Easy English

Grammar Goofs 

Common mistakes that give me the willies!

• should/would/could of vs. should/would/could have - Remember back in elementary school when we learned about helping verbs? That's what "have" is in this case. Think of it this way. After you've completed a homework assignment, you might say, "I have read that book." It makes no sense whatsoever to say, "I of read that book." Say you didn't read the book and then missed the Final Jeopardy question in English Literature. Then you might say, "I should have read that book!" You should NOT, therefore, say, "I should of read that book!" I'll take English grammar for $1,000, Alex.
• heighth - Ok, so the other two dimensional descriptions, length and width, end in "th" so you'd think this one would follow suit. It doesn't. There's no rule, no little trick to figuring it out. It just is what it is: "height."
• between you and I - This one causes me actual physical pain. I think people say this because they think using "I" sounds more proper. In fact, you should say "between you and me." The rule is, always use the objective--not the subjective--form of a personal pronoun with a preposition. Can't remember the rule? Thinking what the heck does that rule even mean? Ok, then let's look at it this way. "Between" is a preposition. Prepositions usually indicate location or relationship to another person or object. Another preposition is "before." Would you say, "He was in line before I?" No, of course you wouldn't. The same goes for between. Always, always use "me."
• myself vs. me - Another instance of people trying to sound proper when little ol' "me" will do just fine. I hear it often used this way: "If you have any questions, call Tom or myself." Here's an easy test--take the other person out of the sentence. It then becomes "If you have any questions, call myself." And that just sounds silly.
• your vs. you're - One is possessive, the other is a contraction, meaning two words put together to form one. Use "your" when speaking of something belonging to someone as in, "Your lens is so helpful!" Use "you're" when you really want to say "you are" as in, "You're the most erudite person I've ever met."
• there, their and they're - Despite the ways I see these words used, they are NOT interchangeable! Use "there" to denote location as in, "Spain? I'm going there this summer." Use "their" to show possession as in, "Their food is the best!" Use "they're" when you really want to say "they are" as in, "They're the friendliest people in Europe."
• irregardless - There is no such word! Look at it this way: The prefix "irr" usually means without, as in "irresponsible" which means without responsibility. The suffix "less" also means without, as in "thoughtless" which means without thought. If you use both of them on the same word, you have a double negative. They cancel each other out, making the entire word nothing more than gobbledygook. (Yes, that's a word.) The correct word is "regardless" as in, "I will speak correctly, regardless of how I hear others speak."
• mute vs. moot - Hearing someone say, "It's a mute point" is like hearing nails drawn across a chalkboard. What, the point can't speak? The point is silent? What in the heck does this mean?! No, no, no. A point can only be moot, meaning without importance or irrelevant. Say it with me now..."The point is moot. Moot, I say!"
• its vs. it's - Yes, on occasion an apostrophe does indicate ownership or possession, but never, ever, never with the word "it." The only time you'll use an apostrophe with the word "it" is when you want to say "it is" as in, "It's amazing how many people misuse the apostrophe!" Now, if you're referring to something belonging to something else, use "its" as in, "Using the apostrophe correctly is its own reward."
• apostrophes in plurals - Again with the apostrophe! It must never be used when making a word plural. That's what adding "s" or "es" is for. An apostrophe indicates possession or a letter or letters missing. There are no letters missing when you pluralize a word. It's simple. Apple becomes apples, car becomes cars, bunch becomes bunches, winch becomes winches, etc. The exception is the plural possessive, which you use when you want to indicate several things belonging to several people as in, "The writers' mistakes decreased after they read this lens."