The Baseball Dugout MOM

With Little League Season beginning again this spring, I found myself reminiscing about the baseball season of 3 years ago. This is a lens about the Little League Baseball season of spring 2006 that I spent in the dugout with my two foster sons - David & Alvin. My foster kids are in a therapeutic foster care program for children with behavioral or emotional problems. I only mention that because it bears some light on why I was the "dugout mom" that year.

They love sports of all kinds especially baseball. I signed them up and the fun began ! This was the first time either of them got to play on a real team with a real uniform and a real coach. They were so excited to be part of that team!

Baseball Rampage


I take foster parenting seriously and try to integrate my kids into social settings as much as I can because I know the value and impact it has on their self-esteem and healing and growth. Because of the behavioral issues I have to be in constant supervision of them at all times whenever possible. They are usually pretty good boys and no different than any other boy with ADHD (that's a whole other lens topic) but I'm sure most of you know what I mean. They get impulsive and hyper and very, very excited. Self-control is not a strong point with a child (or an adult ,for that matter) who has ADHD.

Most foster children never had the chance to have a real childhood with their biological parent(s) and simply have the birthrite entitlements of "regular" kids. Most American parents work hard to make sure their children get the best in life - the best education, clothes, food, neighborhoods, privileges, unconditional love and acceptance, etc. But foster children get the bum rap in life. They miss out on a lot of childhood's pleasures and endure painful lessons about human nature that changes who they were meant to be in life. (this topic is also for another in-depth lens because I could go on and on!) None of us get to choose our parents. Some of us hit the lottery in the parent department and some of us are not so lucky.

So, my goal as a foster parent has always been to help my foster children to feel safe and worthy and loved. I believe that integrating them into social activities serves several purposes as it also does for regular kids. It helps them to make new friends. It gives them something to do a few times a week. They learn new skills. Sports, Scouting, music lessons, dance classes and many other social outlets serve a greater purpose to foster kids - most importantly, it builds their fragile self-esteem. I've witnessed all my foster children accomplishing many "firsts" - catch their first fish, take their first swing at a baseball, perform their first dance recital or concert, enjoy their first campout or get their first 'A' on their report card. The new light in their eyes is what it is all about. I've seen very delayed developments move forward by leaps and bounds once a child feels secure and safe. It is an amazing thing. As I said, I could do a huge lens on being a foster parent and someday I hope to. I have 13 years filled with stories and experiences and I know that lens is going to take some serious time and commitment.

Back to baseball!




So, the boys get registered, meet their teammates and coaches and start practices. They were ready for opening day and their first real game against another real team. Such excitement and pride was in their eyes as they dressed in those brand new uniforms. We went through the list of things to bring to the game: bats, batting gloves, mitt, hat, Gatorade, sunscreen, chairs, camera, money for the concession stand... check, ckeck and double check ! We were ready.

I took my place alongside the other parents anticipating the first pitch, camera in hand, ready to capture the memories for their Life Books (a scrapbook of time spent in my home). It wasn't long before I could hear them carrying on in the dugout. They had a little trouble containing their excitement. I expected as much. They were very loud and could not settle down so the coach gave me the 'come over here ' finger. He was a bit frustrated because the entire dugout was a bit rowdy. He wanted them all to sit and pay attention to the game and stop distracting the players on the field and keep the volume down to a dull roar. Understandable. After all this wasn't a practice session. We were here to try and win.

He then politely asked me to sit in the dugout from now on to help 'curb their enthusiasm'. He made a quick announcement to the team and called the bench to order. He was firm with the boys and said, "From now on, Ms. Gail will be in the dugout with you guys - listen to her - she is the boss!" At first I was mortified because I thought that my two fellas were the major culprits. I just was in shock that I was now the 'Dugout Mom' for my kids team. Ouch ! I didn't want to be sitting in the dugout with all these rowdy kids, I wanted to sit and watch the game and chat it up with the other moms. A mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do !

After about 5 minutes in the dugout - a dirty, dusty, noisy little shed - I soon realized that I was now stuck with the responsibility of trying to control the behavior of fourteen 9 and 10 year old boys - who were all acting as if they had ADHD! Several of them were even more hyper than my guys. I knew that the coach needed an extra parent there just to help out so I viewed my new role as such and took control of that dugout.

I began to enjoy my role on the baseball team as the season went on. The team did eventually tone it down a few levels during games but come on, they are boys after all. They are exuberant, energetic and happy little beings. I got to know all their names and helped them stay in their batting order, had a front row seat to all the action and got a few good shots with the camera. I have to say that being the dugout mom was a great experience for me as well as my foster sons. They didn't mind it one bit!

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Now a new season begins - our opening day is April 18th. This year I have a different little 10 year old foster son. He can be a handful at times and difficult to manage. In addition to ADHD he had ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). He also has never had the chance to play baseball, or be involved in anything for that matter, he was too busy living in survival mode for his young life. He has blossomed over the past year and a half and made dramatic changes and progress (more than any other child in the agency I am proud to say!) He has become an awesome soccer player - the team calls him their secret weapon. He is also an awesome Cub Scout and when it comes to fishing - he just can't be beat! This is a child that was starved for socialization and experiences and fun. He can't get enough of books - he has become an avid reader. He spends most of his allowance on Scholastic Book Club at school. He has also become a great Chess player! It's these little things that most kids just take for granted that change the lives of foster children. They don't take anything for granted and are grateful for every opportunity and new experience.

This is my reward in doing foster care. I get to give the opportunities and watch children grow and change and become confident individuals who can begin to dream again. I get to show them that there is another way to live and teach them that the world is also full of goodness and happiness and that they will be okay.

As for this year's opening day - I don't think I will be called upon to be the 'Dugout Mom' this time ! Robert is so looking forward to his first season of baseball. Santa brought him new baseball cleats, a new baseball glove and balls, a new bat and bag, and baseball pants. He is ready and anxious to put that new uniform on and feel that he is a part of something really special. Baseball is a right of passage for little boys in this country. I will be there with the camera cheering him on and letting him know how proud I am of him. Play Ball Robert!