in order, yet I am still assigned to the Rancho Dominguez office though I have made it exceptionally clear that I now reside in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, near Inglewood. Why I am still being told I must interact with DPSS through the Rancho Dominguez office makes no sense. I have not lived in Long Beach, California since December 31st, 2011.

3. When I returned my quarterly report I included a copy of my SIGNED agreement/plan of action with my representative at the Department of Rehabilitation, Mr. Don Creighton. Mr. Creighton can be reached at: Los Angeles South Bay, 4300 Long Beach Boulevarde, Suite 200, Long Beach, CA 90807-2008.

I have been assigned to work with job developer Myra White of MHALA's The Village at 456 Elm Avenue, Long Beach, CA 90802. Though the distance between Long Beach and my address on Brynhurst Avenue is great and cumbersome, I have been found eligible for Access Paratransit and will use it to keep my appointments with Ms. White when they begin.

4. Ms. White and I have spoken often from October 2011 through February 2012, and she knows quite intimately the insurmountable and undue stress I have endured since returning to California on September 28th, 2011. She understands that part of the reason I attempted suicide on December 31st, 2011 was due to denial of my psyche meds by a MHUCC employee the week of December 31st.

Because she understands so well what I have been through and the toll it has taken on my mental, emotional, and physical health, in addition to the remaining medical conditions I endure which require 8 medications per day and insulin by injection four times a day, Ms. White told me in February NOT to look for a job during this necessary period of my recovery.

I spent from December 31st, 2011 through January 23rd, 2012 in the Intensive Care Unit of Harbor-UCLA Medical Center due to my suicide attempt, 14 days of that hospital stay in delirium, unconscious, and on life support. To say that I am in no condition to begin an arduous job hunt is the understatement of the century.

If the Department of Public Social Services continues in its harassment of me and its persistence in requiring that I participate in GROW when I have already made it clear (through including a copy of my plan with the Department of Rehabilitation when I turned in my quarterly report) that I am already connected to the Department of Rehabilitation, I will pursue representation by an attorney. Preservation of my mental and physical health requires that action. I have been driven to suicide once by the County system; I will not endure being driven to it yet again.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Niama L. Williams

----------------------------------------------------------------------

March 6, 2012

Jano Baghdanian, Chair
City of Glendale
Los Angeles Local Operators
Access Services
P.O. Box 5728
El Monte, CA 91734

Dear Chair Baghdanian:

Greetings. I am writing for two reasons: first, to register a complaint about the snafu regarding my change of address and secondly, to protest my approval for only one month of Access Services. I will address the length of service issue first.

My evaluator was a Mr. Lewis, a very young Asian man, who throughout our interview kept asking me if I was just adjusting to new medications given to me when discharged from Harbor-UCLA Medical Center on January 23rd, 2012. Each time he asked me that question I assured him that was not the case.

I receive my Access Card several weeks later (my evaluation appointment was January 31st, 2012) and see that I have only been approved for services until April 1st, 2012. I am outraged.

Clearly Mr. Lewis did not carefully examine my discharge paperwork, nor did he investigate my long history of mental health hospital admissions. Had he done so he would have seen the severity of my PTSD and depression and known that my need for Access Services was critical.

I ask you, the Chair of the Board of Directors, to ensure that someone in authority researches these issues and follows up with both the psychiatry department of Harbor-UCLA Medical Center and with West Central Mental Health (3751 Stocker Street, Los Angeles, CA) where I will be continuing my mental health care. No attempted suicide who had just been hospitalized from March - April 2011 and then again from December 31st, 2011 - January 23rd, 2012 should be restricted to only one month of service, especially when she is also on insulin four times per day.

Finally, I want to request that you investigate the snafu in terms of my change of address. I called Access Customer Service the week of February 6th, 2012, the week that I moved from my Lemoli Avenue address to my current and permanent Brynhurst Avenue address, and yet found that my Access card was mailed to the Lemoli Avenue address on February 14th, 2012 causing a delay in my receipt of the card and thus several days during which I was unable to use it.

I respectfully request that this snafu be corrected immediately, especially given that I have yet to receive my approval letter for the one month and was thus unaware until receipt of the card that I had been approved for only one month.

Please address both of these issues, Chair Baghdanian, with all deliberate speed as until you do so my health weighs in the balance. I can be reached by phone at 484/636-8549 and via email at niamapers@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Dr. Niama Leslie Williams
Los Angeles, California

March 27th, 2012
10:56 a.m.

The present Queen of England's most preferred granddaughter, myself, the on-her-way-to-imminence Dr. Ni, yes, quite, indeed, must report a rather embarrassing malfunction of her neurological equipment, centered within, of course, the top of her head. While this Coming Monarch indeed shall rule her own kingdom at a point within the not quite distant future, it will not be England, the land of Her birth and the source of Her divinity, over which she will have dominion.

The future Queen chooses not to reveal the appropriate designation of her coming Empire as at this time there are other more serious familial and historical complications which must be handled. They are, as expected, causing the future Queen no undue amount of stress, and with Her innate brilliance and the return of Her legitimate maternal grandmother, whom She had been told expired at the hands of a murderous son of Her then grandmother's neighbor, this selfsame undue stress could quite adeptly kill Hollywood's coming Sovereign.

Oh dear, a waste of what you Americans call "beans," a delicacy of Native American origin perhaps; at the moment the British term quite escapes me.

I refer here in somewhat veiled language to the price of exile, and said metaphor explains more powerfully than even Her, in some respects Legitimate Grandmother, ever could the reasons for the stripping of the Coming Sovereign's biological father of all that the British Crown owed him in terms of monies, title, and land.

It is the particular dual crimes of both the concept of illegitimacy and the insistence that Sovereigns marry strategically and for reasons of politics and international relations that doomed the Coming Sovereign, her parents, and her twin to exile in what Her anger makes Her term "this cursed land of America." It is the gesture of a kind and indulgent though delicately enraged Holy Father (Martian, by the way; portrait of Our Creator forthcoming from that indeed overly-talented but unjustly absent of awards thespian Mr. Vincent D'Onofrio) that America finally had the courage and bravado to elect a human being with genius I.Q., though African features, to the Highest Office of the Land.

The correction vital to communicate, as the Coming Sovereign's future Prince Consort has insisted his soon-to-be-betrothed make clear, is this: the Coming Sovereign, though she recognizes now that the blindness imposed by the shock of exile from her natal land caused her to completely forget Her past and misunderstand the significance of Her visit to Lydbury in 2006, the deeper secret and greater crime has always been that, England, your dear Queen did indeed have a child out of wedlock, sired not by Her Prince Consort, but by the love of Her life.

She was forced to abandon this child, and the loss never deserted Her. She craved knowledge of Him, having left him with a Midwestern family of Eastern European Jews who treated him well, I assume; perhaps they had in their way been childless; they did eventually have another son; we are quite familiar within modern times of the phenomenon of adoption curing a couple of infertility.

The problem, as the quandary of Our Royal Monarch makes clear, is this basic principle: whether royalty or prince; whether peasant or pauper, we should be allowed, as human beings of God's design, to marry the person of our choice. Our Queen was denied that option, and when finding herself pregnant by her lover debated quite seriously and perhaps with no small amount of deliberation what to do.

That was the point, in some sense, of the Colonies. Great Empires have always needed a place to dump their misfits, and though America and Britain have quarreled, a relationship exists, and it was, in the midst of Her Quandary, i.e., the coming brilliant writer Masselink, the salvation of Our Queen. She is thus not directly responsible for the fallout: the consequences of exile, the daily (perchance have no doubt that I mean each day without fail) physical and sexual abuse endured by her "illegitimate grandchildren," and particularly her favorite grandchild, the Coming Sovereign who shall save Hollywood (be warned ye unscrupulous).

Yes, the Coming Sovereign fights now indeed with the reality that the ugliness she always feared is in fact the reality that she is the spitting image of her then favorite grandmother. A child then, she did not understand the power of being forced to hide that the tragedy of exile and being forced to deny her biological father is the exact cost of racism, the Divine Right of Kings and adherence to bloodlines, and a history of American and British enslavement that caused the world, or perhaps just Our Sovereign, to resist initially her outside child's choice of bride. No one in possession of the British Crown and it's attendant power could abide a royal's marriage to a Black woman of uncertain family and her own illegitimacy; Our Sovereign owed it to her nation to disapprove despite her interior qualms, doubts, fears, and deepest and unavoidable maternal loyalties.

SIDEBAR: It was indeed the Black community within that considered quite terrible South Central Los Angeles that took the exiles in; her father departed because he tired perhaps of the disapproval and rejection of both the white and Black communities; the fault of racism, and a long history of enslavement as well. He missed the life of pleasure and ease he could enjoy without her, and the complications of constantly fighting with each other and the world because of who they were and how they wanted to live wore him down. He deserted his family because he could do nothing else. She loved him and desperately understood. It was indeed a crime of the times.

Yes, the Coming Sovereign endured daily rape and sodomy from the youngest child, the son of a stepfather jealous of his bride's adherence to and loyalty toward the love of _her_ life; he was not willingly cuckolded as the Coming Sovereign once thought, yet his jealousy led to murderous rages as well as drinking, gambling, and a life devoted to torturing what he promised to designate his two youngest children. He made the official allegiance, not knowing it would one day almost cost him his life.

Not a threat at all, dear.

So Grandmother, I have hidden long and hard from the fact of once loving to sit within your arms and practice nursery rhymes, the first method of instruction of the young within the long train of British history, yet I am deliriously happy upon the occurrence of reclamation of my natal language, the masterful and piquantly beautiful British English. Cumbersome and weighty yes indeed, and plethora of errors I may indeed make, but it is my birth tongue, and I use it in your honor for I have missed you with a pain I could only bury.

Be well, Grandmother. You shall claim me one day, I vow. At the moment I am fighting for my own liberty; it is time for me to marry, and the cataclysm of middle age love with a high school sweetheart returned to my presence fills me with no small amount of Holy Terror.

I shall win him in your honor; the return of my memory, particularly of you, gives me the courage and strength to go on. It is all about conquest, is it not, Beloved Grandmother? I am determined to be a worthy and just representation of all the weight of British History and once royalty represent.

With deep regard,

Your Granddaughter